Episode 108: I Sold Them a Little Lie
"The delivery is ready."
"Thank you for your trouble, Shrine Priest Tsukumi."
"Not at all. It was what had to be done."
On the screen, Shrine Priest Tsukumi grinned.
"You should have seen that old devil-hag, grinding her teeth while she scrambled to put her face back together. I can't tell you how satisfying it was."
"Devil-hag? Isn't the Great Shrine Maiden young?"
"Young? A god's blessing only makes her look young. Inside, she's a dead tree, rotten clean through."
Tsukumi stuck out his tongue and made a retching sound.
"Pardon me. An unpleasant memory came back."
"......It's all right. That happens."
Dan Miryu gave a bitter smile.
"Forgive the intrusion, but may I ask what the memory was?"
"Mr. Phantom......"
What? I want to know.
"It's nothing. Before I took office as Shrine Priest, I met the devil once, and she looked me over with a filthy sort of interest."
"Oof. She sexually harassed you pretty hard."
"Mr. Phantom......!"
"Hahaha! That's right. Back when I didn't know a thing, I felt my virtue under threat. Fortunately, I became Shrine Priest young enough to avoid the worst."
"Admirable."
"Yes. I am admirable!"
The Shrine Priest and I roared with laughter and clapped like friends of many years.
"Aigoo, my head......"
Dan Miryu pressed a hand to his skull, unable to keep up with the mood.
"But how did you talk the Great Shrine Maiden around? I was sure it would take ten days at the very least."
Dan Miryu put the question out plainly.
"Yes, I'm curious too. What kind of magic did you work?"
I was puzzled myself. Tsukumi's political skill and his way with people were formidable, but the Great Shrine Maidens were no easy opponents. And yet, the moment the alliance was sealed, he had named the day the shrine maidens would be sent.
"I sold them a little lie."
"A lie?"
"I told them an oracle had come down."
"What?!"
"What!"
Pele, who had been listening on the sly, shot to her feet. She rushed over, snatched up the laptop, and shook it.
"Child of the Three Gods! Have you lost your mind? Apostle or not—bearing false witness against a god! That's a mortal sin you couldn't excuse even if you dropped dead this instant!"
"Uwaaaaah. My head is shaking."
Tsukumi bounced as if he were trapped inside the laptop.
"Please set it down!"
Dan Miryu snatched the laptop away. Stars spun over Tsukumi's head as he straightened himself and recovered his composure.
"Child of the Three Gods. You're all right, aren't you? You cleared this with the gods, yes?"
"Don't worry. I'm alive and perfectly well. Can't you see that for yourself?"
Tsukumi made a V with his fingers.
"Haa...... Thank goodness."
Pele sagged with relief, as if the matter had been her own.
"The Shrine Priest is both apostle and proxy, isn't he? Surely he has authority enough for something like that?"
Dan Miryu tilted his head. Pele wagged a finger from side to side.
"That's exactly why he has to be more careful. A god's word carries enormous authority. You don't casually assume the future, and you don't casually define it. You never know what will come of it."
She pointed at the troublemaker.
"A god's apostle is the same. Words an apostle speaks in a god's name carry the same force as the god's own. And then the apostle says something contrary to what the god thinks? In his own name? Even the human world has a crime called identity theft. You think the gods don't?"
"I see...... Then the Shrine Priest nearly died?"
"He's lucky they didn't drag him off and thrash him themselves."
Pele heaved a sigh.
"Aigoo. We nearly lost a precious child."
"Hahaha......"
Tsukumi quietly looked away. Pele's gaze went sharp.
"You...... There's something you haven't said."
"Well. It didn't exactly pass over smoothly......"
"......I'm only asking just in case. Whose name did you put forward?"
"Lady Amaterasu's."
"......Give me a moment. I'm coming over there."
Pele thrust a foot at the screen, and Dan Miryu and I lunged to haul her back.
"Stay. Stay. Calm down. Calm down."
"Please leave the laptop alone. It's a limited edition."
"Ah! Let go! I'll only hit him once!"
We barely managed to restrain the goddess, and set the precious laptop in the center of the table.
"......Ugh. If you're going to drop a name, at least claim one of the small fry underneath."
"Lord Tsukuyomi and Lord Susanoo are hardly small fry......"
"If they've got a problem, tell them to come to Hawaii. I'll take them on."
"I'll have to decline......"
Whether it was the goddess's scolding that frightened him, Tsukumi quietly drew back.
"What kind of wager did you make with the sun goddess? If you'd agreed on the terms beforehand, fine. If you didn't, the price couldn't have been small."
"......It was a little impulsive."
"Heavens above......"
For an instant Pele's hair turned to lava and spilled down. My house!
"How much did you have to give up?"
"......I only have four years left to live."
"Haa......"
Pele clutched her head as if it ached.
"......She let you off easy, all things considered. The situation must be that serious."
