I Only Want to Hear That You Like Me
Among the things people commonly say, there’s this one: I only want to hear that you like me. There’s also the classic about how terrifying it is when someone who never gets angry suddenly snaps. The truth is, you can plug in any person and any emotion and it still fits perfectly. For example, if someone who’s always gloomy suddenly flashes a bright, sunny smile, it feels like they must be overwhelmingly happy. Or it might make you worry they’re about to do something drastic. On the flip side, when someone who always seems cheerful suddenly turns gloomy, the concern hits even harder.
The same was true for Go Yu-jin. She had only ever shown a high-handed attitude and fierce pride, yet now she was crying. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen her tears, but it was the first time those tears came from something other than frustration. The sight made my chest feel strangely tight. It looked like she was just as flustered as I was by the tears that kept falling against her will.
“Why… why is this happening… to me…”
She wiped at the overflowing tears with her hands. But they refused to stop, pouring down even faster, and because she kept rubbing at them roughly, her makeup began to smear.
“I… I’m…”
This seemed to be new territory for her; she clearly had no idea what to do. And since I’d never seen her like this before either, I didn’t know how to respond. What should I say? Did she need comfort? Space? Pity and understanding? Or maybe just a handkerchief to dry her eyes?
“……”
For now, I decided to move closer. I sat down beside Go Yu-jin and looked at her. She must not have wanted me to see her face, because she spread both hands over it, hiding completely. That left me holding the handkerchief I’d pulled from my pocket, waiting for her to lower her hands.
After a moment she shifted her fingers, revealing her mouth and nose. Even those were wet with tears. She spoke in a congested, nasal voice.
“I… I just keep getting irritated. Angry.”
“……”
It didn’t sound like she was looking for a reply, so I stayed quiet and waited for her to continue.
“I don’t know why… I really don’t… but still…”
Slowly, Go Yu-jin lowered the hands that had been covering her face. With her eye makeup smeared and ruined, she looked straight at me. Her gaze was somewhere between a glare and something softer—an ambiguous expression that was hard to read.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have any feelings for that woman?”
“…What are you asking, exactly?”
“That woman. Fresh Grape. Do you really feel nothing for her?”
“Nothing at all. I’m serious. If anything, I dislike her. I went through hell because of her. Honestly, if I had the right to say anything, I’d want to object to the boss taking her in.”
Go Yu-jin stared at me intently for several seconds, then raised a hand and pointed at the door.
“If that woman heard you say that right now, would she claim it was a misunderstanding? That you didn’t mean it that way?”
“She wouldn’t. This is how I really feel. We’re not even close enough for me to bother making excuses.”
Again, she glared at me for a few seconds.
“Then what about that other woman? The one called Fresh Grape.”
“Why are we even talking about her?”
“Just answer me. What do you think of her?”
“Think, don’t think—I barely know her. I’ve only seen a few videos and we’ve never had a proper conversation. The only thing I ever did was scare her while I was in werewolf form.”
“Then why did you carry her in your arms?”
“That was…”
It was to stop the man next to her from trying anything stupid. But explaining that would open up a whole other can of worms.
“…Well, was I supposed to ask the woman beside me to carry her instead? The person next to me at the time was Double Melon.”
“Then—”
“Then nothing! What exactly are you trying to ask me?”
I unintentionally raised my voice. I glanced at her, worried I’d gone too far, but she didn’t seem particularly upset.
“Do you have any feelings for those women?”
“I already said no.”
“Then what about me?”
“…Huh?”
Go Yu-jin suddenly threw herself at me. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body against mine. I was pushed backward onto the bed. She held me tightly, clinging to me as if she were afraid I might disappear, and whispered into my ear.
“I don’t know. I don’t understand it. I don’t know why I’m acting like this. When you look at another woman, it irritates me. When you talk to another woman, it irritates me. When I see you doing anything with another woman, I can’t stand it!”
At the end of her trembling voice, I heard her grit her teeth.
“……”
“Do I… like you?”
That wasn’t a question I could answer for her.
“What do you think of me?”
“I—”
The moment I tried to answer, she pulled back and quickly pressed her hand over my mouth.
“No! Don’t answer! I don’t want to hear it!”
“……”
Still straddling me, Go Yu-jin looked down. Her large breasts got in the way, making it hard to see her full expression. It was difficult to imagine what kind of face she was making while saying these things. She leaned forward, putting more weight on her hands to keep my mouth covered. That finally let me catch a glimpse of her face. She was still on the verge of tears.
