A Second Son's Confession
My feelings toward Dokgo Rin in Chang'an were, if I had to label them as like or dislike, closer to like. She was the heroine of the murim novel I had loved so much, and she was an S-rank beauty from Sichuan who treated a pathetic guy like me—who had never properly held a girl's hand in his entire life—as her lifesaver and showered me with unconditional favor. There was no reason for any man to hate that. But the reason I couldn't readily accept her goodwill wasn't just the difference in our social status. It was because of the psychopathic personality that The Heavenly Poison Witch Dokgo Rin had been described with in the original novel. She was the kind of woman who would stop at nothing to achieve her goals.
Of course, the current Dokgo Rin was quite mild compared to how she was portrayed in the novel, but that was only when she was dealing with me. While she always showed a smiling face when talking to me, her attitude toward Dokgo Seok or Gyeong-a became extremely dry and emotionless. Seeing that from the side sometimes felt downright chilling. That was why it was even harder for me to simply accept the favor she was showing me. The moment I accepted Dokgo Rin's goodwill, I had a gut feeling that some kind of brake inside her would shatter completely.
"Chilbok, what are you thinking about so deeply?"
"Ah, I was just reminiscing for a moment."
I answered the suddenly speaking Dokgo Rin like that, then looked up at the gray castle walls soaring high into the sky. Chang'an. A city that had once been the capital of the flourishing Han Dynasty. The traces of countless years were clearly visible along the massive walls, yet despite that, Chang'an's walls still looked incredibly sturdy and imposing.
While waiting in line to enter the city, Dokgo Rin, who had dismounted from her horse, spoke to me.
"Chilbok, you've worked hard during this long journey. Until the Murim Alliance Leader's sixtieth birthday banquet begins, we'll be staying in Chang'an for a while, so you'll be able to shake off all the accumulated fatigue."
"What hardship did I go through? If anything, it was the others who suffered."
"Hehe, you don't have to be so humble. You didn't want to come because of me, but you followed anyway."
"That's true, but it was still a pretty good experience in its own way."
They say people only realize the value of everyday life after going through hardship. Through this trip, I had come to truly understand just how comfortably I had been living until now.
"Then, shall we go to Dongting Lake together next time? I heard the scenery there is supposed to be amazing."
"I must respectfully decline. Just coming from Sichuan Province to Shaanxi Province took almost a whole month. The thought of going all the way to Hunan Province feels endless."
I finally understood why people in the old days rarely left the villages where they were born unless they had to. The saying that leaving home brings suffering wasn't empty words—long-distance travel really felt like it was shaving away your lifespan in real time.
"Hmph, you're so stingy."
Dokgo Rin turned her head away as if sulking. But no matter what, something that wasn't right wasn't right, so instead of comforting her, I just gave an awkward smile.
Where there is a meeting, there is always a parting.
"Thank you for everything during the journey, sir."
"Thanks to you, Seok, this boring trip was enjoyable for a little while."
As planned, we parted ways with the grandfather-grandson pair from the Jegal Clan, whom we had met in Hanzhong and traveled with to Chang'an.
"If anything comes up, come find me at the Murim Alliance anytime. I'll roll up my sleeves and help you out."
"Haha, just hearing that is reassuring enough."
Dokgo Seok, who had spoken in such a lighthearted tone, then turned to Jegal Geondam, who was standing beside Jegal Gyun.
"Young Master Jegal, you've also worked hard during the trip."
"Let us share a drink together the next time we meet."
"That's welcome news indeed. When that time comes, I'll take you to a good place."
After exchanging final farewells, the two men waved and departed. Once those who were meant to leave had gone, Dokgo Seok confirmed that only our original group from Sangam remained. He smacked his lips, then spoke to the escort warriors beside him.
"Well then, shall we go grab a drink together to celebrate our arrival in Chang'an?"
It was obvious to anyone that he was dying for a drink, so Gyeong-a, who was standing nearby, grabbed him by the ear.
"Young Master! We haven't even found an inn yet, and you're already thinking about drinking?!"
"Ouch! I got it! I was wrong, so please let go of my ear!"
The escort warriors watched the sight of the utterly irresponsible Dokgo Seok being scolded by Gyeong-a and chuckled with amusement. After getting thoroughly chewed out by Gyeong-a, Dokgo Seok cleared his throat and said,
"Then let's go secure our lodgings first. Since we'll be staying in Chang'an for a while, we should find the biggest and best inn possible."
