Borderline Joke (9)

My hands and feet were tingling, and my neck felt stiff as hell. My mind was still foggy. If you're gonna sleep, just crash in bed properly—instead, I kept slumping over in this computer chair, and now my body's a total wreck. What the hell is cyberware even for... no, smartphones, where the fuck ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠did I even put mine? At this rate, I'll herniate a disk or something before ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I snap out of it.... Fuck...! It's not even my body anymore; it'll sort itself out. I grabbed the mouse and shook it to wake the monitor.

I wanted to dive into the Haven Wiki for some neatly organized info, but bad timing—the homepage was under maintenance. Fine, beggars can't be choosers. I logged into the game community and searched for 'Anastasia' instead.

Click...!

Titles, content, comments—even nicknames with 'Anastasia' in them—piled up in massive numbers. The sheer volume... honestly, it was beyond imagination. It wasn't just posts about me; way more people were playing Neo Haven Prime and using the community than in the original Neo Haven.

Of course... What was the reason? What role did I even play in this world? The more I wanted a signpost, the harder it was to suppress my curiosity. I resorted the results by recommendations.

Posts with guides, tips, or strategies that helped progression naturally got tons of upvotes. It was my little scheme to grab as much useful info as possible before my link to this world snapped. But the post statuses were... fucking weird.

……

……

Fuck.

Rule 34... Why the hell do you even exist...?

I'm not saying I've never benefited from you... but this... this is too much.

I took massive mental damage, shuddered, and retreated from the vortex of depravity. Maybe someday I'd have to face it, but not now. Nooooot nooow...!

I frantically scrolled back, hunting for posts without rampant flesh tones or screenshots. Ended up in some heated debate thread.

……

My... route?

It hit like the 'affinity conditions' phrase from earlier—head-splitting. No, beyond that; my vision actually blurred. All I'd gleaned was that most players were overly fond of this random 'Anastasia' character, and now I'd blown the chance so pointlessly...!!

I desperately chased the gooey letters on the monitor. The original story hadn't kicked off yet, so no immediate crises, but if I could just learn how main heroine Helena and I met...!

"…!"

I stretched my sticky hand desperately. Harvest Planet—the metropolis right ahead, my destination once I got citizenship. Checking that post would hugely help plan ahead....

"……Ah."

The blaring neural alarm—cranked to max—jolted my eyes open. No matter how I flailed at the ceiling, the missed signal and chance were gone.

"Ha... You gotta be fucking kidding me...!!"

Like all dreams, details faded, leaving vague context and keywords swirling: Helena and me, Harvest Planet incident, and... endless underage NSFW content.

"Uwaaaah...!"

I wanted to claw my hair and kick the blankets, but I calmed down. I'd set this early alarm to sneak out quietly—no need to make noise.

Rustle rustle...

I packed my sparse gear, restored the room, and checked the mirror—my upper body, scarred and scratched before, now flawless white canvas.

Time to really go.

I slipped credits into the shop's account and snuck out. Crisp dawn air and sand dust swept over me.

Rat Boss paid 3 million for the hovercraft. Minus citizenship, about 1.5 mil left. Base in the city plus living expenses? Tight. Factoring a droid body later? Straight negative balance.

But with cash in hand, I wasn't heartless enough to delay paying debts. Rent... food... meds... some indefinable emotional debt. Settle that, and with his skills and setup, Gramps would be fine. I silently bid farewell to the nameless old man and hurried to the Schneiders'.

"Atchoo...!!"

I rolled down my sleeves. Forgot desert-like spots have insane temperature swings.

I pulled up contacts via cyberware. The holographic screen—always impressive—listed a pathetic three: badass Schneider, sweet Sylvia, little Mary.

……Hmm. Not pathetic on second look. Overflowing abundance; just staring pumped me up. Proof I wasn't wrong, always in sight.

Called Schneider—picked up before one ring.

"Ah, Mr. Schneider...? Hope I'm not too late."

- "Late? Nonsense! I'd wait a year for you. Just finished packing.... Ah, see that shed over there!"

Rounded the corner—cargo truck loaded, Schneider and Sylvia waving.

