Chapter 103: Bleh
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 103: Bleh
What was that supposed to mean?
Wash me?
No.
Not even just wash me.
Be washed?
“Gekgek.”
That’s not something you do to family.
“Shhh-ri-rik…”
At some point, Swish-Swish had joined in, her tongue flicking.
Just as I had with the raptor named Blue, I held out both hands and tried to calm the Snake Queen and Swish-Swish.
“Come here.”
“Piiik.”
Calm down.
“Gegegek.”
We’re family, aren't we?
Even if it’s only on paper.
“Surely you don’t intend to meet the former King of Birds in that filthy body of yours, do you?”
Filthy?
That’s a bit harsh.
Sure, I haven’t touched a single drop of water since leaving the swamp, but I wouldn’t call myself filthy.
Oh, and I fell into the water while sparring with Old Man Compy.
Doesn’t that make me relatively clean?
I tried to communicate by gekking, but the Snake Queen wasn’t listening to my excuses.
“The Snake Queen’s companion is going to make his first impression. Shouldn’t you be polished to a shine?”
Her words made sense.
In a way, my situation was like that of a noble lady making her social debut.
Especially since the one known as the Snake Count had already declared me his companion.
Even a poor family would have dressed their daughter in expensive clothes and dolled her up as much as possible before sending her off.
But she didn’t understand.
Wild animals don’t wash themselves often.
They do have a tendency to keep themselves clean to avoid things like bacterial infections. Even if they don’t wash, they might lick their bodies clean.
Of course, that’s for mammals.
In the reptilian world, that’s considered heresy.
To be more precise, among large, predatory reptiles.
There are various theories and research findings about the teeth of a Komodo dragon.
That their teeth have a serrated structure, or that they’re coated in steel.
Or that they have venom glands.
Or even that a Komodo’s mouth is teeming with bacteria that it uses as poison.
A Gomodo, in a way, could be considered a subspecies of the Komodo dragon.
Without my dragon scales, I must look like a very large Komodo monitor lizard.
And she wanted to wash a body like mine?
Unacceptable.
“Gekgek!”
I let out a valiant cry filled with that sentiment.
All while maintaining my pose, arms spread wide to hold back Swish-Swish and the Snake Queen.
“Come here.”
Absolutely not.
I know what you’re planning!
“Hmm…”
The Snake Queen hummed, crossing her arms.
Thanks to that, her internal energy pouches gathered together.
“Are you really not going to come?”
Her already magnificent internal energy pouches became even more magnificent.
“Gegegek.”
Hop.
“What a good boy.”
…Huh?
What just happened?
I had fallen for the Snake Queen’s ploy without even realizing it.
For a lizard of my caliber to make such a mistake.
I had withstood the Human-faced Bird’s brainwashing, but could the Snake Queen’s brainwashing abilities be even greater?
“Piiiik…”
Swish-Swish looked at me with what seemed to be a pitying gaze.
“Gegek…”
Sorry, Swish-Swish.
I guess I’m just a male lizard, after all.
The Snake Queen lifted me up as I dangled between her breasts.
“I shall wash every nook and cranny.”
Is all this really necessary?
“Gekgek.”
Though I didn’t really feel like refusing.
“Kek-kek.”
“What is it now? Imitating that old man’s cry. Your expression is strange, too.”
What could I do? The Snake Queen herself was going to wash me.
But is there even a place to wash around here?
I doubt there’s anything inside the temple.
It only looked like a temple; the place was ancient.
Nothing inside was in working order.
The blades meant to stop intruders were rusted, and the boiling oil had long since hardened.
There was no way a facility for bathing could exist.
With that thought, I looked at the Snake Queen.
Were we going out?
That wouldn’t be so bad.
The Snake Queen brought one hand to her mouth.
Her slender fingers passed her red lips and touched her cheek from the inside.
With her usual expressionless face, the Snake Queen lightly pulled at her cheek.
“Bleh.”
The Snake Queen’s tongue naturally lolled out.
Just like a snake, she was hiding a rather long tongue.
…But why is she suddenly showing me her tongue?
No.
It wasn’t just her tongue; it looked like she was showing me the inside of her mouth.
“What are you doing? Get in here.”
…Is she telling me to get inside her mouth?
No, come on.
I may have gotten a lot smaller, but I think that’s physically impossible, you know?
And even if it were possible, why should I go in?
I may look like this, but I’m a Divine Beast.
I have the dignity of a Divine Beast.
I think she’s trying to get revenge because I teased her for laughing earlier, but this is just wrong.
Swaaaah.
Suddenly, a mist coiled around her body.
A mist that filled the entire temple.
I knew what it meant.
The Snake Queen’s true form had appeared.
“Saaaaaaaaak!”
The moment she transformed into her true form, the Basilisk let out a great roar.
“Gekgek!”
Why are you suddenly doing this?
I’m scared.
“Hmm, when I take this form, I just feel like I have to roar.”
Even with a snake’s head, it seemed she could speak human language.
Perhaps she had kept only her vocal cords in human form.
I wasn’t sure if that was possible, but if a horned horse could talk, why couldn’t the Snake Queen?
But a question arose.
Why did she suddenly return to her true form?
The only time I had seen the Snake Queen’s true form was the first day we met.
Which meant that, unless there was a special reason, she preferred to stay in her human form.
“Didn’t I say I would wash every nook and cranny?”
The Basilisk opened its massive mouth wide.
To exaggerate a little, its nose touched the ceiling and its jaw touched the floor—it was that overwhelmingly large.
Before, it made a sound like “bleh,” but now it was more like a great, gaping sound.
Wait a minute.
Let’s think about the joke from before.
She opened her mouth and told me to get in.
…Was that a joke?
