Chapter 62
Chapter 62
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 62
Chapter Title: Elfin's Melancholy
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Elfin couldn't stand how utterly pathetic she felt after the battle at the Carrot Duchy border.
She had collapsed from mana exhaustion just from traveling, and when the real fight—the crucial moment—came around, she had dropped out entirely and done absolutely nothing.
When she regained consciousness while lying helplessly in bed, she dragged her barely responsive body to the battlefield and managed to disrupt the enemies facing off against Ravi and Lenis, but that was it.
After squeezing out every last drop of strength, Elfin collapsed again, and in the end, she ended up being carried by Ravi as they moved.
Simply passing out from travel without even participating in the battle was humiliating enough, but what made Elfin even more ashamed came next.
Whether it was thanks to the battle at the border serving as tremendous fuel for growth, Ravi and Lenis's mana had surged dramatically, and their strength had reached levels incomparable to before.
The two had never openly shown off their power in front of Elfin, but as an elf with a natural affinity for nature and mana, she could tell their condition just by looking at them.
Ravi and Lenis had grown astonishingly strong by comparison, while she herself...
'I'm so weak...'
A tsunami of crushing self-loathing crashed over Elfin.
While the two had fought with everything they had, she had been passed out cold, sleeping like a log, and all she managed in the final moments was to barely tie up the enemies' hands and feet.
The thought that Ravi and Lenis had grown to levels incomparable to their academy days wouldn't leave her mind, while she remained stuck at the same level as back then.
To be precise, she had grown stronger than during her academy days, but that was only because Alvis had handed over the Boots of the Miracle of Life without asking for anything in return.
'What have I even done? What achievements have I made since graduating from the academy? Have I accomplished anything at all?'
Plunged into self-loathing, Elfin clutched her head and racked her memories.
It had started when she went to the Carrot Duchy to discuss countermeasures because Holy Warrior Brayden's holy sword wasn't shining, and there she met Alvis.
The golem cave purge in the Fresia Mountains... That had only been possible because Alvis discovered the entrance.
Rescuing Lenis in Libertà... That too was only achievable because Alvis had exploded light to blind the outlaws.
The battle with Vector. She had stood there dumbfounded, unable to use her specialty of summoning plants, doing nothing but watch.
The day a cursed fog spread over her homeland Arborness and black hounds rampaged, pushing her entire clan to the brink of annihilation... Even then, all she did was forcibly buy time using the power of the boots Alvis gave her, without resolving the situation at all.
Before Alvis arrived, she could only protect a handful of her people while watching thousands of her kin die in the fog, and even the fight against the black hound was won only because Alvis gave it everything he had—she hadn't done anything substantial herself.
She hadn't accomplished anything properly, yet she had received powerful equipment imbued with great power from Alvis, whom she had despised so intensely back at the academy, and despite being useless in battle, not only had she failed to repay that debt, but she had gone and indebted her entire clan to him as well.
And in the midst of all that, she had only managed to carry the group during travel before collapsing from mana depletion again, causing even more trouble.
And now, the two comrades she had traveled with had grown strong enough to far surpass her.
'Pathetic... Pathetic... Pathetic, pathetic!!!'
The more Elfin thought about it, the more ridiculous she found herself, to the point where she couldn't even get angry.
What had she even done all this time?
Back at the academy, among all those students, only Brayden and Celine had been stronger than her.
Ravi had the bunnyfolk's innate physical toughness, but her lack of combat experience meant she couldn't fully utilize her strengths.
Lenis had the flaw everyone knew but never spoke of—neglecting fundamentals in favor of flashy displays—which had stalled her growth.
But just a few months after graduating from the academy.
Now, the one who couldn't properly leverage her strengths and whose growth had stalled was none other than Elfin herself.
'Why...? How did this happen...? I haven't slacked on training... I take pride in being an elf, but I've never arrogantly assumed I'd always be on top... So why am I like this? Why on earth...'
Endless self-loathing gnawed at her as she gripped her head tighter, yanking at her hair.
Eventually, she reached one conclusion.
'I've... been too lenient with myself.'
She had trained hard, never assuming she was above others... Those were just her own delusions.
In reality, she hadn't trained diligently at all; she had been nothing but an arrogant elf who unwaveringly believed she was superior.
There was no other explanation for her current state.
If she had truly trained hard without any arrogance and ended up like this, it would be too cruel and miserable to bear in her right mind.
So Elfin's defense mechanism kicked in. She convinced herself that this was karma for her laziness and arrogance.
After that, Elfin trained obsessively, like she was possessed.
In truth, Elfin hadn't slacked on training, nor harbored arrogance; it was simply a string of unfortunate circumstances. But her mind and heart refused to accept the reality.
She wouldn't stop, even if it killed her without rest.
Though she drove herself like a demon, her mind was reaching its limit, and the one who reached out was Alvis once more.
