Now I'll Live for Myself

"I wish!"

At A-rank hunter Kim Seolyeon's cry, the air began to freeze in an instant. Crystals formed in the white breath she exhaled—her mana had plunged the temperature in a single breath.

Ten years I had listened to that incantation of hers. No matter the circumstances, as long as I stood beside Kim Seolyeon, I wasn't afraid. Even if what loomed before us now was a Demon—a thing no one had ever found a way to kill.

Her jet-black hair bleached into pure white, and around her, a colossal palace of ice rose into view.

-KUOOOO!!

The worst monster ever to set foot on Earth through a Gate Outbreak. A beast humankind had never once slain in all its history. We called it a Demon.

The creature's overwhelming presence and the ice palace Seolyeon had conjured squared off against each other.

-KWA-AAANG!!

"Seolyeon!"

The moment it seemed to be over, I hurried to her side. Her skill placed an enormous strain on body and mind alike—the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠instant after it ended was always her most vulnerable.

"You did great."

I quickly pulled out a handkerchief and offered it. This was my role, plain and simple. The one position I could never surrender to anyone—a place I had kept for ten years.

"Ah. Thanks."

Kim Seolyeon snatched it from me as though it were her due, then swept her gaze around and barked, "Situation clear! Check for civilian casualties, secure the perimeter, and we withdraw!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Under her command, each of us finished the work our post demanded.

And then.

"Seolyeon, when the guild report's done, come to Exit 3."

"Why?"

At her puzzled look, I grinned like an idiot. "Come on, remember what you promised? I booked that fine dining place you said you wanted to try. Did you forget?"

"Ah..."

She hesitated over something, then frowned at me. "I have plans. Let's do it another time."

"Another time? I already made the reservation. You said you'd go last time."

"Whatever. Later."

I couldn't say a word as I watched her coldly turn her back and leave through the gate. Because—

"Pfft. And he acts like they're some real couple."

"Ugh, if only I'd been childhood friends with an A-rank hunter too. No skills to speak of, but he rakes in a fat salary playing at being a hunter."

"Hey! Quit screwing around and go grab the equipment! Every single one of these costs as much as your monthly pay!"

Everyone in our guild—everyone except Kim Seolyeon—was against me.

By the time I dragged myself home from a punishing day of work, it was already past ten at night. It was a perfectly normal quitting time for a supporter, but today of all days it had drained me completely.

"Haah."

I sank down in front of the sofa, cracked open a beer, and set it on the table. Normally, right about now, I should have been enjoying a lovely dinner date with my girlfriend at an upscale restaurant.

"I suppose congratulating her is the right thing to do, huh?"

Murmuring the self-mocking words to myself, I took a swig of beer. Without this stuff, I wasn't sure I'd have made it through today.

"Hooah!"

She used to be so kind, used to laugh so easily. At some point, so much had changed.

"Maybe it would've been better if we'd never awakened at all."

Kim Seolyeon and I awakened at the same moment. Even that, I took as fate, and I devoted myself to her all the more—so that I could keep the promise we made that day. And yet.

Kim Seolyeon had soared into an A-rank hunter, while I sat in a one-room apartment, cracking open beer cans alone.

-Beep.

Drinking alone in the dead-silent room had left me oddly melancholy, so I turned on the TV. Just as the boisterous chatter of celebrities was starting to lift my spirits, the screen switched to the news.

"Huh?"

No way. Sure, we'd grown distant lately, but we were still a couple. Seolyeon, cheating on me?

"Typical media vultures."

No wonder they're called trash journalists. If it'll get clicks, they'll inflate nothing into something and run it as a scoop. I rubbed at the unease spreading through my chest.

"Ten years. That's how long we've been together."

I wouldn't be that pathetic man who wavers over a single breaking news report. Steeling myself with that resolve, I downed the rest of my beer in one go.

"Hooah! Let's make tomorrow a good one too!"

I got to the guild early the next morning and buried myself in the backlog of paperwork.

"Emergency dispatch support costs from the Gate Outbreak, equipment receipts here, standby fees for Team B—and we had a healer on standby this time too..."

When this much money changes hands in a profession, the paperwork you have to process is staggering. One mistake and we'd be plastered across the news as "Major Guild Suspected of Tax Evasion," so I had to go through everything with both eyes wide open.

"Lots of outside dispatches, I see..."

One name jumped out from the stack of documents. My girlfriend, Kim Seolyeon. A whole pile of receipts she'd run up on her out-of-town trips.

Well, she'd be busy.

She'd become an A-rank hunter in her mid-twenties. Talent like hers, plus that face—of course the whole world wouldn't leave her alone. She was even being tipped to reach S-rank within five years.

