The Mind's Collapse
The mind I had barely held together finally crumbled in a single instant. My chest tightened until it hurt, and every breath felt labored. Had I pushed my waist too far? Or was it the shock of the news? Thud— My body collapsed, utterly powerless. I barely managed to brace myself on my knees and asked Ishilla again in a shaking voice.
“What… what do you mean? The rejection of my withdrawal application… what kind of nonsense is that…?”
The academy had no reason to keep a scoundrel like me around. They were practically telling me to get lost on my own, so why refuse?
When I stared at her with a mixture of doubt and resentment, Ishilla let out a small, dry laugh.
“I don’t know the exact details, but well. The reason’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“…Pardon?”
“It means you, Aren, still aren’t fully reformed.”
“……Reformed?”
“That’s right. If you leave the academy, you might cause even worse trouble out there. The academy wants to reform you properly before releasing you into society.”
“…………”
The urge to rip Ishilla’s mouth apart surged through me. I—Aren—may have sinned in the past. But never inside the academy.
“……During the midterm duel a year ago. Who stopped the sudden demon attack?”
“Back then, Teodora noticed the attack first and alerted the student council ahead of time. And crucially, she was the one who fought at the very front with the most courage.”
It was information I had secretly given her so the ostracized Teodora could earn some credit. She had later yielded all the merit to me, but after my fall, the story was twisted to claim I had “threatened” her.
“……During the labyrinth training in June. When the wave trapped everyone inside. Who helped them escape?”
“That time, Solia took the lead and taught everyone how to defeat the labyrinth boss.”
Thanks to my game knowledge of the strategy, I had quietly tipped off Solia—who frequently read ancient texts—so that none of the trapped students would die. She later told everyone they had survived because of my help.
That story, too, had been warped after my downfall.
I was cursed endlessly for “shamelessly stealing my fiancée’s achievement.”
Ishilla looked at me with open disbelief.
“No matter how steeped in evil you are, I never imagined you’d drag even your ex-fiancée into this—the one you broke up with after tormenting your friend… Truly shameless.”
Her contemptuous gaze drove my already shattered heart even deeper into the dirt. But I still had one last thing to say.
“……Please answer just this last question.”
There had been other achievements, but the most decisive one was separate.
“When senior was on the verge of death during the Sword Demon’s Trial. Who helped you?”
The Sword Demon’s Trial. A deadly test imposed by the Sword Saint, Ishilla’s master. She had slain dozens—hundreds—of monsters alone, yet one final step had undone her. She had collapsed in the wasteland, body covered in fatal wounds.
To her dying self, I had secretly approached and fed her an Elixir. The supreme panacea had completely healed her broken body. Ishilla passed the trial safely and earned the Sword Saint’s recognition.
If nothing else, she could not deny this merit.
For the first time, Ishilla looked flustered. Her brilliant blue eyes trembled.
“……The Sword Demon’s Trial. Yes, I did receive your help.”
She admitted it more calmly than I expected. I looked up at her, triumphant.
“Then at the very least, senior has no right to condemn me.”
The sequence was set. She would hesitate, apologize, and leave the room with an awkward expression.
“……That’s exactly why I despise you, Aren.”
“…What?”
Her reaction was the complete opposite of what I had predicted.
“So what changes? Does saving me once erase all your crimes?”
“No, that’s not what I—”
Ishilla’s face twisted with genuine anger.
“From the start, you only bring up the past to escape this situation, to wring even a scrap of sympathy from me. Is being acknowledged that important to you?”
“I wasn’t seeking sympathy. I just……”
I just wanted, at the very least, not to be hated—even if I couldn’t expect gratitude for helping. I wasn’t looking for acknowledgment or begging for pity. What I truly wanted was something close to indifference.
“Aren, you only ever speak of the parts that benefit you and leave out every inconvenient truth. Did you really think I would see you differently? You haven’t changed at all. You’re exactly the same as before.”
“Just listen to me for a moment, let’s talk—”
“Enough. I have nothing more to discuss with you. I’ll leave the documents here. Deal with them yourself.”