At Alvis's sincere comfort, Elfin dropped the whip she had been using to lash herself and collapsed to the floor, sobbing bitterly.
"Hic... Ah-hic... Whaaa! Waaah! Y-You... What right do you have...! What right do you have to pity me...! I don't need that! Don't look at me with those eyes! It's... It's just because I'm weak! It's because I slacked on training and lived arrogantly that I'm like this! So I'm going to keep training! Get out of my way! Don't interfere! I-"
"Do you really think you're useless?"
"......"
Elfin ending up like this was a common occurrence in Holy Warrior Brayden NX.
From the original light novel Loveholic, Elfin was a character with immense pride in her own abilities and her elven heritage.
But the trash game Holy Warrior Brayden NX had slyly twisted that pride into this reaction whenever her growth lagged behind the party—like right now.
In the game, whenever Elfin fell behind in levels, gear, or other stats compared to the party, her immense self-esteem would shatter, leading to severe mental breakdowns.
She'd say things like she was useless, that it was her own laziness that led to this, that no one needed her, that she had to get stronger until someone did...
She'd start making these yandere-like statements and actions, obsessively fixating on getting stronger even at the cost of her body—exactly her state now.
Of course, being the piece-of-shit trash game it was, Holy Warrior Brayden NX offered zero mental care systems despite clearly showing Elfin's breakdown coming.
Once her mentality started crumbling without player intervention, it only worsened day by day, and Elfin's typical endings in those cases fell into two categories.
She'd charge off to prove her worth against impossible foes and come back as a corpse, or fall for lures from groups like the Ebony Shadow Mercenaries whispering "Do you desire power?" and turn traitor.
Either way, there was no happy ending for Elfin.
But this world was based on that piece-of-shit trash game Holy Warrior Brayden NX, even if it allowed attempts at mental care.
How much had I cursed during the game over that lack of one chance at mental care?
I unleashed the ultra-comforting hug I had prepared for the moment I saw the signs.
"Were you really useless? Why? In the fight with Vector, you could only handle me anyway, so no big deal there. Ravi and Lenis were in the same boat, right?"
"H-How would you know..."
"What about Arborness? When we arrived, it was already completely overrun by the fog. In a situation where everyone could have died long before, who was it that kept over half the elves alive until then? Me? I wasn't even there."
"But... But in the end, all I did was hold out... I didn't resolve anything..."
"You made the best use of Arborness's environmental advantages as a local. And you chewed out those elves who refused to listen to an outsider and wanted to bury themselves with the burning sacred tree, getting them all to evacuate. You tied down the black hound's body with the sacred tree's roots, securing a solid attack chance—that was you too. Could I, Ravi, or Lenis have done what you did? I'm certain we couldn't."
Now Elfin's eyes brimmed with tears as she sniffled.
"But... I... In the last battle, I didn't do anything..."
"Without you, we wouldn't have even reached there. Sure, Ravi could have made it, but she'd have been exhausted by then and couldn't fight those Ebony Shadow Mercenaries executives—instead, they'd have ganged up 2-on-1 and killed her.
Without you, full-scale war would have broken out between the Empire and Carrot Duchy, turning Ravi's homeland into a sea of flames. Because you bore all the stamina drain in our place, the battle didn't escalate and ended there. Can't you feel how grateful Ravi is to you? Me too. It was all thanks to you that we succeeded."
"Sniff... Hic..."
Unlike her usual fiery personality, Elfin sobbed softly, a glimmer of hope lighting her eyes.
And with a desperate expression hoping for confirmation, she looked at me.
"Really... Was I really not useless?"
"If you were useless, everyone useless in this world would be dead. Compared to me—who can only swing a sword and even then collapses clutching my stomach mid-fight thanks to chronic illness—you're way more capable no matter how you slice it."
"Hee-hic... Sob... Whaaaan..."
And the ever-proud Elfin began crying like a child.
Sobbing her heart out, she poured out everything she had bottled up inside.
"I... Whaaan... I felt so weak... and useless... I thought if I didn't get stronger, I had no value... That's why... Whaaaan... I was so depressed... It was so hard... I really didn't slack on training... I wasn't arrogant... But I always felt like the most useless one... I kept wondering why I'm like this... Whaaaan..."
And she confessed honestly while clinging to me and crying.
"Whaaan... Thank you, Alvis... For saving my kin... For bringing them to a safe place... Whaaaan... For telling me I'm not useless... Whaaaaan..."
I silently held Elfin close and patted her back.
With her mental burden lifted, Elfin's tension released, and she staggered for a moment. I supported her falling back, steadying her body.
In the process, we ended up in a pose like a dancing couple at a ballroom, our gazes meeting from very close range.
"......"
"......"
I stayed silent and brought my face closer.
Elfin, who used to jump away like she'd swallowed rat poison at the mere mention of Alvis, didn't push me away even at such proximity—she just stayed quiet.
Still supporting her back with one hand, I pressed my lips to hers, and Elfin didn't resist.