Chapter 248
Chapter 248
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 248
Chapter Title: Kalli's Heart
-----------------------------------------------------------------
***
The way one looks at a person can change from moment to moment.
Emotions were simpler than one might think, so they were bound to show themselves directly. In that sense, Kalli was inwardly confused throughout her lecture.
“...You all did well in today’s lecture.”
Even as she concluded the day’s class, her gaze was drawn to one side.
Among the many cadets who bowed their heads in courtesy and rose from their seats, she saw Cadet Han Cheon-seong leisurely composing himself.
If the emotions she felt looking at him over the weekend were happiness and affection... things were a little different now.
“Thank you.”
“See you tomorrow.”
"You look so beautiful today!"
Even as she accepted the greetings from the departing cadets, now that the lecture was over, something was making me more tense.
The time I would spend alone with him in the afternoon.
‘Right, I should be the one to make my feelings clear first.’
I had spoken with Instructor Adelia until after midnight yesterday, and it was not a matter I could take lightly.
My future.
And it was his future, too.
As I calmed my thoughts and organized my teaching materials, I suddenly felt the unique gaze of Cadet Han Cheon-seong.
“……”
But it was only for a moment.
As I looked back at him without revealing any emotion, Cadet Han Cheon-seong didn’t show anything more either.
Publicly, we were….
In a relationship we couldn't reveal. Even though we had shared our feelings, we were in a position where we couldn't make it known.
And because of that, I was able to make up my mind.
It was like this even now.
And it would take years before he graduated from the academy and our relationship could be revealed.
...Then, a moment would surely come when I would have no choice but to make a decision. I believed it was better to steel my heart now.
‘If I could just follow my heart…’
I wanted to set aside all those external circumstances and act as my heart desired. But since I couldn't…
I had to make a proper decision.
“Haa.”
I let out a soft breath and slowly began to walk.
Later, when we have our time alone, I will be the one to decide first.
And I…
would be the one to relieve the burden Cadet Han Cheon-seong must feel... I steeled my heart once more.
My mind was already made up.
There was an unbridgeable gap between being able to have him, at least to some extent, and not being able to have him at all. That was why.
***
Strange.
Recently, Cheon-seong couldn't shake the feeling that every day was strange.
As emotions were exchanged, the number of things he had to think about increased exponentially. It made him feel like he had to be cautious when dealing with anyone.
*Step.*
Now, having arrived at her private training room for their promised session,
I started with a deep breath.
“...Let’s calmly convey my feelings.”
Meeting with Adelia yesterday had solidified my decision. Far from rejecting her, I had hinted that I would have her as well.
...So, there was no turning back.
Today, I had to properly reveal it to Kalli, the first person with whom I had shared an emotional connection.
Everything—how I intended to move forward, what I had decided. Even if I was aiming for a harem, I had no intention of deceiving the women I was with.
*Knock, knock.*
Having steeled my resolve, I knocked on the door and spoke.
“It’s Han Cheon-seong, Instructor Kalli. May I come in?”
“Yes. Come in.”
At her usual voice, I carefully opened the door.
*Click.* As I stepped inside, my eyes slowly hardened. I had to bring it up before we started sparring.
Whatever choice Kalli made in response to my words, I was prepared to accept it humbly.
“You’re... early today.”
“Yes. I wanted to see you even a little bit sooner.”
As I spoke with a small smile, my resolve didn't waver upon seeing her flinch.
Even if I was going to change my values and principles, my affection for Kalli hadn't disappeared.
The only difference was that my steps toward her had become more cautious.
*Step, step…*
Just as I reached her,
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong.”
“Instructor Kalli.”
Our voices suddenly overlapped.
“Ah, you go first, Cadet Han Cheon-seong.”
“No, you first, Instructor.”
As we both tried to yield, our words coincided as if planned, and we couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Our actions were strangely amusing, and... ironically, I felt a little more at ease.
“Alright, I’ll speak first then. There’s no point in hiding it. I met with Instructor Adelia yesterday.”
"With Instructor Adelia…”
My eyes widened for a moment, and my heart seemed to falter.
...I never expected her to bring up Adelia like this.
“Yes, we had a drink and talked about a great many things.”
“I-I see.”
As I replied, I felt my lips tremble slightly.
Somehow... it felt like she was conveying so much to me with just those words. Above all, the look in her eyes was different from usual.
“So I think you must have felt quite a lot of... pressure, Cadet Han Cheon-seong.”
“No, not at all.”
...We hadn't even gotten to the main point, but I could feel the atmosphere between us sink heavily.
“First... I want to say that I’m okay. Whatever we end up talking about, I’m alright. I hope you’ll keep that in mind.”
“By okay, you mean…”
“I mean it literally. And Cadet Han Cheon-seong. You can't be satisfied with just me, can you?”
As she curled her lips into a smirk and posed a completely unexpected question, I shook my head without a second thought.
“Th-that’s not true. Even now, looking at you, my heart is beating incredibly fast. There is no lie in these feelings."