“The only answer I want to hear is that you like me.”
Our eyes met. It was both a demand and a plea. She wasn’t going to remove her hand until I gave the answer she wanted. So I had to give the predetermined response. I couldn’t imagine what she might do if I said anything else. Would she cry again? Storm out in anger? Or maybe…
Whatever the case, I didn’t want her to do any of those things.
I took hold of the hand covering my mouth and slowly pulled it away. She didn’t resist, but I could feel a slight tension in her fingers, as if she wanted to cover my mouth again. Once free, both her hands braced themselves on either side of my face. Her face hovered directly above mine. The tears that had pooled in her eyes slid down her cheeks. One hung from the tip of her nose. I reached up, brushed it away, and gently stroked her cheek.
I didn’t want her to cry. I didn’t want to see her hurt. Was this love? Did I like her? I wasn’t sure. But even so.
“I want you to smile all the time. Crying doesn’t suit you. It ruins that pretty face of yours.”
I didn’t want her to be hurt.
At my answer, Go Yu-jin’s eyes widened. Then she buried her face in my chest with enough force that I almost expected to hear a thud. She tightened her arms around me, squeezing hard while keeping her face hidden against my shirt.
“Stay still.”
Her body trembled against mine. Every so often I heard muffled hiccup-like sounds. I couldn’t tell if she was crying or laughing. Still pressing her face into my chest, she groped around until she found the handkerchief that had fallen onto the bed and wiped her eyes with it.
When she finally lifted her head again, her expression had calmed considerably.
“Idiot. In a moment like this, you’re supposed to say I’m pretty even when I cry.”
“Your smile is prettier.”
“…Hmph!”
Go Yu-jin let out a little snort but stayed exactly where she was, staring at me. I didn’t look away either. She liked me? It was hard to believe. But I had to. If she weren’t serious, she never would have gone this far. She wasn’t the type to fake vulnerability or beg like this.
“Hey. So… does this mean we’re dating now?”
“Do we really have to put it into words?”
“Answer me.”
“Yes. We’re dating.”
I saw her face start to crumble again at my answer, so I quickly grabbed her shoulders and pulled her toward me. Go Yu-jin melted into the embrace without resistance. I stroked her hair and said softly,
“I like you.”
“I… I like you too…”
If someone asked whether I loved her, I couldn’t answer with absolute certainty. But one thing was clear: I never wanted to see her cry. And I found this honest, vulnerable side of her incredibly cute. Even while comforting her as she sniffled, I kept fighting the urge to smile.
We stayed like that for a long time, lying together with her in my arms. Eventually Go Yu-jin lifted herself up again. Her face looked much more composed. She cupped my cheeks with both hands and asked,
“Have you ever dated anyone besides me?”
“…No.”
“Why the hesitation?”
“I just thought it was an odd question to ask.”
“Hmm. Fine. I won’t press you for details. The past is the past. But—”
She held my face firmly in place and leaned in close.
“Dating me means you can’t meet other women from now on. Understand?”
“O-of course. Why are you even saying that? It should go without saying.”
“No matter what.”
“Obviously.”
“Even if you think the situation is unavoidable.”
“What kind of situation are we talking about here?”
“Absolutely. You must not do anything with another woman.”
Having said all that, Go Yu-jin squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips to mine. It was an incredibly clumsy kiss—just the simple collision of mouths. When she pulled away moments later, her face was flushed bright red. She licked her lips a few times, then covered her mouth with her arm.
“If you want to… do it, then do it with me, your girlfriend. Only with me.”
“You mean kiss?”
“…No.”
After that short reply, Go Yu-jin began to pull off her top. I caught her hands as she worked the buttons.
“Wait.”
“Why?”
“It’s just… didn’t you say back in college that you didn’t want to date men? The past is part of your record. If I keep quiet, no one will ever know we’re together, but doing this is a little different, isn’t it?”
“Are you worried about me? Or do you just not want to do it with me?”
Her eyes narrowed. Her voice grew a little sharper.
“Of course I’m saying it because I’m worried about you.”
“Then it’s fine. It’s not like I’m really breaking my word.”
“What? Mmph—!”
Go Yu-jin silenced me with her mouth. Even as she closed her eyes and kissed me, she continued slowly undoing her clothes. It didn’t seem like she would listen to anything else I might say. And honestly, I didn’t want to say anything more.
I closed my eyes and slipped my tongue between her lips.