The Secret of the Mill House Man
The people of Chaekho Village called me by all sorts of nicknames. The basics were Young Master or Young Lord. Thanks to my standout achievements, I got Haetae Boy and Chaekho Boy. Once I was appointed Gapsa, it became Idle Lord or Gapsa Lord. And after marrying Eori...
"Oh my! The Mill House Man is here?"
"Don't call me that."
"We call the Mill House Man the Mill House Man. What else should we call you?"
"Call me what you used to. Idle Lord or something."
Bang-ssi or Mill House Man. That was the latest nickname they'd slapped on me.
Water mills had long been popular spots for secret lovers' trysts, men and women alike. But the reason I was called Mill House Man was different—blunt and embarrassingly on the nose.
"Is it true the mill wheel turns day and night?"
"Auntie!"
"Heh, getting all flustered like that... guess it's true after all."
A mill wheel, once it started grinding, didn't stop. It kept going even after the grain was pulverized into fine powder. In other words, I was the mill wheel, and Eori was the grain.
"Cut it out! The kid's listening!"
No matter how sharply I scolded her, the auntie's sly grin didn't fade. The other aunties waiting their turn at the well wore the same smirks.
"Eori sure snagged herself a good man."
"Sigh! I'm so jealous! My husband jumps like he's been scalded if I so much as touch him!"
"We weren't like that when we were young, though."
It was nice getting close to the villagers. But having our bedroom antics broadcast to the whole neighborhood? Not so much.
"Right, Mill House Man. Speaking of kids..."
One auntie showed me the child she'd brought along to fetch water.
"How about taking Dalrae as a concubine?"
"Why would I take a concubine?! And Dalrae's not even seven yet!"
"Pfft! Raise her up and eat her then!"
"Hey! Not your own daughter!"
Sticking around any longer, and my face would burn right off. I hurriedly transferred the still-boiling water from the cauldron.
"If you change your mind, give us a heads-up! Mill House Man!"
"No way!"
I filled both water jars until they sloshed, shouldered the yoke, and hurried off. The aunties gossiped as I left.
"Keep at it like that, and you'll have a fat son in no time!"
"One? You'll have ten before you know it!"
"I thought he was just good at catching tigers and barbarians, but he catches women too!"
Why were they like this? Seriously!
Face burning, I left the well and headed home. I'd thought this was normal. That everyone burned through their wedding night till sunrise and only slept come morning, like me. But no.
I learned the truth after noon, waking up starving for lunch. My first time, I was a bit excited, heart racing like a kid. Then the rumors spread across the village, and now this.
There were ways to quash the gossip, sure. But holding back my urges just to avoid rumors? Eori was too damn alluring for that.
"You home?"
Lost in thought, I reached our new home. There stood Dol-soe, the servant attending Kim Jin-sa.
"You home—huh? Gapsa Lord!"
Dol-soe, who'd been shouting at the gate, spotted me. Clutching a white envelope, he trotted over with his message.
"Gapsa Lord. Master Jin-sa sent word."
"What for?"
"Not sure exactly, but it seems to be about the young master."
Hui-un, that punk? What's his deal? Finally croaked?
"G-Give it here! I'll take it!"
"Nah, it's fine. Come in and have some water first."
I waved off his offer to carry the yoke and led Dol-soe inside. Geum-ok came out to greet us, hands still dusty from whatever chore she'd been at.
"Master. You're back?"
"Yeah. Where's Eori?"
"The lady of the inner chamber stepped out."
"Oh? Know where to?"
"Said she went to help at the butcher shop."
Chatting with Geum-ok, I headed to the jars in the yard. I waited till Dol-soe drank, then poured fresh water. I read Kim Jin-sa's letter after setting down the yoke.
Weather's been fine lately.
[...]
Since the youngest is heading up for the exam this time, you come along too.
— Kim Jin-sa
"...That old fart. For real. So that's why he sent the silk."
The letter started with chit-chat about the weather and ended on Hui-un. He wanted me to go with the kid since he was taking the exam too.
"The young master's really gunning for the civil service exam? He flunked every one so far."
"He takes after the mistress, doesn't he?"
"True. Those two are stubborn as mules."
"Heh heh heh."
Dol-soe chuckled, agreeing with the slander against his master. Then he turned to the letter's point.
