The Great Gun Bluff
These fucking idiots! We'd made it to the second barricade at the Euljeonseon line with Eori's father. Leaning against the sturdy barricade, I began reloading. As I did, I asked the adults around me.
"Where are the other gatekeepers?!"
"The East Gate ones made it to the Euljeonseon! Don't know about the rest!"
"Got it! Tell me right away when you hear from the West and South Gates! Until then, stick to the plan!"
No time for long talks. I poured powder into the muzzle, rammed it down with the ramrod, and packed it tight. Pulled out the ramrod, shoved in a paper wad stuffed with glass shards and the bullet, then rammed it home again.
"Hey! Fire! Fire!"
I jammed the ramrod under the barrel while hunting for a light. One of the adults brought a lit torch and touched the match cord to it.
"Aaaagh!"
"Gaaah!"
"Urk!"
Pained groans echoed from beyond the barricade. Looked like they'd stepped on or grabbed the glass shards jumping the outer wall.
"As expected of Chaekho Dongja!"
Every groan drew awed gasps from the village men. I flashed them a sly grin by way of reply and finished reloading.
"West Gate team's here!"
"South Gate too!"
"Good!"
Hearing that the West and South Gate guards had reached their second barricades, I stood up. The haphazard pile of junk let us see right through to the other side.
"Raaagh!"
"@#$%^&!"
"You fucking bastards!"
Bloodied hands and feet, the barbarians charged in a rage. Hearing Joseon speech mixed in meant some captured Joseon prisoners were with them too.
"Oooone! Stand and fiiiire!!!"
I thrust my matchlock through a gap in the barricade and bellowed. The adults around me followed suit, gripping sticks like muskets.
"Ooooh! Ooooh!"
"Bang! Bang! Bang!"
"Fuck! Why are there so many matchlocks?!"
Why so many? Bluff, that's why. I was the only one in the village with a real jochong. But figuring the barbarians wouldn't know, I'd cooked up this tactic. Thinking we each had one, the confused bastards started backing off.
To sell it to the end, I yelled the procedure at the top of my lungs.
"Open breech!!!"
"Open breech!"
"Yeah, open breech!"
"Uk-shil open-bong!"
The village men mangled my words while fiddling with their sticks. From the other side, it'd look just like opening powder pans. Naturally, I actually did it.
"Ooh! F-fuck! Back! Back!"
"Run! Run! Run!"
"#$%^&*(*&^%$!"
Thinking we were really about to fire, the barbarians scrambled back. Watching the clueless panickers, I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Pfft, heh! Those dumbasses."
"I-it's really working."
"As expected of Chaekho Dongja."
Even in the tension, they couldn't hold back laughs. The uncles snickered, enjoying the show.
"Designated shooters! Fiiiire! Commence!!!"
"Uwaaagh!"
I barely stifled my own laughter as I yelled, making the barbarians duck in terror. Savoring it a bit longer, I squeezed the trigger.
Boom!
"Urk!"
"Uwaaagh!"
"Augh!"
One shot, multiple screams. Some glass probably hit home from the scatter concept, but mostly placebo.
These fucking idiots! I taunted the barbarians and fell back. But Eori's father and the others held firm. While I reloaded, they kept the bastards at bay with spears.
"You fucking bastards! How dare you invade our village!"
"Do you know what kind of place this is? It's where Chaekho Dongja was born and raised!"
"His wife grew up here too!"
Not my wife yet. And I was born at Kim Jin-sa's place. I didn't bother correcting the uncles as they stabbed wildly with their wild boar spears, yelling.
Reload done, I shouldered my matchlock and advanced.
"Hey! Hey! I'm firing! Who's first to die? You wanna get shot? You? Or you? You—fuck, I don't like your face!"
The ones pressing despite spear thrusts backed off. Matchlocks had that one-shot-kill rep, scaring them shitless.
"Uwaaagh! Shoot! Shoot! Shooooot!"
One barbarian stepped forward boldly, yelling without fear. Figured it was another bluff like before.
"Hey! I'm really shooting! Real shot!"
"Yeah! Shoot!"
"I'm really gonna! Real fire!"
"Y-yeah! Shoot!"
"No joke! Real shot! You'll die!"
"Y-yeah! Shooooot!!!"
A quick push-pull, then trigger.
Boom!
"Urk?!"
The gunshot echoed as a hole punched through the bastard's chest. Eyes wide like he never saw it coming, I smirked.
"What? You told me to shoot."
"Urgh...!"
He toppled like a log. The others stared in shock, then charged as I reloaded.
Hah, fuck. Down to two bullets now. Why limit to five rounds...!
Officials capped ammo sales at five. Plenty for hunting, I'd thought—till now.
"Hey! Who's next! Who's dying now! You, come out! I called you earlier—why hide? Someone died 'cause of you!"
Reloaded, back to the barricade. Knowing I was serious, they hesitated.
Shit. Really. One more shot leaves just one. But ignition powder counts too—maybe squeeze out another.
Fuck, insane.
"Fake! Fake! That's fake!"
"No gun! No bullets!"
"That fucker's bluffing again!"
My nerves showed. Seeing them about to charge, I fired at the biggest one.
Boom!
"Urk!"
"No more! Really none!"
"There are, you bastards!"
Now they weren't scared of shots. More hyped, climbing over. I bayonet-thrust one's face with the muzzle.
Then, drums from somewhere.
Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!
Signal: barbarians at one of the other gates' barricades. Plan was fall back to village square.
"Retreat! Retreat! Everyone fall back! Don't come closer, you fuckers!"
Yelling retreat, I still muzzle-smashed a climber's face. Then backpedaled with the adults.
"Everyone! Status?!"
"Urgh, heh! S-sorry! Chaekho Dongja!"
"I'm still good!"
While I'd reloaded, the uncles were bloodied. More grim than killing, I hurried on.
"Ch-Chaekho Dongja. How many... left?"
Eori's father, bleeding from the shoulder, ran beside me, whispering so the bastards wouldn't hear.
"Two shots."
"..."
His eyes flickered, but he forced a grin.
"Haha! Kill all but two—done!"
"Right! Don't forget those two for me!"
"Tough! We'll kill 'em all!"
"No! Those two are mine!"
First time killing talk sounded upbeat. Defiant to the end, we passed the final barricade.
"Block it! Hurry!"
At the square, I started reloading. While hands flew, I checked other barricades. West Gate men sealing theirs; East all heading here.
"Not everyone! Two stay back and hold!"
South good too. Reloaded, surveyed before heading to fiercest North Gate.
"Ma'am! They're coming over!"
"Got it!"
"Die, you rotten bastards!"
Women at the communal warehouse entrance shot arrows over rice sacks. Low wall invaders fell pierced.
"Good! Keep it up— that's all we need!"
Still holding, I encouraged them and drew my sword. The mid-length blade from King Sejong with the matchlock. Tied to the barrel as an improvised bayonet.
Time to confess: in modern times, I was the unofficial heir to a battle-tested killing art.
Sorry, ignoring master's "never show others" rule, I took stance.
"Gun! Sword! Hah!"
Sorry, Sergeant Ko. Meant to keep this buried. Training depot ditched it, but he taught me bayonet as boredom-buster on duty. Never dreamed real use—in Joseon, no less.
"Hey, you fuckers! Who's first! You? You? Come on, bastard!"
"Fuck! No bullets!"
"Got 'em! Didn't you see me reload?!"
"No bullets!"
"Yes! Your mom's the empty one!"
No more gun threats, joined Eori's father. Stabbed climbers to buy time.
"Agh! You fuckers! When do you quit! We've done enough—just go! Please, you motherless shits!!!"