She must have realized I wouldn't fit and immediately dispelled her human form.
My clever lizard brain started whirring.
And it warned me.
Wiiiing.
“What are you doing?”
The Basilisk’s eyes stared right at me.
The long, vertical pupils of a snake.
Eyes that could freeze my body even without the Gaze of Petrification were staring intently at me.
“Get in.”
Get in?
What do you mean, get in?
Bubble, bubble.
An enormous amount of poison began to pool inside the Basilisk’s mouth.
Let’s think this through.
The Snake Queen declared she would wash me.
And I just so happened to be in a miniaturized state.
Which meant I could fit into that massive mouth with ease.
And that mouth was filled with poison.
“Gegegegegek!”
So, you’re going to wash me with the poison in your mouth?
“Didn’t I say I would wipe you down in every nook and cranny?”
What exactly was she planning to wipe off?
The flesh clinging to every nook and cranny of my bones?
“Piyak!”
A savior appeared.
It was Swish-Swish, the only being who could defeat the Snake Queen.
Swish-Swish seemed to gather strength in her tail, then leaped just like that.
It’s not easy for a snake to leap.
Which meant Swish-Swish was no ordinary snake.
Plop.
No, Swish-Swish!
“Gegegegek!”
I thought you were here to help! What are you doing jumping in?
Splash!
Without a second thought, I followed Swish-Swish and plunged into the Basilisk’s mouth.
“Shhh-ri-rik…”
I had to get Swish-Swish, who was swimming in there, out of…
“Gekgek?”
Swish-Swish was swimming around perfectly fine, playing.
As if she had played in the Snake Queen’s special-made pool many times before.
“…Honestly, did you really think I would drop my companion into a pool of poison?”
“Gek.”
It looked like poison, but it seemed it wasn’t.
…At the very least, it had to be saliva.
Well, there are people in the world who are crazy about saliva, so maybe this is fine.
Chiiiik….
The impurities on Swish-Swish’s body were disappearing at a rapid pace.
A liquid that was neither ordinary poison nor water.
It seemed to be a convenient liquid that didn’t harm the body but could remove impurities.
“Gekgek.”
You should have told me sooner.
Its appearance was a little unsettling, I had to admit.
After all, I was entering a giant snake’s mouth to wash myself in the liquid pooled inside.
But if it wasn’t going to harm me, I figured I could go in.
The Snake Queen wouldn’t just snap her mouth shut on me.
“You were teasing me so much earlier.”
Even though she said that, I knew she wouldn’t do something like take revenge.
Swish-Swish was playing so comfortably, so she wouldn’t do anything weird, right?
Squish.
Squish?
“Stay still. I shall wash you myself.”
“Geeeeeeek!”
*
“Geeeek…”
My current state was probably like that of a grilled lizard skewer you’d find at a Thai night market.
I felt like crying.
I had been utterly violated by the Snake Queen’s massive tongue.
“Why are you so down?”
In contrast, the Snake Queen’s face seemed to have a strange glow to it.
It was probably because she drank the precious Gomodo-infused water.
“Gek…”
I stared intently at the Snake Queen.
The fearsome Basilisk was gone, and only the Snake Queen I knew remained.
Still, no matter how much I teased her…
How could she even think of washing my body with her tongue?
Someday, when I grow bigger than the Snake Queen, I will repay the humiliation of this day.
“Hoh. It seems this spot isn’t quite clean.”
“Geeeek!”
As I flinched in surprise, the Snake Queen let out a soft “uhuhut” and smiled.
In truth, despite my complaints, the Snake Queen’s bathhouse was quite effective.
I thought my body was clean, but various impurities I hadn’t known were there were dissolved and washed away by her poison-like saliva.
I even felt a little lighter.
The thought that it might not be so bad to enter the Basilisk’s mouth again sometime later crossed my mind, but the memory of her tongue’s texture made me immediately dismiss it.
That texture.
I didn’t even want to think about it.
It would be cheaper to just issue Tus and Pus a free pass to my Gomodo body.
Like a tragic heroine at the mercy of tentacles, I was seized by a sense of helplessness, unable to do anything but meekly submit…
“There. Learning miniaturization is certainly convenient. At your original size, taking you into my mouth would have been impossible.”
The Snake Queen licked her lips.
The tongue I was seeing now was definitely not its full size.
At this point, I could write a multi-page thesis on the Snake Queen’s tongue.
“If you need it later, come find me anytime. As a reward for getting me the Okbong honey, I will wash you as much as you like.”
I don’t need it.
See if I ever ask you to wash me again.
No, wait. I didn’t ask this time, either.
“Well, good. The princess has been groomed, and my companion is more or less ready.”
Swish-Swish was looking at a piece of a broken mirror, preening her scales this way and that.
It didn’t look like there was much of a difference, but she would probably sulk if I pointed that out.
“Now, it seems we are ready to meet Argentavis.”
Argentavis.
The original name I had guessed.
A monstrous creature that held the title of the largest bird on Earth.
And the former King of Birds.
The preparations to meet him were complete.
Just how incredible was this creature that I had to be put through this ordeal?
Manhandled by Baek Seol-hwa and licked all over by the Snake Queen.
Since the Snake Queen herself vouched for him, he must be strong.
He was the former King of Birds, after all.
And then there was the Pteranodon that saved me when I first met the Human-faced Bird.
Of course, its goal was probably to attack the creature, not to save me, but as a result, I survived.
Where the former King of Birds was, his kind would surely be there as well.
“Gekgek!”
I let out a powerful cry.
For Gomodo-Lania’s social debut.
And to subtly spread the Gaegaek faith to the pterosaurs.
…I wonder what kind of elixir the former King of Birds has.