The Fundamentals of a Munchkin Healer
Seora was the one and only female friend in my life, and the prettiest woman I knew. Luckily, I'd snagged a 5-star healer ability in the game, which let me stick with her for years. We were practically glued together during all the time she spent in Real World. Aside from the days she'd go dark diving into rifts, we were always side by side, and after we got comfortable, we'd chat about all sorts of stuff.
Even if we only met for 3-4 hours a day, we'd spill family secrets. Spend 18 hours a day together like we did, and you'd end up sharing your deepest guts—the kind of shit you planned to take to the grave.
Most of what I asked Seora about was, predictably, girl-related.
"I'm not that ugly, right?"
"...You're asking me? You want me to stroke your ego?"
"Nah, I'm serious. I've got some self-awareness. I know I'm no stud, but I'm not hideous either, am I?"
"You're asking so earnestly it's ridiculous. Fine, you want a real answer?"
"Yeah. You're the only close girl friend I've got—no one else to ask."
"Don't say we're close. We're not."
Her words were harsh, but she was the perfect woman to give an objective take. Maybe my sincerity got to her, because she stared right through me and answered.
"You're not butt-ugly or anything. If you were, I might've agonized over it. I kinda care about looks."
"We're not dating or anything."
"Exactly. If we were, you'd be disqualified right there."
"..."
"Just plain average? Hmm, doesn't do it for me."
Her brutal honesty chipped away at my trust in her a bit.
"What do you know?"
"You begged for the truth, and now you're bitching. Should've just asked for a suck-off instead."
"You'd do that?"
"...Ugh, you perverted loser."
Was I really just average? I was deep in my "why can't I get a girlfriend" phase, so I moped a little. It must've bugged her, because she added:
"Hey."
"What...?"
"It's not like you're so repulsive you can't even look at. Have some confidence, dumbass."
"I did—till you tore it down."
"If a guy like you came asking for my number, I wouldn't hate it. Don't worry."
"For real?"
"Yeah. I'd just think, Oh, did I fuck up my makeup today? Why's this guy..."
"You fucking bitch."
That was our dynamic—light and casual, but we'd trade some real talk too. It pissed me off plenty, but it helped me see myself objectively. And the thing she said most when rating me?
"Your problem isn't just your face—though yeah, that's part of it."
"...Then what is?"
"Those mood-killing 'jokes' you drop now and then. The shitty ones."
"Like what?"
"Like earlier—taking a normal word and slamming it straight into sex-joke territory."
"..."
"You're not at the level to pull that off. With your face? Straight to the cops. In game, I just sigh 'what a retard' and move on. Don't try it IRL? You'll get cut off and reported 99% of the time."
I didn't bend to her words. Seora was just venting real-life stress behind her anonymous mask, spewing every emotion at me. That's how we were. So I'd unload my own crap on her too, and she'd curse me out without ever mentioning lawsuits or cops.
But I didn't brush it off. Even if her looks were a paid character, her personality was straightforward, and she had money—top 0.1% vibe in reality too. Had to be useful someday. If I just watched what I said like she advised, maybe I'd score a girlfriend when opportunity knocked. I kept it etched in my brain.
That was over a year ago. Now I'd met a girl who checked all the boxes for my fated girlfriend (looks, tits, waist, hips). Hell, I'd even saved her life—starting off with a million bonus points.
Fuck.
Of all places, in a spot where she couldn't clock my powers even for a single second. Dating's hard, but getting blocked? That's my specialty.
"Sumi, I wanna see your panties."
"..."
Piece of cake. Same shit I pulled on Seora—she was the gold standard for hot girls, so this one's reaction would match. Sure, I'd look like a total perv-loser-freak, but I was used to it. Compared to a year's worth of humiliation from Seora, that flustered look felt angelic.
"Uh, that's a bit... There are other people around. Let's talk after we clear the rift. Panties might be tough, but I'll definitely comp you for the 2-star kit you wasted on me!"
"..."
I'd lobbed the perfect slap-bait. Braced for the palm strike.
But instead of swinging, Sumi apologized with a troubled face.
"Thanks again. Sorry for making you use your precious kit. I'll make sure no more accidents happen in the rest of the rift!"
Her eyes kept distance, but given what she'd been through, you could mistake it for love. No words left. Her retreating back, the hunters watching worriedly. No one overheard our chat.
Lee Sumi. The name saved in my phone with her number—she didn't snitch my request to the others. True to her word, no more incidents in the remaining rift time.
"Good work!"
The 2-night, 3-day schedule wrapped in 30 hours. Hands full of piled loot, it hit me.
"Seora, you bitch. Total psycho."
Not every pretty girl was like Seora. Took till 30 to learn that.
***
Maybe a lifetime holed up in my room, glued to the capsule gaming? My exercise-free body screamed after hauling gear for 20+ hours.
"Ugh. Gonna die."
Tension eased, muscle pain crashed in. I flopped dead on the bed.
Never gone 24+ hours without logging into Real World, so I planned to check in, do dailies, shower, crash. But eyes shut, opened—16 hours gone.
"Argh."
Mild ache turned to boulders crushing my body.
What's awakening good for? Superhuman hunters, athletes with national-level stamina! Not for healers pumping all MP.
My Real World char hit S-rank stamina recently. Years of Seora's cash dumps plus grinding. No clue how long in reality.
"Whew, satisfying."
The pain felt like achievement. Not some gym rat thrilled by pea-sized gains, though. Better than 4 days of soreness? The cash swapped for it.
"400,000 won. Fucking sweet."
Spot on. Hard labor nets 150k without skills. But I couldn't agree.
"400k for hauling ass all day look like chump change?"
Plus my Real World know-how. Body rusted 30 years, that's all—nothing hard or risky in 30 hours. And it wasn't just 400k or daily survival risking life for hazard pay.
"I earned skill points, bitches."
Quest cleared, points gained—priceless. Should've been 1, but achievement + Dramatic Recovery trait? Jackpot. Unbuyable rewards plus 400k? Peak dopamine.
"Heh heh heh."
Real World rewards paled; in my shit life, cash + growth fuel? Drool-worthy.
Using skill points lit up upgradable skills. Tons of sinks: new skills, traits like Dramatic Recovery. Could wait for shop, but...
"Munchkin healer's basics? Raw heal power."
No hesitation. Options galore breed doubt—but not this path. I'd walked it. Not retreading exactly; refined plan in mind, full confidence.
Skill Points Used: 2
Recovery Basic Effect (1) Enhanced!
Why I earned "Munchkin Healer" in Real World. The bedrock of 5-star Recovery.
● [+1] Restores 20% of target's HP.
Heal boost was bonus. Meager 5%, but basic enhancement? More.
Critical Heal (Lv1) Activated!
Critical Heal (Lv1): 5% chance for 2x recovery
The memory surfaced: Seora confessing, begging me to be her dedicated healer.