Ishilla tossed the crumpled paper onto the desk and turned away.
Fuck.
There were limits to ignoring someone. No matter how little I appealed to her, her attitude was rotten from the start. Whether she was sick of my selfish way of speaking or furious that my withdrawal had been rejected, I couldn’t tell.
In the end, I exploded.
“Goddamn it…! Just listen to what I have to say! You only spit out whatever you want and don’t even pretend to hear anyone else, so what makes you think you’re so fucking superior? In the first place, senior—you—urk.”
Thud—
Before I could finish, Ishilla spun around and charged. She seized my neck with one arm and lifted me clean off the ground. The difference in raw mana was one thing, but her endlessly trained body overwhelmed my frail frame completely.
Squeeze—
Crushing pressure closed around my throat. I felt like I would suffocate any second.
“I told you not to call me senior…?”
“Cough—l-let go…”
Ishilla glared at me with ice-cold eyes.
“Aren, this is your final warning. Don’t pull any more stupid stunts. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever feelings you harbor—it doesn’t matter. Just graduate from the academy quietly like a good little boy.”
Cough. My throat was still being crushed, breath cut off, but I didn’t want to answer.
“No answer…?”
Anger flashed across her face. She tightened her grip as if she meant to snap my neck.
“Kehk—cough—k-kill me…”
“What…?”
“Kek… I said kill me…”
I had no confidence I could endure the academy until graduation. It would be better to die before then. If it had to happen, dying by Ishilla’s hand would be easier.
I stopped resisting entirely and let the strength drain from my arms and legs. My throat remained trapped, my vision fading to gray, but none of it mattered anymore.
Ishilla stared at me with startled eyes. Soon her expression curdled with disgust and she released me.
“…………”
Thud—
“Cough—haa, haa… Why… why did you let go?”
“Aren, I will never give you what you want. Don’t even think about escaping comfortably.”
At her words, laughter burst out of me before I could stop it.
“Pu—puhuup…! Pfft—khhk.”
I thought I had endured it. I thought I had hidden it well. But it seemed I was far more broken than I realized. Having already stood at death’s door once, every buried emotion now spilled out unchecked.
Despair and sorrow. Regret and resentment. The laughter mixed with all of them poured out without end.
When I began laughing like a madman, Ishilla frowned.
“What’s so funny…?”
“Doesn’t senior find it funny? I’ve already lost everything. Friends, fiancée, reputation, life itself. In this hell, what exactly do you want from me? Huh? Repentance? Atonement? If you’re going to spout that kind of bullshit again, just kill me now. Since you clearly have no intention of doing it.”
“…………”
The look in Ishilla’s eyes had changed. It was no longer pure contempt. If anything, it resembled deep pity. The sympathy on her face made nausea rise in my throat. The old contempt and disgust had been far better—they were familiar.
But that expression… that pity… It made me want to hope. It made me want to vomit out every unfair thing that had happened. The attachment I thought I had abandoned long ago reared its head once more.
That was why I had to sever it. I needed to cut away the last scraps of hope and lingering feelings with one clean stroke so I could finally breathe.
“Senior. You said it yourself, didn’t you? When I saved you before. That you would grant me one request.”
Back when I saved Ishilla, she had sworn to repay the debt, promising to fulfill anything I asked.
The time had come to make that request.
With my body completely drained, I crawled across the floor and clutched her ankle.
“This is my last request—my final wish. Ishilla senior… please kill me.”
If possible, do it so I feel no pain. Cut me down in a single stroke.
At my plea, Ishilla’s face crumpled horribly. Even her distorted expression was breathtakingly beautiful, so I kept staring at her, unable to look away.
“Aren… you…”
She seemed to reach some decision. She drew her beloved sword.
Shing—
The blade’s mirror-like surface reflected my face. I lifted my head straight so she could cut cleanly and closed my eyes.
“Thank you. Senior.”
I had failed to drop out of the academy, but it seemed I had succeeded in dropping out of life. In a way, this was closer to forced expulsion.
Slice—
With the sharp sound of something being severed, my vision went black in an instant.