The Hunter, the Goblins, and… (5)
The Hunter, the Goblins, and… (5)
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"H-hey, y-you... that—your pants—you, that..."
"Y-Yoo-jin? D-d-don't tell me..."
Reni's legs were trembling so badly she looked about to collapse. All the blood had drained from her face, and her pale skin now seemed almost transparent.
Unlike Reni, Yuri had turned bright red. Her finger still pointed at my crotch, while her eyes darted frantically between my face and the space between my legs.
"Y-you, you you you, you, a goblin, you got turned on by a goblin? You? Huh?"
"Y-Yoo-jin? Right? That's not it, right? Th-that's not it, right? Please..."
These two thought I was a goblin fucker! I understood that the shocking sight had sent them into a panic, but even so, how could they see me that way?
"Wait! I can explain!"
Hoo....
I took a moment to steady my breathing. If I panicked too, it was over.
"Y-you'd better explain, fast. Otherwise, you..."
"Tell me it's not true... please... Yoo-jin... Yoo-jiiin!!!!"
Th-these two... They were trembling even harder! Had my silence made them misunderstand me even more? Even so, couldn't they wait a few seconds?
"Both of you, be quiet for a second! I'm going crazy here too!"
"Wh-wh-what? Crazy? You think you're going crazy?! I knew it... you...!"
"Yoo-jin...! You really...! No! Goddess, no... noooo!!!!"
A shrill scream escaped Reni's throat. She covered her face with both hands like the figure in Munch's The Scream. Then...
"Reni?!"
Reni suddenly lunged at me, wrapped both arms around me, and cast something. Was this... 「Purification」? Why?
"N-no... Why isn't it working?! Yoo-jin...! Purification! Purify him!"
Muttering incomprehensibly, Reni then dropped to her knees and started trying to pull my pants off...
"I have to purify hiiiiim!!!!!"
"Calm down!"
I grabbed Reni by the shoulders and shook her hard enough to rattle her senses.
"Calm down, calm down! Calm down! Calm downnn!"
"Agh! Arrrrrrrrrrrrr... ugh!"
...I shook her until she was dizzy. I was the one who needed to calm down. In any case, Reni now looked slightly dazed, so I could finally talk to her.
"There. Reni. You see me?"
"Uh... uhh?"
"Deep breath. Come on, deep breath! Hoo... hah... hoo... hah..."
Regulating my own breathing helped me calm down to some extent, too.
"Hooo... haah... hooo... haah..."
Reni followed along as instructed. Thank goodness. Her tendency to obediently follow my words like that sure came in handy at times like this. Anyway, from here on out, I had to talk my way through this.
"Now, Reni. Think carefully. The whole time we've been going through dungeons, have you ever seen me get turned on by a monster even once? If I were the kind of guy who got off on goblins, do you think the Goddess would really have given me power?"
"Uh... uh?"
Reni had a look on her face like she was searching her memories. Why was she even thinking about it! This should be an instant answer!
"Reni! Answer me!"
Only after I snapped at her did she finally answer, hemming and hawing.
"...Uh.... Mm.... N-no...?"
"Reni! I'm really disappointed! How could you see me that way?"
I could understand her panicking after witnessing one shocking sight after another, and then seeing my bulging pants on top of it. But still, after all the time we'd spent together!
'Reni! This time, I won't care whether you turn into a Blanket Slime or not!'
I shot her a glare loaded with that meaning, and Reni, still slumped on the ground, turned into a tomato on the spot. I was not usually fond of vegetables, but this time, I welcomed it.
"I-I'm sooorry..."
I pulled Reni into my arms and whispered gently into her ear, "It's okay. It happens. You saw something scary, so I understand."
"Too late. When we get back, two days... no, I won't let you sleep for a week."
"Hik...!"
Reni's short yelp.
The familiar sound I always heard. So very welcome and satisfying.
Hearing that yelp, it finally felt like everything was going back to normal.
Who knew a person's yelp could be so pleasant to hear?
Seeing Reni tremble like that calmed me and put my mind at ease. Whenever I saw her face quivering in fear of sex, something warm seemed to well up from deep inside me.
"Even while eating... or washing... you won't get any rest."
"Ah... aahh... aaah..."
"In the name of the Goddess, this is the declaration of an Apostle. You shall obey."
"Aaah... no... no...!"
Reni's face went from tomato-red to pale as a sheet.
"What are you two doing?"
I looked up to see Yuri glaring at me with a sulky face. Come to think of it, this shameless one was still here.
"Right. You. You!"
"What about me?"
Thankfully, she wasn't in that panicked state from before anymore. She must have calmed down watching the pathetic scene Reni and I were making together.
But that was that. I still had things to settle.
"You! You asked me to help with the dungeon investigation and I came all this way with you, and what? What do you take me for?"
"Urk...."
"Use common sense! Who gets turned on by goblins?"
"There's one in that cave... and you too..."
