I'll Smash My Own Head

I lived a life of envying others.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

The moment I realized that was inferiority complex was when the thing called the Tower appeared.

After that change dropped onto the world, I heard that some people would awaken in response to it.

Unfortunately, I never got to be part of that story. Even with a catastrophe like that, nothing about me changed at all.

The world transformed dramatically. Meanwhile, I remained a jobless bum without so much as a proper career.

Today, once again, I was just another ordinary unemployed young man, wasting time on the internet with no path forward.

As always, I planned to kill the hours staring at my smartphone.

With a heavy heart, I headed for the Awakening Gallery.

And ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠once again, I began carefully reading through the posts that had managed to snag attention among the internet ghosts.

A lot of recommended posts piled up while I was asleep.

"…The comment section is legendary."

The ones who write shit like this are the worst kind of scum. What possible reason could there be to come all the way to a gallery full of hunter hopefuls going haha and hoho just to post something like this?

"…Haa."

…Just for fun, probably. Because watching people thrash around is hilarious. You pieces of trash.

The reason every gallery is drowning in garbage posts in the first place is simple: dopamine deficiency. Who bothers being polite on the anonymous internet? As long as you can pull aggro, as long as you can harvest some dopamine, that's enough.

"…"

I know that.

Still fucking gets under my skin.

Some of us can't even land a single part-time job and just rot inside our rooms.

Hmm.

Just the same old posts as always.

The same recycled templates filled the recommended section's empty space over and over again.

Boring. Most of the users were unemployed hunter hopefuls, so everyone just wrote about the same experiences anyone could have.

I'd rather someone was trolling — at least then I could laugh while reading. It wouldn't feel this stifling.

"…Me too. Line."

People can't live without food. I didn't have money to get through the day, but food was the kind of thing you could sometimes get even without cash.

…I didn't usually write posts in the gallery. But there was a reason I checked it every single day.

The reason I had dozens of accounts.

The reason I almost always won giveaways.

I switched between accounts with practiced ease and left comments.

Gotta eat.

I couldn't even afford delivery anymore, so I had to do stuff like this. Even instant ramen was getting old.

"Ha."

…I felt pathetic about myself, but there was nothing else I could do.

I refreshed over and over, hunting for new recommended posts. Just to fill the dopamine deficit.

But with no bait left to stir up, the gallery was drowning in garbage.

I closed it and immediately went looking for another hit of dopamine.

YouTube. The place where people uploaded their daily lives. The place where they flaunted their money.

Monster power rankings. S-rank hunter power rankings.

Class pros and cons, how to find a party, and so on…

It was packed wall to wall with hunter content. Every single video completely useless to me.

But even if I ignored those, the hunter vlogs came flooding in — their absurd adventures.

Videos of killing monsters, clearing the Tower, printing money off the items they found.

Daily-life footage that felt more like watching an anime.

Hunters flaunted their power and showed off the money they raked in — pure exhibitionism made flesh.

This was just the flow of society now. Even if I wanted to look away, I couldn't escape it.

I hated these videos. The way people got so full of themselves over nothing but good luck made my inferiority complex flare up.

My efforts had turned to foam in an instant.

And they got everything just because they were lucky.

Hunter ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was the dream job everyone wanted. In this changed world, it was the right to make a living.

Even a personality-disordered, zero-experience jobless bum could climb the Tower and make money — as long as they awakened.

But all of it came down to luck.

Awakening was luck. The people who could gain power were a tiny minority.

Some were born already awakened. Sometimes it suddenly happened to an old man on the verge of death. Both were common.

Awakening was an unpredictable unknown.

If you weren't chosen — if you weren't lucky — this was a world where even doing anything was hard.

"Ah."

…I realized, yet again, that I'd failed the interview.

We'll contact you later, my ass. If you weren't going to hire me, don't give me hope in the first place.

You enjoy toying with desperate people? You fucking bastards.

…It was so miserable. I hated myself for not being able to land a single proper job.

And yet the world kept turning just fine. The alienation was almost surreal. Someone out there was living loud and proud on nothing but good luck.

Just thinking about the money I had to pay next week made the road ahead feel pitch black.

"Haa."

I want to awaken too.

I want to enter the Tower and freeload my way through life.

Life was shit. So I decided to at least wet my throat with a drink.

Checking the last of the money in my wallet just to scrape together a single bottle of soju — the sight of myself was pitiful. I felt like I might cry.

"Why is my life like this…"

Once I finished the bottle, my head spun. I started muttering to myself. My alcohol-fuzzed brain seemed to have forgotten what self-restraint was.

"Why am I the only one who can't awaken… Why is it only me."

Just complaining. Complaining that nothing ever went my way.

Nothing more than a drunken rant, spilling the words I'd been holding back through tears and snot.

But it was sincere — not a single grain of falsehood in it.

"It's so unfair…"

I'd lived diligently. Sure, now I melted time away browsing galleries, but I'd studied hard. I'd gone to a good university.

Then the Tower appeared out of nowhere.

Monsters showed up, and suddenly studying alone wasn't enough to do anything anymore.

Who was it that said a carefully built tower never falls?

Mine vanished overnight. And no one even acknowledged it.

"…Ugh."

It's all because of that Tower. My life got ruined because the Tower ruined the country.

Selfish bastards. So the incompetent can just go to hell? No ability means you deserve to die?

Fuck. Awakening.

I want to awaken too.

I want to freeload through life too.

I want to sell items from the Gates and get rich…

How long do I have to keep living like this.

Sitting at a desk hunting for mediocre part-time jobs, lying in bed sleeping — the same boring loop, over and over.

Gates opened, and a massive Tower rose in the middle of the city.

Towers so tall you couldn't even guess where they ended appeared in every region.

No one knew who built them or what they were made of, but one thing was certain.

Climbing the Tower made money.

Even a D-rank hunter didn't have to worry about making a living. Just being able to fill your own rice bowl would be enough.

"I want to make money too…"

Ordinary people who hadn't awakened could barely find jobs. Even convenience store gigs prioritized the awakened for security reasons.

And it wasn't just part-time work — everywhere prioritized the awakened.

This country had long since become a playground for the awakened, the ones called hunters.

At this rate, I'm going to starve to death. You think surviving day to day on giveaway posts is easy?

You need a VPN, you need to make accounts.

Then you have to leave "line" comments, and write a few posts so you don't get caught.

…Ah.

What the hell am I even doing.

"God…"

Life was exhausting. I'd wanted to just drink myself stupid, and I hated a life where even that wasn't free.

If I just keeled over right now, would some miracle happen?

…Or maybe if I smashed my head open with this soju bottle, something would change.

"…Huh."

Come to think of it, people say that in moments of crisis, humans can draw out several times their normal strength.

Maybe awakening works on a similar principle?

If I put myself through a crisis just short of dying, maybe something would happen.

"Let's die."

All or nothing.

Opportunity doesn't come unless you stake your life on it.

So.

I'm going to smash this soju bottle over my own head.

My life had already become one without any lingering attachments anyway.

Either my head splits open and I die.

Or I awaken.

One of them has to work.