Feuding openly with top dog Wei Long, Schneiders were moving to Neo Haven—aka Emerald City.

Even if cops were corporate puppets, a metropolis with predictable threats beat this. Felt like fate/script nudging—unsettling—but hey, I got citizenship broker location and ride to Harvest Planet.

...Bluntly: Schneider half-forced after hearing from Sylvia and Mary. Sylvia even egged Mary: 'Don't you want a real big sis~?'

"Sis!!"

"Yeah yeah...."

Pat pat pat! Tiny tornado Mary—I hugged tight.

Precious daughter glomping a heavily armed hacker? Sylvia just smiled warmly.

...That maternal glow targeting me too? Nah, imagination...?

"You're one weird kid. Coulda waited at the shop—we'd pick you up. We need citizenship renewals anyway...."

"...? No, didn't wanna impose more. You've done plenty."

"Hmph... Not imposition—efficiency. Mega-corp talent like you even has unique manners...?"

"! ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Dear...!"

Smack!! Sylvia's full-swing palm cracked Schneider's back.

Sylvia never batted an eye at my hovercraft-op cover story. Gaslighting anti-corp merc Schneider to vouch for a bratty net hacker? Wild.

"?? Sis, what's manners?"

"Uh... Greeting when meeting, not touching others' stuff, obeying parents...? Do that, and you'll grow into cool adults like Dad and Mom...?"

"! Yup!!"

Mary dragged my hand—into the truck, off we go. Bumpy ride, deep thoughts.

Shadowy citizenship broker... I knew market price, but negotiating solo? Gaps everywhere. No intimidation factor; Schneider stepping up saved potential danger.

But... why stop here...?

No stuff left behind?

"...? What're you doing? Hurry and ask old man Valentin.... Or done already?"

"Yes...? Yes?? No? Yes?"

Couldn't process—staring blankly at Machinery Shop sign. Schneider prodded.

Plus Valentin? Valentin was... every Neo Haven player's fave, Helena's surname, right?

……Huh?

Overrevving brain like busted cooler—frantically assembled puzzle pieces. Too late.

Rattle! Shop door opened. Mechanic Gramps—straining not to laugh... or cry?—greeted us.

"Ahem... Kkhheum...!! Hm. Heinrich Valentin here, responsible for your safe, flawless new lives. Come in!"

Tricked? Nah... never specified. No questions asked.

Mood? Not bad. Just absurd.

"Awfully polite for you, old timer."

"Hmph! That goes for the sweet girl beside you!"

"...Can't argue."

Followed graceful gesture—reclined in exam chair. Heinrich worked magic.

Machine arms and tools from day one—totally different mode. Drew blood, analyzed. Overlaid new data on implants, forged history.

Suddenly, contacts added fourth: Heinrich Valentin.

Sneak peek at panel: 'Anastasia Valentin', cyber engineer citizenship, assembling.

……Whatever. Eyes stung inexplicably.

If you're going this far, you're family now—I'd ask everything.

"...Why'd the broker have debt?"

"Corps manage citizen DBs! Paradise's side hustle. Gotta hold their leash for this."

...Insane. News to me. Just another megacorp gig.

"...Why not tell me...?"

"...Thought you were a flighty kid. Figured you'd bail if bored... Life's unpredictable."

Clear enough. Whirr...—registration and procedure done. Gear away, wrinkled hand patted shoulder and bangs.

Got contact—could chat anytime. Face-to-face? Who knows.

Last eye contact.

"...Gramps. Why slap on Valentin...?"

Kind-faced elder snorted.

"Told you: exploit weaknesses ruthlessly...? Now you've a family name and home—value your life more. Struggle in the city? Find Helena Valentin. I'll put in a word...."

"……."

We snapped heads away in sync. Heart ached, face burned—driving me mad.

But no thanks. All his unsolicited service.

Schneider reclined beside—savored 'Anastasia Valentin' on display.

Sudden family from nowhere... tear-jerkingly joyful.

That's all I'll say.

"...Valentin, you sly thief. My wife had her eye on you first...."

"...Tch!!"