The Reason to Live
Tana’s room was right next to the one where Elesia and Yu-ha were staying. Since I was already visiting Tana, I figured I might as well stop by their room too.
──To be honest, the biggest reason was that Elesia had mentioned there were plenty of delicious get-well gifts for Yu-ha.
Anyway.
“…So do we really have to go like this?”
“Yes.”
I was currently heading to Tana’s room with Elesia supporting me. Their room was a bit far from mine, and since I still wasn’t fully recovered, I had no choice but to accept the help.
“But you have a prosthetic leg, don’t you?”
“It’s not serious enough to need that. Besides, if I showed up using a prosthetic, who knows what Tana would think?”
I couldn’t claim to fully understand Tana’s mindset, but at the very least, the Tana Erhen I knew would be carrying a heavy burden of guilt just from the fact that this situation had even occurred.
If, on top of that, she learned that the person who saved her was still so badly injured that he needed crutches even after resting for a long time… what would she think?
At the very least, it wouldn’t be anything good.
Elesia asked with an expression that suggested she sort of understood.
“Then why am I the one supporting you? Yu-ha’s here too.”
“Senior, do you really want to push the job of supporting your injured junior onto someone else? I didn’t think you were that kind of… total old…”
“No! I was just asking! ‘Push the job’…?”
When I looked at her like she was some kind of weirdo, Elesia flared up. But the fact that she didn’t get truly angry showed she was inwardly aware of how bad her suggestion had sounded.
I stared at her for a moment before adding quietly,
“And Yu-ha’s too short. If she tried to support me, I’d be the one struggling more…”
Thwack!
“You’re dead. For real.”
Yu-ha smacked me on the head with her knuckles and stormed forward, fuming.
Owww. It felt like I’d been hit in the head with a hammer. For someone so short, her fists sure packed a punch. I deliberately put on a pitiful expression and looked up at Elesia.
“You… really seem to pick fights on purpose, don’t you?”
She stared at me with a fed-up look for a second, then shook her head.
Tsk.
With someone supporting me, reaching the front of Tana’s hospital room wasn’t too difficult. I asked Elesia to let go and carefully stood on my own two feet.
The moment my feet touched the floor, a sharp tingling shot through them. It seemed using my whole body’s muscles was still too much. The leg I’d used to kick off the ground for One Flash hurt especially badly.
Still, thanks to all the rest I’d gotten, it was nowhere near as bad as before. The pain was still intense, but I could at least keep my expression under control.
I stared at the firmly closed door and knocked.
Knock knock.
“Can I come in?”
“…Come in.”
With Tana’s permission, I stepped inside. Bright daylight filled my eyes. The windows, with their curtains completely open, showed the full blue sky. Pure white clouds drifted lazily across it.
Tana was staring out that window. Her legs were half-buried under the blanket as she sat leaning against the bed, quietly gazing at the sky.
I couldn’t sense any demonic energy from her body. Instead, thanks to the Holy Water, I felt something similar to the Holy Power that Elesia had shown.
I watched her silently for a moment before speaking.
“How’s your body? Feeling a bit better?”
“Thanks to you.”
Her tone was different from usual. The atmosphere she gave off was nothing like the cheerful girl I knew.
I unconsciously turned to look at Yu-ha. She was watching Tana with a worried face. Only then did I realize why Yu-ha had wanted to come see her.
“You don’t feel anything strange in your body? Any pain anywhere…?”
“Nothing like that. It’s probably thanks to the Holy Water you fed me.”
The moment Tana mentioned the Holy Water, both Yu-ha’s and Elesia’s eyes widened. I deliberately ignored their gazes that seemed to ask how on earth did you get that? and continued questioning her.
“Still, just to be safe, we should run some tests…”
“Yu-ha. Elesia-senpai.”
Tana cut me off and spoke to the two of them. Her gaze remained fixed on the window. The sight of sparse clouds filling the sky. The blazing sun poured light into the room.
“I have something to talk about with Sungjin alone. Could you two leave for a bit?”
“…Alright.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
Even Elesia looked flustered as they left the room.
With a click, the door closed. Inside the hospital room, only Tana and I remained.
“Come closer.”
After a brief silence, Tana called me. I hesitated for a moment before walking over. When I stopped halfway, she spoke again.
“Closer.”
I took another step. Tana repeated herself.
“More.”
“More.”
“More.”
By the time my legs touched the bed, her hand suddenly grabbed my neck and pulled me down. Before I could even react, I was bent over at the waist by her grip.
“Look over there.”
Tana’s finger pointed beyond the window. I followed it with my eyes. There stood a massive old tree shedding its leaves. Though clearly aged, it still held an imposing presence. Beneath it, students leaned against its trunk, resting.