"I believe Lady Amaterasu expected as much."
"True enough. She'd know better than I would."
Tap. Tap. The worry showed on Pele's brow.
"......This could set off something none of us expected."
"What? Didn't it end with me?"
"If it had ended with you, she wouldn't have taken your lifespan. She'd have punished you lightly and been done with it."
Pele clicked her tongue.
"You used it in public. To move the Great Shrine Maiden. You're still alive, and the god didn't deny it, so it's already become a formal divine pronouncement. The world knows it."
"Ah......"
"Countless humans have taken that divine word into their ears, so countless chains of cause and effect will have been born. Great and small."
"......I'll have to tighten discipline on the inside. Thoroughly."
"While you're at it, dance a little with the sword. From what I saw, the place is bloated for no reason. Planning to conquer Japan?"
"No. I'll carve your advice into my heart like a golden rule."
"Enough. Don't overdo it. Go make a plan for what's left of your life."
"......I will burn the remaining four years with passion."
"I'm sure you will."
As if washing her hands of the whole affair, Pele lay down and went back to the television. She seemed to have acquired a taste for sports; a volleyball match was on.
"......I'm sorry. And you so young."
"It's all right. I chose this, and I've already ruled the Shrine for fifteen years. It was time I stepped down."
"You became Shrine Priest at six?!"
"......It just happened."
The Shrine Priest rubbed the back of his neck.
Dan Miryu ached for the young man before him. His hand went to his own necklace. If this could do it, might he turn those years back?
"Mr. Dan Miryu, save that for another time. He still has four years."
"......Understood."
With the Stone of Resurrection, there was a chance of restoring a lifespan. The stone could grant eternal life; what was a mere span of years beside that? Even so, I couldn't give him a sure answer. The original story had no case of a god taking someone's years, and no case of those years being returned.
The Stone of Resurrection might not be enough.
A lifespan was not bound only to living. Perhaps the death itself was necessary. The best way would be for the god to give the years back herself.
"Shrine Priest Tsukumi. Do you have a successor?"
It was a pity he had been handed a death sentence, but what came after still had to be prepared for. Even in the original, Shrine Priest Tsukumi was one of the righteous who did real work. He could not remain active for long, and so the Shrine's next had to be secured.
"......I have something to say about that."
Tsukumi stared straight through me.
"Before Lady Amaterasu took my lifespan and departed, she said this."
Ask the masked one who is to succeed the Shrine.
He will know a fine child.
"So she didn't only take the years. She's handing out hints in broad daylight. She really did go soft."
Pele mumbled it around a mouthful of snacks.
"Mr. Phantom, do you know something?"
"........."
A god was a god. To lay a stone like that. Had she seen the future? Or had she known all along, and simply dumped it on me?
"Among everyone tied to my fate, you are the only one connected to a mask. Phantom Thief...... what in the world are you?"
Tsukumi's eyes were the eyes of a man looking at something he would rather not see. There was a thread of fear in them, and of awe.
"I am an ordinary phantom thief. I never imagined Lady Amaterasu would do me the honor of mentioning me, but since she has left the matter in my hands, I will answer faithfully."
"........."
The Shrine Priest looked as if he wanted to ask more. I ignored it.
"The Shrine's successor is probably in the Great Shrine Maiden's keeping."
"......Truly?!"
"Yes. She'll be suffering a brutal exploitation. The moment the Great Shrine Maiden leaves Japan, move quickly and secure her. The place is Tokyo. I don't know exactly where, so I'll leave that entirely to you."
"Thank you. I won't forget this kindness."
Tsukumi's mouth split into a fierce grin.
"Be careful. Handle it wrong, and she may run wild."
"I'll remember. I should begin at once."
Tsukumi rushed through his farewells and ended the call.
"You're not going to ask any more?"
"I'm tired too...... Just do as you like."
Dan Miryu looked as if he didn't even have the strength left to sigh.
"Ah, hyung. Don't be like that. Don't hate your phantom thief."
"Don't cling to me. I mean it. I really will hit you."
"Awwww."
"Be quiet. The news is on."
Before things with Dan Miryu could turn heated, Pele snapped at us. On the broadcast, an anchor laid out the situation against a backdrop of China.
"They've got no shortage of problems over there, either."
"And when haven't they?"
I glanced at Dan Miryu.
"Isn't this a good thing? The Chinese government won't have the leisure to meddle over Heavenly Punishment."
"That may be so, but......"
If anything, Dan Miryu looked suspicious.
"You think China will let this chance slip just because its own house is a wreck? The very name of Heavenly Punishment makes them shudder."
"There hasn't been any contact at all?"
"None. Strangely enough."
Turn it over as I might, I couldn't catch the shape of it. The original plot had flown off to Andromeda a long time ago.
"For now, let's forget China. We've got more than enough trouble of our own."
"Agreed."
The final battle was too close to spare a thought for every front.