Partners in Slacking
"Why the disgusted face, Teach? You're going to hurt my feelings if you look at me like that."
"Ah. My apologies..."
"Just kidding. Though I know being compared to someone like me must feel pretty insulting."
"..."
She is absolutely terrible at joking.
I thought I understood that Aileen wasn't used to socializing. But clearly, I had been a bit arrogant.
To crack a joke where I had absolutely no idea how to react... Whether I agreed or disagreed, the mood was bound to turn awkward. You socially inept child. I am definitely going to fix you. I made a silent vow.
"What, not funny?"
"To be perfectly honest... yes. It was incredibly unfunny."
"Whoops. Sorry, Teach. I'm a bit socially inept."
Aileen scratched her head sheepishly and offered a bitter smile. At least she was self-aware. Her interactions with other people since childhood could probably be counted on one hand.
What about her family, you ask? Her father was cursed with terminal wanderlust, and her mother had died giving birth to her. She'd had a nanny, but... perhaps because Aileen wasn't her own flesh and blood, the woman hadn't been particularly kind, if I recalled the game's lore correctly. She simply never had the opportunity to develop social skills. But this was actually perfect. Since we were already on the topic of her social ineptitude...
"Aren't you selling yourself a bit too short?"
"No. I know myself pretty well, Teach. I mean, look at me—I'm still speaking casually to a faculty member, aren't I?"
"Uh, well..."
To be honest, so many kids speak casually to me that I don't even care anymore. Stella did it, Orca did it, and even some of the high-and-mighty noble kids naturally looked down on me. But pointing that out now would probably make things awkward, wouldn't it? I decided to keep my mouth shut.
"You seem nice, Teach, so you might not mind, but everyone else is always telling me to watch my mouth."
"If you're aware of it, why not just fix it?"
"Too much work. I don't want to."
"..."
Yes, this was the core of the problem. Among all the playable characters, who was the one in most desperate need of Hypnosis? First place, without a doubt, was Orca. Because of the devil Haze residing inside her, she was a ticking time bomb incomparable to anyone else. Forcibly putting Haze to sleep was the only way she could ever find happiness. But who was second? I could answer that with absolute certainty. It was the girl standing right in front of me. Aileen. There was no one else.
"...Since you know what the problem is, why not try to fix it?"
"Nah. I'm fine living like this. It's not like I want to socialize with anyone anyway."
"But you're talking to me right now."
"That's... just a whim. Like I said, Teach, you and I have a similar vibe. I can sense the aura of someone who doesn't want to do a single damn thing."
"..."
How on earth did she pick up on that? Honestly, I couldn't even refute it. Saving these students was only because I chose to do so. Everything else was, frankly, a bit... no, incredibly tedious. The moment I was absolutely certain everyone had secured a happy ending, I planned to resign from the Academy immediately, collect a massive severance package from the Principal, and live comfortably off it for the rest of my days. I was quite confident the Principal would send me off with a very generous sum.
"Besides, like I said, I know myself. I don't want to change, and even if I did, I'm not the type of person who can put in the effort to make it happen."
She really did know herself inside out. Leo would grow splendidly on his own as long as I guided him through various experiences. Orca just needed her devil kept in check so she wouldn't stray down a dark path. Stella merely needed to interact naturally with the other students to learn that people were worth trusting. Anastasia... was already a fully realized individual, but her issues stemmed from her relationships with others. If she could just face reality and accept the truth of her family's fate, she was strong enough to stand on her own two feet.
But Aileen? She was probably the most mentally cornered of all the playable characters. Because of her lack of social experience, she was constantly criticized by others. Yet, despite knowing her flaws, she had absolutely no desire to change. Why? Because it was too much effort. And because she knew better than anyone else that she was incapable of changing. She had fallen into a deep, paralyzing lethargy where she couldn't do anything, nor did she want to. She had completely let go of the reins, content to simply drift along with the current.
In the game, if you didn't select her as the playable character, she would continue to drift aimlessly like this until she suddenly died off-screen at some random point during another character's route. Even when caught up in major incidents, she never resisted; she just went with the flow. Even though she possessed the power to easily overcome those crises, she chose to submit. Even if it meant her own death.
"You know, Aileen. I am a counselor."
"...? I know that."
"And from where I'm sitting... it looks like you're in desperate need of treatment."
"Are you trying to tell me to get therapy? No thanks. Too much work."
"No, I want to propose a contract."
"A contract?"
