I'll Take This One!
A year had passed since I became an Anomaly.
And I had adapted splendidly, if I do say so myself — to the fox ears perking up atop my head, and the fox tail swaying behind my backside.
Presumably a fennec fox, given the evidence. My hair and eyes had turned a sandy color to match.
Oh, but I'm still human-shaped, mind you. A human with ears and a tail — or rather, a humanoid Anomaly.
Anyway, there were plenty of problems at first, but ever since I turned myself in to Noah Research Institute of my own free will, life has been quite comfortable.
Like right now, for instance.
"Here, pudding."
The person beside me held out a pudding. I snatched it and took a bite.
Nom nom.
"Mm. Delicious."
What's with the weird speech pattern, you ask? Consider it a side effect of adaptation and move on.
In any case, I currently receive the finest treatment an Anomaly could ask for. Take this containment chamber — in practice, it's my home. There's a bed, there are blankets, and there are all the stuffed animals I love. There's a TV too, though I rarely watch it. I'd rather read webtoons, web novels, or books — a habit left over from my human days.
All things considered, it's far too well-appointed to be called a containment chamber. A true paradise! A place where you can play to your heart's content without working a single day!
Of course, it took a great deal of doing to earn all this. In more ways than one.
"Um..."
Just as I was happily devouring my pudding, someone spoke up beside me. I glanced over to see who it was — the very person who'd handed me the pudding.
"Will you tell me now?"
"Hmm? Tell you what, exactly?"
What do they want? I don't have anything worth wanting.
As I tilted my head, my ears tilted with it. The sight made the person's face twist into something strange, but I ignored it. So — what was it they wanted?
"About Anomalies."
Ah, so that's it. Now that I understood, I gave my tail a casual swish and answered.
"Whether a new Anomaly has appeared, or whether some disaster involving one is brewing?"
"Yes, exactly!"
Hmm... how shall I put this?
Straight talk: the pudding was delicious. But trying to buy me with a single pudding? Honestly.
So I pondered in silence. To tell, or not to tell. And then I decided.
"Nay!"
I refused with the brightest, most innocent smile I could muster. The person was devastated.
"Why not?!"
"To imagine you could purchase me with a single pudding — why, I find it hilarious."
And with that, I took another bite. Nom. Mm~ delicious!
I glanced sideways to find the person wailing in open despair. Hmm... still not telling.
I regarded them with mild pity for a moment, then turned away, as if to say I would trouble myself with this no longer.
What had captured my attention now was the news droning from the TV. Minus the politics, most of it was genuinely interesting, so I watched it often.
Durian? The fruit? That's certainly an unusual name for a person.
According to the report, the Mimic — the Anomaly — still hasn't been caught. Wait, isn't that the thing that killed me?
It's still alive. No — it still hasn't been caught. And now it's out there committing crimes on top of everything.
Nom.
I scooped up another spoonful of pudding. That turned out to be the last of it, though. A little disappointing, but I set the thought aside and kept watching.
Hm. What a mess.
I switched off the TV and hopped down from my chair, padding across the floor with little tiptap tiptap steps toward the bookshelf.
Now, then... what shall I read today? Guns, Germs, and Steel, which I read recently? Or Prometheus, the one Goethe supposedly wrote?
As I swayed my tail and deliberated over my book, someone shouted from behind me.
"All right!"
"Hmm?"
I startled so badly that my ears and tail shot straight up for a moment. They settled quickly enough, but I still hadn't gotten used to my emotions broadcasting themselves so nakedly through them.
Wait — there shouldn't be anyone else in here but that person.
I turned around to find them burning with inexplicable resolve, their expression dead serious. Why did that make me uneasy?
"Three puddings! I'll bring them right now — just tell me!"
"Th-three...?!"
Perk!
A sudden offer!
But at the same moment that staggeringly tempting offer reached my ears, my tail began swaying at top speed. The person, watching it, smiled the smile of victory — though I couldn't see it just then.
"You... you're not lying to me, are you..?"
"Of course not. The moment you agree, I'll go get them."
I swallowed hard. Ever since becoming this body, resisting sweets had become an exercise in torment — and now they were offering me a full three more snacks!
How was anyone supposed to resist that?! I accepted on the spot.
True to their word, the person marched straight out of the containment chamber.
"Ooh...! Now and then, there are those who try to cheat me of my due."
And each time, I punished them for it. Which meant fewer and fewer people bringing me treats. Sad days indeed.
But now, three whole snacks were coming my way! How could I not rejoice!
I swished my tail with all my might as I waited for them to return, ears straining upright to catch the smallest sound beyond the chamber door.
And ten minutes later — the person returned, bearing exactly three puddings!
"Now. Will you tell me?"
"Very well, I shall!"
I snatched the offered puddings and immediately began peering into the future. Taking a bite of pudding as I gazed hard ahead, I soon found a disaster looming in the near future.
"Hmm... Gangseo District, Seoul..."
"Wait, just a moment..!"
They fumbled a notepad out of their pocket in a hurry. Watching them, I began describing what I'd seen.
"A frog disaster shall strike there."
"...Frogs?"
"Aye. Frogs roughly half the size of a man will appear and start devouring people."
