Chapter 43
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 43
Chapter Title: Become Like Me
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Radia stared chillingly at the sword in her hand.
Then, like a fledgling that had lost its mother, she looked at me, unsure what to do.
The eerie chill creeping over her body wouldn't fade, and holding a blade made it impossible.
Letting it go wasn't easy either.
She would have to bear my full disappointment.
And so, Radia stood there, frozen, unable to do this or that.
Her grip faltered under the weight, making her sway, and I considered steadying her—but ultimately, I gave up.
This was Radia's trial.
I was the one pushing her off the cliff, not the one grabbing her hand to pull her back.
‘That role suits that professor better.’
The one who would take over after I stepped down in the original story.
The professor who arrives as a replacement if Aiden quits his temporary professorship and returns home.
If I was the pusher, she was the one who would hold hands and guide.
“I don’t want to die like this… Please save me.”
At my feet, the Botany Professor clutched Radia's ankle.
If she meant to crush it, she would have, but it was just a feeble grab at her hem, so I left it be.
“I-I didn’t do anything wrong. My students wanted it. I’m the victim… My students didn’t want this.”
Radia bit her lip until her head drooped.
A gloomy voice escaped, as if she had let something go.
“…In the end, someone has to die.”
“That’s right.”
“It’s just whether it’s the sacrifice of the few for the many, or the many for the few.”
“If you see it that way, sure.”
“The Botany Professor wouldn’t have fallen on her own, so someone must have led her to it.”
“Exactly.”
The questions were growing more specific.
“Is there a way to save everyone…?”
“If that’s what you want to pursue, then go for it.”
At this point, I was hands-off.
The situation had a set answer, but the choice was personal.
I respected Radia.
“No matter what I decide, will you go along with it, Professor?”
“I might agree, or I might not. But I won’t overturn it just because I don’t like it—as long as you have the courage to see your decision through.”
I didn’t mind the back-and-forth.
Dragging it out was an answer in itself.
If she hadn’t realized it, fine—but if she knew someone could die even now, there was no need to rush her.
“If you want to save her, then save her. I’ll look the other way.”
“Y-Yes! Save me! I don’t want to die yet! Please!”
I stomped on the Botany Professor to shut her up.
Radia had the right not to be swayed by begging.
Once the Botany Professor fell silent, I waited calmly.
Radia bit her lip until her full lips parted.
“I…”
Clang.
My eyebrow arched at the sound of the blade hitting the floor.
‘She’s going to save her?’
Then I’d have to apologize to the magic tower mages.
‘In that case, I’ll just make sure to look after the students…’
Radia bowed her head.
A self-mocking laugh escaped emptily.
“I… I can’t do it.”
The helplessness embedded in her cynicism pierced my chest.
Deep-rooted nihilism, despair, and self-loathing bordering on self-abuse.
“I can’t make this choice.”
Before pity could rise at the tears streaming down her cheeks, I slowly closed my eyes.
‘It was too much.’
I felt like I had pushed her too hard.
I knew I’d given her excessive pressure.
But even so, she was the protagonist.
I shouldn’t have wrapped her up tight fearing she’d wilt in the sea breeze—I should have exposed her to the storm.
“I see.”
With a crunch, I smashed the Botany Professor’s head.
If Radia had chosen, fine—but since she gave up, it was my job now.
What had been the Botany Professor’s head rolled across the ground before thudding against a tree trunk and stopping.
That marked the end of this final moment.
—Grraaaaaahhh…
From afar came the sound of the colossal beast deflating.
It collapsed slowly.
Its massive limbs hardened to gray like set mud, cracking into pieces.
The mass forming its body disintegrated in the air, plummeting straight to the ground.
Boom. The ground trembled faintly, and cheers announced the behemoth’s death.
With the summoner dead, the summoned died too—it was only natural.
The other swarm monsters would meet the same fate.
Thuds of collapsing bodies echoed from unseen places.
The cheers grew longer, lingering.
One regret: Radia and I weren’t part of those cheers.
Radia stood, legs trembling like a drenched kitten in the rain, pitiful.
The roars echoing everywhere would feel lonelier than ever today.
I shared her silence, understanding she couldn’t join the joy.
Radia closed her eyes, exhausted.
“I see.”
Unlike the disappointments she’d braced for, Aiden’s response was utterly straightforward.
No mockery, no disappointment.
If he’d said something, her self-loathing wouldn’t have deepened like this… But the professor seemed intent on saying nothing as he picked up the fallen sword and handed it to her.
“Let’s go.”
He was even kindly paternal.
He led her back the way they’d come.
She followed his trudging steps.
He said nothing. Not even a “Are you okay?”
