How to Make Use of a Cat
“Mmm….”
“You’re finally awake, nya?”
A little girl’s face hovered right over mine.
“…Still dreaming, I guess.”
How lonely did I have to be to dream something this loli-obsessed and shameless….
“It’s not a dream, nya. Get up already, nya. Bring me some top-grade Hanwoo beef, nya.”
“……”
Smack!
“Ow! What was that for, nya!”
The girl rubbed her forehead and glared up at me with a razor-sharp look.
“……”
That stare… it was weirdly familiar.
“This is unforgivable without real top-grade Hanwoo, nya! You made seven hundred million, so hand it over already, nya!”
She puffed out her cheeks and pointed a finger at me, tears welling faintly in her eyes.
Even the top-grade Hanwoo rant… I was pretty sure I’d heard that right before I fell asleep….
And from a creature I never would have expected.
No way… right…?
“You picked me up, so take responsibility, nya!”
“……”
Fuck.
Why was it that my worst gut feelings never missed?
The only thing I’d picked up… was one person. No—one animal.
“Ren… why the hell did you turn into a person.”
“Drop the prejudice that cats can’t transform into humans, nya.”
…That wasn’t a prejudice. That was common sense.
“In a world full of Gates crawling with monsters, a cat that can turn into a human isn’t that strange, nya.”
…Okay, that one kind of tracked.
But still.
“Why start talking now, then.”
“It was just a hassle, nya. I only bothered because there’s something I want now, nya.”
“……”
Was this thing insane?
I’d even bought a cat-speech translator just so I could understand her….
My precious money….
“Go out and buy me that top-grade Hanwoo already, nya. I’ll be on the computer hitting the forums, nya.”
“……”
How did this little shit even know about forums.
More than that….
Something about this was… really starting to piss me off.
I got up and walked over to Ren.
“Oh, you’re going right now, nya…?”
I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up.
“Wait, Master…?”
Creak….
“Get out of my house.”
Slam!
“Whew.”
Villain purged.
Now I could kick back and game in peace….
Bang! Bang!
“Master! I’m sorry, nya! Anchovies, whatever—I’ll eat whatever you give me, nya! Please don’t leave me out here, nya!”
I ignored her and sat down at the computer.
I was just about to put on my headset when—
Bang! Bang!
“Just give me one more chance, nya! I’ll do housework, anything, nya!”
I froze.
Anything…?
Creak….
“Oh! Master! Are you giving me a chance, nya?”
“Ren.”
“What is it, nya?”
“You said you’d do anything, right?”
“That’s right, nya!”
Ren nodded so hard her head nearly came off.
“Then here’s your first order.”
“Just say the word, nya!”
She looked up at me with bright, sparkling eyes.
“First of all….”
“Yeah! Yeah!”
“Shut up and stand by the door and reflect.”
Slam!
“…Master?”
“Ahh~. What a carry~.”
I closed out the last game in a great mood.
Dual-blade guaranteed-crit long-range auto-attack builds really were broken, I swear.
“Obviously I’m first in damage too….”
Hmm….
It was fine. Stats weren’t everything.
I’d cut down their ADC first in every teamfight—that was how we won. This was still my carry.
Yep. Absolutely. No notes.
I nodded along, deep in self-justification.
More importantly….
That damn cat had gone quiet at some point.
“Wonder if she’s done reflecting?”
I got up from the chair and walked toward the front door.
Sniff… sniff….
“……”
What was this ominous sound.
Creak….
“…Master?”
Ren looked up at me with eyes that were thoroughly soaked.
“Waaaaaah!”
Arms flung wide, she charged straight into me.
I couldn’t take the impact and went down hard with a thud. Second time today.
I was going to get a noise complaint at this rate.
“Waaaaaah! I’m sorry, nya! I won’t be picky about side dishes anymore, nya! Don’t throw me away, nya!”
“…Okay, I get it—just get off me.”
Heavy….
“Ah… sorry, nya….”
Sniffling, Ren knelt beside me.
I rubbed my aching back, pushed myself up, and sat facing her.
“So… what exactly are you?”
“…As you can see, a cat, nya.”
“Ordinary cats don’t turn into people.”
“I’m a mutant, nya.”
“…Sounds like you haven’t reflected enough.”
