Chapter 32
Chapter 32
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 32
Chapter Title: A Desperate Reality
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Seeing Kalli standing there relaxed, I kicked off the ground.
—!
At the same time, my mind felt like it was balanced on the tip of a sword.
A strange sensation, as if one misstep would send me plummeting into an abyss.
A sense of crisis. A state of alert. Whatever you want to call it, the feeling surged and wrapped tightly around my heart.
—! —! —!
I kicked lightly off the ground, circling around Kalli.
There was an overwhelming difference in our power. Launching a straightforward attack with no variables would be the height of foolishness.
That's why I was aiming for a variable.
Right now, I couldn't imagine any good outcome from clashing with that sword. Yet, it was impossible for me to avoid it and land a blow on Kalli.
I can say with certainty. It was nigh impossible.
So, I came to the conclusion that I had to avoid a direct confrontation as much as possible.
“…”
Despite this, Kalli merely watched me circle her, showing no particular movement.
Her gaze, filled with an arrogance that went beyond mere confidence, was fixed on me.
In that gaze, I could instinctively feel it.
When someone truly possesses the confidence I always felt I needed to have… this is how it manifests, how it's expressed outwardly.
Kalli had that true confidence.
She could convey that confidence to her opponent with just a look.
Just meeting that gaze, my spirit felt like it might break.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong. At this speed, you won't be able to catch my attention.”
Then, Kalli spoke with a smile. Circling around her, I couldn't help but let out a dry laugh.
At a glance, it sounded like she was saying I was slow, but she wasn't looking down on me.
—Faster.
Move more nimbly and draw my attention. She was goading me.
So, I accepted it immediately. I gathered my thoughts and dispersed some of the mana focused on my spear shaft, concentrating it more on my legs.
No matter how strong you are, it's meaningless if you can't reach your target.
Naturally, I focused on each footstep, pushing off the ground to increase my speed.
Faster, so that her gaze would have to pay more attention to my movements.
An attack like the barrage of strikes from before was unthinkable.
How could I possibly face that vibrating sword?
For now, I had to execute an attack that was more of a glancing blow.
And so, the first move.
Swoosh!
The spear, slicing through the air as it advanced, was completely different from before.
It moved straight and true, parting the atmosphere without resistance. Enveloped in blue mana, the spear instantly drew a large crescent arc, its tip aimed at Kalli's head.
Then, her hand moved.
—!
With extreme focus, I watched the trajectory of her vibrating sword.
I tried to evade its path, but my spear couldn't completely escape the sword.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-clang!
The moment the sword and spear met, a bizarre grating sound, as if they had clashed dozens of times, instantly struck my ears.
Almost instinctively, I kicked off the ground and put distance between us.
Shudder!
Both my hands gripping the spear were trembling uncontrollably.
Forcing them still, I kicked off the ground again.
—!
This time, I rotated my body in a low sweep, swinging the spear forcefully as if to cut at Kalli's ankles.
And I saw it.
Standing perfectly still. The sight of Kalli lightly lowering her vibrating sword.
—!!
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-clang!!
An even harsher grating sound than before echoed, and a heavy strain shot through the hands holding my spear.
My stance, powered by a wide rotation, was strong. But my footing was extremely unstable, a consequence of trying to create a variable.
It was an attack that naturally lacked stability, and the result of the clash was… devastating.
Clang! Claaang…!
The spear, torn from my grasp, tumbled futilely across the ground, letting out a strange ringing sound.
And the aftershock left both my hands shaking violently.
“…”
Without a moment's hesitation, I threw myself forward to grab the spear, no words coming to mind.
The dry laughter, the tension in my heart—it all vanished.
‘Was I getting arrogant?’
Was I not taking this duel seriously?
Am I still under the load from Ellimiang's Consideration, like some kind of handicap?
No, that wasn't it at all.
This was me being serious, my full strength.
The foolish thought even crossed my mind: how I wished this wasn't me giving my all.
With just two clashes, I had come to a complete realization.
Shhhk.
As I picked up the spear again, I bit my lip hard.
‘Now of all times... why am I surprised?’
It was truly… truly foolish.
It's okay if my spirit breaks, it's okay to lose. Yes. I definitely thought that.
And I knew, of course, that I couldn't possibly beat Kalli in this duel.
I knew better than anyone that I didn't stand a chance.
But. Only now... did I feel like I was truly facing 'reality'.
Not the difference between her and me. But reality itself.
This utterly and completely devastating... reality.
Just how insignificant and weak my power was in this world... I felt I was only now properly confronting it.
Shhhk!
Gripping the spear shaft tighter, I suppressed the sigh that threatened to escape.
‘This... is who I am now.’
I tried my best to accept reality. But it wasn't as easy as I'd thought.
A Common trait, the limits of my spearmanship. The result of it all pierced my heart and my vision, stark and raw.
The iron spear in my hand was nothing more than a crude... and futilely ephemeral cold weapon.
Against an opponent with an overwhelming trait, or even one with an incompatible trait, it is endlessly and utterly powerless.
A dramatic result like yesterday's duel with Leonhardt, a miraculous draw born from a desperate struggle... that was just a miracle.
A result that was nothing more than all circumstances luckily falling into place.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong.”