I couldn’t see Tana’s expression. She was gripping my neck tightly, as if telling me not to turn my head.
I could have resisted if I wanted, but I didn’t. Her hand was trembling violently. The fact that her hand shook even though I wasn’t resisting meant it was a problem coming from her own body.
“The nurse told me that tree is one of the academy’s famous tourist spots. It’s been standing there for nearly a thousand years.”
I listened to Tana’s explanation while looking at the great tree. She went on and on—about the species of the tree, how old it was, how the academy maintained it, and how it had already lived far longer than it had left to live.
“It could have lived longer. Its lifespan is known to exceed two thousand years. But that tree won’t. At most, it has maybe fifty years left. Do you know why?”
I shook my head. I had no interest in trees. I hadn’t even known such a tree existed here. I couldn’t understand why Tana was suddenly asking me this. I simply stayed quiet and listened because her voice was trembling.
Tana placed one hand on the window and continued.
“Once rumors spread and people started gathering, they cleared the area around the tree. To make it easier to see and touch. So many people came, and after the academy was built, it was properly maintained. But it seems that wasn’t as good for it as its original environment.”
Only then did I realize what Tana was truly looking at. She hadn’t been watching the sky or the clouds. She had been watching the tree—one that had lived too long in the spotlight of human attention and was now withering because of it.
I looked at the tree again. My extremely developed eyesight let me see even the wrinkles on its bark from this distance. There were scattered scars. Probably made by people. Even if there was no trash, the wounds and scratches that had already been carved would never disappear.
The tree stood there, embracing all of it. And someday, it would fall.
“…While you were gone, Yu-ha told me. She said Chairman Erhen is going to be arrested. Thanks to my testimony. Thanks to your report. The professors moved, and even Yu-ha’s grandfather helped.”
“……”
“It’s something to be grateful for. That bastard needed to be caught and judged eventually. It was something I could never have done alone, but you did it for me. For that… I want to thank you.”
At some point, Tana’s hand had left my neck. Both hands were now pressed against the window, reaching toward the great tree.
Suddenly, I thought about Tana. I had believed I knew her to some extent—not because I’d played the game, but because I had spent time close to her in my own way.
That was why I had saved her. Because I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to live and smile rather than die. I thought that would be good for her too.
“I heard the reporters have already started writing stories about me. The only daughter of Chairman Erhen. Even though she’s his daughter, she was abused and treated like little more than a test subject under a father contracted with a demon. They’re pitying me.”
It wasn’t news I had heard, but it was something I had fully expected.
In the process of the Erhen pharmaceutical company disappearing, it would have become public knowledge. There was no way reporters would miss a story like that. Naturally, Tana’s existence would also be revealed.
Given her position, it was perfect scoop material. The reporters would surely write about it with glee.
However.
“…What the hell do they know?”
The words that followed from Tana were enough to completely shatter my thoughts.
“Poor child? Bad father? Don’t give me that bullshit. I’ve never once thought of myself as pitiful. Why do they get to decide that? Arbitrarily feeling sorry for me, arbitrarily taking interest in me, and arbitrarily telling my story however they want!”
Tana was furious. She shouted loudly and slammed her fist against the window. The frame rattled briefly. It was proof of how weak her strength had become. Had Tana ever shown anger before? Even thinking back, I couldn’t recall any. I had seen her pretend to be angry as a joke, but this was the first time I had ever seen her truly enraged.
I was bewildered. I had never expected this side of Tana.
The Tana I thought I knew had already flown far away. The woman pouring out her true feelings was the real Tana Erhen. I was overwhelmed by her outburst.
“Sungjin, I am grateful to you. Because you took care of that bastard. It’s a shame I won’t get to see his end, but that’s fine. I’m actually happy that the test subjects who were treated like me were saved.”
All I could do was listen.
“But… but why? Why didn’t you kill me? I asked you to. I begged you to kill me.”
“……”
“Of course I know. Killing a person isn’t an easy thing. I expected it would be hard for you to grant my request.”
The more she spoke, the more an indescribable emotion swallowed me. I stood frozen like a statue, staring out the window.
Inside, I prayed that she would stop talking.
But Tana’s story continued.
“Still… why do you have the Holy Water…? Why, while I was trapped in this hospital room with no thoughts, unable to even die… why are you even blocking me from being forgotten…?”
My vision blurred. Everything felt numb. Nothing reached my ears except her words. What on earth was she saying right now?
“This… this is no different from being a puppet. The only thing that changed was the owner…”
A cold hand grabbed my cheek. She turned my head with both hands.
“Sungjin. Since you saved me… can I ask you just one thing?”
I nodded without realizing it. Only then did Tana’s face come into view.
“What… is my reason to live?”
She was crying bitterly.