Swordsmanship is First-Class, But Her Pussy is Third-Rate Oooh~ (1)
“Ahh...! You said you weren’t going all the way! What the hell is this?! I trusted you this time, Master Rian!!”
Rustle— Rustle— Topaz grumbled as she wiped the semen from her hair with a handkerchief.
“We didn’t go all the way, did we?”
“...Hah? You call this not going all the way?”
“Then did we? I kept my line!”
I answered confidently.
As I’ve said a million times, I’m a man who knows how to hold the line!
“Pervert... What the hell happened to your line, Master Rian?”
“I feel wronged. If I’m getting called a pervert anyway, should I just go all the way for real?”
Smooth—
I sat up and reached out toward Topaz.
If I’m getting labeled a pervert even when holding the line... might as well go all the way and own it! That’s the real win!
“Eek! ...W-what do you mean ‘all the way’?! ...O-okay! Fine! We didn’t! Happy now?!”
“...‘Didn’t’?”
“Grrrrr!!! We didn’t! Satisfied?!”
“Yeah, I’m satisfied.”
I leaned back in my chair with a pleased smile.
Spray— Spray—
Topaz pouted in clear dissatisfaction as she spritzed air freshener all over the carriage.
“Seriously... What if the smell lingers in the carriage... Haa...”
Topaz let out a long sigh, then suddenly asked as if it had just occurred to her.
“Oh, right. Speaking of which, Master Rian. I forgot about it because of the Imperial Academy stuff, but when are you planning to go to the Glacia Grand Duke’s banquet?”
“Already? Isn’t there still time?”
“If you’re going straight to the Glacia family it’d be one thing, but don’t you have to stop by the Ludwig main house first? You’ll need to start preparing the moment we get back to the mansion.”
“...Do I have to stop by the main house?”
“Of course you do.”
Topaz gave me a look like I’d asked something ridiculous.
“What if you run into Lady Coralline or Lord Ishtvan at the banquet without stopping by?”
“....”
At her words, I imagined bumping into my big sis and big bro at the banquet.
—Hey, little bro, come sit over here. Let’s have a little chat with your big bro. How long are you gonna scrape by with that tiny publishing house? I’ve paved the road for you—just come join me and...
—Our dear Rian. You trust your big sis, right? Yeah? Once this season’s banquets are over, the real heir competition kicks off. If you just show up, we can shove that Ishtvan bastard aside and...
Running into one of them would be tough enough...
Both at the same time?
No way in hell.
And if a fight broke out at the banquet, even by some slim chance?
I don’t even want to imagine it.
Of course, I trusted they had the judgment not to... but you never know.
And even without a fight, if both started their “Back me for family head!” campaigns, it’d be a headache either way.
“Yeah... Guess I’ll have to stop by...”
“Right? Then I’ll start preparing right away.”
Topaz nodded like she’d expected as much and continued.
“Oh, but Master Rian. Do you have a partner to take to the banquet?”
“What kinda question is that, Topaz? Obviously you.”
I pointed right at her.
Twitch—!
“Ugh... Don’t say ridiculous things.”
“Why? You don’t wanna?”
“...Who said I didn’t?”
Topaz’s voice turned a little glum.
“I’d be happy... but realistically, bringing a maid as your partner? What kinda talk do you wanna hear?”
“When have you ever seen me care about that stuff?”
“No... But even if you don’t mind, your family will. I don’t wanna get hated for no reason either.”
She had a point.
Even if I’d gone independent, as long as I carried the “Ludwig” name, I couldn’t fully escape the family’s eyes.
Pushing further would just put Topaz in a tough spot, so I dropped it.
“...Then nah, no one in particular.”
“Come on, Master Rian. You’ve got all these women enchanted by you, and no partner?”
“When did I enchant anyone... This is unfair.”
What the hell did she think I was?
The women I’d met recently were... Topaz, Sister Lapis, Amethyst... and if I added her, Kidian.
Huh? Wait... that’s kinda a lot.
I thought it wasn’t many, but counting them up? Four already.
“What about Lapis first?”
“Sister Lapis has to stay at Yuribellin Church.”
I scratched my cheek.
Sister Lapis was basically running the church single-handedly.
I’d been generous with donations, but money couldn’t fix everything...
And the kids were the biggest issue.
With the Glacia Grand Duchy up north, round trip would take serious time.
Couldn’t just leave the kids at the church alone, right?