Considering there were fewer than ten S-rank hunters on the entire planet, it was an extraordinary assessment. That was why our guild threw its full weight behind her support. To what degree? Even the guildmaster would bend over backward, fawning, whenever Seolyeon was in the room.

"Haah."

Then yesterday's breaking news flickered through my mind. A private meeting with the most popular S-rank hunter alive.

It was probably just a photo snapped during a business trip between guilds. That was all.

Here it is.

Looking over the receipts and itemized expenses from the past month, I counted eight meals with Kwon Dohyuk, the S-rank hunter of Asterion Guild.

Eight is... kind of a lot, though?

Eight times in a month meant meeting twice a week. That was more often than she saw me—her actual boyfriend.

"..."

But nothing was confirmed yet. With that thought, I turned back to the remaining paperwork.

I'd cleared most of the mountain of documents when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Still not done?"

It was Kim Changhoon, the coworker who'd joined the guild the same year I did. He'd been riding a hot streak lately, climbing all the way to Team Leader. What business could he possibly have seeking me out?

"What do you need?"

He was the type who picked fights with me at every turn, sneering that I enjoyed special treatment just for being Kim Seolyeon's boyfriend. No kind words had ever passed between us, and for that reason he'd never once bothered coming to find me before.

"Saw the news yesterday. If you two broke up, you should at least say so. We're joining cohorts, aren't we?"

"We didn't break up."

"What?"

I already knew what Kim Changhoon was getting at. To begin with, nobody at Deungcheon Guild thought well of me. A nepo hire leeching off his talented girlfriend—that was the extent of my reputation.

Kim Changhoon looked down at me with a dissatisfied expression, then spoke up.

"So you're still together? Even now?"

"That's right."

"Haah..."

Heaving a sigh, he pressed a hand to his forehead and glared at me with undisguised contempt. I was used to this by now, so I kept my face calm.

"A grown man playing kept man to a woman—isn't that embarrassing?"

"I've never thought of myself as a kept man."

All the supplies and tax processing a Gate raid required. The government compensation for a completed raid, and the income tax that came with it. I handled every last piece of the administrative burden so the hunters could pour themselves fully into clearing Gates.

All for the woman I loved.

"You do the exact same work as any other office drone, but your paycheck's different, isn't it? Admit it."

"I'm receiving the base salary granted to every hunter. That's all."

"You? A hunter? Seriously? You actually believe that?"

I was sick of it. Sick of Kim Changhoon's gaze. Sick of the coworkers whispering behind my back without a word.

But what let me endure it was Seolyeon—and only Seolyeon. I'd sacrificed everything I had for her alone. Though honestly, I never thought of it as sacrifice.

Because Seolyeon's happiness was my happiness.

"Believe me or don't. If it bothers you that much, report me to the Association."

After all, it was the Association that had certified my hunter license. Falsely claiming a hunter's qualification carried punishingly severe penalties—on top of which, it would be a direct blow to their credibility. Kim Changhoon knew all of this perfectly well.

"...Right."

With one corner of his mouth curled up, Kim Changhoon looked down at me for a moment longer, then turned on his heel and vanished. When I glanced around, the other guild members who'd been watching our exchange were hastily looking away.

No one anywhere is on my side.

I knew that already, but today of all days it left my chest hollow. I didn't think I could get through the rest of the work with this feeling sitting on me, so I stepped outside for a moment.

Get a coffee. Clear my head.

Leaving behind the mountain of paperwork that had already decided tonight's overtime for me, I headed down to the first floor of the guild building.

And I witnessed a scene I couldn't believe.

"Uh...?"

My girlfriend was smiling radiantly, arm in arm with a man I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠didn't know. And at the very edge of my vision, in the corner of the café, Kim Changhoon stood with his arms crossed, wearing the smug face of someone watching his envy pay off.

Now was not the time to care about Kim Changhoon. Forcing a smile, I approached my girlfriend. There has to be some misunderstanding. Right?

"Can you explain what's going on?"

She had clearly seen me walking toward her from a distance, yet Kim Seolyeon's expression didn't waver. If anything, she looked at me as if I were the one out of line.

"Can't you tell just by looking? We ended ages ago. How long are you going to cling like this?"

"Ended? When? Why all of a sudden?"

"Haah."

With a look of pure disgust, Kim Seolyeon stared at me in contempt—then flung her hand wide and laced her fingers with the stranger's.

"Right now! Happy?"

"Wha...?"

Just a little while ago, we had loved each other. Surely we had. Then what, exactly, was this?

