Oops, I Really Did "Church Nun Blackmail Training" (9)
“What happened in here absolutely stays in here, right? As far as the outside world knows, nothing happened here?”
“......”
*Gasp—!*
Lapis clamped both hands over her mouth, her body trembling.
‘Ri...an... is... a pervert!!♥’
She'd steeled herself for this, but...
Just how terrifyingly insane was he planning to get that he had to confirm it like this?!
*Thump-! Thump-!*
Her heart felt like it might burst, but she couldn't back out now that she'd come this far.
*Clench—!*
Lapis balled her fists, puffed out her chest proudly, and declared,
“O-Of... course. That's the confessional's rule. In the name of the Goddess!! Whatever h-happens... in here... no m-matter what!! I abso-lute-ly won't breathe a word of it! So... r-reassure yourself... ahem...!! S-So, faithful one. What troubles you today!?”
“Truth is... there are things I can't tell anyone else, but I want to confess them here.”
*Thump—!! Thump—!! Thump—!! Thump—!!*
‘I... I k-knew it!!!’
*Zap—!!*
—‘Yuris, I really want you.’
Lapis's brain short-circuited, flashing to the scene in Church Nun Blackmail Training where Eugene confessed his love to Yuris.
It had started with blackmail, sure...
But in the end, wasn't the place where Eugene bared his true heart the confessional itself?!
‘Y-Yes!!... Rian wanted me from the start!! Just like in Church Nun Blackmail Training!!♥’
The order of confession and blackmail might be a bit reversed, but who cared?!
What mattered was that her partner was Rian!
*Lean—!*
“Hic...!...H-Haa♥....I-Is that so!!♥...W-What... do you want to say!! I'll listen intently!! Tell me!...Haa!...Haa!♥”
Lapis leaned right up to the partition, eagerly awaiting Rian's next words...
“Well...”
Finally, Rian spoke.
“Your areolae are way bigger than I imagined, Lapis sis.”
“......”
*Drip*
The word ‘areolae’ slipped out so casually that Lapis froze, not even blinking.
‘...What did Rian just say?’
*Roll—! Roll—!*
In less than five seconds, a torrent of thoughts raced through Lapis's mind.
Areolae? What? Why? For real? In this situation? Did I mishear? So this ‘confession’ is about areolae? How does Rian even know my areola size? The only one who knows is ‘Nakadashi,’ right? No, forget knowing—mine aren't even that big!!
Moments later, Lapis reached her conclusion—
‘I-I must've misheard!! Hehe... yeah... I was just too worked up. Hearing things~!’
*Nod—nod—*
After all, who in their right mind would build up the mood with ‘things I can't tell anyone else’ just to drop some lunatic line like ‘sis's areolae are huge’?!
*Tremble—tremble—*
Lapis forced a smile and asked,
“....Um... excuse me? Sorry, faithful one... I must've gone temporarily deaf. What did you say just now...?”
“Huh? That your areolae are huge, Lapis sis.”
But Rian's response was exactly the same.
*Bang—!! Leap—!*
“Rian!!! What the hell have you been saying since earlier!!!”
Lapis shot up from her chair and yelled.
“H-How do you know my areola size!! And let me tell you!! Mine are just a tiny bit bigger than average!! Definitely not huge or anything!!!”
“Nah, I saw 'em. And shouldn't you not call me Rian?”
*Grind—!*
Lapis gnashed her teeth. Was that the point right now?!
“F-Fine!! Anonymous faithful one!!! When! Where! How! Did you see my areolae to say something like thaaat—!!”
“Day before yesterday, at the mansion, via letter, from the ‘areola rubbing’ you sent.”
“....!!”
*Flinch—!*
Like a bucket of ice water, Lapis's head cleared in an instant.
She had sent the ‘areola rubbing,’ that was true.
But that was to Nakadashi, not Rian...
“Y-You... just now... what... did you say?... H-How... did you... see that?... No!... How did you even know... it existed!?”
“Of course I know... I'm Nakadashi.”
“......What?... Y-You're saying... you're not Rian, but the anonymous faithful one is Nakadashi?... T-The Nakadashi?”
Lapis blinked repeatedly at the unimaginable answer.
“That's what I'm saying. If you can't believe it, I have proof...”
“....”
——*Beeeep!*
Rian's words continued, but nothing got through to Lapis's head right now.
‘...Rian... is Nakadashi?... Then... I...?’
[Rian = Nakadashi] Which meant the recipient of her ‘areola rubbing’ was Rian.
*Look down—*
Lapis lowered her head to stare at her own hands.
‘So... I... with these hands... made an... a-a-areola... rubbing... and sent it... to R-Rian...?’
*Click—*
The puzzle pieces she'd forced together now snapped into a completely different picture.
“────────KYAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
*Rattle rattle rattle—!*
If not for the soundproofing magic, her scream would have shaken the entire church.
*Creak—! Creak—! Thud—! Scraaaape—!!*
Followed by sounds of something toppling, crashing, and scraping.
“Haa...! Haa...! I-I don't believe it!!... N-No... I caaan't believe it!! It's a joke, right?... R-Right? Say it's a joke and I'll forgive you!!”
