If I Had to Do This Wedding Twice, It'd Kill Me!!!
Half of it was blackmail, but I'd gotten Kim Jin-sa's permission. Now all that was left was the actual wedding ceremony with Eori.
"Mom."
"Tsk!"
"...Mother."
"Hee hee."
Only after I called her "Mother" did a smile bloom on her face.
"My son."
Mother, dressed in neat hanbok and sitting demurely, looked up at me. Her face was beaming with contentment, eyes glistening with tears.
"Cherish her, love her. Got it?"
"Got it, Mom."
"You have to call me Mother today, the man who's getting married. But, son."
Her affectionate gaze suddenly furrowed into a frown. She glanced sideways at the Chaekho Village folk peeking through the open door and asked,
"Do you really have to do this?"
"She won't let me if I don't. What can I do?"
"Still. Let Mom talk to her."
"No, it's fine."
"I have a feeling it's not..."
Mother shot another worried glance out the door. Unlike her, the Chaekho villagers were thrilled.
"Mom, receive my bow."
"Son..."
"I'm fine, really. Come on, accept it."
She'd given birth to me at fifteen and been chased out to Chaekho Village in her early twenties like an outcast. She'd raised me alone, enduring finger-pointing as a concubine. With all my heart, I bowed deeply to her.
"Mom, I'll live well after I marry."
"Yes. But do you really have to do it?"
"Why make a fuss when even the king let me meet him after I got married?"
"It's dangerous."
"It's all scripted. No need to worry."
I turned from Mother's worried gaze and stepped into the courtyard. At that, the Chaekho villagers struck gongs, signaling the wedding's start.
Chaeng-chae-chaeng-chae-chaeng!
"Hey! Who dares try to take our village daughter so recklessly?!"
"Even if the mountain spirit forgives you, we won't! You punk!"
"If you really wanna take her, beat us first!"
The villagers, who usually called me "young master," were gleefully talking down to me today.
"Yes! I'll take her!"
I was just as pumped. Yelling excitedly, I warned the brothers-in-law blocking the gate—Eoji and Eosu.
"Eoji! Eosu! Step aside if you don't wanna get hurt!"
"Hee hee! No way!"
"But, brother-in-law. Think about it. This really doesn't seem right."
Eoji spread her arms wide to block me, while Eosu tried to dissuade me with a straight face. Chaekho Village weddings were quite unique. On the way from the groom's house to the bride's, the bride's side men blocked the path, and the groom had to take them down one by one to clear it. It was a test to see if he could be trusted to protect the bride—a rather rough, aggressive Chaekho tradition.
"No!"
Even at Geum-ok's sisters' age, Eoji and Eosu had builds like adult men, thanks to their father. But they went down easy with a leg sweep or a light shove, clearing the way.
"Urk! Got him!"
"Brother-in-law! We tried to stop you! Don't forget! We definitely warned you!"
"Shut up! Even Kim Jin-sa tried to stop me!"
Leaving the fallen brothers-in-law behind, I hurried toward Eori's house. The villagers followed, banging gongs, while others along the path watched with sparkling eyes of delight.
"Ahem! Where do you think you're going, punk?!"
Eori's uncle stepped out from a corner, blocking my path.
"How dare you try to take our precious niece! Back off!"
"No way! Uncle, you back off!"
"Fine! You won't listen to words, huh? Hiyah!"
True to Chaekho style, Eori's uncle was burly too. His outstretched arms charging at me radiated intimidation. But that was a bad move against someone who'd learned judo. The moment the big uncle lunged with arms wide, I grabbed his collar and sleeve. Twisting counterclockwise and ducking low...
"Wha?!"
In an instant, I flipped him over my shoulder. He yelped in shock. Instead of slamming him down, I set him gently on the ground.
Thud!
"Huh?!"
Uncle, who'd unwittingly plopped on his butt, looked up at me in bewilderment. Then he burst into hearty laughter and nodded.
"Ha ha ha ha! I lose! Go on!"
"Yes, Uncle!"
I left the easily dispatched uncle and pressed on. "Ha ha! That guy's the weakest of us!"
Of course, just one uncle didn't show up. Eori's eldest uncle, who'd been a bandit until days ago; her second uncle who worked at the butcher shop; her cousin who'd married into another Hwacheok village; even her frail-looking granduncle who could barely walk.
