Isn't That Funny?

Isn't that funny?

The heroes of this generation were different somehow.

A hero, at the most basic level, was a savior chosen by the Goddess. They were champions of the world, and so it was common for them to carry not just confidence but outright arrogance. That wasn't strange in itself. Too much confidence could be poison, sure — but ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠too little, and you'd never even dare face the Demon King, let alone fight him.

Even so, those heroes still knew fear. When death or serious injury loomed, they turned back. They were afraid. Some of them abandoned every title and privilege they held and simply fled, saying they couldn't do it anymore.

But these ones…

"So it was real."

These ones were different. They were far weaker than the previous generation, yet they had no fear. More precisely, they treated their own lives as cheaper than a single copper coin — as if dying once their goal was met was perfectly fine.

It wasn't that such people had never existed. But those had thrown their lives away to protect a country, a family, or someone they loved. Discarding your life this playfully wasn't sacrifice.

There's something behind it.

"Right?"

"……"

I spoke while looking at the hero locked inside a tiny iron cage. The cage was only a little larger than my hand, and after various escape attempts, the occupant had settled into a half-resigned state. More accurately, he seemed to be waiting for an opening.

Heh.

"The first time I got suspicious was with those three heroes who tried to steal my treasure. I definitely crushed them — and then they just vanished into thin air."

The suspicion had started with heroes who disappeared without leaving so much as a corpse. Only faint blue smoke had lingered where they'd stood. Back then, I'd assumed it was the Goddess's power — that she'd whisked them away right before death. Maybe she was paying special attention to this batch of heroes?

But once I realized they were mass-produced heroes, the questions only grew.

What are these things?

Weak as they were, their behavior was more insolent than any proper hero's. No fear. They treated death like stepping out for a drink of water.

After that, Lebon, who'd challenged me to a duel, and any number of other heroes had been driven to the brink of death — and every single time, they simply vanished in a puff of blue smoke. My suspicions deepened further…

There's an invader among them.

And at last, the moment came when I could confirm it.

"Before you showed up, I caught a few heroes, and they disappeared every time. Naturally, no bodies left behind."

"……"

"So I was about half-sure — and then I saw you. Ah. So it's real."

The heroes of this generation were immortals.

I had no idea what that old hag had cooked up, but the Demon King was going to grab the back of his neck and collapse.

Heroes who don't die even when they die.

What kind of absurdity was this?

"Looks like the old hag prepared something fun. The Demon King's gonna love this to death."

"…If you know that, then let me out."

"? Why would I?"

"I am a hero! A hero who will save the world! It's tragic, really! To hoard such rare treasures and never use them!"

"Hmm."

"If you'd distributed these weapons long ago, the Demon King's army would already have been wiped—"

"What nonsense is that, you thief?"

I sent a faint current of electricity through the cage.

GYAAAAARGH!!!

Just short of killing him — the thieving hero sizzled and cooked, then toppled over, out cold.

"What's mine is mine. Why would I hand it out?"

Was I a volunteer dragon? I wasn't ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠some devout holy maiden. There wasn't a speck of reason I should share my treasure with anyone else.

Clank!

I locked the cage door tight and strolled with light steps toward the nest clearing.

"Pffft…"

This was entertaining.

Haring sat waiting in the nest clearing. She'd planned to spend the day smacking golems or studying magic as usual, but the sudden arrival of thieves had put everything on hold. It wasn't the mood for training, and the golems were currently unavailable, so waiting was all she could do.

"Hooah…"

Of course, mana cultivation could be done sitting still, so she was working on that in parallel.

"Right?"

Haring continued her breathing exercises and gallery browsing, then suddenly felt a flicker of doubt. The treasure vault entrance wasn't that far away, but it wasn't an easy place to approach either. Originally it hadn't been — then once after MountainSpirit's failed theft, and again after Nya-nya obtained the legendary staff and users started sniffing around so much that Lea sealed the entrance a second time. With two layers of security in place, even a ranker shouldn't have been able to break through that easily.

"How did they get in so fast?"