And Amethyst...
Smooth—
I glanced at Topaz.
Amethyst might come if I asked... but I hadn’t told Topaz about our relationship yet.
The relationship itself wasn’t a huge deal.
The problem was, to explain it...
...I’d have to admit she blackmailed me into it.
The moment I said that, Topaz’s fondness for Amethyst would plummet.
Stuck watching that the whole trip... ugh.
My sanity wouldn’t survive.
And I planned to take responsibility for any woman I slept with.
For that, not just me—they all needed to get along with each other.
Whoosh—
Couldn’t start off on the wrong foot.
“Haa... Then Kidian? ...Nah, no way.”
“Obviously. You think she’d come? We’re not even that close to begin with.”
Say what you will, Kidian was from one of the five great families, Necroport’s heir.
I wasn’t anywhere near high-status enough to invite her as a banquet partner.
And even if by some miracle she came...
No way she’d survive a banquet.
With her personality, a crowded place like that was impossible.
But seriously, what do I do about the next work?
Thinking of Kidian made my chest tighten again.
Creep— Creep—
Letters from Kidian piling up in the study desk drawer.
Did you trick me, Master Rian?
You promised to write “The Gloomy Lady Who Falls in 100 Days”.
You promised.
You promised.
If only I could claim I’d quit writing altogether...
But since Rebeccaite had “asked” me to write the next one, I had to deliver.
Do I really have to write “The Gloomy Lady Who Falls in 100 Days”?
Tap tap tap—
No other ideas were coming to mind.
Alternatives? “Her Highness the Princess with the Bread Belly” or “Swordsmanship is First-Class, But Her Pussy is Third-Rate Oooh!?” Maybe?
“....”
Anything but “Her Highness the Princess with the Bread Belly”—I couldn’t publish that without being ready to die.
I didn’t wanna get hauled off for imperial slander.
Hell, I’d finished the manuscript and sealed it in the study, right?
My secret manuscript, never shared with anyone.
If I ever released it, it’d be anonymously on my deathbed.
Clap! Clap!
“Master Rian? What’re you thinking so hard about? Did someone good come to mind?”
“Nah... Kidian came up, so I was pondering the next work.”
“...Again? Can’t you just not write it for once... But you already told Rebeccaite you would.”
“Haa...”
“Haa...”
Topaz and I sighed in unison.
“Well, you’re not writing it right away, right?”
“Yeah. No time for that.”
“Then think about it later. Let’s handle what’s first.”
Scribble— Scribble—
Topaz pulled out a notepad and started jotting things down.
“Tuxedo check, gift prep, publishing house meeting adjustments... Oh, and I’ll send a letter to the Ludwig main house ahead of time. Meeting Lady Coralline and Lord Ishtvan together would be rough, so who do you wanna see first, Master Rian?”
“I trust you to handle it perfectly, Topaz.”
“Yeah yeah, it all falls on me in the end~. Alright, Ishtvan first then. You just worry about a partner.”
“Got it.”
The ultimate maid, as always.
Her mouth grumbled, but her hands were already scheduling everything.
Scribble— Scribble—
Partner, huh...
I let the ASMR of her pen scratches lull me into thought.
****
A few days later.
Clop clop— Clop clop—
The carriage finally pulled up to the mansion.
“Phew...”
Screech—!
My mind already felt at ease. Home really was the best.
Red stone walls, well-kept garden, and... one beggar.
The usual sight, but today it felt nostalgic—
“...Huh?”
Something weird was mixed in.
I blinked and double-checked...
No mistake.
What the? Begging?
There was actually a beggar collapsed right in front of the mansion gate.
“Master Rian... that?”
“Yeah, I see it.”
“H-he’s not dead, right?”
“....”
Shiver— Shiver—
A slight tremble—thank god, not dead.
“M-Master Rian?! What are you doing?! Don’t go near!! I-I’ll call the guards!”
“It’s fine. Can’t just leave ’em like this, right?”
Step— Step—
As I approached, déjà vu hit me.
Pretty sure this happened in front of the publishing house before...
Of course, not nearly as filthy back then... but
Smooth—
That massive “mana battery” wasn’t something you saw every day.
“...Lady Kidian?”
Still hoping it wasn’t, I called her name cautiously.
Twitch—!
“...Hic... M-M-Master... Rian?”
“....”
Kidian—looking like she hadn’t slept in days—lifted her head and barely managed a reply.