The Person Who Doesn't Find Me Repulsive
There were many kings across the continent, and far more lords besides them. Yet if one asked where the highest place in this land lay, two answers would always rise to the surface.
In the south of the continent, people would name the throne of Rosdea. In the north, they would name the throne of Ildengard.
A tall king with red hair sat upon Rosdea’s throne, while a hunchbacked and ugly king occupied Ildengard’s.
And the princess seated at her father’s feet believed that every happy moment would last forever.
But every flood is inevitably followed by an ebb, and all happiness hides misfortune in the folds of its skirt.
It took only one thing for the child who had once played in the palace of the capital Myrdin to end up locked away in the farthest room of Iredain.
A ‘curse.’ That was all.
“……Ah!”
Leni woke from the nightmare, shuddering as the familiar wave of crushing self-loathing and self-pity crashed over her.
Even after escaping the dream, reality offered no mercy.
Nausea surged up her throat at once.
All she had to do was lift the hem of her skirt a little to glimpse the hideous, repulsive traces of the curse.
The maids often whispered that the stench rising from her leg was the curse, but they were wrong.
It was merely a secondary phenomenon born from the curse’s presence. The curse that devoured Leni was not that kind.
That day—Alon Ricgard’s birthday—Leni had been wandering the grounds, craving fresh air.
It was quiet. Impossibly quiet.
Neither the ominous cry of the nightjar nor the nightingale’s beautiful song reached her ears.
Even the insects refused to chirp near her.
She felt as though she had been abandoned by the world.
Everyone hated her. Everyone avoided her. Everyone feared her.
Was it because her leg had grown monstrous? Because of the seizures that brought searing pain? No. What sort of curse would that be?
Leni knew the truth. Her real curse was this—being hated by everyone.
The day her curse first overflowed, on Leni’s own birthday, no one present ever saw another dawn.
It wasn’t that Leni’s curse had killed them.
What killed them was themselves.
The instant the curse spilled over, everyone there understood.
They all found Leni repulsive.
They all hated Leni.
And despairing at the thought of living in a world that contained her, they chose death.
They drove knives into their own throats or smashed their skulls against the walls, and that place became a living portrait of Sheol.
Afterward, it was officially declared that Leni had died of illness.
The royal family could not possibly reveal that a curse ran in their blood.
Yet hiding it forever proved impossible.
People wrinkled their noses at Leni’s stench. The moment they saw her leg, hatred consumed them; they cursed every evil in existence and died.
Everyone came to fear her, to loathe her, to hate her.
Leni’s older sister alone continued to love her,
and that was exactly why Leni grew even more terrified.
If her sister stayed beside her, she too would eventually come to hate her.
It was better to leave than to watch someone she loved begin to despise her.
That was what Leni believed.
‘Sister……’
So Leni begged the king—her father—to send her away,
and her father, who feared the curse, secretly felt relieved and dispatched her to Alon Ricgard, lord of Iredain.
Alon Ricgard was a dissolute man, but his loyalty to the royal family was unshakable. He considered it an honor to take custody of her.
Besides, the political advantage of holding the royal family’s secret must have been tempting.
“……Hm.”
She sensed a presence behind her.
When she turned, a man in black robes stood there.
Another exclusive priest. Leni frowned.
Alon Ricgard had assigned her exclusive priests several times before.
Of course, it was never for the sake of educating her.
What Alon wanted was the priests themselves.
Just as it had happened on Leni’s birthday,
the curse, if left alone, would continue to build until it overflowed.
If there was a way to suppress it,
it was to keep pouring the curse onto new victims.
All of Leni’s maids, upon catching her stench, had come to find her repulsive and hateful.
The more they did, the more the curse within her subsided.
But the method had limits.
Unless she revealed the curse to someone and that person died, the curse would eventually stop diminishing.
Nor could she constantly find new targets to show it to.
She could hardly kill a person every few days.
It would never be enough.
Alon had pondered the problem with genuine seriousness.
He was a truly chilling man.
Yet in the end he found a solution.
Priests who served the gods did not die immediately upon seeing the curse.
Alon decided to exploit that fact.
He lured priests greedy for Iredain’s gold, appointed them as Leni’s exclusive priests, and forced them to suffer by exposing them to the curse.