The silence overwhelmed her, and she couldn’t bear the creeping gloom.
With a short sob, words spilled out.
“I’m so pathetic, aren’t I?”
“If you think so, then yes.”
Normally, it might sound like a rebuke, but given everything Aiden had said before, it wasn’t.
If she thought so, that meant…
‘If I stand tall, he’ll think I’m standing tall.’
He consistently deferred to her choices.
She alone decided—and even others’ judgments and resolve were hers to dictate.
A brief laugh escaped at the thought.
It was too consistent to ignore.
Her emotions had flared, bringing exhaustion and drowsiness.
She was utterly drained. Completely.
Enough to want to lean on someone.
She wanted to ask why he’d tormented her so.
She almost opened her mouth, then clamped her lips shut.
No need to ask what she already knew.
It had been a test.
Instead, she decided to act spoiled, matching the torment.
Walking alone was hard.
“Professor, hold my hand.”
He tilted his head curiously but extended his hand.
Unlike hers, it was large. She clasped it, burying her hand in it, and leaned against his arm.
Then they walked quietly.
The same silence, but no longer depressive or foggy.
Radia looked up at Aiden.
Always composed, reliable.
A landmark standing alone while others were swept away, dizzy.
Even his usual aloof demeanor felt like an extension of that.
“You always stand so straight, Professor.”
“…”
“I’m jealous. I’m just staggering like this.”
Aiden added a word without looking aside.
“Then become like me.”
Become like him? Radia let out a chuckle.
Jealous? Become like him.
Amid her complex feelings, stability washed over her.
It was ironic.
She’d suffered and hated him so much until now, yet now she felt at ease.
Maybe because she’d shaken it off, even if the result was giving up.
So…
Radia looked at Aiden again.
That face wouldn’t fade from memory anytime soon.
* * *
After everything ended, back in her room that day.
She mulled over her choice.
And the professor’s straightforward response.
Her mind was a mess.
But…
Radia pictured the professor’s face, one she thought she’d never see again.
Ambivalence lingered, a lonely emptiness in her chest.
Like being alone in a dim room, hollow and vacant.
Tears kept welling faintly, unable to stop.
Like pus from an old wound.
“‘Become like me,’ you said.”
Become like you, yet you end it so cleanly once it’s over.
Biting her lower lip, she rubbed her reddening eyes.
“Someone who says ‘become like me’—you just leave so neatly?”
At least meet once more, right?
She quietly scolded her aching chest.
The listlessness and pain surfaced every sleepless night.
The guilt of disappointing him tightened around her.
Once it burst like a dam, her true feelings spilled out for the first time.
Casually, at a speed that nearly slipped by unnoticed.
“If you shook me to my core, shouldn’t you stay by my side…?”
Without support, left abandoned…
You can’t just abandon me!
…Huh?
“Huh… Ra?”
She couldn’t believe the questioning voice from her own mouth.
Without support, wounds fester—that’s how people are.
They find a new center themselves, or someone helps them find it.
Radia finally realized, bursting into carefree laughter.
“You have to stay by my side. Yeah, that’s it. How did I not think of that?”
She wiped the tears pooling in her eyes.
It was all his fault. He had to take responsibility.
For making her like this.
Now again.
Entranced, Radia headed to Aiden’s lab and faced the blond professor.
“P-Please… don’t be disappointed. I was wrong.”
She saw Isel’s flustered expression.
Elin’s confusion at her behavior.
But through her hazy gaze, she felt Aiden, leisurely sipping coffee, looking her way.
That was enough satisfaction.
She’d caught his attention.
A soft sigh reached her ears.
She flinched in fear, but relaxed at his resigned expression.
“What is it, Radia?”
His straightforward yet tolerant tone—warm in its subtle way, if not fervent—made her smile.
“Stay by my side.”
You told me to become like you…
So I can become like you.
Aiden took a sip of coffee at her words.
He looked troubled, yet aware he had no reason to refuse, headachingly so.
But more than anything…
“If that’s your choice…”
His consistent demeanor drew the eye, as always.
“Then so be it.”
Radia responded to Aiden.
“Yes, that’s my choice, Professor.”
She didn’t need to stand tall right away.
She wasn’t that strong.
‘So…’
Until she could stand like that.
She’d learn under him.
Always.
Amid her bruised face, Radia smiled brightly.
Her sullen features lit up.
Elin sighed at the sight.
“See? I told you, the professor doesn’t stop those who come or chase those who leave.”
Aiden flinched at the words, though she didn’t know why.
Even that seemed humanizing.
“Like a sly playboy.”
Aiden set down his teacup and cleared his throat.
“…That’s a grievous misunderstanding of me…”
Radia burst out laughing.