Why Play War Games in a Peaceful Southern Land?
Why come to a peaceful southern land just to play war games? Whoosh... whoosh...! Waves crashed against the ship, spraying water across the deck. I stood there on the rocking deck, getting soaked, lost in thought. When I get home, I need to hold a big gut ritual. No, two. One for my own exorcism. And another curse ritual aimed straight at Munjong.
That fucking Munjong bastard. Cursing the king as a subject wasn't something I should do, but if people knew my situation, they might cut me some slack. First off, there was Lieutenant Na Se-hyeong, who'd beaten a local Tsushima resident half to death just for touching his stuff. And that psycho was my direct superior. Then, I'd been assigned to Izuhara's Omonpo fortress just days after arriving on Tsushima. And the kicker: Na Se-hyeong was the most dangerous bastard in the entire army.
"Ughhh... ughhh...!" Lieutenant Na Se-hyeong lay sprawled on the deck, groaning like a zombie every time the ship pitched. His face was blue as death—hell, he looked like he might croak any second. That'd be just perfect.
"Lieutenant? You okay?"
"Shut your trap."
See? Even worrying about him was bullshit. The moment I spoke, he glared daggers and spat curses.
"How dare a lowly private like you address me?"
"Not as a private, sir. As your deputy platoon leader."
"None of your business."
I'm a soldier, not some part-timer, you prick.
"Then I'll take my leave."
"Get the hell out of my sight. Right now."
"Yes, sir."
I barely held back a grimace and turned away. That's when it happened.
"Hey! You there!" A shout came from behind. Followed by another dying groan: "Ughhh...!"
Ah, for fuck's sake. What a piece of shit. I couldn't even smack him. Sighing under my breath, I turned back around.
Lieutenant Na Se-hyeong was still playing dead on the deck, but he hadn't forgotten his superior's dignity.
"H-how dare you turn your back on a superior without saluting!"
"My apologies, sir."
"No matter how high you fly, you're still a lowly worm at heart! Do you even realize that?!"
"My apologies."
"Others might overlook your arrogant bullshit, but I won't! Got it?!"
I already said sorry.
"If you get it, then lift that ugly mug of yours and scram!"
"Yes, sir. Loyalty."
"I said scram!"
Na Se-hyeong was the type who was a prick whether you did something or not. But his truly dangerous side hadn't even shown yet.
"Hey! Deputy platoon leader! Where's the deputy?!"
I was technically the deputy in Na Se-hyeong's platoon, but he was calling for the other one.
"Yes, sir! Lieutenant! You called?"
A pot-bellied uncle with grease dripping from his mouth crawled up from below deck. What the hell had he scarfed down this time? Sure, naval provisions made life easier than in old Joseon days, but packing on a gut like that was no small feat. Sergeant Won Hyeong-gyun had pulled it off, though. That pig bastard.
The de facto deputy platoon leader waddled over, belly jiggling, to Na Se-hyeong.
"Anything I can help with, sir?"
"Yeah. Tell that guy over there to fetch me some water."
That guy? Me?
"Heh heh! Yes, sir! Hey, Captain Kim!"
It really is me?!
"The lieutenant here's thirsty. Fetch some water, yeah? Heh heh."
No matter how green I was, a sergeant ordering a captain around? That didn't fly.
"Yes, sir. One moment."
"Sorry for the trouble."
If you're sorry, don't order it.
The saying about mother-in-laws who beat you being less hated than sisters-in-law who egg them on? Total bullshit here. I wanted to drown the one giving orders, and punch the face of the one pretending to apologize while passing them on.
"I'll do it."
Whether misfortune or luck, I had my own loyal sergeant.
"No, brother. Let me."
It was Upper Sergeant I Cheol-dong, whom I'd met in Hanyang. Despite losing the deputy spot to a lower-rank, lower-seniority middle sergeant like Won Hyeong-gyun, he just shook his head stoically.
"No. I'll handle it."
Why was this guy like that? Didn't it piss him off? He had backing as good as mine—his dad was General Yi Jing-ok, the northern deputy commander, a three-star equivalent in modern terms. But he'd never flaunted it. It'd been less than three weeks since we reunited, but Upper Sergeant I just did his job quietly.
"Deputy sir. Water here."
"Good."
