The Tiger-Slaying Boy's Punishment
"Uncle! How can you hit that hard?!"
The first arrow had sunk in about halfway, but the second one I'd loosed with every ounce of strength barely showed its fletching. Thanks to that, aside from the massive lump on the back of my head, I'd survived unscathed... sort of.
"Kim Si-jin! You bastard! Confess your crimes!"
I was currently sprawled over the punishment bench.
"Magistrate, Your Honor! I'm innocent!"
Propped up on the wooden frame used for flogging criminals, I craned my neck to gaze at the magistrate standing on the porch of the government office. He glared with eyes as fierce as the midday sun blazing overhead and bellowed.
"What innocence do you speak of?! Are you saying it's unjust to harm the Mountain Lord?! Have you ever seen such a brazen wretch?!"
"Your Honor! Harming the Mountain Lord was not my intent! I spotted the tiger and meant to let it go! But how could I spare it when it was heading straight for my mother's room?!"
"I acknowledge your filial piety! But harming the Mountain Lord is a grave crime! Therefore, to this criminal Kim Si-jin—three lashes of the rod!"
"Aigoo! Aigoo! Your Honor, there's no such law in the world!"
"No such law, you say?! It exists, you fool! What are you waiting for?! Flog this criminal at once!"
At the magistrate's command, an officer approached carrying a massive oar-like rod typically used for paddling boats—or backsides. Imagining that thing coming down on my rear, I let out a wail of despair.
"Magistrate! Your Honor! I was wrong! Please! Just this once, have mercy!"
"Hmph! Do you truly not grasp the sanctity of the kingdom's laws?!"
"H-Ho-gol-ju! How about ho-gol-ju? They say it's great for men!"
Ho-gol-ju was liquor brewed with tiger bones. The claims of its benefits for men were pure folklore, of course, but the magistrate's eyes lit up at the offer of such a rare tiger-infused brew.
"Ahem! How dare you attempt to bribe the magistrate of this county?! Officer, carry out the punishment at once!"
"Understood, sir!"
"Aaah! Wait! Just a moment! Aaaaah!"
Even as I thrashed on the bench, the officer hoisted the enormous rod high. His eyes gleamed with delight as he looked down at me.
"One!"
Whoosh!
"Aaack! Mommm!"
I screamed for my mother as the rod hurtled down. But she stood in the courtyard, hands covering her face, unable to even lift her head. Her ears burned bright red.
"Hup!"
The rod, which had been plummeting like lightning, halted just above my backside. With a grunt, the officer gave it the gentlest tap imaginable.
Tok.
"Aaaaaack! This is an outrage, Your Honor!"
I barely felt a thing, but I twisted my unbound body dramatically, writhing as if in agony. My cries were louder than when I'd faced the tiger yesterday. There really was such a law, you see. Even if it was a beast, a tiger was the Mountain Lord, king of the mountains. Killing the mountain's king warranted these three light lashes as a token scolding.
"Two!"
Tok.
"Ughhh! I-I won't forget this grudge... Hic!"
They say you should ham it up as much as possible during a light flogging, so I pretended to faint midway through. The officer pressed on regardless.
"Three!"
Smack!
"Up?!"
Suddenly, he hit harder than expected, and I tumbled off the bench. Clutching my throbbing rear, I scrambled up and confronted the officer.
"Hey! Uncle! How can you hit that hard?!"
"Oh dear? Are you alright, young master? You fainted, so I hit harder to snap you out of it."
"Why play dumb?! You knew exactly what was going on! Ow, it hurts!"
If he'd really meant it, I wouldn't have been able to stand and complain. But a gentle hit still stung.
"Hahaha!"
"Ha! That felt good!"
"Well struck, sir!"
The crowd that had gathered upon hearing I'd slain the tiger burst into raucous laughter. There were so many, some perched on the office walls to watch.
"I'm dying of pain here—why is everyone laughing?!"
Even as I clutched my butt and protested, their laughter showed no sign of stopping.
"Son. Are you okay? No, you—how could you hit him that hard?"
Only my mother fretted over me. She'd been pretending not to know me from afar, but now she rushed over, checked my rear, and scolded the officer.
"Aigoo, my apologies, ma'am."
The officer bowed insincerely.
"But didn't you laugh too, ma'am?"
"Mom?!"
"Ahem. Son, let's go home and put some salve on it."
She avoided my disbelieving stare and changed the subject. I couldn't help feeling betrayed.
"Hahaha! Impressive indeed! Si-jin, my boy!"
The magistrate, who'd been thundering from the porch, now descended into the courtyard with a beaming smile. His term ended next spring, and this was a windfall in his twilight years.
"Truly grateful! So grateful! When you come to Hanyang, seek me out! I'll show you around myself! Hahaha!"