"So, what'll you do?"
Honestly, there was only one answer.
"If he says go, I go."
No matter that I was top dog in the Pingan Kim clan, defying Kim Jin-sa's order outright was tough. Plus, refusing meant an awkward shared road anyway.
"Tell him I'll obey."
"Well, uh..."
"What? He want a written reply? Just tell him verbally. Making folks jump through hoops."
Dol-soe lifted the corner of his mouth, clearly agreeing. I headed inside.
"Got it. I'll write it quick. Wait a sec."
"Yes, Gapsa Lord."
I left Dol-soe bowing in the yard and went to my room. I'd planned to study military texts, but thanks to Kim Jin-sa—no, because of him—I couldn't.
"..."
While I copied his letter, tweaking it for my reply, Dol-soe poked around the yard.
"What're you doing?"
Geum-ok approached and asked.
"Uh, n-nothing."
Dol-soe hemmed and hawed, flustered, then cautiously probed.
"Kid. Does the Gapsa Lord give you anything special?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, that thing he frequents."
"What thing?"
"Ahem. Playing dumb won't fly. Word's all over town. They say he ate that and became the Mill House Man."
The rumors went that far?!
"Is it pricey and rare? If so, just tell me what it is. Sea cucumber? Deer antler? Or something only from Hanyang?"
"Uh, uh, th-that's...!"
"Hey! Dol-soe Uncle!"
I couldn't leave Geum-ok's face beet-red. I set down my brush and called him over with a warning.
"What're you saying to a kid?!"
"Aigoo! Sorry, Gapsa Lord! I just want an heir...!"
"You're grandkid age! Get over here!"
"D-Done writing?"
"Nope! I'll tell you the Mill House Man's secret instead!"
"!"
Dol-soe's eyes went wide, unexpecting. His mouth curved up as he hurried over.
"No need! But... this favor! I won't forget!"
Looked like I'd already spilled the beans, from his grin.
"In exchange."
Of course, no free lunch.
"Deliver this to the magistrate's office? Just drop it off."
Besides the reply to Kim Jin-sa, I handed over an envelope stuffed with plagiarized novels and a letter to the tax collector. Requesting more condoms, squeezed in amid honeymoon and mugwa prep.
...Who knew the pack I'd brought from the modern world would run out in days.
"Yes! Yes! Will do! Even before Master Jin-sa's orders!"
Dol-soe betrayed his lord for the Mill House secret.
"S-So, the secret is...?"
"Ahem! Ahem! Well..."
I tamped down a smirk at his sparkling eyes. I cleared my throat, building suspense.
"This is top secret. Don't tell a soul. Not even Jin-sa Lord. Folks who know this? Less than ten across the eight provinces of Joseon."
"Yes! Yes! Mum's the word!"
"Alright. Here goes."
"...!"
He stared, unblinking, etching my words into his soul. I met his gaze steadily and revealed my "secret."
"100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 25-ri run. Every day, no skips."
"That's it?!"
"Yup. The path to truth is simple but grueling. Sounds easy, but try it—it's hell."
It was my actual routine, so no lie. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, running—all hit the core muscles. And core strength majorly boosts sex life... or so the internet said.
"Aigoo! Thank you! Aigoo! Let me bow!"
"Whoa! No need! Don't bow!"
Even I felt a twinge of conscience—it was modern knowledge.
"Want me to show you how?"
"An honor!"
Like church ladies yapping endlessly to non-believers. Me, a hobbyist hero—no, fitness buff—couldn't resist a newbie begging for workout tips. Dopamine rush.
"Heh heh heh! Thanks! Heh heh heh heh! Time to go! Heh heh heh heh heh! No need to see me out! Heh heh heh heh heh!"
Teaching him took under 30 minutes. He left laughing like a wuxia protag who'd scored a heavenly boon.
"..."
The yard fell quiet once Dol-soe was gone. In the silence, Geum-ok gazed at me intently.
"Master."
"Hm? What?"
"Is it real?"
"What?"
"The training. Does it really make you... that strong?"
Why's she asking? She's a girl, not a guy—threw me off.
"Uh, yeah. It does."
"Then teach me too?"
"Sure. I'll show you."
From that day, Eori and Geum-ok joined my workouts. Soon, every man in Chaekho Village and the county followed my routine.