Of course, even priests could not endure forever.
When one broke, he simply found another.
Alon solved the problem by cycling new priests in, assigning them to Leni, transferring the curse, and replacing them a few months later.
He was delighted with the arrangement,
but for Leni it was hell.
She was forced to live for months beside people who regarded her with utter disgust.
Their eyes were always on her. Those gazes brimming with hatred and revulsion, as though they might tear her apart at any second…
None of them ever physically attacked her, yet those hateful stares alone were more than enough to destroy the heart of a fourteen-year-old girl.
‘This man will find me repulsive too. He’ll hate me, loathe me, curse me, and then disappear.’
He had a face that looked kind when he smiled.
Yet he would meet the same end. Without question.
“Are you a priest?”
“Who are you, miss?”
Hadn’t Alon Ricgard told him?
He had definitely mentioned sharing a meal soon. He must have planned to explain it then.
She was already sick of that man’s methods.
“I asked first. Don’t answer a question with another question. Have you no manners?”
“Forgive me… Yes, as you said, I am a priest. My name is Emil.”
When she snapped at him, the man named Emil gave an awkward smile. That smile was so pure and clear it made him look almost saintly.
‘Idiot. It doesn’t matter if you’re good. No one is going to like you anyway.’
Leni scolded herself as though the words were meant for someone else.
After all, the moment he saw her leg he would find her repulsive, begin to curse her, and eventually become unable to bear her existence. He would leave.
“Disappear.”
“Pardon?”
“Get away from my side. Leave Iredain and never return. Make sure I never have to see you again.”
The words left Leni before she could stop them.
For some reason, she wanted to say them to this priest.
She simply… didn’t want to see him come to hate her.
A maid from the castle called for her just then.
It was a relief. If he smelled her stench any longer, he would surely begin to find her repulsive too.
The next time she saw him was, of course, at Alon Ricgard’s dinner table.
It was an unbearably uncomfortable gathering.
Lady Cately made no effort to hide her dislike—and since Leni was treated as Alon’s bastard, that was hardly surprising. Alon himself, though he didn’t show it openly, refused to touch his food because of Leni’s stench and simply sat in silence.
Then he arrived.
Priest Emil.
He greeted them with the same flawlessly clear smile he had worn the first time she saw him.
Every time she saw that smile her heart twisted. She didn’t want to witness the moment it warped into disgust.
‘Get away from my side. Please……’
She couldn’t say the rest, but the first part slipped out in a tiny whisper. So small it was barely audible.
Emil seemed to read her lips; he looked faintly puzzled by her reaction.
“Priest Emil. Come, come in.”
While Alon explained things to Emil, Leni stole another glance at him.
She also saw the face of Alon Ricgard’s daughter, Daisy Ricgard, standing behind him.
That expression… ah. Leni recognized it at once. It was the face of a girl in love.
And she understood exactly what illusion the two of them were under. Daisy clearly expected this priest to become her exclusive priest.
‘I’m sorry……’
Both Daisy and Priest Emil seemed to be expecting it. If so, she truly was sorry.
From now on he would have to endure the painful life of an exclusive priest.
“Emil of Tyssos. I hereby appoint you as the exclusive priest for my daughter Leni. Will you accept?”
The moment Alon spoke those words, Daisy and Emil were visibly shaken—just as Leni had expected.
In that instant Leni understood Alon’s true intention.
Daisy seemed to like and follow this priest closely.
But Alon found him disagreeable.
So he had arranged this.
Remove the unwanted priest from his daughter’s side and, in the same stroke, use him to dissolve Leni’s curse.
What a wretched man.
Leni despised him.
He would commit such acts without hesitation, using his loyalty as a shield.
“What are you saying, Father! That makes no sense! Wasn’t the priest supposed to be my exclusive priest?”
Daisy shouted, pointed at Leni, burst into tears, and protested, but it was useless.
Even when she called Leni repulsive and the child of a whore, Leni felt almost nothing.
This girl knew nothing.
She was simply furious that the priest had been taken from her.
“Daisy!”
Alon grew angry at his daughter’s outburst, but from Leni’s perspective it was absurd.
Why scold an innocent child? This man’s loyalty was twisted in strange ways.
“Lord Alon, I will gladly accept.”
