This Is Bullshit-nya
"Haaah. Isn't there a decent company out there somewhere?"
Two years into the glorious life of an unemployed high school graduate freeloading his way through young adulthood. I'd done my military service the moment I turned of age. Back in high school, a lucky stock tip had paid off big enough to snag me a jeonse apartment, and after that I'd coasted along, living it up.
Well — "living it up" was generous. I'd been job-hunting. The money from those stocks had been just ambiguous enough that I couldn't retire on it. If I'd struck it rich enough to never work a day in my life, sure. But I hadn't. So I needed a paycheck, and the place I was aiming for was the Hunter Association.
The Hunter Association — the organization that managed hunters, towers, and gates. I was going to get myself a desk job there at two million won a month. Great work-life balance, solid benefits, rock-solid stability. What more could you want? That was the dream.
Why not just become a hunter myself? If that had been an option, I wouldn't have been sitting in front of a computer hammering out résumés. Towers had appeared, gates to other worlds had opened, and mana had flooded the earth — and I had zero talent for any of it. Talentless bottom-rung. An ordinary unemployed high school graduate freeloading through his twenties. That was me.
On one side of my browser, a news article was crowing about some Hunter Academy student who'd just awakened as an S-rank.
"Ugh."
A life light-years away from mine. The Hunter Academy itself was a training ground for superhumans, not regular people. Awakening? I wasn't even hoping for that. Whatever stroke of luck my fate had allotted me had already been spent on that high school stock windfall. Thanks to it, at the tender age of twenty-four I had a twenty-five-pyeong place that wasn't half bad. Not in Seoul, of course. Seoul was way too expensive.
Anyway, I'd thought I was set — until I checked my bank balance. Barely a million won left.
"Haaah."
The money was starting to run dry. Which was exactly why I was job-hunting.
Clack clack clack.
I typed up my résumé.
"Name… Kim Seon. Age twenty-four. Experience: none. Education: high school graduate. Training? Hmm… none. Certifications?"
Did I even have any? I had a driver's license somewhere, probably gathering dust in a drawer.
"Wow. I literally have nothing."
The finished résumé was pathetic. My entire "spec sheet" boiled down to two years as a self-appointed home security guard. And then…
"That's it."
Nothing else. But still — Experience is something you build on the job. And I was young, wasn't I? Youth was my weapon!
I moved the mouse around and sent my résumé off to the Hunter Association Incheon Branch. Then I blasted applications at a bunch of small and mid-size companies for good measure. Might as well take a shot at everything.
"One of them'll bite, right?"
A hopelessly naive thought. But what else was I supposed to do? I had nothing else going for me.
I closed the browser and fired up a game.
"Ah, today's the last day of the raid. I haven't farmed any modules — wonder if I'll still make it."
And just like that, I sank into gaming and fully embraced the freeloading youth lifestyle. Ruining your mental health over job stress never helped anyone. Probably.
Time passed.
Ding!
A message arrived.
"Mmm…"
I was asleep, so I ignored it and went right back under. Three hours later I finally woke up and checked the message in a daze.
"Huh?"
The contents looked… significant. I rubbed my eyes and checked again.
"Wh-whaaaaat?! What the hell is this?!"
I was so stunned I threw both hands over my head.
"Wh-what the hell is this?!"
They were letting me through? An unemployed, inexperienced, freeloading high school graduate with zero credentials — and the Hunter Association had passed me?!
"Is this for real?"
Did the Hunter Association even have a brain? This made no sense. I scrutinized the text like a jeweler inspecting a diamond, hunting for any sign it was spam. Result: the message was genuine.
"Huh…"
I let out a breathless laugh. Unbelievable. I shook my head.
"Ahem. Well, clearly they know talent when they see it!"
The interview was a week away. I'd need a proper suit, wouldn't I? So I got up on the spot and headed for the department store.
The streets were full of other races walking around — mostly species that had come through the gates from other worlds. Elves, dark elves, dwarves, dragonkin, and more. Amid all those races, there was one you almost never saw: beastkin.
They did show up occasionally. Most of them were fresh arrivals who'd just crossed over from another world. You almost never found beastkin living in ordinary cities. The reason was simple — they got sequestered in the forests, stuck in beastkin shelters, or shipped right back through the gates.
One look at a beastkin and you understood why they weren't wandering the streets. Speak of the devil — there was one now. A cat beastkin who'd come through from another world. A red-haired cat girl was being fussed over by some middle-aged woman, greedily lapping up a Churu.
"Nyaaang~!"
Long tail swaying as she ate, she was a cat through and through. Any dignity a sapient being might claim had been thoroughly discarded. Physically, they looked human enough aside from the animal ears and tail, so they were cute — but that was where it ended. Dim-witted and driven more by instinct than reason, they weren't exactly the type people wanted to deal with. They didn't wash much either, so they often reeked. Sure, some people married them and had kids, but that wasn't me. Just saying.