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Kim Seolyeon stared at me with her features twisted as if she were looking at garbage. Around her, guild members snickered behind crossed arms or leaned in to whisper to one another.

Standing in the middle of it all, I asked her in a shaking voice:

"We promised we'd move forward together. At the Gate Outbreak, that day."

The day Kim Seolyeon and I awakened together. We had leaned on each other and promised to see each other through until we both became S-rank hunters. I had never once forgotten that promise.

"Back then, I thought you'd awakened too. But you didn't, did you?"

"What are you talking about? I did awaken. I told you—the White Night Ice Palace you use was granted by my Extremity skill in the first place."

"That story again?"

Kim Seolyeon's brow furrowed as she glanced around briefly. Then, with a crooked smile, she opened her mouth.

"You claim that precious Extremity skill of yours is EX-rank? No such rank exists anywhere in the world. And even if you really did awaken some kind of supporter skill—!"

Raising her voice as if she'd been deceived all this time, as if she'd been wronged, Kim Seolyeon glared at me.

"Then why do you still only have one skill? You've cleared so many Gates—so why? Huh? Answer me!"

"I told you. When I first granted you Extremity, I gave you all my accumulated experience points along with—"

"No skill like that exists anywhere on this planet! Do I look like some naive child who'd still fall for that lie?! Do you think I'm easy?!"

I never imagined she doubted me. Even when every guild member cursed me as a gigolo, even when the whole internet did, I had believed Kim Seolyeon alone would stand by my side.

Truly. So I decided to prove it. Once I showed her my skill was real, surely we could go back to the way things were.

"Fine. I'll show you. My skill..."

"Aigoo, how long are we supposed to stand around and watch this? Hm?"

At that moment, the man who'd been holding hands with Kim Seolyeon suddenly stepped in front of me. Bronze-tanned skin, a massive frame a full head taller than me, upturned eyes, and a mouth twisted in mockery.

The ace of Asterion Guild. The S-rank hunter, Kwon Dohyuk.

"You said your piece. Now get lost. Seolyeon's mine now. She's been with me all night since yesterday—catch my meaning?"

"So what?"

I still hadn't betrayed my faith in her. Yes, we'd spent the night together before. But nothing had ever happened. Kim Seolyeon was that kind of woman.

The kind who would keep her purity until the day we married. Devout and—

"Ngh♡"

A moan I had never heard from her before. An expression I had never seen on her face. And Kwon Dohyuk's contemptuous eyes above it. I couldn't see where his hand was, hidden from my line of sight.

Only—

"So what," he says. You really don't understand what he means? Honestly?

Her head hung low, her face flushed scarlet, filled my entire vision.

"That's not it, right? Seolyeon. Tell me."

I wanted to hear it from her—not from Kwon Dohyuk. There was no way. More than ten years of devotion. Everything I had, offered up for your happiness alone.

You would never betray me. Right?

But dashing that hope, Kim Seolyeon lifted her head. And an expression I had never once seen on her face filled my eyes.

"Ah..."

There was no answer. But her face said more than any answer could. Everything I had believed until this moment was being denied, all at once.

In the delusion that the world itself was crumbling, Kwon Dohyuk's voice rang in my ears.

"Ten years leeching off a lie—that should've been enough, no? You got any conscience at all?"

A lie? A conscience? I had never once spoken a falsehood. I had worked myself to the bone so that I would never become a burden to her as she climbed higher and higher.

I had never looked up at the sky and felt ashamed for even a single instant.

"You heard him. Get lost."

Everything after that, I don't remember. I made it out of the building and just ran. I ran, and kept running.

Night fell, and I collapsed in a deserted alley and sobbed until my throat gave out.

On hands pressed against the ground—the sour reek of garbage stinging my nose, the pavement slick with something unidentifiable—I cried until my voice broke.

Through the setting of the moon and the rising of the sun. Without stopping.

"Ahh..."

My white dress shirt had yellowed overnight and reeked of mildew, and my tie was gone—who knew where. My throat was wrecked; every breath felt like swallowing needles, and my body hung limp as water-soaked cotton.

"Yeah. Okay. I get it now."

Only now did I grasp reality. I had been thrown away. Me—who had poured everything I had into Kim Seolyeon as she climbed from F-rank all the way to A.

So then.

"Give it back."

She'd never ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hear me say it. But just as she did to me—so would I take back what's mine.

"Extremity Release."

Ten years ago, we were given a blessing while still underage: our awakening as hunters. And because of it, we believed we would stay together for the rest of our lives.

I had never once imagined a future like this.

"I'm done living like a sucker."

From now on, I live for me.