Hearing her voice, I dazedly turned my head.
There, Kalli was looking at me, having dispelled the vibration from her sword.
She wasn't mocking me for dropping my weapon, nor did her eyes hold any judgment about the feel of the duel. There was nothing.
She simply gazed at me with a calm, composed look.
“...Don't blame yourself.”
At her next words, I was momentarily speechless.
Right now... I wasn't blaming myself.
I was just accepting reality.
“And I hope you won't lose heart thinking about your trait.”
But her following words made me flinch.
...It was as if Kalli was speaking, having seen right through my heart.
“This duel isn't something that important for you, Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Before we started, I said I would help you by clashing swords, but in reality, it was just a one-sided display of my trait. So don't try to find or place any meaning in this duel. I just wanted to test something. How strong the will of Cadet Han Cheon-seong, who accepted a duel with a student possessing a Legendary trait, would be. And if you'd really be okay...”
As Kalli finished, her expression was tinged with apology.
As if this duel was like that from the start. As if it had no meaning at all…
“No. It's alright.”
I managed a faint smile, trying to sound calm.
The hope that had swelled within me when I put on the magitech equipment had completely subsided.
But it would be ridiculous to blame someone else, and foolish to lament my own trait.
It was a reality I had to accept. I had just now accepted it.
Click.
Lowering her sword, Kalli slowly approached me.
Watching her… I calmly collected my breath.
“I can say this with certainty. You are strong, Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Among this year's new cadets, there are almost none who could beat you in a duel.”
At her words, a dry laugh escaped me before I even realized it.
‘What part of me….’
What on earth is strong about me?
The duel with her just now couldn't even be called a proper exchange. It was nothing more than me shattering pathetically, like an egg against a rock.
And even considering that, I still felt it.
Because Kalli could have easily subdued me even without using her trait.
As I was thinking, Kalli drew closer.
Click.
"......"
And as she stood before me, she looked up at me with that same apologetic gaze.
The slight difference in our heights.
Because of it, our eyes met and crossed, and a strange feeling passed between us.
The loss in the duel wasn't the issue.
What was important was that something completely different from the feeling of inner defeat I'd had against Leonhardt yesterday had struck my heart.
Right now, I was certain that no matter what I did, I could never reach Kalli. I felt that deep in my soul.
It was as if the wall of reality had strode right up to me.
I thought I could accept reality, but perhaps I had been taking it too lightly.
The difference in our traits, an insurmountable wall, was something I felt across time itself.
No matter how much I struggled and how much time I poured in from now on... I felt I had finally come face to face with a wall I could never overcome.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Right now, no cadet could ever reach me. You... you know that well, don't you?”
At her words, I slowly nodded.
Absurdly, I was being comforted by Kalli.
A mere cadet being comforted by an instructor—what an undeserved honor.
And after saying I would face reality, to have my spirit falter just a little upon actually facing it.
I was pathetic.
Shhh. As I blankly stroked my face, I had no idea what kind of expression I was making.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong. I'm sorry. I... I'm sorry.”
When she finally apologized, I quickly shook my head.
“No, Instructor. Saying that just makes me more flustered. This isn't something you need to apologize for at all, is it?”
I didn't know why Kalli was so concerned about me, but her apologizing made no sense.
For her to apologize when she had done nothing wrong.
I couldn't accept it.
“I went too far. I don't know what I was thinking, using my trait to fight a cadet... Thinking about it now, I deeply regret it. No matter how tough you are and how strongly you face reality... there's a limit. I just feel I went way too far.”
Seeing Kalli repeatedly say she went too far, I kept shaking my head.
That wasn't it.
Even if she had fought me with only her sword, the outcome of this duel wouldn't have been much different.
It's just that, with her using her trait, I felt reality all the more keenly.
So, looking at Kalli now, I actually felt more sorry toward her.
Smack!
In that moment, I slapped my own cheek hard with my free hand, the sound echoing loudly.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong!?”
As Kalli cried out in surprise at my sudden self-flagellation, the sharp, clearing pain actually made me smile.
“I'm fine. I don't know what kind of face I was making, but I'm fine. It's not like I thought I wouldn't lose this duel, and I knew full well how incredible you are, Instructor Kalli. And I figured if I was going to lose, I might as well lose big.”
My foolish heart.
It felt like the words were finally coming out right.
...Face reality, and don't run from it.
Things like this will happen frequently from now on.
If my spirit breaks like this every time, it'll just be pathetic and laughable.
“Instructor Kalli. I'd like to ask for another duel.”
Therefore.
...I need to be broken even more thoroughly right now.
Realizing my spirit had been bent, I knew I needed it to be broken dozens more times today.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong……”
Seeing Kalli call my name blankly, I activated my mana once more.
Kalli watched me for a moment, then gave a faint smile and slowly backed away. I steeled my heart.
"I have to face it."
My defeat.
And this reality.
I was only at the very first step of starting.
Yes. This is just the beginning.
As long as I can get back up and face it, that's enough.
‘So.’
It doesn't matter how many times I'm broken now.
This is all just a part of the process of growth.
"That look in your eyes right now, Cadet Han Cheon-seong. I quite like it."
Hearing Kalli's words, I couldn't help but smile.