They transcribed my words at a furious pace. Once they'd finished, the questions began — the odds of it actually happening, the number of frogs, the scale of the damage, and so on.
"Excellent. Thank you!"
"That all? Trivial."
Having told them everything, I took another bite of pudding. Mm~ delicious as ever.
While I swayed my tail and ate, the person who'd extracted my prophecy slipped out of the containment chamber. I paid it no mind, of course.
"Ah — now that I think of it, I never asked how Jia was doing."
The thought of her came unbidden. Han Jia, in full.
One of the people who genuinely adores me. But a while back, she did something slightly perverted to me, and I scolded her for it.
She hadn't shown her face since. Which was, honestly, a little lonely.
"But I suppose I should understand. What choice do I have?"
A normal human getting hurt by an Anomaly's attack and then coming back to visit would be the strange thing.
...Now I'm a little depressed.
My ears and tail drooped along with my mood. In the end, I put the remaining puddings in the mini fridge and crawled into bed.
I pulled the blanket up over my face and quietly closed my eyes. Just as I was drifting off, a most welcome voice rang out.
"Fox! I'm here!"
Perk!
My drooping ears shot upright in an instant. At the same time I flung the blanket down — and there was the very face I'd been longing to see.
I leapt straight out of bed. She, catching on to what I was about, spread her arms wide in welcome.
"Fox— khhak!"
"What took thee so long!"
Yes, I dropkicked her.
"Boohoo. You're so mean~."
"Hmph. 'Tis thy own fault for coming so late."
I rebuked Jia for her tardiness. It had only been a few days, but late was late.
So I turned my head away and sulked for effect — whereupon she pulled something out of her bag.
"Oh? Fine then... I'll just eat this all by myself."
What she'd brought was a limited-edition roll cake!
The moment I laid eyes on it, my tail lost all self-control.
"W-well, you could have been later. Ahem. I forgive you."
"Yay! Thank you!"
Jia expressed her joy with her entire body. Hugging me, pawing at me, petting me, licking me... wait, licking?
"Ehehe, you're just too— kkak!"
"A-are you insane?! Why are you licking me?!"
"Because this fox is just too delicious— khhk!"
I grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it. Direct hit — strike!
But my ears and tail still betrayed my anger, so I shooed Jia out the door for good measure.
"I'll come back later!"
"Hmph!"
Having ejected her, I returned to the table and resolved to eat the roll cake she'd left behind.
I tore open the packaging with great diligence, took the fork beside it, stabbed — and nom.
"Mm..! Delicious!"
My ears fluttered at the taste and my tail swished with all its might. A flavor even my own ears and tail could vouch for!
So I took another bite.
"Mmmm..!!"
Truly, limited editions are in a league of their own! Delicious!
But maybe it was because I was eating alone — it felt a little lonely. Did I really need to chase her out?
"Hmm... I'll finish this first, and then head out."
Nom.
I had decided: today, I would escape the containment chamber. It was a lovely place, but the fun on offer was strictly finite.
Not that I was leaving for good. I'd go have a bit of an adventure and then come back — after all, nowhere else let me live this comfortably.
Besides, I'd snuck out now and then before, so the people here probably wouldn't bat an eye. Probably.
"Hmm... where should I go, I wonder..."
The institute currently sits in Howon-dong, Uijeongbu — which meant the nearest place was the Dobong District. But there wasn't all that much there for me to enjoy.
I briefly considered heading all the way down to Gangnam, but distance was the problem. I didn't own so much as a proper means of transport, you see. So it would be barefoot running, all the way.
"Best to get out first and figure it out then!"
By now I'd polished off the roll cake, so I hopped down from my chair and made for the chamber door with light tiptap tiptap steps.
"Now, a question. What is the probability that this door malfunctions at this very moment? And given a malfunction, the probability that it opens?"
Anyone hearing this would say zero. But I, having dabbled in probability theory, shall declare: there is no such thing as zero!
What does that mean, you ask?
Simply put: since none of us are omniscient and omnipotent, the possibility that a probability of zero isn't actually zero is itself not zero.
So... what does that mean?
Beats me!
It's just something I picked up somewhere. But I like the saying, because it relates to my power.
"In other words — there is no zero percent chance that this door happens to break, and thereby happens to open."
I peered straight into the door's future. Thousands upon tens of thousands of futures flickered past before my eyes.
"Hmmm...."
But even if the probability wasn't zero, was it simply too low? I squirmed and strained for minutes on end and still couldn't find it.
Was I actually going to fail this time? They said they'd upgraded security since last time...
Just as my ears and tail began to droop in despair — there! At last, I saw the future I wanted!
Instantly, my ears and tail shot back up, energy restored.
"Fufufu... nothing is impossible for Spoiler Fox."
Probability Lock
I locked in the future I'd found at once.
Amplification
Then I raised the probability of that future coming to pass — cranked it straight to 100%, so it would happen this very instant!
Confirmation
And with that, I fixed it as a future that would occur in this world. Immediately, the door let out a bizarre grinding screech — and broke!
And the door, having coincidentally broken, swung open.
"Onward! To adventure!"
Tail swishing merrily, I escaped the containment chamber.