You fucking...! Seeing Won Hyeong-gyun strut and snatch the water made even me seethe.
"Heh heh. Good work. Go rest."
Won took the bucket and sneered at the upper sergeant.
"Yes, sir."
I Cheol-dong just nodded blankly and obeyed. Haa. For real. Is this the army? The army's a total shitshow. Really.
Meanwhile, the ship pressed on toward Izuhara without pause. The island's southern hub, Izuhara was the stronghold of the So clan that had ruled Tsushima for generations. A major trade port where ships from the Yellow Sea and Jeolla's south coast docked in droves.
Proving it, a lighthouse flickered into view, followed by ships dotting the horizon one by one.
"Lieutenant sir. Almost there."
"Ugh, yeah?"
At Sergeant Won's words, Na Se-hyeong hauled himself up. Peering over the rail at the floating vessels, he bellowed nonsense at full volume.
"All hands! Battle stations!"
Ah, shit. Here we go again.
"Battle stations! Hurry! Move it!"
"L-Lieutenant sir."
Even Sergeant Won, Na Se-hyeong's personal rattle, tried to rein him in.
"It's not wartime. Why battle stations?"
"What nonsense is that?!"
He acted like he had no idea what bullshit he was spewing himself.
"Do you know where this is? Tsushima! Crawling with wako pirates! You expect us to disembark without precautions?!"
Ah, you mad bastard. For real.
"All hands! Battle stations! Hurry! What are you waiting for? You defying orders?!"
Warmonger. That was Na Se-hyeong's scariest trait. It'd been nearly ten years since the wako fights started. The garrison had shrunk from nearly a thousand to three hundred, and things were peaceful now, but he ranted about non-existent pirates.
If he wanted war that bad, go north. Why play war games in a peaceful southern land?
"What are you idiots doing? I ordered battle stations!"
Even Sergeant Won gave up and relayed the order. The deck soldiers shot me desperate looks—like stop him—but as platoon adjutant, I was powerless.
"Shipmaster! For real?"
Ask the real boss of this ship.
"Lieutenant. What the hell is this?"
Lieutenant Park, the shipmaster who'd rushed over from the stern at the commotion, confronted him with a scowl.
"Hey! You!"
But Na Se-hyeong, high on war fumes, wouldn't back down.
"Defying your superior's command?!"
"You might outrank me, Lieutenant, but command of this ship is mine. You have no authority for battle stations."
"You bastard! Need to invoke military law to obey? How dare a mere lieutenant talk back?!"
Why the fuck is he like this? Even hating Na Se-hyeong, having that idiot as my boss was embarrassing as hell. How'd a moron like that even get into the military academy? Backdoor bribe?
"Uh, shipmaster sir."
While Na Se-hyeong wasted time on pointless posturing, Sergeant Won stepped in.
"Our lieutenant was just worried the troops might slack off. Y'know, grandmotherly concern. That's all, sir. Please be lenient."
"......"
The shipmaster glared at Sergeant Won, face twisted. Anyone can see that's bullshit. He turned back to Na Se-hyeong.
"Absolutely not."
"You dare—!"
"No matter what you say, absolutely not."
I couldn't watch the farce anymore. I turned to sightsee Izuhara. Bustling with ships, it looked way more prosperous than Hita-katsu. Beyond the big castle, tiled roofs dotted the landscape. Dozens of docked ships filled the harbor, and plenty of folks in pants caught my eye.
...Why's pants the benchmark for prosperity?
Anyway, Izuhara's standout feature was the lighthouse on a lonely cliff. Towering ten stories high, it sat in a fortress of gray cement walls. That was Omonpo—our platoon's home for the next three months.
"What if wako are hiding among them?!"
With that bastard too.
"How could they be wako? Pay 'em right, and they work fine."
"You think they won't buy swords with that pay and raid Joseon folk?!"
"They'll buy rice and clothes. Why raid? Haa! Enough! Just stay put!"
"Did you just sigh?! You bastard!"
"All hands! Prepare to disembark!"
"You! We're talking, where do you think you're going?!"
Haa. For real. Hopeless. Utterly hopeless. Why'd I join the army...? Regretted applying to the military academy sometimes, but seeing Na Se-hyeong tumble into the water on disembarkation eased my frustration a tad.