"Gah...!"
Right. That issue still hadn't been resolved. Fortunately, my alter ego down below had already lost its vigor. In that case...
"Y-you might not know this, but I, as a guy, there's this thing. When you see a shocking sight, sometimes you get turned on, involuntarily, completely unrelated to your will. It's a scientifically proven fact!"
"Sounds suspicious..."
The panic had subsided, but Yuri now regarded me with suspicion instead.
Yeah, I knew I was reaching! But to think she'd be so ungrateful after all the help I gave her! I was gonna make you pay for this too, somehow. Somehow!
"Hey! If I really were the kind of guy who got turned on by goblins, would I have slaughtered them like that?!"
"Urk..."
"There's a limit to how ungrateful you can be! And watch your mouth. Weren't you calling me 'big bro'?"
"...Geh... sorry..."
Only after I tore into her did Yuri lower her head. What a ridiculous commotion to cause outside a dungeon.
"Now keep quiet for a bit. My head feels like it's about to explode too. I need to sort my thoughts, so calm down and stay still for a while."
Just when I thought the uproar had finally died down, Yuri suddenly spoke to Reni.
"When you said the Goddess gave him power—what did that mean?"
...Damn it! A slip of the tongue! And when had she heard that?!
"Th-that... that's... w-well..."
Reni was hemming and hawing again.
No, if I left her alone, there was a hundred percent chance she'd slip up. I wished Reni had that kind of quick-witted improvisation, but this was the same priest who, back at the Church, couldn't even tell a simple lie and got caught trying to steal my semen.
"...Later! I'll tell you about it later."
"Could it be..."
"Just keep an eye on the dungeon. We don't know what else might pop out!"
"...Tch..."
I left the two of them alone and tried to sit down for a moment to rest, but then I heard murmuring.
"...So... you two... really... nothing at all..."
"...Th-that's..."
"...Goblin... turned on... really... didn't know...?"
"...No way..."
"...Gotta remember this clearly... really... dangerous..."
"...There's no way...."
Seeing them whisper like that, they both seemed to have calmed down, thankfully. The content did bother me a little, but this wasn't the time to worry about that. There was a clear reason that I had ended up like this. I had to find out what it was.
I was definitely not some lunatic who got aroused by goblins—not on Earth or here! I didn't even particularly like furry, hairy beastfolk! And now goblins?!
I'd never, not even once, had that kind of abnormal sexual desire! So why did it happen?
[A Sex Warrior Respects All Tastes (E)]
[Description: A Sex Warrior will come to respect a wide variety of tastes.]
Was it because of this trait after all? If so, I should test it once more...
...
Even when I recalled the scene, I felt nothing but disgust—the goblins and Whitebeard's hideously cleft ass alike. Everything about it made me nauseous. Then why had my Johnson...?
No. Johnson did not so much as twitch.
In that case, both my mind and body were normal.
No matter how I thought about it, that trait didn't seem to have contaminated my mind.
"..."
Come to think of it, the Goddess had loaded the heroes up with every sort of cheat-like skill, but she had never given them anything in the mental-contamination category, such as hypnosis. Judging by the undertone of the narration, it would not have been an exaggeration to say she despised such abilities.
In fact, the Author Goddess's hatred of hypnosis and brainwashing was one reason I had followed that idiotic sexless novel—and waited for new chapters—for months.
In that case, that trait probably hadn't truly broken my mind. Above all, it wasn't the Goddess's style. Sure, she tried to screw me over sometimes, but she never genuinely tried to kill me or anything.
And although I usually cursed at her, objectively speaking, the Goddess had been quite friendly toward me.
She let me get away with exploiting loopholes to avoid penalties that would have fallen on me, and she approved my skill proposals without much trouble as long as I gave her a plausible enough justification.
Then why?
Why had I ended up getting hard in that situation?
"..."
Had the story I'd improvised for Yuri earlier actually been true?
The idea that when a man sees something shocking, he can get accidentally aroused, completely unrelated to his will. I definitely remembered seeing a similar story on internet news a long time ago.
But, really?
Was this really a coincidence?
If there could be good luck, could there be bad luck too?
...I still didn't have enough information to reach any conclusion. I needed to gather a bit more data...
-□□□□□□□!!!!!!!!!!!
As though cutting off my thoughts, a horrible cry echoed from the dungeon.
"Hey!" "Yoo-jin...!"
"Yeah. I heard it too. Step back."
The echo came once more. It was someone's scream.
-□□□□□□□□!!!!
An old man was screaming in a shrill, tearing voice.
But I could not understand the words. His voice was veiled in static, just like that bald bone-fucker's had been in Riverbridge.
"What the hell is that bastard saying?"
"He's saying 'my goblins,' right?"
"...You two can understand what he's saying?"
"Yes. A little creepy, but... Yoo-jin, can't you understand?"
"...Let's run for now. I don't think we should be here."
"Yes." "Okay."