My First Kiss: 22 Years in the Modern World, 10 in Joseon
At twenty-two in the modern world and ten in Joseon, my first kiss had been aging like fine wine. I was counting down the days to the fifth of May—Children's Day. Things weren't much different here in Joseon. The main distinctions were that it fell on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month, and everyone from kids to adults looked forward to it equally.
Ah! No seodang today—pure bliss! Today was Dano, what folks in the modern world called the Double Fifth Festival. Unlike back home, in Joseon they treated Dano like a national holiday on par with Chuseok or Seollal. In other words: no school today!
The only things I'd done since waking up were folding the bedding, eating breakfast, washing up, brushing my teeth, and changing clothes. Ah! This is the life! I'd never actually had sex, but maybe that's why this felt like it. Even on Sundays off from seodang, I'd laze around like this, but slacking on a weekday? That triggered a dopamine rush like no other.
For the record, they used a seven-day week here too. Maybe because this was a regression story? The difference was they worked six days and rested only on Sundays. That might be why holidays felt extra sweet.
"Son?"
Mom's voice came from beyond the closed sliding door. I rolled off the floor mat, got up, opened the door, and stepped out.
"Mom. Oh? Hello, sir."
"Greetings, young master."
I ran into Eori's father standing in our courtyard. Mom, on the porch, addressed him rather than me.
"Take good care of my boy."
"Yes, ma'am. I'll look after him with the utmost care."
"Huh? Huh? Mom? Am I being sold off? Did Gambino get me?"
I flashed back to that manga where the author passed away young, but his friends and assistants carried on his legacy. Mom, being a proper Joseon lady, had no clue and asked,
"What's that nonsense? Gambino?"
"Oh, uh, it's a thing. But why's Eori's dad here?"
"It's Dano, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is."
"So you need to wash up nice and clean, right?"
"Yeah, sure."
Dano wasn't just a day off like a modern holiday. It was also for purifying the body to prepare for the coming summer. That said, they didn't only bathe on Dano. True to this regression story Joseon, the state encouraged washing every three days, and in winter, the magistrate's office even boiled bathwater weekly.
"Go back to your room and get ready. Grab some soap and a change of clothes too."
"Got it. Eori's dad, give me a sec."
"Heavens, I can wait hours!"
"Yeah, but you'll complain if I'm late."
I dashed back to my room, grabbed a fresh set of underclothes, then came out with the soap from the magistrate's office and a towel for drying off.
"Okay, ready. What about you, Mom?"
"Heehee. Let's go."
Mom smiled gracefully and led the way out the gate. As I followed, I bumped into Eori and her siblings.
"Oh my! Ma'am, there you are! And Haetae Boy too?"
"Sorry to keep you waiting."
"Not at all! We just got here! Right away! Right, kids?"
Eori's mother, chatting warmly with my mom, turned to her children. The answer was a foregone conclusion.
"Heehee! Yes!"
"Yeah, yeah. We haven't been here long, ma'am."
"......Yes."
Eldest daughter Eori, second-born and eldest son Eosu, and third-born second son Eoji answered in turn, nodding dutifully. I approached the three siblings and greeted them.
"Hey, Eori."
"H-Heehee. Hello, young master."
Eori met my eyes and blushed, acting shy—different from her usual self. She'd been like this ever since I asked her to come to Hanyang with me last time.
"Uh, h-hewwo?"
"......Hello, sir."
Eosu stammered nervously at the sight of me, while Eoji gave a curt nod, true to his stoic personality.
"Shall we head out now, ma'am?"
Eori's father, who'd followed behind me, asked my mom. She nodded and took the lead toward the valley.
True to this regression story Joseon, you couldn't just bathe anywhere. The magistrate designated a specific valley, which locals called Dragon Ascension Valley because legend said a dragon had ascended from there.
"Take care of Si-jin for me."
"Yes, ma'am. I'll serve him with all my heart."
The valley split into two branches, making it convenient for men and women to bathe separately: Namcheon for men, Yeocheon for women. Status determined your spot too. Upstream was for elites like yangban, clerks, and magistrates, while commoners and lower classes like us stuck to the downstream shallows.
"......"
"......"
"......"
Commoners didn't love sharing water with lower classes. Even in Hwacheok Village, where we were all technically the same caste, it was the same.
"Haha! Pardon the intrusion, sirs."
Despite the sharp glares, Eori's father grinned good-naturedly. He led us behind a rock serving as a changing area and started stripping.
And there it was—the proof he had no reason to feel inferior.
Whoa. Anacondas live on the Korean Peninsula too. A black one.
"......!"
"......!"
"......!"
As Eori's father bared himself, the nearby commoners' stares shifted. At first wide-eyed in disbelief, they glanced down at themselves and hastily covered up.
"Ahem! Ahem!"
But his size was beyond hand-covering. He didn't even try, coughing dramatically to flaunt it for all to see.
"Hahaha! Haetae Boy! Over here! Boys, let's go!"
Brimming with confidence, Eori's father led us naked to the stream. The commoner men we passed reacted identically: stares of disbelief, then covering up.
Still, the glares didn't fully soften. We found the least crowded spot by the water and waded in.
"Eek! It's freezing!"