Priest Emil accepted without further comment.
Indeed, what else could he say?
Anyone but a fool would refrain from refusing in such a tense atmosphere.
“Lady Leni. May I come in?”
So on Emil’s first day, Leni did not open the door. No—she could not bring herself to.
She was too afraid that once he stepped inside he would look at her with contempt and revulsion.
“Get away from my side……”
She repeated only those words,
continually pushing him away.
“It seems you might grow lonely if I am not here, my lady.”
Yet Emil answered with a smile.
He was always smiling cheerfully.
Somehow, that smile made her feel at ease.
‘He isn’t smiling at me. He smiles because it is his duty. Once the curse touches him, even that will turn to disgust… I know. I know it well.’
Leni deliberately kept her leg tightly wrapped.
Alon would frown if he knew, but…
She did not want to be hated by this priest.
Even so, she could not hide the stench.
Any normal person would have kept their distance because of it, yet Emil paid it no mind and remained by her side.
Even if it was only a priest’s sense of duty,
Leni was endlessly grateful.
At the same time, she felt sorry.
Sorry that he had to endure this stench because of her.
A short while later, he confused her even more.
“I will read to you.”
He would hold her in his arms and read aloud,
“Allow me to feed you.”
He would scoop cake onto a spoon and bring it to her lips.
At first she was flustered and embarrassed.
But gradually a different thought took root.
Had anyone besides her sister ever devoted themselves to Leni like this?
‘This person… must truly be good. Someone who doesn’t care about the recipient’s attitude and simply offers kindness.’
That realization made her heart heavy again.
It would have been better if this priest had become Daisy’s. Then everyone could have been happy.
Instead of enduring the stench and caring for a difficult child like Leni, Emil could have spent pleasant days with Lady Daisy who loved him.
Daisy too would have enjoyed joyful days with the priest she adored.
And Leni… would not have had to suffer this self-loathing and guilt.
“That’s enough. Go.”
So when Daisy came looking for Emil,
Leni sent him to her.
Daisy was delighted. Emil willingly left with her to share a meal.
And the one left behind…
felt relieved.
She was neither lonely nor sad.
Because this was the right thing.
It definitely was.
“……Ugh.”
By cruel coincidence,
the seizure began at that very moment.
The scar on Leni’s ankle spread like ink, dyeing her entire leg black. Agonizing pain tore through her.
“Ugh… aah…!”
Even as she clutched her ankle and writhed, Leni thought it was fortunate.
At least she hadn’t had the seizure in front of Emil.
At least he wouldn’t see her like this and feel disgusted.
“My lady!”
Until Emil knocked on the door, that was what she believed.
In the midst of her pain, Leni cursed the gods.
Why me…?
Why do you give only me such misfortune?
“Don’t come in!”
“—Forgive me, my lady!”
She shouted for him to stay out, but Emil opened the door anyway.
It was over.
She could almost hear the few happy days she had known shattering into pieces.
“I told you… not to come in……”
Now the priest would find her repulsive. He would hate her.
She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the curse. She could not bear to look at his face.
“Lady Leni, please calm yourself.”
“Priest… how……”
Instead of finding her repulsive, Emil wrapped her in his arms and soothed her.
Why?
Leni asked through tears, unable to understand.
“Doesn’t it disgust you? Even after seeing my body, my leg?”
“It doesn’t look any different to me.”
That was impossible.
No matter how devout a priest he was, he could not remain unaffected before the curse.
“Don’t you find me repulsive? Hideous? Don’t you want to stand up and run away right now?”
Unbelieving, Leni grabbed Emil’s face and pulled it close.
His face filled her entire vision.
This time for sure.
This time he would hate her, find her repulsive, and curse her. He definitely would.
“No.”
Emil simply looked at her with mild bewilderment. Straight at her.
‘……Ah.’
Tears welled up again without warning.
To be looked at so directly,
to be met with a gaze instead of avoided—how could something so simple feel this grateful, this moving?
When she came back to herself, she was sobbing in Emil’s embrace.
Even while flustered, he wrapped his arms around her.
It reminded her so much of her sister’s hugs that fresh tears fell.
She was someone who could be held.
Someone who could be looked at directly.
Leni was not an unfortunate princess bound by a curse.
She was simply a girl.