It couldn't be.
It had to not be. But...
*Creak—rustle—*
The confessional grate between them slid open, revealing a strangely familiar sheet of paper.
‘Eh?... No way?... I-Is this... th-the...?’
*Crumple—*
Irrefutable king of evidence.
It was the ‘areola rubbing’ Lapis had personally inked and sent.
Even more thoughtfully, a gold coin for size comparison lay beside it.
“KYAAAAAAAAAAH—!!”
Lapis screamed again and lunged to snatch the ‘areola rubbing,’ but...
*Snatch—!*
Too slow—Rian yanked it back first.
“G-Give it baaack!! Give it to me!! Give it! Give it! Giiiive it baaaack!! Hic!! It's my areola!!”
*Flail flail—!*
Pressing her face to the grate, Lapis reached out with tearful sobs, but...
“Hey now, why take it? It's something Nakadashi got from a fan.”
All she got back was Rian's voice stifling laughter.
“I-I'm not a f-fan...!!... I don't like stuff like Church Nun Blackmail Training!!... Hic!!... I-I just sent it to request a correction!! And it was to Nakadashi anyway!! Not to you, Rian!!”
“I'm basically Nakadashi, and Nakadashi's basically me.”
“I-I-I'll... k-kill you!!... R-Rian!!... I'll kill you... and then myself!!”
****
*Bang-! Bang-! Bang-!*
How much time had passed?
After Lapis sis's storm of hysterics finally died down...
“Uhuhu!!!....U-Uhguuuuu... Hrrgh...!!”
A sound from the floor—impossible to tell if it was laughter or sobs.
“...Lapis sis?”
“Hic!... Y-You said...!... Nakadashi... the author... was a woman... you jerk!... So why... is it a guy?... And of all people... R-Rian...?... Sniff.!.. I... re-really... sent Rian... my... a-areola... rubbing...?”
Lapis sis mumbled from where she was curled up on the floor.
“...Yeah.”
I scratched my cheek.
Honestly, I felt a little bad.
‘Didn't plan to go this far...’
But humans always want to push further when told not to!
Lapis sis's reactions were too cute, so I teased her a bit overboard.
*Thud—!!*
“Rian!!”
“Yeah?”
“Why!!.. Why didn't you tell me sooner?!”
Her voice still thick with tears.
“Would you have sent the areola rubbing if I'd told you?”
“O-Of course not!!”
“That's why I didn't tell you.”
“Y-You... youuu... are the worst!!!”
*Thud—! Thud—! Thud—!!*
Lapis sis pounded the innocent floor.
‘...Alright, time to wrap it up?’
To clarify, my idea of ‘wrapping up’ meant landing the finishing blow—not comforting her.
I hadn't planned this far, but since I'd gone this deep, better do it right!
“By the way, sis.”
“...Wh-What... now... why call me...?”
Her HP must've hit zero—her voice was barely a whisper.
“Frankly, aren't they big enough to count as huge for just one and a half gold coins?”
“They're nooot hugeeee!! R-Rian! It's yours that's small!! Mine are just no-ormal!!!”
Even sweet Lapis sis wouldn't yield on areola size.
*Leap—!*
Suddenly, Lapis sis stood up and said,
“Wait! H-Hold on... just a sec...!! Rian... if you're Nakadashi, then whose was that first ‘areola rubbing’ you sent?!”
“Oh, that? Topaz's.”
“...T-Topaz?... Topaz, the maid who comes to church with you sometimes, right?”
“Yeah. Pretended to be a woman, so I asked her for a rubbing.”
“......Really?”
*Flinch—!*
I tensed at her suddenly calm voice.
“Sis?”
“...Rian... I have a few questions? Why'd you donate so much? Planning this ‘confession’ from the start?”
“Nah, that was pure donation. If anything... felt bad seeing you struggle?”
“...Really?”
“Really. I swear.”
“...Then why model Yuris in Church Nun Blackmail Training after me?”
Now this I had plenty to say about.
“Lapis sis, that really was a coincidence.”
“...You expect me to believe that?”
“Can't force you to, but... my old church was Yuribellin, so it might've influenced the details for accuracy. But not actually modeled on you.”
“.....”
With that, Lapis sis went silent.
‘Hang in there, Lapis.’
*Nod—nod—*
It hurt my heart, but... it was all for her own good!
After this experience, she'd never send ‘areola rubbings’ to strangers again.
“Lapis sis. From now on, don't casually share personal info just 'cause someone gets mad. If it'd been a real bad guy instead of me—”
“...Rian. Shut up.”
“Yes ma'am.”
Lapis sis cut me off.
*Rustle—*
Followed by the sound of fabric shifting.
‘....?’
A bad premonition hit me.
“...Um, Lapis sis... what're you doing?”
“Hoo... Rian, you know nothing that happens in the confessional gets out, right? As far as outside knows, nothing happened here?”
“......”
Why was she repeating my opening line back at me?
“Answer.”
“Got it. That's the confessional rule.”
“Good. Then—”
The pressure from beyond the grate made honorifics slip out involuntarily.
*Rustle—*
“From now on, nothing happened♥”
