The One Who Always Returns to Me #5
Emil said nothing.
Even as time slipped by, he simply held her in silence until Leni’s sobs finally ebbed away.
He had no idea how long they remained like that.
The sunlight beyond the window had already begun to slant, and the room had settled into the weary hush that follows prolonged weeping.
Leni’s eyes were swollen and red, dried tear tracks staining the bridge of her nose.
Emil drew out a handkerchief and gently wiped her face.
Leni remained silent.
She only tilted her head slightly, closed her eyes, and surrendered herself to his care.
“It’s all right now, Princess.”
Emil whispered softly.
But Leni shook her head.
“…It’s not all right. Nothing is.”
She steadied her still-trembling breath before continuing with difficulty.
“Are you truly a priest…? Or will you vanish again, just like all those dreams I keep having?”
“No.”
Emil’s voice was calm and steady.
“This is not a dream. I am here, alive, at your side.”
Leni stayed curled against his chest, face buried in his robes.
Her voice was small, still thick with the emotions that had surged through her.
“…Then why didn’t you come that day? I waited every single day… I cried every night waiting for you to return… I thought you must be dead, but I kept praying you’d come back alive.”
“…”
Emil offered no answer.
He drew a short breath.
A tangle of feelings too complex for words pressed heavily against his heart.
“I’m sorry.”
That was all he could finally say.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come. There were simply… matters I couldn’t handle at the time.”
“…What matters?”
“It’s difficult to explain in words. But one thing is certain: I have returned.”
Leni lifted her head to look up at him.
Her eyes still carried the raw traces of exhaustion and heartache from crying, yet within them burned a clear, resolute will.
“Never… leave again. Please. Don’t disappear.”
“…Understood.”
Emil hesitated for a moment before answering.
“I won’t leave. Not anymore.”
Leni exhaled a long, shaky breath.
As though those words alone had lifted a weight from her shoulders, the tension in them eased by the smallest degree.
“…Then, Priest. There’s something I want to ask you.”
“Yes, anything at all.”
Leni caught his wrist.
She traced it as if remembering the way his arm had once been burned and ruined, yet Emil’s body showed no trace of injury.
Not a wound, not even a scar.
“Priest… are you truly all right? After fighting like that, after being hurt so badly… are you really okay now?”
Emil smiled quietly.
He could not explain everything.
How could he possibly tell her?
About Pidea.
About what had happened to him that day.
About how he had returned alive.
“I’m fine, Princess.”
He covered her small hand with his own once more.
Her warmth flowed into him.
This small, fragile child.
The little girl he had fought so hard to save.
“Telling you my story now would take far too long. Before that, I’d like to hear yours.”
“Mine? I… nothing happened. It was the same as before I met you. There wasn’t a single joyful thing. I simply lived from one empty day to the next.”
Those words twisted something painfully inside his chest.
“What about Queen Alena… your sister?”
“I can’t meet Sister Alena. Because of my curse. But she visits me sometimes. She drinks a great deal of holy water and stays just long enough to talk about this and that.”
Leni bit her lip.
“But I’m always so gloomy… she tries to cheer me up, and that only makes it harder. Pretending to be happy is too difficult.”
Her voice was heavy with melancholy.
The sight of her like this unsettled him for no clear reason, so he stroked her hair in gentle comfort.
“…!”
“Forgive me, Princess.”
Leni lifted her head a fraction.
Poor Leni.
A wave of self-reproach rose within Emil.
How cruel, how cursed an act it was to show this child a glimpse of hope while she lived in pain, only to snatch it away again?
What terrible curse should fall upon a priest who made false promises of a happy future with empty kindness, then fled and left her behind?
I thought I had saved her, but all I did was bring her even greater suffering.
Had Pidea not brought him back, Leni would have carried her incurable curse for the rest of her life, drowning in endless self-loathing and despair, never able to forget the selfish priest who abandoned her.
“I should have stayed by your side… but I failed you. When you needed me most, I wasn’t there. I am truly sorry.”
“…Ugh.”
The apology came from the deepest part of him.
For this willful, selfish man who had used a child’s affection as a tool for his own advancement and then discarded her, these words were the only apology his guilty mouth could offer.
Leni pressed her face deeper into his chest and clutched his robes so tightly her knuckles turned white.
At last, in a voice that barely escaped her, she called out.
“…Priest.”
“Yes. Speak freely.”
“Then… you really won’t disappear from now on? Can you promise me?”
“Yes.”
Emil smoothed her hair.