I meant those words sincerely.
When she first showed her affection for me and advanced our relationship with such clear emotion, I was able to solidify my feelings as if drawn into her charm.
Everything from my mindset on the front lines to the realization that I needed to elevate my own standing.
It was all like a grand emotion that Kalli, she herself, had instilled in me.
“Is that so? If you say that, I’m a little grateful.”
Her calm acceptance of my words made me hesitate to say more.
The topic I was about to bring up was the complete opposite of what she had just said to me.
“……”
Her question—"You can't be satisfied with just me, can you?"—felt like it was gouging out my heart.
It made me realize anew the weight of the words I had spoken to her.
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong, you really don't have to make that face. What I said just now was to lighten the mood. I don't think you take me lightly or judge me easily.”
“...I can only be grateful that you see it that way.”
As I spoke, my words creaking out... soft breaths escaped between them.
My heart was dreadfully heavy, but I still had to say it.
Just as I opened my mouth to speak,
“Even if it means accepting your relationship with Instructor Adelia... I can accept it. It’s hard, honestly, and I’m not fully prepared yet... but still, I can accept it.”
She beat me to it.
A cascade of words I never expected poured from her.
“……Instructor Kalli?”
I stared at her blankly and blinked.
I didn't know the extent of their conversation, but I never imagined Kalli would say something like this.
“Why? Are you surprised that I’m saying this, Cadet Han Cheon-seong?”
I could only nod slightly... no words came out.
She was trying to speak lightly, as if it were nothing, but looking into her eyes, I could tell.
And since she was looking into my eyes as well, the emotions we both felt would be plainly visible to each other.
Her pupils were trembling greatly; her red eyes, shining like stars, were clearly wavering.
I could easily tell that I was no different from her.
"……."
Knowing how much turmoil she must be in to say such words... I didn't know what I should say.
*Slide.*
Suddenly, she reached out her hand, and I simply allowed it.
*Grasp.*
She pulled me strongly, and I fell into her embrace.
“...Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Why do you look so troubled?”
“No. I’m not the one who’s... troubled.”
I stopped myself as I spoke from within her embrace.
It felt like my thoughts couldn't keep up with this reality.
‘...Of course I'm not the one who's troubled.’
The person who was far more troubled and heartbroken than I, in this state of confusion, was Kalli, who was holding me now.
So I shouldn't be the one to act troubled.
“Just by looking at you, I can tell. How much resolve you must have mustered to try and make such a decision. I haven't known you for just a day or two, so I know now. I know you're different from others, and that you, Cadet Han Cheon-seong, are someone who never treats anyone lightly.”
“...Instructor Kalli.”
“That’s why I’m telling you it’s okay. I won’t ask you to look only at me from now on. That would be... too selfish of me.”
At her following words, a hollow laugh escaped my lips.
Could the word "selfish" sound any more out of place?
If anyone was selfish, it was me. No matter how different the values of the people in this world were, the woman holding me could not be selfish.
To love someone and to have them in your heart.
‘To want that person to look only at you... how is that selfish?’
What a contradiction.
Gently, I wrapped my hands around her waist and held her tightly.
*HUG!*
"Ah."
Despite her surprised sound, I had to make my actions clearer.
The fact that she had reached out to me first, that she had spoken to ease my burden—all of it was an immense act of consideration.
...And I knew I couldn't just passively receive it.
“Don’t say that. If anyone’s selfish, it’s me.”
“...Is that so?”
“Yes. To be... completely honest, I was planning to tell you everything about my stance and my decision, Instructor Kalli. The fact that I can’t look only at you... is also true. So I was prepared to accept whatever decision you made.”
I spoke calmly, but my heart wavered.
The warmth where our bodies touched and her scent made my heart desire her so much, yet I had to say those words.
And today, I felt it even more keenly.
On top of the resolve I had firmed up, I felt the reality of how I should act when I meet Ariya.
To live in this world, I couldn't hold just one person in my heart.
“...No matter what decision I made.”
At her voice whispering in my ear, I nodded slightly and gently stroked her hair.
“Yes. The consequences of my words are mine alone to bear. So if you were to despise me or come to hate me for it... I believed I would have no choice but to accept it all.”
If Kalli were to distance herself from me because of it, my heart would ache terribly, but I felt I had to accept even that.
But…
The fact that she had spoken to me with such great consideration only made her seem more lovely.
The way she revealed her heart to me, allowing this... made me feel so selfish that it only made me want her more.
"……."
She was silent for a moment, and I just held her slowly.
The reality that she had decided to accept me brought a great sense of relief to my heart.
'She said she'd accept someone as selfish and cowardly as me...'
“Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Don’t... say things like that.”
“...Was it unpleasant to hear?”
“Yes. And there’s no way I would think that. I’ve already made up my mind, so I won’t say anything like that so easily.”
*Rustle.*
...As she wrapped her arms around my neck, I found myself looking at her, completely entranced.
"Because this is how much I love you."