What a Load of Shit

THOOM!

A savage tearing of the air shuddered through the world. The sky heaved, the earth groaned, and the ground refused to let anyone keep their feet.

THOOM!

"Get down!"

Hwang Seokgu roared. Some instinct peculiar to him told him at once that this tremor was no ordinary thing, and he shoved Captain Kid—comparatively frail beside the rest—flat beneath one hand.

"Agh! Chairman! You really don't have to!"

Captain Kid screamed under a strength that was anything but gentle.

"Don't get yourself hurt for nothing—hold still! Frail little body like yours!"

"The strange ones are everyone gathered here!"

Captain Kid protested. His physique was outstanding, as befitted the strongest right hand alive: a monster who could take a direct hit from an eighty-one-millimeter mortar and treat it as a massage. But worth is relative. Set against the company around him, he was the second-weakest person present.

A low, grinding hum.

"Kh—!"

Captain Kid groaned. The shockwave bleeding through the barrier felt as though it were flaying his skin to scraps.

Hwang Seokgu wiped the sweat from his brow.

"You all right?"

"Yes... I lived because you shielded me."

Captain Kid steadied his trembling body and offered his thanks, though the color had drained from his face.

"This is beyond imagination."

He was thoroughly cowed. Dozens of minutes had already passed since they secured Roadman and San-gun and reached the center, and for all that time the bizarre phenomena pouring off the barrier had forced them to a halt.

THOOM!

Another crash, and after it a crushing pressure. In all his life, Captain Kid had never felt an impact this powerful.

Dan Miryu, risen into his state as a transcendent of Life, watched the front with his brow deeply furrowed.

"It seems Lady Pele is locked in a fierce battle."

"...A god is fighting?"

Sword asked it again, the tone of a man checking he had heard correctly. Dan Miryu confirmed it.

"Yes. This energy, this heat, and an aftermath on this scale. It can only be Pele."

"...I'm going to lose my mind. This is merely the aftermath of a fight?"

"Most likely."

Sword crushed his sword's hilt until it creaked, his whole body drawn taut.

"Can you tell who she's fighting?"

"I cannot, but..."

Dan Miryu shook his head. He had inferred Pele from the shock alone that came through the barrier; who she fought, he could not say. Narrow the candidates, though, and only one remained.

"...No one comes to mind but the First Apostle."

His eyes flicked toward the woman standing apart from the rest—an uncomfortable companion who had joined them at San-gun's request. Sipsado. She was stroking the tiger's head, and San-gun accepted it without much resistance.

After a brief hesitation, Dan Miryu spoke. She was an enemy, but he trusted San-gun's judgment. The mountain lord would never bring harm upon their company, not if he died and woke again.

"...Do you happen to know anything?"

The cloth hanging beneath her satgat swayed, faint and shallow. She did not answer.

"Krrrng."

San-gun conveyed her will in her stead, scraping his claws across the ground to draw an X.

"...So you don't know."

Dan Miryu had asked only to be sure. Sipsado's response was sluggish. She seemed to be listening, and yet at a glance she might as well have been ignoring him. Perhaps it was a mercy that she expressed anything at all. Without San-gun, the lines on Dan Miryu's brow would only have deepened.

"If it isn't the First Apostle, then who is in there...?"

Roadman, the frailest man among them, asked it in a wilted voice.

"...It may be a third party unknown to us."

"Some third party, standing against a god?"

Healing Roadman with Life, Dan Miryu clicked his tongue, bitter. He knew. It made no sense. Even a divine avatar was still, strictly speaking, a god—and one recovering her prime, at that. He could not picture a mere human standing against her.

Hwang Seokgu's tiger eyes flashed, golden pupils catching a fine thread of truth.

"...It won't be a someone, then."

Roadman let out an empty laugh.

"Chairman of Korea. You're about to tell me what's in there is another god, aren't you?"

"...What else could it be?"

"...Heh."

To face a dragon, one had to bring a match for a dragon. Would a god be any different? Roadman felt hollowed out. The world he had built over a lifetime had not merely shattered; it had dropped into the abyss.

"If ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the Catholic Church learned of this, they'd foam at the mouth."

"I wonder. My worry is that they might run ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠even wilder."

If the existence of gods were proven, they would thrash and rave in search of the Lord they worshipped. Satan was real—how could the Lord not be?

"...That is also true."

THOOM!

Another shockwave slammed down, growing stronger as time passed.

"Roadman. Any way in?"

"You must be joking. How does anyone walk into a place like that?"

"Tch. So that's how it is."

Sword abandoned what little hope he had left in a Roadman who had already half given up. Even he thought the question had been absurd.

"Then we have no choice but to wait."

"Yes. We should take shelter somewhere until the fight is over."