“Of course, if one day the princess grows tired of this priest, if my face becomes unpleasant and my very presence offends you, then I may have to leave for your sake. But as long as you wish it, I will remain at your side.”
“That… that could never happen. There’s no way I could ever come to hate you…”
Emil continued stroking her hair, then paused as an odd sensation registered.
He quickly understood what it was.
“Hmm…”
Had Leni’s head always reached this high?
The tiny girl who once barely came to his waist… now rested her face against his chest and looked up at him.
When his hand stopped, Leni gazed at him with sudden anxiety.
“What is it, Priest? Did I do something wrong?”
“No. It’s only that… I realized how much you’ve grown while I was away.”
“Oh, really?”
Leni’s face flushed with surprise, then brightened with unmistakable joy.
“Truly? Do I really look that way? Do I… seem like a proper lady now?”
“Yes. You have become a fine young lady.”
At Emil’s gentle smile, Leni’s expression grew even brighter. She touched her cheek and smiled.
Then, as though remembering something, she gave a small start. Her face began to cloud over.
“What’s wrong?”
Leni hesitated, then spoke timidly.
“Um… Priest. Do I look too messy right now? I haven’t dressed up at all, so I was afraid you might find me strange…”
“Not in the least. You are still beautiful.”
“Beautiful… there you go again.”
Even as she said it, Leni glanced down at herself, timidly touching her sleeves and hem before asking again.
“Priest… do you truly mean that?”
“Mean what?”
“That you always call me beautiful. Are those words sincere?”
Good heavens, what an utterly adorable princess.
Her shy, hesitant question brought a smile to his lips without effort.
Of course.
At their first meeting she had always been cold, and even afterward she rarely showed her more childlike side.
The Leni he had met was a fourteen-year-old girl, and even now, after all this time, she remained one.
Wanting to look pretty, wanting to hear that she was pretty; that was simply a girl’s heart.
The fact that such simple praise could bring her joy was nothing short of delightful.
“Princess, do you truly believe I would speak empty flattery just to please you?”
“No, it’s not that… but you’re kind. It might only be consideration…”
“Not at all, Princess. I’m not certain if I’ve told you before, but there are truly few people in all of Rosdea as beautiful as you. My word, it seems the princess herself does not realize just how lovely she is. Otherwise you would never ask such an obvious question.”
Emil poured out praise without pause, a relentless stream of compliments.
Leni lowered her head again, but it was clear she did not dislike it.
“Then… what about Lady Cately Ricgard? Do you think I’m prettier than her?”
Cately?
Why should that name surface now?
“Lady Cately Ricgard, you say? She is certainly a beauty, Princess, but she is not without equal. She could never compare to you.”
“Really…?”
“Of course, Princess.”
His praise may have been lavish, yet none of it was false.
Even back in Iredain, Leni had been better described as beautiful than merely cute.
Now that she had grown, a mature allure had been added to that beauty, making her a true young lady worthy of the word.
“I see… so you really do think that way…”
Leni answered carefully.
She trailed off and gave a small nod, but her face did not openly show delight.
Instead she seemed to be trying to hide it, pressing her lips together and turning her gaze slightly aside.
A faint flush had risen to her cheeks.
It was not a deep blush, yet beneath her calm expression something warm and quiet flickered.
“I don’t know what others might think, but if you truly see me that way… I’m happy.”
“I suspect anyone would feel the same.”
Leni continued to toy with the hem of her skirt, a habit that seemed to serve as both nervous gesture and shield for her emotions.
After a moment’s hesitation she asked, “Priest… how long can you stay?”
“As long as you wish.”
Emil answered without the slightest pause.
“If the princess permits it, I will remain at your side for as long as you desire.”
In truth, he would have to leave her side for a short while.
He was now to stay in the capital Myrdin and would be assigned quarters. He also needed to speak with Neil, Roen, and Queen Alena, who had expressed a desire to meet him.
But he chose not to mention any of that.
“…Then stay here with me a little longer today. Having you beside me… it would be nice if you could remain just like this for a while.”
There was no plea in her voice, no desperate begging. It was calm, almost matter-of-fact, as though she were asking for something trivial.
Yet Emil understood.
He knew how long that simple word “while” had truly been longed for.
“As you wish.”
Leni leaned against his side once more. This time she did not bury herself in his arms or cling tightly.
Simply being close seemed enough.
The sunlight outside continued to slant lower, and the room fell into a tranquil silence that was neither tears nor emptiness.
Within that quiet, even without words, each other’s presence became a comfort, and such a time flowed gently onward.