Chapter 4: There Are No Bathrooms in the Labyrinth
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 4: There Are No Bathrooms in the Labyrinth
“My Lady, now! Stab it!”
“Uh, okay. Hah!”
A rabbit lunged forward.
It was a Horn Rabbit, a beast-type monster with a single horn on its head. They were the most common creatures found in the Breeding Grounds.
That’s right—this was the Breeding Grounds.
The Young Lady and I, who had been in the Botanical Garden, had been forcibly teleported here.
Thwack!
“Ugh. I... I got it.”
“Well done.”
Six Horn Rabbits already lay limp before us. I tossed them all into my inventory. Since they were rabbit monsters, their fur was soft and fetched a decent price.
“Huff... huff...”
“Are you alright?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”
“That’s a relief. Let’s keep moving.”
“Right.”
Tap.
Tap. Tap.
Just as we were about to head further in, I heard a noise, like something striking the ground.
I knew this sound. I had seen an adventurer get their head taken off right after hearing it.
It was a Vorpal Rabbit.
“Kuh!”
BAM!
I raised my shield just in time to block a rabbit the size of a wild dog as it flew toward my neck.
The wooden shield split in half, and the pitch-black rabbit that had been aiming for my throat was sent bouncing back.
The Vorpal Rabbit.
A crazed rabbit monster that ambushes adventurers and slits their throats with the horns on its legs. While a Horn Rabbit uses a simple headbutt with its cranial horn, a Vorpal Rabbit approaches silently and slashes its opponent's neck with bone spurs growing from its legs.
“Kyueek!”
The Vorpal Rabbit lunged again.
Since my shield was split and useless, I parried its kick with my sword.
Clang!
I couldn't let it get past me to the Young Lady. She didn't have the strength to block its attacks, nor the reflexes to dodge them.
“Hah!”
“Kieek!”
I twisted my blade to fling the creature away, then lunged at the fallen rabbit and drove my sword into its belly.
I couldn't give it a chance to get back up. They were incredibly fast and cunning; if it escaped now, it would just circle us and wait for another opening.
It was best to deal with these bastards the moment you spotted them. Otherwise, you’d never know when they might come for your throat.
I already had to look after the Young Lady; having her trembling in fear of a Vorpal Rabbit on top of that would be a nightmare.
“W-what was that just now?”
“The most dangerous rabbit in the Breeding Grounds. A Vorpal Rabbit. They’re the ones that aim for people’s necks.”
“Heh... I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
It was rare to see such aberrant creatures in nature. They usually only appeared in the Demon Realm, where demonic energy was thick, or in the deepest parts of ancient forests. You’d hardly ever see one outside of a labyrinth.
“There aren’t... more of them, are there?”
“Unlike Horn Rabbits, these guys roam alone. Their numbers are small, too.”
“Really? Whew. That’s a relief.”
The Young Lady let out a deep sigh, her tension finally easing.
Anyway, a Vorpal Rabbit...
‘That means we’re probably on the 3rd or 4th floor of the Breeding Grounds.’
Horn Rabbits were common throughout the area, but the appearance of a Vorpal Rabbit meant we were at least below the 3rd floor.
‘If we’re on the 4th floor... we’re screwed if we run into a Bunnyman.’
The Bunnyman was essentially the boss of the Breeding Grounds. It was a rabbit-humanoid about the size of an adult male. If the Young Lady and I encountered one now, our chances of survival would be extremely slim.
They were fast and powerful. Without a frontline tank or a proper damage dealer, encountering one was basically a death sentence.
“Let’s keep moving for now.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
I tucked the Vorpal Rabbit’s corpse into my inventory and continued walking. I took a detour, choosing a path that seemed least likely to have monsters.
“Haaaa...”
“Are you tired?”
“No. I’m still okay.”
The Young Lady didn't have much physical stamina. If there was one silver lining, it was that her mental fortitude was better than I expected. Despite walking through the pitch-black labyrinth, she didn't shrink back in fear. She didn't whine, either; she just followed silently behind me.
“It’s a fork in the road. Which way?”
“We should go right. The left is a dead end.”
“How do you know that without going there?”
“I can just tell by looking.”
There was a high probability the left path was blocked. After months of studying the labyrinth’s structure through mapping, I could roughly predict what lay at the end of a path without actually walking it. You could say I’d accumulated a "Big Data" set of labyrinth geography. I could now tell at a glance whether a path was a dead end or led elsewhere.
“Hey.”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry, but...”
“Do your legs hurt?”