A short walk later I reached the department store and made a beeline for the suit section. I didn't linger. Bought what I needed and got out fast. Crowds weren't my thing.
"Gotta get home quick…"
Outside the blanket was a danger zone.
"Hoo…"
Dangerous or not, some things you just had to do. The big day finally arrived. I put on my sharp new suit and adjusted my tie in the mirror. Checked the clock. Eleven a.m. The Hunter Association was about an hour away, so leaving now would give me plenty of cushion.
I slipped on my dress shoes and stood at the front door. One last touch of my hair before heading out — and then I felt it.
"Ah, wait."
My stomach twisted. Emergency dump. This was unmistakably an emergency dump signal. Time? I had plenty. Straight to the bathroom — let's go.
I sat down on the toilet. And then…
"……?"
Nothing came out. Emergency!!! Emergency!!! Super emergency!!! My stomach hurt, but nothing was happening. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead.
"What the hell?"
Today was interview day! My sweet, cushy Hunter Association desk job was right there waiting for me!!!
And then —
"Guh…"
What now?
"Huh?"
A bizarre sensation washed over me. Something writhed in my lower belly — like a massive stone swelling up and settling into place. If that had been the end of it, fine. But it wasn't. Dizziness hit, and my vision went hazy. Cold sweat poured down in sheets.
"Wh-wha…?!"
My body — still sitting on the toilet — was shrinking. My legs grew shorter and thinner. My hands and feet shrank right along with them. Wait… what about my other half?
Even with a headache splitting my skull open, I had to check my crotch. Some things you protect no matter how out of it you are. And yet —
"Wh-wha…?"
The proud, massive cock I'd always boasted about was shrinking. It felt like it was determined to burrow inward and vanish completely.
"Hey, hey… what the—"
But before I could confirm the full extent of the damage, my vision slowly closed. Still sitting on the toilet, I pitched forward.
Thud.
"Uuuugh…"
Dizzy. My head felt like it was being stabbed over and over. I clutched it and pushed myself upright. I was in the bathroom. Gray-white tile floor filled my vision. I looked down at my clothes. My pants were still around my ankles.
Why are my legs so skinny, though?
And why was my eye level so low?
Ah… this really isn't the time.
What had I been doing again? I thought hard.
Ah!!!
The interview!!!
The second that hit me, I yanked my underwear and pants back up. I was frantically buckling my belt and stepping out of the bathroom when —
"Kyaaaak!!!"
My pants slid right off and I went tumbling in a heap.
?
Hands planted on the floor in a sprawl, something suddenly entered my field of view. Hands as small as a child's. And suit sleeves so baggy they looked ready to slip off at any second. Still on my knees, I stared at my hands.
"Huh?"
A high, feminine voice rang through the room along with it. My heart dropped. I immediately grabbed my throat.
Did my voice just sound weird?
No. Don't think stupid thoughts. I shook my head.
Swoosh.
"……"
Long black hair brushed against my cheeks. A sensation I'd never felt before — one a lifelong short-haired masculine guy could never have known. On instinct, I whipped my head around.
The full-length mirror by the front door reflected my image.
"……"
Fluffy cat ears perched atop a black bob. Vertical slits hidden in glittering golden eyes. Sharp, feline-shaped eyes, a neat little nose, and cherry-red lips — the unmistakable face of a beautiful young girl. And sticking out from under the shirt, a long tail swayed with a mind of its own, as if it had lost all sense of self.
"Eh?"
In the mirror was not the 185-centimeter musclebound masculine specimen known as Kim Seon, but a pretty cat beastkin girl.
I stared, unblinking. I just couldn't process it. Was I really seeing this? The mirror showed a cat beastkin in a suit. But standing in front of the real me, there was nothing. Which meant —
"Is that me-nya? Eek?!"
Oh, shit? Why was my speech and voice like this? Huh? Speak normally, damn it!
I clamped my mouth shut and stood in front of the full-length mirror. I still couldn't believe it. A cat beastkin girl who looked about 150 centimeters tall stared back from the glass. The oversized shirt didn't fit at all, giving her the classic "missing bottoms" look.
I reached between my legs and screamed.
"What the hell happened to my body-nyaaa?!"
My cock was gone. The massive pillar and the pair that had supported it were nowhere to be found. All that remained under my fingers was a smooth little mound. Something had become nothing.
I immediately stripped off every scrap of clothing and looked at myself.
"Hwaaaaagh!!!"
Five years of carefully cultivated muscle had vanished completely, leaving only soft, pale skin. A slender waist and a gracefully curved pelvis — but my chest had a volume so modest I was embarrassed to even cup it.
"What the hell is this-nya?!"
My body! Why had it turned out like this?!
There was a reason, of course. Because right then, something appeared before my eyes.
That was right. I had awakened as a female cat beastkin.
A gender-bender awakening? I'd never heard of such a thing in my life.
I roared like a tiger on a mountain ridge.
"This is so fucked up-nya!!!"
Nothing but pitiful nya-nya sounds echoed through the apartment.
