You've Gotten Tougher, Yerin
The car heading home was quiet.
Buzz-cut Sanggu in the driver's seat and Kang Hyeongman in the passenger seat were both men of few words to begin with, and I was too exhausted to muster the strength to say anything.
This is awkward.
Still, the silence felt a bit much, so I squeezed out what energy I had left and asked Kang Hyeongman a question.
"Mom and Dad didn't come, I see?"
"…!"
At my question, Kang Hyeongman flinched for a moment before answering.
"Those fools probably don't even know today's the day you're coming back. …I deliberately didn't bring them. Are you disappointed?"
"No. Not at all."
I answered the question of whether I was disappointed my parents hadn't shown up with a perfectly straight face.
"If anything, I would've been angry if they had come. I was just about to say I'm glad they didn't."
"…I see."
Mom. Dad.
Just thinking about how much they would have tormented me if they'd been here was enough to make my teeth grind.
I grimaced and shook my head in pure disgust, and Kang Hyeongman watched me for a long moment before asking,
"How was My Idol Academia?"
"……."
How was My Idol Academia… a simple question with a complicated answer.
I thought it over for a moment, then answered with words that were clear and yet carried a great deal of meaning.
"It was a fucking hellhole."
"……!"
"……!"
At my answer, not only Kang Hyeongman but even Sanggu, who was driving, flinched.
The car lurched.
"…Sorry."
Sanggu must have been seriously startled — the wheel twisted and we briefly drifted out of our lane.
"…Drive safely."
"…Yes, sir."
Kang Hyeongman gave Sanggu a brief, quiet scolding, then turned his head back toward me.
"A fucking hellhole, huh… that doesn't sound particularly positive. Can you tell me what happened?"
I was worn out from the grueling My Idol Academia filming. I had no particular desire to recount what I'd been through to anyone.
And yet, for some reason…
"What happened was…"
At Kang Hyeongman's question, I opened my mouth as if I'd been waiting for it.
Like opening the floodgates of a dam, I poured out everything that had happened to him.
From walking into the set for the first time and sitting in seat number ninety-nine, to meeting Yu Seol, to practicing without sleep for a week, all the way to Lee Hyejeong being forcibly kicked out of A-rank by the production staff.
"…That's what happened."
"I see."
Kang Hyeongman simply listened to my story with quiet composure.
His eyes widened briefly when he heard I'd turned down Han Siwoo's recruitment offer, but that was his only real reaction.
When he'd heard it all, he said only this:
"You've been through a great deal."
"…Yes."
"And it must have been truly hard."
"……."
I hesitated for a moment at that, then nodded.
"…Yes."
"Do you regret going on My Idol Academia?"
"……!"
Did I regret going on My Idol Academia.
The moment I heard those words, I immediately thought to myself: I have to say no.
If I said I regretted it here, it would be an insult to Kang Hyeongman, the one who had put me on the show in the first place.
But…
"Well…"
For some reason, the words I don't regret it wouldn't come out of my mouth.
And so I missed my chance to answer…
"……."
"……."
…and the car filled with silence once more.
The one who broke that awkward quiet was Kang Hyeongman, gazing out the window as he said something unexpected.
"If you want to drop out, you can drop out."
"…Excuse me?"
For a second I thought I'd misheard, but I hadn't. Kang Hyeongman looked at me and went even further.
"If you feel it doesn't suit you, you can quit being an idol."
"What do you mean…"
Quit being an idol? Then…
"What about my debt?"
Ah — strictly speaking, it wasn't even my debt. Anyway.
"What about the two hundred million won?"
If I quit being an idol, what was supposed to happen to that two hundred million in debt?
On top of that, Kang Hyeongman had hired two trainers just for me. He had me driven around every day. Buying me meals whenever it was time to eat was a given.
Add up all those miscellaneous costs and it would come to a considerable sum.
But Kang Hyeongman smiled faintly, as if none of that mattered in the slightest, and went on.
"Why should you worry about your parents' debt? The other pocket change doesn't matter either."
Pocket change… I was freshly reminded that Kang Hyeongman was a cash-rich man.
"I have no intention of forcing you into something that doesn't suit you. If being an idol doesn't seem like your path… quit without worrying about how it looks."
"……."
"Instead, I'll find you other work so you can stand on your own."
When kindness keeps coming, you get used to it. At first Kang Hyeongman's goodwill had felt burdensome and suspicious, but not anymore.
If I said I was quitting the idol path here, he would introduce me to some other line of work without hesitation.
"……."
In that moment — for the briefest fraction of a second — a debate flickered through my mind.
And the answer came immediately.
"Being an idol… it's definitely not easy. And My Idol Academia… was a far more brutal place than I expected."
"In that case…"
"So from now on, I'm going to throw everything I've got into it."
"……!"
"I realized how lightly I've been taking My Idol Academia until now."
Yu Seol.
Lee Hyejeong.
And every other contestant besides.
Not a single one of them was anything less than desperate.
If you're going to half-ass it, just drop out. Don't you know that just by being here, you're taking a chance away from someone who's desperate for it?
I wouldn't hold those desperate people back.
I would beat those desperate people with a desperation greater than any of theirs.
That was basic courtesy — and the only way I could see to shake off this fucking awful feeling.
"……."
Had he not expected me to say something like that?
