Smut Sells Like Crazy (2)
It's been ten years since I possessed the youngest son of the Ludwig Count family, Rian Ludwig.
To sum up my life here in one word—very satisfying.
Why would I have any complaints? Ah, you might think of the foul stenches or unsanitary streets that come to mind with "medieval," but nope, none of that. Soap is as common as dirt, and they even have shampoo. And that's not all—flush toilets, air conditioning, washing machines, refrigerators. Pretty much everything a modern person needs for daily life exists here.
Of course, the difference is they run on magic stones instead of electricity... but who cares about the principles? Press a button, and it works the same.
Click.
I mean, in my previous life, I didn't exactly know how the AC worked either—I just pressed the button. Anyway, this world has stripped away all the medieval inconveniences. Swords and magic exist, diverse races like beastkin, elves, and demonkin coexist peacefully—it's got all the fantasy romance without the downsides. Who wouldn't love possessing into a world like this?
...Well, except for one thing.
Slide—
I picked up the book on my desk. The title was One Night with the Knight. I'd bought it from a bookstore we supply because they said it was their top-selling adult novel right now.
Flip—
'The knight's thick arms embraced the woman. Their lips met, and that night, they became one. The night was long and beautiful.'
"...This is supposed to be erotica?"
Surprisingly, that scene was the steamiest part of this world's bestseller adult novel.
Thud!
'Haa...'
I closed the book and let out a long sigh. I wasn't expecting full-on gallery-style stuff from my past life, but...
'At least some actual smut would be nice, right?'
The fact that One Night with the Knight qualified as erotica showed just how suspiciously underdeveloped sexual culture was in this world, given its civilization level.
I could guess the reason.
'...This world really is an all-ages romance novel, huh.'
Just like they'd added all sorts of convenient items to make the beautiful fantasy world feel plausible, they'd set up some contrived reasons why loving couples don't cross that line easily.
In other words, a world where the concept of smutty stories doesn't exist.
Don't get me wrong—I said smutty stories don't exist, not that sex itself doesn't. It's just that everything sex-related is suspiciously underdeveloped, as I mentioned. You could call it wholesome, I guess... but sadly, I'm a modern guy addicted to dopamine.
Especially to me, a former erotica writer in my past life, it felt way too tame.
'I miss you... Nakadashi-sensei...'
Tears welled up as I thought of the author I admired most in my previous life.
Wipe—
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and gazed out the window. Beyond the mansion garden, a peaceful scene unfolded. A fountain sparkled with water jets powered by magic stones, and an elf merchant exchanged laughs and greetings with a beastkin customer.
"What a great world..."
Yeah, it's a truly peaceful, wonderful fantasy world. No wars, no plagues, no tyrants like in those weird novels others possess into.
But still—
"I'm only human!"
I can't live like this forever. No matter how healthy food is supposed to be good for you, nobody can eat it three meals a day. Sometimes you need that greasy late-night fried chicken.
That said... there is one hopeful thing. The people here lack sexual knowledge, but once you teach them, it grows like a seed sprouting—wildly and fast.
I've already confirmed it myself, so no doubt about that.
"Phew... alright, time to get back to it."
I sat at my desk and picked up my pen. The feel is different from tapping a keyboard in my past life, but ten years is enough to get used to it. When you're thirsty, you dig a well—if there's no erotica, I'll write it myself.
Scratch-scratch-scratch-
After holing up in my study for months, pulling all-nighters with that pen, this was the result.
Childhood Friend Rape
Look at that title! Beautiful, right? The content? A blonde bombshell childhood friend secretly slips her pal an Orc Aphrodisiac, then they fuck like dogs—her fucking him, him fucking her. The whole thing.
Build-up? Plausibility? Cut that crap. Instead, I crammed it full of stimulating dialogue and descriptions no one in this world could even imagine, from start to finish.
'The transmigrator unleashes Hitomi on fantasy!'
Knock knock—
"Master Rian. I've brought tea."
"Yeah, come in, Topaz."
Creeeak—
The door opened, revealing a familiar face. Soft brown hair, brown eyes, flawless white skin.
"...What are you staring at, Master Rian?"
It was Topaz, my exclusive maid since my count family days. As you can see, she has a basically cold demeanor, but when her expression softens, she's ridiculously cute. I brought her with me when I went independent recently.
Why? 'She's a jack-of-all-trades.'
It's not just her pretty face! She cooks great, cleans great, does laundry great, handles paperwork great... She's indispensable to me.
"Just think you're extra pretty today, Topaz?"
"...Haa, teasing me again? Whatever. Here's your usual tea."
Clink—
As Topaz set down the teacup, a subtle Darjeeling aroma wafted through the air.
"Thanks. Oh, perfect timing—you're just who I needed. Got a favor to ask."
"A favor?"
"Yeah."
I slid the manuscript stack into an envelope and continued.
"Take this to the publishing house? Tell them to print about 100 copies."
Honestly, 100 felt like a lot, but... it's my publishing house—what can I do? If I say print, they print.
"...What's this?"
"This? My erotica."
"...Erotica?"
"Yep."
"...."
In the brief silence, Topaz's blank expression twisted into subtle disdain.
"...Master Rian."
"Yeah?"
"So, the thing you were holed up in the study all night writing... it wasn't you finally gearing up to join the succession fight... you were writing erotica?"
"Yep."
I answered without a hint of hesitation, and Topaz closed her eyes, sighing deeply.
"...Haaa. I thought you'd finally gotten your act together. Should've known better than to get my hopes up."
"...."
No wonder she'd been extra nice while I was shut in the study. The tea was brewed with extra care, she brought midnight snacks on her own, one night she even dozed off waiting outside for me to emerge... Turns out she thought I was prepping for the succession war and was supporting me.