Haze and I had previously formed a contract—one where the victor would claim everything the loser possessed. But that hadn't been a true contract; it was merely a wager wearing the mask of one. True to her devilish nature, Haze had intended to strip me of everything and toy with me, only to end up having her own devilishness stripped away instead. This time, however, I intended to make a genuine contract. Of course, since I wasn't dealing with a devil, it was practically just a promise. The only reason I framed it as a "contract" was because if I called it a "promise," she would almost certainly blow it off.
"Be honest with me, Aileen. Cutting open walls just to hide in cramped, empty spaces like this... it's a massive hassle, isn't it?"
"...It is."
"It must be freezing inside these walls. Looking around, there's quite a buildup of dust, and it's pitch black. Sure, you can pass the time here, but it's incredibly uncomfortable. And cutting the wall open and sealing it back up every single time you want to go in or out must be a huge pain."
"..."
"Well, I have the perfect excuse for someone like you."
"An... excuse?"
Yes. She bit. No matter how you looked at it, this was far too unpleasant a place to actually relax. It was dusty, dark, uncomfortable, and echoed. Plus, being a mere gap between walls, it was incredibly cramped. It was perfect for avoiding detection, sure, but that didn't make it a comfortable hideout. I had targeted that exact pain point, and fortunately, my prediction hit the mark. Aileen was now hanging on my every word.
"Yes, an excuse. A golden opportunity to legally ditch—er, skip class."
"And that's what this contract is about?"
"Exactly."
...Wait, this feels a bit sketchy. Using a loaded word like "contract" made me feel like some shady adult trying to groom a student. No, no, that wasn't it. I wasn't coaxing her into anything bad—I was guiding her to become a better person.
"So? What's the catch? What is this contract? Just so you know, I absolutely loathe doing work."
"I am well aware. But I promise you, this contract will be right up your alley."
"You're awfully confident. What if I don't like it?"
"Don't worry. The terms are incredibly generous."
"...Sounds suspicious."
Hey now. I'm telling you, it's a fantastic deal.
"The terms of the contract are simple. You just have to receive regular counseling from me. That's it."
"What? Did you already forget what I said? I told you, I hate doing work."
"That's exactly why I'm proposing this."
"...?"
"If you use me as your excuse, you can skip class whenever you want, can't you?"
"...!"
Exactly. No matter how much she wanted to cut class, the Academy's instructors weren't about to let her off scot-free without a valid reason. Honestly, even teachers at a perfectly ordinary school wouldn't tolerate that. But what if she had an ironclad, officially recognized excuse? For instance... skipping class on a regular basis to receive psychological counseling from the Academy's official counselor.
"I'm sure you've heard the rumors by now, but the facilities in my Counseling Room are... well, exceptionally comfortable."
"I-I did hear about that. Apparently, even the nobles were impressed..."
"There's a plush bed, gaming consoles, and an endless supply of snacks and drinks. It basically has everything you could ever want."
"...Gulp."
"No one can criticize you for visiting the Counseling Room. Especially if it's to treat psychological distress. And given the recent incident, no one would bat an eye if you suddenly claimed to be suffering from trauma, would they?"
"...!"
"And as for when each session ends... well, even I can't say for sure. Will it take ten hours? Thirty minutes? Ten?"
How could she possibly turn down such an incredibly sweet deal? There was no way. If she had never heard of it, that would be one thing, but now that the seed was planted, her imagination would run wild. She was probably already picturing herself lounging on a luxurious, fluffy bed, munching on snacks, and taking peaceful naps. She was already halfway in my pocket.
"J-just one. Let me ask you one thing."
"Ask away."
"This deal only benefits me. What do you—I mean, what do you get out of this, Teach?"
My benefit, huh? If I told her that slowly counseling and reforming her was my reward, she'd never buy it. I needed to give her an answer she could actually rationalize.
"Oh, I get plenty out of it."
"...Like what?"
"Just as you said earlier, Aileen, it's true that I don't want to do a single damn thing either. By using your 'counseling sessions' as an excuse, I get to slack off too."
Exactly. If I claimed that students were suffering from severe trauma due to the recent incident, requiring my constant, undivided attention in the Counseling Room, the other faculty members wouldn't dare bother me. I wouldn't have to spend my days running away from them anymore. This was a true win-win. A perfect strategy where both Aileen and I could achieve ultimate happiness.
"Well? Is that convincing enough?"
"...It's perfect. You've got a deal, Teach."
Aileen and I grinned, shaking hands to seal the deal.
Thus, the Slacker Alliance was officially born.