If You Fuck Around, You're Dead – How the Hell Did Aunt Know I Needed an Island?
I wondered how my aunt knew I needed an island. Ah, well, Sua probably didn't go digging too carefully, so that makes sense. But still, was there any reason for her to call me about it…?
— Your grandfather said he was impressed and offered to give you an artificial island.
If he wants to give you something he already has, I wouldn't complain. But of all things, the artificial island I ordered 13 years ago…
"Ah… I see."
— Of course I said no. It's not cheap, and it takes a ton of time too? That's all prep for the greater plan. Jeez.
It looked like Grandpa was trying to give me some kind of gift again. And word of it leaked all the way to my aunt.
— It kinda feels like this aunt stole her nephew's gift. Poor thing.
"Ah… N-no, it's fine. I couldn't even operate it properly right now anyway."
— Exactly. The one I ordered is about a third the size of Incheon. You couldn't even use it if I gave it to you.
"Pardon? A third of Incheon?"
Is she insane? Incheon is the biggest metropolis on the peninsula… A third of that?
'He must really love that Go board…'
Maybe he'd even chatted with Han Guk-young's ghost by now. That could explain why he was so thrilled.
— Instead, I have another artificial island left over. Want that one? It's much smaller, but that makes it easier for personal use.
I'm not just gonna hand it over, though. If my nephew can convince this aunt in a month, I'll gladly let you have it.
"Convince… you, ma'am?"
What the hell am I supposed to convince her of? Give a PPT presentation on why I need an artificial island…?
— Yeah. Convince me. I don't know what it'll be, but it won't hurt. Artificial islands are things you can't buy even with money—if you can snag one just by convincing me, that's a steal.
Besides, my purpose was crystal clear. I was already prepping to build a prison and setting up a mercenary company.
'An artificial island is perfect for running a prison.'
"Thank you for the opportunity, Aunt. I'll prepare hard."
— Good. See you in a month, then.
"Yes. Good night!"
I bowed politely to the empty air and hung up.
Sua asked, "An artificial island? She's giving you one?"
"Yeah. Aunt's offering it, but I gotta convince her. Organize it all nicely and hand it over to me."
"Yes, Master. But wow… Even most countries can't get their hands on one…"
"I'll be a nation soon enough. Direct heir of Goryeo Group. A walking empire."
Not that I had much cash, though.
"…Honestly, I was kinda skeptical before, but now it really seems that way."
"What? Skeptical?"
This girl was talking crazy first thing in the morning.
"Talking big like that? You need a spanking."
"Pardon? Eek!"
+++
I headed to the Goryeo Entertainment office in Ganghwa.
First thing I did was round up the LUMINA girls. They came sprinting over mid-practice.
I crossed my legs on the sofa and lined them up in a row. They were all drenched in sweat.
"How's the prep going?"
"Y-yes… sir. We're working hard…"
"Not 'hard'—are you doing it well?"
"…"
"Words won't cut it. Dance."
I glanced at the manager, who gave a hand signal for timing and started the music.
LUMINA, tense-faced but ready, danced with skills way better than before. As idols debuting with a sexy concept, their title track was blatantly aimed at that, but sadly, my dick didn't twitch once by the end.
'Hmm. Not bad… But maybe 'cause I just fucked Sua.'
That was the regrettable part. Major choreography changes now would take more time.
But debuting as-is felt kinda bland.
"Good work."
"…"
"One word each. What'd you think? Sua, you first."
She'd opposed bringing in these trainees from the start. Kept nitpicking after, but surprisingly, she praised them this time.
"It's good? Way better than before. The dance has real power, and the expressions will appeal to women too."
The rest of the staff nodded along, mostly satisfied.
"Baekseol, you?"
She stuttered, not expecting me to ask her.
"Uh… I'm not great with this stuff… But the moves seem solid. Clean, no fat, good sync. Not boring to watch."
Everyone saw it positively. Slightly different from my take, but I quickly figured out why.
'They're all women—they don't get a man's dick sensibilities.'
We got the song and choreo from Rainbow Miracle, but final approval was with Goryeo Entertainment folks. All women.
They couldn't know what makes a guy's cock stand up.
With the good reviews, LUMINA sneaked smiles and glanced my way.
"Same here. Good dance, high polish, catchy song."
"Th-thank you…!"
"But."
"…?"
I spread my legs and pointed at my crotch.
"The most important part flopped."
"Ah…"
"What'd I say before?"
"J-just… make it hard, and we're golden…"
"Right. That's the essence of sexy. But I'm not hard now. Means it's a bit lacking for sexy concept. And yet you all approved it."
The mood sobered.
"W-well… if we go too heavy on that… image burn-out, so we toned it down, sir…"
The producer said cautiously. Fair point. Image consumption—sure, possible.
"Who said flash tits and pussy? Keep it teasing. Stretch the timing instead. And why worry about that at debut?"
"…"
"I'll inspect daily, so revise the choreo."
Micromanaging from the top kills efficiency like nothing else… But with me the only guy at Goryeo Entertainment, no choice.
Couldn't hire men just for this. Chastity mattered more than efficiency.
"Teaser photoshoot?"
"Ah, yes! Done. Just needs uploading."
"Bring it."
Thankfully, the teaser shots turned out great.
"Slap ads on this, make a video. Upload to Mityube when ready."
"Yes, sir."
I skimmed LUMINA management, then checked our idols. Signing 137 at once meant tons of issues popping up.
I couldn't handle it all solo, so I pulled in nearby Rainbow Miracle staff as temp fixes. Good thing agencies were collapsing in real-time—time would normalize it as talent flooded the market. Plenty of women among them.
"How's the industry-standard contract reaction?"
"Split. Some love it, some hate. Fans of it appreciate the actor rights protection. Haters prioritize work—it's about authenticity."
"What bullshit."
"Banning all skinship including kisses limits video production, they think."
"Hm."
True. If porn turned out fake later, it'd be a scandal.
"Mobilize people to paint those 'authenticity' guys as pervs."
"Pardon?"
"Just brand the authenticity obsessives as pervs."
"…"
"CG fixes it. Who cares if it's real? You're just perving out on weird fantasies, right? Something like that."
"Ah… Got it."
Processing work flew by till lunch, when Inaeun called.
"What's up?"
"Sua told me earlier. Article drops soon via Hyunju. Your bosses have eyes—they'll judge smart."
"Huh? What?"
Goryeo Group should be helping me keep the special team alive. Why push disbandment?
"…"
Ah, right. Goryeo Group could take sex bribes too. Like me. Kinda weird they'd been quiet till now.
"So they're forcing disbandment? Side branch pulling strings?"
Her giggles midway? This bitch was actually enjoying it. Not just blindly trusting me— she'd been like this even when mouthing off. Just wired weird.
Sua called her a psycho… Like Minji, maybe?
"Got it. Keep being the justice prosecutor."
"Oh, who's the suspected side branch guy? Where's the pressure coming from?"
Incheon High Prosecutors' chief… Straight to the top. Tch.
Should I advertise that Goryeo Entertainment's owner is Goryeo Group's sole direct heir, Ko Mu-yeol? Or do they know and just wanna cut side deals among family?
Would've said something first, at least. Not that I'd listen.
"Some side branch getting cocky… From now on, I get all the idol sex bribes."
Ding.
Text came right away. Suspected side branch name…
"Who's this?"
Too many side branches—I honestly had no clue.