Resuming the grin he'd worn from morning until the trial began, he clapped my shoulders repeatedly.
"Ahem! S-Si-jin! Well done! Splendid!"
Kim Jin-sa, who'd been cringing beside my mother in embarrassment, approached to congratulate me, followed by Hong ssi Bu-in and that brat Kim Hui-un.
"Tsk! As a son of the Kim clan of Pyeongan, mind your dignity!"
"……!"
Hong ssi Bu-in grimaced at my antics but couldn't hide the twitch of her lips. The brat, meanwhile, looked utterly corpse-like.
"Hoho. Why the long face? Wouldn't anyone be thrilled to hear he slew a tiger—alone, with just two arrows? Come on, Hui-un, say something!"
I could understand the brat's sour attitude. He'd failed the civil service academy entrance twice in a row, while his peers were marrying or preparing to. Poor guy—no wedding talk for him. Sigh. Yeah, no wonder he was on edge. Even my cousin back in the modern world had been like that: aging out while bombing civil service exams, watching friends marry and thrive, never even holding a girl's hand.
I smiled brightly at the pitiful brat and nodded.
"Yeah. Feels great."
"You little...!"
"Hmph! Kim Hui-un! How dare you on this joyous day?!"
Kim Jin-sa barked at the fuming brat lunging toward me, then turned to me with a radiant smile.
"Anyway, Si-jin. You're of marriageable age now, aren't you? A fine match has come up, actually."
Oh. This was... awkward. Bringing up marriage prospects right in front of the unemployed, unmarried loser.
I hadn't expected Kim Jin-sa to go there.
"Father!"
Even for the brat, this was too much. He glared with betrayal in his eyes.
"Hmph! How dare you interrupt your father?!"
But it was Hong ssi Bu-in who shut him down. Apparently, this "fine match" was just for me.
"There's a scholar named Sin Seon-bi in the next county. His concubine's daughter takes after her mother—quite the beauty."
Ah, typical. Kim Jin-sa never failed to disappoint—always for the worse.
"……."
Look at that punk. Clams up the moment he hears "concubine's daughter." Well, from one concubine's kid to another, it wasn't the worst match. But I already had someone in mind.
"My apologies, Master Jin-sa. And... I have one more regret to confess."
"Hm?"
"In my haste, I shot out the tiger's right eye. So I only have one eyeball to offer you, sir."
"Hoho. No matter. How could I not understand?"
Like brewing liquor with tiger bones, you could do the same with eyeballs. Efficacy unproven, naturally. But tiger eyes—only two per beast—fetched a king's ransom at market.
"Hoho, really! You didn't have to go that far. Ahem."
Kim Jin-sa was already licking his chops at the prospect.
"Whoa! Look at that beast! Big as a house!"
"He really took it down solo?"
"Time to call him the Tiger-Slaying Boy, not the Sea Dragon Kid anymore?"
The courtyard grew rowdy as a commotion stirred outside the gates. The crowd parted like the Red Sea, and Eori's father entered, personally hauling a cart.
"Make way for the Mountain Lord's procession!"
On the cart was the tiger—or rather, the ti-ger—I'd dressed from dawn till morning.
"Oho! Hahaha! What a monster!"
"Ha! Si-jin! Incredible! You truly felled that alone?"
"……!"
The magistrate and Kim Jin-sa gawked in awe at the butchered tiger—hide, meat, bones. The brat, eyes flashing, shot me jealous glares.
Whatever, fuck. Whatever. Glare all you want. Jealous? Go kill one yourself.
I brushed off the brat and scanned the path Eori's father had taken. But contrary to my expectations, Eori was nowhere in sight.
"What? Is this truly real?"
"Yes, Your Highness."
"That Kim Si-jin? The boy who threw himself at five bandits to save his mother, revived a child on the brink of death, and spotted the divine bell fraud before anyone else?"
"Indeed, Your Highness."
"No, ha! No, this... ha! Haha! How can such a...!"
"I humbly report it's mortifying, but the tiger pelt submitted with the report shows no unusual wounds—evidence it's true."
"Little Uncle. Mind if I say a word?"
"Y-Yes, Your Highness."
"Thank you. Hoho! What a brave lad! Though we're in regency, it's improper—but I believe he warrants immediate enrollment in the military academy. What say you, Little Uncle?"
"Wise words indeed. However, to avoid setting a precedent against fairness, he must meet minimal standards."
"You're right, Little Uncle. And I'd like to see the boy myself."
"Yes, yes. Attend! Release the matchlock to this Kim Si-jin and summon him to Hanyang once the weather clears!"
Whoa, fuck. What the hell is this guy? Not a modern soul—an alien? Taking down a tiger with two arrows? Right in the face? This mad bastard. No choice. I was gonna leave him be, but at this level, gotta bring him in. Don't say it's too much—you started flirting first.