At that, Ren jolted in alarm.
“It’s true, nya! Please believe me, nya!”
“……”
I stared into Ren’s eyes without a word.
Doesn’t seem like she’s lying….
Then… did that mean she didn’t know her own identity either?
Hmm. In that case, I’d skip this question.
“Next question, then… why were you abandoned in a box?”
“I wasn’t abandoned, nya.”
“Then what?”
“That was my house, nya. Master trespassed and dragged me out, nya.”
“…You really haven’t reflected enough.”
“Joke! That was a joke, nya! But it really was my home, nya! My very first memory is that box, nya!”
“Hmm….”
That didn’t sound like a lie either.
“How do you speak human language?”
“I learned by listening to people walking by, nya.”
“…What?”
What kind of cat intelligence was that….
She might be smarter than me.
“Same with my appearance, nya. I watched people go by, studied the looks of the ones who got love, and managed to transform, nya.”
I looked Ren over carefully from head to toe.
Yeah—she really did have a face that was impossible not to love.
“If you can turn into a human, why stay as a cat in a box….”
“Because it’s easier, nya. If I just sit there, the so-called ‘cat moms’ come feed me, nya. Looking like a little kid just gets me hauled off to the police station, nya.”
“……”
Fair enough. If I’d found a little kid crammed into a box instead of a cat, I’d have marched straight to the police myself.
Still… all this information was frustratingly vague.
No clear origin story, and her identity was just as murky….
Hmm….
Well. Whatever.
She didn’t seem to have an owner, and raising one cat had just turned into raising one little kid. That was all.
I’d just think of it as adopting a child and raise her that way.
If anything came up later, the Hunter Association would handle it somehow.
They cleaned up actual crimes—they could deal with one cat I’d picked up.
…Granted, she wasn’t exactly an ordinary cat….
Eh. Not my problem. They’d figure it out.
“Master…?”
After I’d been quiet for a while, Ren spoke up carefully.
“You’re not going to throw me away, are you, nya…?”
“No, I wasn’t planning to—”
Grab—
Ren latched onto my pant leg.
“Please don’t throw me away, nya! I’ll do anything, nya! Please!”
“I said I’m not throwing you away! Calm down!”
“Don’t throw me away, nya!!!”
Bang! Bang!
“Could you keep it down over there!”
“Ah—sorry!”
“Don’t throw me away, nya!”
“Be quiet!”
For real….
I’d picked up one hell of a troublesome cat.
Once I’d finally calmed her down and peeled her off me, we sat facing each other the same way as before.
“So? What can you actually do?”
“Pretty much anything, nya. Housework, keyboard wars in Master’s place, oh—and fighting, nya!”
“…Fighting?”
“That’s right, nya! Last time some guy who shot fire from his hands tried to burn my house down, so I re-educated him, nya!”
“……”
A guy who shot fire from his hands… that was an Awakened.
She’d beaten an Awakened?
“…Ren.”
“Nya?”
“What was it you said you wanted to eat earlier?”
“…I’ll eat anything, nya… whatever Master gives me is fine, nya….”
“It’s okay.”
I slowly stroked her head.
“Tell me what you want. I’ll buy it all.”
“…Really, nya?”
“Of course. What couldn’t I buy for my own daughter.”
“…Then… top-grade Hanwoo.”
“Perfect.”
I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up the same way as before.
“Want to come shopping with me?”
“…Master….”
“Come on. Let’s go.”
“Yeah!”
The corners of her eyes curved like a bow.
Yeah. If I got to see that face, what wouldn’t I buy her.
…It was absolutely not because I’d gotten scared after hearing she could beat an Awakened.
Wait.
Beating an Awakened meant… she could take down monsters too?
“Ren, hang on a second.”
I pulled out my phone and opened the Hunter Gallery.
“Heh heh….”
“…Master?”
“Ren.”
“Nya?”
“Tomorrow you’re coming somewhere with me.”
“Are we going out to play, nya?”
“Yeah.”
“Yay! This is awesome, nya!”
Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Sorry, Ren.
But… I couldn’t exactly become an S-Rank Hunter and then never climb the Tower, could I?
Consider this payment for the top-grade Hanwoo, okay?
You’re the one who said you’d do anything, remember?