One of the escort warriors raised his hand.
"Young Master, how about the Golden Star Inn?"
"Golden Star Inn?"
"I stayed there once before. The food was decent and the facilities were clean, so it was quite good."
"Oh, then let's head there."
Having said that, Dokgo Seok told the warrior who had spoken up to lead the way.
And so, following the escort warrior's recommendation, we arrived at the Golden Star Inn. The inn's scale was slightly inferior compared to other large establishments, but seeing many people eating at the tables on the first floor suggested the food wasn't bad. After unpacking our luggage in the rooms, we joined the others and went down to the first floor, where Dokgo Seok had already started drinking by himself.
"Yo."
Gyeong-a immediately reacted.
"Yo? What the hell do you mean, yo?! Didn't I tell you not to drink before eating?!"
When Gyeong-a tried to snatch his cup, Dokgo Seok naturally picked up both the cup and the bottle and retreated to the side, saying,
"It's a happy day, so cut me some slack. We've finally finished this month-long long-distance journey. If not now, when am I supposed to drink?"
"Ugh."
Her heart must have softened, because Gyeong-a stopped chasing him and said in a small voice,
"Then... just one bottle, okay?"
"Yes! I love you, Gyeong-a!"
The moment he got permission, Dokgo Seok let out a cheer like he had conquered the world. At his sudden outburst, Gyeong-a's face turned red as she exclaimed, "Are you crazy?!"
Watching Dokgo Seok like that, I couldn't hide my complicated feelings.
Just which one is his real face?
The cheerful appearance he was showing now, the way he cherished his younger sister to an extreme degree, and the scene from the novel where he sold Dokgo Rin to the Murim Alliance Leader Wiji Cheon. Honestly, the Dokgo Seok I had observed so far didn't seem like a bad person. He was reasonably soft toward his own people, and when things got boring, he would step up and act like a fool to liven up the atmosphere. He didn't seem like a heartless man at all. It was truly ironic that someone like him would fall so far due to an inferiority complex toward his older brother—dragging in outside forces, getting betrayed, and dying.
"Come on, come on! Chilbok, you come sit over here too! I'm treating everyone today! This is a good chance to learn how to drink!"
"Are you crazy?! Trying to make a child drink alcohol?!"
"Actually, isn't it better to learn in a place like this? He's going to drink someday anyway, so what's wrong with practicing in advance?"
Dokgo Seok was using the same logic that relatives often spouted at drinking parties to try to get me to drink. I had no intention of refusing if offered, but drinking with a child's body still felt a bit off. Thinking that, I decided to just go along with the lively atmosphere Dokgo Seok was creating.
The drinking party led by Dokgo Seok ended quite late. All the escort warriors had collapsed drunk, and even Gyeong-a—who had been lecturing about the dangers of alcohol—got caught up in Dokgo Seok's smooth talking and accidentally drank three cups of bamboo leaf green, becoming completely wasted and causing a ruckus. Still, it all passed without any major incident.
I went outside the inn to get some air until the effects of the bamboo leaf green I had drunk in the heat of the moment wore off. As I was resting there, I felt a presence behind me. Thinking it was Dokgo Rin as usual, I turned around, only to be startled by the completely unexpected person standing there.
"Second Young Master?"
"Yo, Chilbok."
Even after drinking so much, he acted like nothing had happened and lightly waved his hand as he approached me. I asked him with a slight sense of wariness,
"What brings you out here so suddenly?"
Dokgo Seok, who had been walking toward me, gave a bitter smile and said,
"I saw you heading out for some air, so I thought I'd come out for a bit too. You've been stuck to Rin like glue the whole time, so we never really had a chance to talk just the two of us."
Standing beside me, Dokgo Seok stared at me quietly for a moment before suddenly asking,
"Do you hate me too?"
"...Pardon?"
"I'm asking if you hate me the same way Rin does."
Out of nowhere, he asks if I hate him? It was such an unexpected question that I looked at Dokgo Seok's profile with a dazed expression. Leaning his back against the wall, he continued,
"The harsh things I said to Rin... it was because I had already experienced it once before."
He looked at me with the white moonlight behind him.
"Actually, my wife is also from a common farming family."
Then, with a face full of emotion, he began to open up about his past.