Even with a diversion, it seemed like they wouldn't have had nearly enough time. The question crossed her mind, but Haring soon let it go and returned to her mana cultivation. Whatever the method, they'd all been caught anyway. Whether some fearless user who'd tried to steal a dragon's treasure lived or died was none of Haring's concern.

What mattered was that far too many users had died because of this incident. No matter how lazy and bored Lea seemed, she was bound to notice.

Before long, users who shared ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠roughly the same uneasy feeling had all gathered around Haring.

"She's going to figure it out, right?"

"Yeah… probably."

"If she still doesn't know, she's pretending not to on purpose."

"How much should we tell her?"

"I don't know…"

The fact that heroes were special beings who didn't actually die was something that would inevitably come to light. They'd kept it hidden until now, but it was no longer something they could conceal. So the question was how much to reveal.

"If we say it's a game…"

"That is absolutely not okay."

At Nya-nya's question, Hidene shook her head firmly. According to Evan — the highest-ranked among the advance party who regularly posted on the Frolazia Gallery — high-tier NPCs were remarkably sharp. They might treat you as a proper hero up to a point, but the moment they learned you were an immortal who treated this world like entertainment?

Roughly seven or eight out of ten would see their trust plummet. Most would start viewing the heroes negatively, and in severe cases, it wasn't uncommon for them to try to kill you. Even as disciples of a dragon, the situation could flip in an instant.

Haa…

Yong-ba let out a deep sigh.

"I mean, if you already got robbed once, just stay home and rest. Why come back?"

"Agreed."

"Tsk."

"That bastard Heurisk. Pig. Cow."

"Ugly enough that a mask is a public service."

"Looks like he smells."

The users tore into Heurisk, the root of the whole mess, with gusto — but it didn't make them feel any better inside. The damage was already done, and they needed a way to clean it up.

Haring stopped her breathing exercise and stood.

"Let's use that method."

"Yeah, that's really the only option…"

"Will it even work again?"

"We have to try! And I happen to have something to report anyway."

There wasn't any other real option.

"Leaaaaa!"

"Lea!"

"Lea! Lea! Lea!"

"Master!"

"?"

I arrived at the clearing carrying the cage with the thief inside, and the heroes came rushing over in a hurry. Every one of them was loaded down with piles of fruit, sweets, and meat, and a plush carpet had been laid out on the rock I always sat on. It wasn't tribute day, yet the clearing looked as lavish as a feast table.

Nya-nya and Haring came up beside me and started kneading my shoulders and arms.

"What are you all doing?"

"You must be exhausted~ Catching this wicked hero — no, a thief who's the worst kind of hero — must have been so much work."

"That's right! So awful!"

"It wasn't that much work."

The one-armed golem had done all the hard labor. I'd just strolled back and forth to the treasure vault like I was taking a walk.

I sat down on the plush carpet as the heroes guided me.

Mm.

Soft.

"Right. You guys are also immor—"

"Ah, and Nya-nya says she has something to tell you."

"Ahem!"

"? What is it?"

I looked at Nya-nya, who seemed rather pleased with herself. Now that I looked closely, something about her was different…

"I think I'm about to form my second star."

"Really?"

My eyes widened as I examined the area around Nya-nya's heart. Faint, very faint — but the shape of a second star was visible.

"Already?"

"Heh… heheh. It was hard, but I did it."

"That's impressive."

One star was one thing, but forming two or more usually took a fair amount of time. I patted the head of a slightly worn-out-looking Nya-nya.

I spent a good while praising her, crunching away on the fruit and sweets being fed into my mouth, and before I knew it I was getting drowsy.

I was going to ask something…

"Hyaaam…"

"Are you sleepy?"

"Yeah. Gonna nap later."

I'd ask later. It didn't seem all that important anyway…

Clank!

"Um… Lea?"

"Hm?"

"What's that…"

"Ah. This is the thief's prison."

I grinned and lifted the cage I'd set down.

"He's immortal, so he won't die. Figured I'd lock him up for about fifty years."

"…Excuse me?"

"Fifty years?"

"Yeah. The way he keeps trying to get out is hilarious."

"……"

"What?"

Isn't that funny?