Sorry, Topaz!! I've just been writing smut this whole time.
"Topaz."
"What."
"..."
Somehow, this maid thinks adding "yo" makes everything polite speech.
"What good would getting my act together do? Why do you think I went independent in the first place? I didn't want to deal with that mess."
"...."
"If I cared about succession, I wouldn't have split off—I'd be glued to Father's side."
"Well... that's true, but..."
Topaz pouted. She wanted to argue but had no ground to stand on—it was pure frustration.
By the way, women can inherit here too, so my sisters are fighting tooth and nail.
'...What's so great about being family head anyway.'
A guy whose dream since his past life was to be a rich NEET? I just don't get it. Born into the Ludwig Count family, I could laze around eating for life... why fight your siblings over it?
"You made them fight, Master Rian."
Topaz narrowed her eyes as she said it.
"...No, how is that my fault?"
"Whose else? It's yours. Everyone thinks if you help them, they can win succession. That's why they're fighting harder to pull you to their side."
"...."
Unfair. Talk about overestimation. What can I even do to sway the count's heir position? Oh, right—one thing. Write smut.
"Haa... Anyway, you stress me out, Master Rian."
"A little stress now and then is good for you."
"What the hell does that mean?"
Slide—
She grumbled, but business was business—Topaz picked up the envelope with the manuscript.
"Sigh... So, print 100 copies?"
"Yeah, exactly. Thanks."
"Fine, I'll be off."
Creeeak—
As she opened the study door, Topaz glanced back.
"...More importantly, anything you want for dinner?"
"Hm... not really? What about you, Topaz? Anything sound good?"
"Shouldn't the maid eat what the master wants, not the other way around?"
"Anything you make tastes great to me."
I fiddled with my pen and added casually,
"Must be all the love you put into it."
"Eek...!!"
Topaz's ear tips turned beet red in an instant. Ah, there it is. Her cold facade crumbling, desperately hiding her embarrassment—it was unbearably cute.
"...What're you even saying. ...I'll be going now."
She bit her lip, glared at me, and scurried out.
Thud—
The door shut, and I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling.
"...Can't wait."
I was excited to see how my first erotica in this world would sell. Honestly, I didn't think all 100 copies would move. I was bored, I'd been a smut writer before, and hey, I own the publishing house... so why not give it a shot?
...That's what I thought back then.
Three days later.
"No way... it's selling this well?"
1st print run: 100 copies. Sold out same day.
...Same day? 100 copies in one day?
'It hasn't even been half a day since they hit the stores...'
Amazed, I ordered a second print: 300 copies. Felt generous this time.
A few hours later, I unrolled the incoming messenger bird scroll.
2nd print run: 300 copies. Sold out in 5 hours.
"...What?"
5 hours? 300 copies in 5 hours?
Something had to be wrong—I ordered a third print: 500 copies.
3rd print run: 500 copies. Sold out in 3 hours.
"...."
I was stunned by the miracle of shorter sell-out times despite more copies, when another messenger bird arrived.
Retail orders received so far exceed 4,000 copies. Bulk purchase inquiries keep pouring in, and three bookstores have proposed exclusive deals. As a precaution, we've started the 4th print run of 2,000 copies. Awaiting your approval.
"Wait, hold on—!!"
Shocked by the sudden 2,000-copy print news, I jumped in a carriage and raced to the publishing house myself.
"Holy shit."
A curse slipped out the moment I stepped down. The usually quiet street in front of the publishing house was jammed with carriages, wagons, and people.
Bang!
I flung open the main gate, and shouts erupted from everywhere.
"The 4th print's 2,000 copies need at least 2 hours for ink to dry!!"
"2 hours?! You blind? Retailers outside are ready to draw swords!!"
"Hey!! Where's the Childhood Friend Rape shipment for Store 7?!"
"It got rerouted to Store 3!!"
"Rerouted my ass—why?! Store 7 contracted first!!"
"Aaaah!! Who changed the distribution sheet without permission?! Re-sort the Childhood Friend Rape stock!!"
"Hey! Pull 10 extra copies of Childhood Friend Rape!! Emergency!!"
"No!! There are no extras right now!!"
"Then make extras!! All-nighter if you have to!!"
"Cancel everything else—run the presses on Childhood Friend Rape only!! Liquidated damages? Who gives a fuck right now!!"
Childhood Friend Rape echoed through the publishing house.
'Ahh—'
To put it in past-life terms... Childhood Friend Rape wasn't just some smut.
It was a revolution that struck right at this world's core.
Honestly, I hadn't expected this much.
"...Still."
Maybe authors thrive on attention? This reaction made me happier than words could express.
'Next one—what? Church nun? Gloomy lady? Heatstruck beastkin?'
Clatter-clatter!
Even in the carriage home, ideas poured endlessly.
"...Heh."
The moment I sat in my study to start the sequel—
Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud!!
Footsteps I never hear thundered down the hall.
...And really urgent ones.
Bang!!
The door nearly splintered open.
"Haa...!!...Haa...!!...M-M-M-Master Rian!!!"
It was Topaz. Her usual cool composure was gone. Shoulders heaving from breathlessness, eyes shaking with shame and fury.
And in her hand...
'...Ah.'
A crumpled copy of Childhood Friend Rape.
"Wh-what the hell is this!!! In Childhood Friend Rape, the protagonist is obviously you!!"
Topaz shoved the mangled book in my face, yelling.
"Wh-when did you slip me Orc Aphrodisiac and fuck me like a bitch?! Fuck like a bitch—you fucked me like a dog and made me your bitch!!!"