I'm the Escape King
I was locked in a room.
No — that wasn't quite true. The door was open. I just wasn't walking out of it.
But the captain had gotten sloppy. They had no idea I'd been hiding a phone.
I turned it on. No signal, of course. I dialed 112 anyway. Brrrrt — nothing. Figures.
"Urgh...!!!"
There was one thing they didn't know. The internet I used was Starlink. Phone calls were dead, sure — but the web still worked.
I went straight to the Jobless Gallery. Gotta check the recommended posts first.
One of them was about a ship that had capsized.
"I'm still alive."
I wrote a post.
I got kidnapped
So the ship flipped, I blacked out, and when I woke up nobody was there. I was looking for people when I suddenly heard this huge noise, right?
I went toward the noise and holy shit there was this enormous cruise ship sitting right next to ours.
I thought I was finally getting rescued. I was so hyped. Then I actually looked at the people coming down and their eyes were a little unhinged, everybody had tattoos, all kinds of ethnicities.
The second I saw that I knew. Ah. I'm fucked.
I tried to run. Got caught anyway. Now I'm locked up on the cruise ship.
How am I on my phone? You could say this is fake, but they handed it over thinking the internet doesn't work out here lmao
I'm on Starlink. Yeah.
Anyway I'm currently captured. Don't know the location. Somebody please report this. The pirate crew's name is the Wales Pirates. I heard it when they grabbed me.
Somebody hit up Interpol, the CIA, the FBI, the KGB, the Korean military, and the neighborhood aunties, gogo
From what I overheard there are Awakeners here.
I don't want to die here. Please save me
Proof:
(A photo of the ocean, taken from the cruise ship)
The views exploded. It hit the real-time best list.
The Wales Pirates, where our Galju got grabbed.
First of all, these people have a reputation so bad it could kill you. Robbery is the baseline. They've wiped out an entire country before. They move 90% of the world's narcotics. They manufacture illegal weapons too.
If they see a drug addict, they shoot them on sight (theory is one of their own got wrecked by an addict once).
They snatch civilians too. Just grab them and go.
And the thing they hate most is Awakeners. If they spot one, it's join the crew or die. That's the only choice they give you. Actual psychos.
So why hasn't anyone wiped them out?
Because unless the United States goes to full-scale war, you don't have a shot.
The ship our gay is on is, amazingly, just one of a shitload of pirate ships. Yeah.
Silver lining, maybe: ships 1 through 3 have Korean captains, and they ended up on ship 3, so they got treated like a person. If they'd run into Kim Cheolgapgung out of Somalia, they'd already have been shot.
So what's the conclusion?
You're fucked, lmao.
They're an even match for the US. What's our country supposed to do, lmao. Farewell, gay. You won't get far.
The Wales Pirates. I'd heard of them. A lunatic outfit that accounted for ten percent of every pirate on the planet.
After the Awakening, after the monsters came boiling up, plenty of countries had gone under. Even nations in Europe had collapsed — that should tell you everything. And the ones with no infrastructure and a joke of a military? Wiped out in the first wave.
But even in dead countries, kids still get born, and among those kids, some still Awaken. Most of those people end up in pirate crews. And the most popular crew of them all was the Wales Pirates.
Damn. Didn't think I'd be catching a patriotic rush from that.
"Wait."
Then I'd pointed a gun at the captain. Point a gun at the captain, get executed.
I-I mean, I didn't actually shoot, though. What was going to happen to me now...? Torture was a given, and I had a pretty face besides...
"Eugh?!"
No. No, no, no. That could not happen. I was still a man. Getting railed by some guy? If I were gay I might've been into it, but I am not gay.
I looked down out the window. It was genuinely high. Fall from here and you were dead, one hundred percent. But rather than getting bent over by some dude and going aah, aah — wouldn't opening the window and bungee-jumping be the better play?
I tried the window. It didn't open.
"Ah."
Lord, are you trying to take my pride too? Please. I'm a man.
I was still busy denying reality when another thought hit me. This place was huge, wasn't it? If I hid, they might never find me. And it was a ship — there had to be at least one emergency raft around here.
If I stay here this JoblessBro is gonna get broken in half in more ways than one
I'm escaping
If I'm alive I'll post an update
I want to go down as a Hall of Fame thread
Tsk. What kind of reaction is that? You're supposed to cheer me on.
I opened the door. Shockingly, there was no one outside.
This was a trap. But a real man charges through traps. I stepped out. Nothing happened.
This was also a trap. They'd let me relax, then hit me the second I dropped my guard. I could not afford to unwind. Not even a little.
I was creeping along when something caught my eye.
5F — Cabins | Emergency Exit | Gift Shop | Restaurant
4F — Brothel | Emergency Exit | Casino | Bar | Restaurant
3F — Mart | Emergency Exit | Storage | Storage | Storage
2F — Infirmary | Emergency Exit | Pool | Cabins | Cabins
1F — Cabins | Cabins | Emergency Exit | Cabins | Cabins | Cabins | Restaurant
B1 — Basement
[ ELEVATOR ]
Blue Beluga Whale? The hell does that even mean?
I quietly lifted a copy of the directory. There were two ways off this thing: squeeze into a packed elevator like an idiot, or take the stairs everyone used. A girl in a navy uniform wandering past like a lost child? I'd get spotted instantly and chopped into thirds.
So I was going to the gift shop to buy clothes. They had to sell pirate outfits, right?
I made a beeline for the souvenir counter.
The place was deserted. I headed for the clothing rack.
US Navy Uniform | Japanese Navy Uniform | Korean Navy Uniform
I'd figured they'd have something. Wait. Was this a joke?
"No, no. There's got to be more."
There wasn't. Every single outfit was a navy uniform.
Wow. I'm screwed. Should I just go back quietly and die with some dignity?
No. I couldn't. This was a time to gamble.
I left the gift shop and walked up to the elevator. I jammed the hat down over my face and hit the button. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Ding.
The doors opened with the announcement. I kept my head down and stepped inside. Luckily, nobody paid me any attention.
Then a familiar voice drifted over.
"Brother, about that kid this time."
"The little lady who was holding the gun?"
"What's going to happen to her?"
"Mm... she pointed a gun at the captain, so she's dead. That's locked in."
I clenched my fists. Who's dying? I'm walking out of here alive.
"Aigoo, poor thing. She was about the same size as our little brother last time I saw him."
"Right."
"Exactly that size, actually..."
"Huh?"
"Hold on a second, Brother."
Damn it!!
"Hey, kid. Look at big bro for a sec?"
They'd made me!!
I pulled the phone from my pocket, pretended to glance back, and turned it on. I typed 112, exactly, and then—
"No!! Don't!! Stop it!!"
"You crazy little shit—!!"
"Waaah!! I'm telling Mom!!"
Shit shit shit shit shit. A man like me, bawling like a toddler. But was there any other play? No. I could say that with one hundred percent certainty.
"Waaah!!! I'm being kidnapped!!! Mr. Policeman!!"
"Uh... sorry. I had the wrong person."
"Jesus, you idiot. Would that kid captain cry like a baby like that?"
"B-Brother!! The size and the clothes are identical!"
"They would've taken the clothes off her... Sorry, kid. Eat this and knock it off."
The pirate small fry handed me a stick of cotton candy. Was this guy insane?
That was when the elevator said we'd arrived at the first floor. I stabbed the open button to get out.
Standing outside the open doors was that bastard — bald, an eyepatch over one eye, unmistakable at a glance.