"Uncle, why are you even out here?!"
"You punk! I've known Eori since she was little!"
"You're not even blood-related!"
"Don't you know neighbors are better than distant kin?!"
"Fine! Okay! Come at me!"
"Ha ha ha! Here I go!"
Even the neighbor next door came out. "Hiyah!" I took him down too, blood relation or not. Eori's house was right ahead now.
"Haa! Haa! Haa! Haa!"
Even if it was all scripted, taking down those big guys without hurting them wasn't easy. By the time I was almost there, I was drenched in sweat.
"Haaa... whoooo...."
I tried to steady my panting with deep breaths. The fresh oxygen cleared my head. Almost there. Just one more takedown, and Eori's mine. I repeated it to myself, but the anxiety gnawing at my chest wouldn't fade. Could Eori and I build a good home? Raise kids right? And...!
"Ha ha ha ha! Tired already?!"
Could I take down that monster?
"Come in! Take her if you can!"
Eori's father strode out the gate in just his pants. Like a gorilla, he thumped his chest, flexing his upper body muscles.
Chaeng-chaeng-chaeng-chaeng-chaeng!
"Woooah!"
"Whoa! Eori's dad is awesome!"
"Even the Tiger-slaying Boy's struggling?"
The villagers ignited with excitement at the final boss—Eori's father. The gongs blared louder, hyping the mood.
...Ah, shit. Regret.
Spectators and participants thought differently, naturally. Seeing those rippling muscles under bronze skin sapped my fighting spirit.
"Come on, son-in-law! Haa ha ha ha!"
Eori's father beckoned with his scar-covered hands. Despite the taunt, I hesitated and asked,
"Uh, Father. You'll go easy, right?"
"What?! You saying my daughter's not worth it?!"
"I-I'm serious!"
My heart pounded for all sorts of reasons. Forcing the reluctant words out, I approached Father. Charging blindly at someone bigger was stupid. I watched for an opening. No shirt meant few techniques, shoulder throw risky against a giant, and his upper body was more developed than legs...!
"Hup!"
Ducking low, I grabbed his right wrist with my left hand. My other hand dove deep between his legs.
"Wha?"
Father froze in surprise. Seizing the moment, I yanked his wrist and hoisted his crotch with my shoulder.
"Father! Give me your daughter!!!"
Yelling at full force, I shouldered him and stood—full squat 1RM power surging through me.
"Woooah!"
"He lifted him?!"
"What a powerhouse!"
Chaeng-chaeng-chaeng-chaeng-chaeng!
The villagers gasped at my small frame hoisting the giant. Gongs roared to a climax.
"Uwaaah!"
I flung Father off my shoulder like a sack.
BOOM!
"Kuhuk! Ha ha ha ha!"
The ground shook behind me with his groaning laughter.
"Huff! Huff! Huff!"
Unlike the thrilled Father, I felt my body's limits. First time this exhausted since the Bulat mess. Ah! Shit! Should've listened to Mom! Should've done a normal wedding! Grumbling inwardly, I stepped toward Eori's gate.
Passing the gate, crossing the courtyard, I reached the one closed door. I called to my bride inside.
"Eori! I'm here! Open the door, open up!"
Even after downing all the male relatives, if the bride didn't open, it was all for naught.
Bang!
Of course, Eori—who'd followed me to Hanyang—wouldn't leave me hanging.
"Master!"
The door flew open. Eori stepped out in the clothes gifted by the Crown Princess, more beautiful than ever. My heart thumped for one reason only.
"Husband!"
She ran to me, calling my new title. I just stood there panting as she hugged me.
"Husband! You worked so hard, truly! Husband!"
"N-no, to take you... this much... is nothing...!"
"Can't even speak properly! Dad! You were supposed to go easy!"
Her tearful voice to me sharpened at Father approaching.
"Alright, son-in-law!"
Whack!
"Ack!"
Father casually slapped my back with his pot-lid hand. He pointed at the villagers peering over the gate and walls.
"Still more to do! Hurry up! This is the last!"
Slipping from Eori's arms, I turned, still huffing.
All Eori's relatives I'd downed, friendly villagers, and even my mom were there.
"Haaa... whoooo...."
I deeply inhaled and exhaled to calm my racing heart. Only then did we finish Chaekho's unique wedding rite.
If I Had to Do This Wedding Twice, It'd Kill Me!!!