“Yeah. That. My feet are starting to really ache.”
It was about time. We had been wandering the labyrinth for hours.
“Just bear with it a little longer. There should be a room ahead where we can hide. We’ll block the entrance and get some rest there.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. From now on, tell me immediately if anything feels wrong. I need to know your exact condition to respond properly.”
If someone hides their pain and then makes a mistake at a critical moment, the whole party can collapse. I’d experienced it before. A rookie adventurer made that exact mistake when I first entered the labyrinth. Enduring isn't always the answer.
“Here, sit on this.”
“Thanks, Porter.”
“Don’t mention it.”
The floor was too filthy, so I handed her a blanket to sit on. It was something I’d bought cheap at a second-hand clothing shop, so it didn't matter if it got ruined. I’d make sure to charge her a premium for it later.
‘First, I’ll block the entrance.’
I covered the doorway with a cloth. Since there was no actual door, I hung the fabric as a makeshift screen to hide the interior. This alone made it likely that monsters would simply pass by. Monsters could be cunning, but they were also simpler than one might think. If you reduced noise, scent, and light and stayed hidden, they often walked right past.
“It’s too much trouble to build a fire, so let’s just make do with this.”
“Anything is fine.”
I took bread, jerky, and a fresh cabbage out of my inventory and handed them to her.
“You carry cabbage around too?”
“Yes. It doesn't spoil if you keep it in a subspace pocket. You need to maintain a balanced diet.”
“I’m really jealous of that subspace pocket.”
Since you never knew what would happen in the labyrinth, I had prepared all sorts of things. My subspace pocket was a literal toolbox. I’d spent most of my earnings on supplies like these. For the record, I even had a pot of stew tucked away in my inventory. My claim of having thirty days' worth of food wasn't a lie.
“The bread is still warm.”
“I stored it right after it was baked.”
“You’re a much more useful porter than I imagined.”
“Compliments won't get you extra service.”
“Cheeky.”
The Young Lady took the food and began to nibble on it. The flightiness and levity she’d shown when we first entered the labyrinth had long since vanished. She was serious and quiet. Even serene, in a way. Without any emotional outbursts, she was simply accepting the situation. Most people would have panicked at the anomaly of a Labyrinth Eruption. I’m glad she didn't.
“You’ve adapted faster than I expected, My Lady.”
“Really? Did you think I’d be crying and throwing a tantrum?”
“Well... I won't exactly deny it.”
“Hehe. You’re honest.”
The Young Lady tore off a piece of jerky, chewed it, and spoke again.
“How many years have you lived in the Labyrinth City, Porter?”
“Me? It’s been about six months.”
“What? Not even a year?”
“No. And I’ve been entering the labyrinth for even less time than that.”
“Wait, you became a veteran in just half a year?”
“I wouldn't call myself a veteran. I’ve barely stepped foot on the 5th floor.”
You could only be called a veteran once you could navigate the 5th Floor Underground City. Whether it was the Botanical Garden or the Breeding Grounds, the upper levels from the 1st to the 4th floor were all considered beginner zones.
“I see. But how did you end up here? You don't look like you’re from around here, Porter.”
“Ah, that...”
There were people with East Asian features in the Labyrinth City. Most were Easterners who had crossed the sea by boat, and they were treated similarly to the Barbarians from the north. Which is to say, they were seen as oddities. There were many prejudices, including the perception that Easterners were stingy. Well, it’s not like their prejudices were entirely wrong. The Easterners of this world had similar temperaments and cultures to those on Earth.
“I came by boat. Making a living was tough back home.”
“Is that so?”
That was the excuse I gave whenever someone asked about my origins. Adventurers, who had no idea what the Eastern lands looked like, usually accepted that answer. But this Young Lady seemed to know quite a bit about the East. Or maybe she just wanted to show off what she knew.
“Where is your hometown? There are many countries in the East.”
“Huh? Oh... I’m from the Ryu Kingdom.”
“Aha. The land of many swordsmen, right?”
“Yeah. That’s the one.”
“Do you plan on going back once you’ve made a lot of money?”
“No. I plan on just living here. I don't really feel like leaving the Labyrinth City.”
A wealthy outsider? That was a one-way ticket to getting killed. It would be much safer to build up a reputation, become a high-ranking adventurer, and then settle down permanently in the Labyrinth City.
“Must be nice. Living life exactly how you want.”
At my answer, the Young Lady gazed off into the distance. There was a sense of stifled longing in her eyes.
“Why did you come to the Labyrinth City, My Lady?”