Dan Miryu, who had meant to watch a little longer, gave it up cleanly. Holding out here would cost them in the long run. The First Apostle's whereabouts were unclear, and the Phantom Thief was nowhere to be seen. It was hopeful to think he was the one facing the First Apostle, but things could still tangle...

"We will withdraw."

"Withdraw?"

"Yes. We have no choice."

"Just go on in. I'm here."

"Pardon?"

Dan Miryu startled violently at the breath against his ear.

"Hah! Mr. Phantom!"

He turned his head, and there stood the man in the Smiling Mask. Phantom shaped a finger-gun and flicked his hand toward the barrier.

"Bang!"

BOOM!

A sound like a firework bursting slammed every ear—a noise fit to tear eardrums.

"That son of a—! Not even a word—!"

Sword spat the curse.

"Gaaah..."

"Krrrngh...!"

"Ngh!"

"I swear, every single time!"

"Motherfucker!"

Pain and complaint poured out together. Phantom, as if he had no idea what he had done wrong, rapped his own head with a fist.

"Heh!"

"What do you mean, heh!"

He had already made a fool of the mask, and still he carried on like that. He was clearly mocking them.

"Well, you all look intact enough from where I'm standing. Let's head in. The fight seems to have gone quiet."

"It's a little late to smooth things ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠over now!"

"Now, now. Let the little things go—we're in a hurry. We have a finale to crown!"

Before the sword-wielding demon could come for his throat, Phantom spun on his heels and vanished inside.

"Hey, you—we're coming with you!"

"I don't care about the rest. I'm splitting that bastard's head in two!"

Bodies set to rights by Life, the subjugation party finally advanced into the center. The end of their journey was drawing near.

The place they arrived at was a scene of myth that no words could hold.

Fire roared. Lightning cracked.

Flame and thunder rolled in waves where grass and trees should have stood, while rain and hail fell from the sky. The air was too hot to breathe, and their bodies shook with cold.

"Hah... hah..."

"Hm..."

At the heart of the myth, two figures glared at each other beside a pillar of light: a bronze-skinned girl whose hair flowed like magma, and a being of radiance who was nothing but light—a man of pure light. From the circumstances, one could guess that the two of them had made all of this.

"What in the..."

The subjugation party froze before a battlefield that was collapsing nature itself. They could not set foot there. No—they failed to. Enduring the battlefield's weather was the most they could manage.

"So this is what the fuss was. You've been playing with Heaven?"

Phantom, of course, did not care. He bounded along the road of fire and ice as if it were nothing but an unpaved lane, and the sight was enough to draw a laugh.

"You've come..."

Pele turned toward him with a sigh of relief.

"The other children came too. We've won, haven't we?"

"Yes. The prophecy is proceeding right on schedule."

"Thank goodness. Thank goodness..."

She leaned against him and panted.

"You pushed yourself."

"...I'm fine. A few days' rest and I'll recover."

"Go to Mr. Dan Miryu. A ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠day will be enough."

Phantom jabbed a finger toward Heaven.

"See to it that those people can come over."

"Very well."

Rude as the manner was, Heaven obeyed without protest. He swept his hand, and the mythic battlefield became a fresh clearing in the mountains.

"Will this do?"

"Yes. Truly omnipotent."

"I appreciate the praise."

Faces gone stiff at the miracle, the subjugation party approached, hesitant.

"Wh-who in the world is this...?"

Dan Miryu swallowed hard, his pupils spinning without rest.

"He's nothing special, so don't tense up. He's simply Heaven."

"...Heaven?"

"Should I say he's the concept of heaven given form...?"

Phantom shrugged.

"Well, let's just call him the father of humankind."

"Eeeeeek!"

Roadman fainted outright. Dan Miryu was a little envious.

"...The father of humankind. Then perhaps—?"

"Think whatever you like. It's only one name among countless, anyway."

"My God."

He thought he understood, now, why the Heavenly Punishment had gone on about the will of Heaven.

"It isn't important, so never mind that. Why has Heaven come to this precious place?"

"Hm."

Heaven gazed steadily at Phantom.

"...You've changed."

"Spare me the bullshit. State your business. We don't have time."

"You are as prickly with me as ever."

"Shall I give you a kiss, then?"

"No need."

Heaven sighed.

"The reason I came here is—"

"One moment."

Phantom stopped him.

"What is it?"

"There's something I have to do first."

He seized Heaven by the head.

And then—

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

He slammed it into the pillar that joined the Heavenly Road.

The pillar split with a shattering report and broke apart. Catching Hong Yumin as she collapsed from within, Phantom smiled brightly.

Heaven, his head split, toppled forward and muttered under his breath.

It was the most vulgar expression Heaven could manage.