The mountain stream was icy cold. With late spring not yet fully warm, my body shivered involuntarily.
"Hahaha! Haetae Boy! Come here and show me your back?"
"......Why?"
"Gotta untie your topknot to wash your hair, right?"
Showing my back gave me chills for multiple reasons. But hearing the logic, I approached without suspicion and turned.
"You're something else, Haetae Boy. How do you walk around with this every day?"
"I'm used to it by now. And stop calling me that."
"Haha! Sure thing, Haetae Boy."
"I said don't."
Even as a lowly slave by birth, noble blood ran in my veins. Unlike Hwacheok villagers with their short-cropped or sloppy topknots, mine stood out.
Shhrrk, shhrrk.
The topknot I'd tied daily came undone. A sense of liberation I'd never felt in the modern world washed over me; my eyes closed on their own.
Aah, so freeing. How did ancient folks manage this? Oh, right—I am the ancient one now.
I chuckled inwardly, but worries about the future crept in—not the crown prince or other modern souls, but hygiene.
As a kid, low sebum meant I could get away with it. But puberty would bring greasy, stinky knots.
Wait a sec.
"Eori's dad."
"Yes? What is it, Haetae Boy?"
"Could you cut my hair?"
"Oh dear! Ma'am and Scholar Kim would have a fit!"
"Sigh, yeah, probably."
My biggest foes on haircuts were Mom and Kim Jin-sa. Mom wanted her slave-born son to hide no weaknesses; Kim Jin-sa was just a stick-in-the-mud Confucian prick who'd oppose it on principle.
"Oh, speaking of which, I hear they cut hair short at the military academy."
"Yeah, I've heard that too."
"Haha, is that why you wanna be a military officer?"
"Part of it."
No lie. Chopping this nuisance topknot—hell, buzzing my head and scrubbing with soap—was one of my dreams.
"Hee!"
Splash! Splash!
"......Hmph."
Splaaash!
While Eori's dad washed my hair, Eoji and Eosu splashed around playfully. Kids frolicking happily looked heartwarming, modern or Joseon.
Splash splash!
"Pfft...! Gah...!"
Hm? That kid over there is playing alone like a pro. If he weren't commoner stock, he'd be with Eoji and Eosu... Huh?
In the middle of the valley, one boy splashed solo. At first I thought he was fine, but a bad feeling hit me, hardening my face.
"Uncle! There! That kid!"
"Huh? What the—fuck!"
First curse I'd heard from Eori's dad. In full panic, he plunged into the water without hesitation.
"Guh...!"
Meanwhile, the boy weakened, his face sinking from view. Just before Eori's dad reached him, he vanished under.
"Pfft! Hey, kid! Kid!"
Eori's dad swam up fast, hauled him out. His tall frame let him wade back from midstream.
"Young masters! Do you know this child? Anyone know this kid?!"
Clutching the boy, he bellowed as he reached shore. Only now did nearby commoners take notice.
"Oh no! My boy! Ohhh!"
A man who seemed the father rushed up, waving a small item. He took his son, bowing frantically.
"Thank you! Kim, thank you so much!"
"No need, sir. Just doing what anyone—huh?"
"What's wrong? Boy! Boy! Open your eyes!"
The boy called Eojae lay limp in his dad's arms, pale as a ghost, blood drained.
"Oh no! Boy! Boy! What do we do! Ohhh!"
"Uncle! Stop bawling and bring him here quick! It's not too late!"
"Wha—huh?"
He'd been alive and splashing moments ago. Oxygen lingered in him; golden hour was still on.
"Hurry! Bring him now!"
I'd surfaced too and pointed at a nearby man.
"Uncle! You—go fetch the doctor! Not the village one—the magistrate's physician!"
Then yelled at stunned Eojae's dad:
"Bring him here and lay him down! He'll really die!"
"R-Right! Got it!"
The death word snapped him to; he rushed over. We laid unconscious Eojae on the bank. Kneeling beside him, I started the CPR I'd drilled endlessly in the army.
Check responsiveness first.
"Hey! Hey! Wake up!"
Hand to neck for pulse.
......Thump.
......Thump.
Pulse confirmed. Tilt head to open airway, pinch nose,
"Damn it. Hmph!"
And sacrifice my first kiss—22 modern years, 10 Joseon years—to save the kid!
"Hup! Haah, hup! Haah, hup!"
"Pfft! Guh! Cough! Cough! Hack!"
Worth every second of that aged first kiss. Moments after starting rescue breaths, he coughed up water and breathed.
......Spit it out faster, would ya. My first kiss. Fuck.
"Cough cough! Cough! D-Dad! Cough cough!"
"Ohhh! My boy! Ohhh!"
Dad hugged his revived son, sobbing. Then he bowed to me repeatedly.
"Thank you! Thank you, Haetae Boy! You saved our Eojae!"
"Wasn't just me. Eori's dad helped too. And quit calling me that."
"No way! You're Haetae Boy through and through! Look how you brought my son back!"
No, really.
"Did you see? Haetae Boy just patted him and breathed life in—boom, alive."
"Man, no wonder he's Haetae Boy."
"The real deal. Expert at saving lives."
I hadn't wanted it, but another Haetae Boy legend was born that instant.