I wasn't usually the type to be curious about other people’s stories, but the atmosphere felt right, so I asked.
“Me? I... well. It was my dream to become an adventurer.”
“Your dream was to be an adventurer?”
This filthy, wretched job where you never knew when you might die was the dream of a noble lady?
“Well, someone like me would never have the chance to be an adventurer in a normal life.”
“Aha.”
So she longed for it because it was unattainable?
“I envied the freedom. Being able to go wherever you want. Being able to marry whoever you want.”
The Young Lady opened her waterskin and gulped down the water as if she were drinking ale.
“Well, shall I pour you a drink?”
“Really?”
“No. I’m joking. Alcohol in a situation like this?”
“Hey!”
Drinking in this situation? Of course it was a joke. I just said it because the mood felt like we should be sharing a drink. Anyway, marriage... being able to marry the person you want is a good thing. I wanted to get a slave wife soon and spend my days doting on her.
“It’s getting late. You should get some sleep.”
“What about you?”
“I’m not sleepy yet. I’ll take the first watch and wake you up later. We’ll rotate.”
“Alright. I’ll sleep first.”
It was around noon when we entered the labyrinth. Since we’d been wandering for hours, it was likely already night outside. Getting proper rest was vital.
“Um, Porter.”
“Yes?”
“Uh... well... the thing is...”
“Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“...”
“Let’s move a bit away from the room.”
“Yeah. Um. Sorry...”
“No, it’s a natural physiological need. But... is it number one or number two?”
“N-number one!”
Being in a labyrinth didn't mean you stopped needing to pee. Excretion was just as important as eating and sleeping. Holding it in only leads to trouble.
‘If she goes near the room, the smell will attract monsters. Better to handle it a bit further away.’
The monsters that crawled out of the Breeding Grounds tended to have keen senses of smell and hearing. If she relieved herself near our sleeping quarters, they might catch the scent. So, we had to go a bit further out. But I couldn't let her go alone in case something happened, so I had to follow.
“I want to die of shame.”
“Better than actually dying.”
“Dammit. Crap. Crap. Crap. Hey, Porter. Cover your ears.”
“If I cover my ears and can't do any sound play, what then?”
“Sound play? What’s that?”
“Ah, I mean, if I can't hear a monster coming, we’re in trouble.”
“Ugh... uuugh. So you’re saying... you’re going to listen to me pee?”
“It’s not like I want to listen. Look, I’m tired, so let’s just get this over with. This happens all the time in the labyrinth. You can't be an adventurer if you’re embarrassed by every little thing.”
“I think I’m starting to hate the labyrinth.”
“You still liked it until now? That’s an obsession.”
“Stupid Porter. I hate you. You’re so annoying.”
The daughter of the prestigious Margrave Lionel of the North blushed furiously as she crouched down and began to urinate.
Trickle.
Had she been holding it in for a long time? It sounded... substantial. Of course, I wasn't listening intently because I was some kind of pervert.
‘Vorpal Rabbits love to target defenseless adventurers while they’re doing their business.’
They try to take your head while you’re unable to move. Since they make that distinct tapping sound with their feet before lunging, I had to listen carefully. There’s nothing more pathetic than dying while taking a piss.
“Are you finished? Here’s something to wipe with.”
“Ugh. You... you... ugh. Dammit.”
The Young Lady wiped herself with the scrap of cloth I handed her. In a world where toilet paper wasn't common, people used small, old rags like this. Whether you washed them or threw them away didn't matter. She wiped herself and tossed the cloth onto the ground.
“Here’s some water. You should wash your hands.”
“Ugh. Uuuugh. Haaaaa...”
I poured water from a skin so she could wash her hands, and she let out a long, weary sigh. She must have been incredibly embarrassed. I probably would be too, in her shoes.
“Having an inventory is great, right? You can even wash your hands in the labyrinth.”
“It’s great, but... it’s annoying.”
“Haha. Well, it’s just one of those things.”
“You. Don't you dare tell anyone about this. Don't you ever use this as a story over drinks. Don't go around saying, ‘I watched the Margrave’s daughter pee.’ If I hear even a whisper of a rumor... I’ll really show you. It’s an insult to nobility. You understand?”
“I’ll keep it a total secret.”
“Stupid Porter. You’re so quick with the answers. It’s annoying.”
I led the Young Lady back to our temporary base. A noble daughter, blushing after peeing in front of a strange man...
‘I’m actually feeling a little something.’
I felt a stir in my crotch, but it was dark enough that she wouldn't notice.