Kang Hyeongman was looking at me with surprised eyes.
Then he let out a short laugh and said,
"Yerin. You've changed."
"I've… changed?"
"Yeah. You've gotten a lot tougher."
I'd gotten tougher?
Pfft.
Hearing that, it was my turn to snort with laughter.
I may not look it, but this is my second life.
In my previous life I'd been an orphan, forced to live ruthlessly just to survive a harsh world alone.
In this life, I had to feed not only myself but my parents too, so I'd had to live even more ruthlessly.
I was already as toxic as a poisonous mushroom — how much tougher was I supposed to get?
"Pfft. I've always been tough. You know that. I've been supporting our whole household by myself since my first year of high school."
"That's not toughness. That's strength. Yerin, you've always been a strong kid — but you weren't a tough one."
Strong versus tough…
Was there really that big a difference?
I tilted my head, and Kang Hyeongman smiled once more before continuing.
"I didn't mean it in a bad way. If anything, you used to be too soft. I'm glad it seems like something in you has changed through My Idol Academia."
As he spoke, his gaze turned back out the window, indifferent once more.
"Since you say you're staying on My Idol Academia, I understand. I'll trust you and wait."
"I also…"
Then Sanggu, from the driver's seat, cut in with a timid little voice.
"I also believe in you… Yerin."
The fact that Sanggu, who barely ever spoke, had worked up the courage to cheer me on was somehow funny.
"Thank you. Both of you."
When I'd first gotten in the car I'd been utterly exhausted… but strangely, from somewhere in the middle, the fatigue had drained away and my whole body felt at ease.
After more than an hour on the road, the car finally arrived at our house.
"Yerin, will you be all right going in alone? If you need us…"
"It's my house. Of course I should go in alone."
When I said it firmly, Kang Hyeongman nodded.
"All right. If your parents give you a hard time again, call me. I'll send a few of the boys over."
Just hearing that was enough to make me feel stronger.
I smiled and saw Kang Hyeongman and Sanggu off.
"Yes. I'll definitely call. So go home and don't worry."
"Then we'll be off. You did well today."
The engine rumbled.
I watched Kang Hyeongman's car until it disappeared completely at the far end of the street, then went inside.
Into this squalid villa where my damned parents lived.
The door beeped open.
"I'm home."
"Huh! What the— Yerin!"
"Wha—! Was today the day our daughter was coming back?"
These people clearly had no idea today was the day I was returning; the moment I walked in, they nearly jumped out of their skin.
"Aigoo—! If I'd known ahead of time, I would've gone to pick you up!"
"Right, how did the filming go?"
"…It was fine, more or less."
"Honey! Of course Yerin handled it well on her own! Whose daughter is she!"
"Hoho! You're right. Looking at how good her complexion is, she must've been living it up in there. Yerin, speaking of which…"
Mom patted my back and pointed at the sink.
"You know, with you gone there was nobody to do the dishes? Would you mind clearing that up first?"
The sink she pointed at was piled high with dirty dishes and leftover delivery containers.
"……."
I fell silent at the wretched sight, and Dad piled on with a request of his own.
"Yerin! After you finish the dishes, could you just whip up some kimchi jjigae for Dad's late-night snack? I've been living on delivery food and ramyeon this whole time — I think my stomach's completely wrecked."
"……."
There was not a shred of guilt in the voice of a father asking his daughter to make kimchi jjigae at 11:50 at night.
The old me would have done the dishes and boiled the kimchi jjigae exactly as Mom and Dad ordered.
Not only that — laundry, scrubbing the bathroom, cleaning the rooms, and every other chore that had piled up, dragging my exhausted body through all of it.
But the me of now was different. I didn't want to do a single thing my parents tried to shove onto me.
And in that moment—
Yerin. You've changed.
I've… changed?
Yeah. You've gotten a lot tougher.
—I understood why Kang Hyeongman had said I'd gotten tougher.
Because the My Idol Academia I'd spent the past week in had been nothing short of a battlefield.
Everyone had poured every last ounce of strength into surviving.
Sometimes they'd hated each other.
Sometimes they'd met production sabotage as arbitrary as a natural disaster, fallen into despair, and shed tears.
After living among people that desperate, of course I'd gotten tougher.
And the me who had changed…
"No."
"…Huh?"
…found the sight of my parents, living in a world so utterly different from the one I'd been in, enough to make my teeth grind.
"I said no. Mom, Dad — why should I clean up your dishes? And if you want kimchi jjigae, make it yourselves."
"…Wh-what? Ye-Yerin…! What are you…!"
That was the first day I ever went against my mom and dad's word.
And…
"I'm tired, so I'm going to bed first. Oh — and that computer room of Dad's? I'm taking it as my personal room from now on, so clear it out yourselves."
"Wh-what? No—! Dad's computer with the RTX 4090 needs careful maintenan—"
"I bought that with money I earned from part-time jobs!!"
"……Ye-Yerin."
…it was also the first day I ever raised my voice at my mom and dad.
I hadn't known before… but once I actually yelled, it was easy.
I fired off one last warning at them—
"Clear it out by tomorrow morning. If you don't, I'm selling it on the secondhand market."
Thud.
—and walked straight into the room.
Today was, without a doubt, a historic day that would be remembered for the rest of Ha Yerin's life.