Journal and Diary (2)
Journal and Diary (2)
Time is deeply relative.
The same span can feel painfully short and insufficient to one person, while to another it overflows with abundance, dragging into boredom.
In that sense, to me—a being without a finite lifespan—one year is no more than a fleeting instant. And yet, it was more than enough for a single child to grow.
『[I'm heading out.]
[Did you forget—]
[No. I'll be back before dinner, so don't worry.]
Perhaps it was after the year turned.
Baek Ha-na stopped clinging to me.
She no longer tried to sit on my lap. She didn't pester me to do things for her, didn't ask for favors.
I don't know what shifted in her heart, but at first, the lack of annoyances didn't feel bad. Then—genuinely to my surprise—I found a small pang of disappointment tucked into a corner of my chest over Baek Ha-na's transformation.
That tiny white fluffball.
The fluffball ate well, played hard, and slept deeply, and whether because of that or not, she showed astonishing growth with every passing season.
Her gaunt frame filled out. Her height, once below her peers, shot up like a bean sprout watered every day. Beyond that, her innate memory let her devour the letters she'd never been taught and absorb every scrap of vocabulary she'd lacked—she showed all the signs of a gifted child.
If I'm being slightly generous, in a verbal sparring match with Claire, Baek Ha-na might actually have the edge.』
"...It's not like they swapped places."
『A cold beauty.
A flawless secretary who could handle anything.
That was the image Claire gave off at first. But as the seasons passed, that perfect image developed cracks. Now she's more of a surprisingly careless, oddly peculiar, and rather amusing beauty. Or something along those lines.
According to Baek Ha-na, when Claire is in a good mood she hums a strange little tune. I've certainly heard that humming myself.
'When she eventually learns the truth, it'll be fairly funny.'
The tune Claire hums is exactly the same one Baek Ha-na herself hums when she's feeling good. To call it weird is, quite literally, spitting in your own face.
Well. A child who used to be vacant learned to wear a deadpan expression within a year, while a woman once cold as ice learned to offer the occasional warm smile.
And I'm sure there will be people who, looking only at those two facts, misunderstand and assume Baek Ha-na was a good influence on Claire and Claire a negative influence on Baek Ha-na.』
"Hm......"
Engraving mana into the notebook, I paused my hand for a moment.
A log I had written without missing a single day.
I intended to keep recording in it until the moment I could no longer move.
Considering this body's trait of never forgetting anything it has once seen, there was no practical need to leave behind such an antiquated written record. Even so, the reason I kept inscribing it by hand was that it was "Baek Woo-jin's" habit.
By now, drawing a distinction between the original owner and the being I am had become almost meaningless. I had assimilated with that man.
The resolve I made when I first read the letter remains unchanged. Even if my own identity blurs and fades, I can do anything for Baek Ha-na's happiness.
So this is my small greed.
Accepting the end of this story as the human called Baek Woo-jin.
Today, I considered setting aside that insignificant little desire for once.
A log that records everything about Baek Ha-na, and my perspective of watching over her.
'...I can't leave a blank.'
The hesitation didn't last. No one could read it anyway, and even if someone did see it, they wouldn't be able to decipher it.
I set the pen moving again.
『Baek Ha-na, who had gone out early in the morning, didn't return home until the sun had completely set. The fact that Claire—who would normally report even the smallest delay—stayed quiet told me something was up.
And sure enough.
[Excuse me. Professor.]
A beautiful woman with a cool impression quietly opened the study door and offered a greeting.
[Ah, Miss Ha-na said she'd like me to join...]
I said nothing.
I wasn't curious why she had come.
What I was curious about wasn't her—it was Baek Ha-na, bustling around in the kitchen.
[Have you eaten dinner.]
[Not yet.]
[I see.]
Countless lines of text, output across the screen.
But nowhere in all that text was there ever a mention of Claire growing flustered. A perfect Executor of God who met any variable with an impassive face and an optimal response.
That Executor only grew expressive in my presence.
Like now, as she stole glances at my expression with those blue eyes.
From her reaction, it wasn't hard to deduce what Baek Ha-na was up to in the kitchen. Probably preparing dinner or something along those lines.
This body doesn't need to eat, but occasionally, at Baek Ha-na's urging, I would have a brief taste.
Baek Ha-na's presence approached.
I closed the book and rose from my seat. Claire, who had been standing almost as if guarding the door, stepped aside as well.
Seconds later, Baek Ha-na cracked the study door open and poked her head in.
[Let's eat dinner.]
[Alright.]
Baek Ha-na dashed back to the kitchen.
I left the study with Claire. Every light in the hallway was off.
The only source of faint, warm light seeping out—the kitchen.
I walked quietly and rounded the corner.
A small cake on the familiar dining table.
A single lit candle set on top of it.
And standing before it, head bowed like a child who'd done something wrong... a pure-white fluffball.
I hesitated briefly. I hadn't anticipated a situation like this, either.
[......It does look a little small for all of us to share.]
Looking back, it was an idiotic line.
[Blow... the candle out.]
[.......]
Anxious about something, Baek Ha-na kept checking my expression. After acting prickly lately, as if adolescence had arrived.
I passed the child who had reverted to a pure-white fluffball and lightly blew out the candle on the cake.
The kitchen was instantly steeped in darkness.
Click—
The lights brightened again, restoring the glow.
I turned and looked down at Baek Ha-na in silence. Waiting for an explanation of what this situation was.
[......This.]
The child, still small to me, held out a little something wrapped in colorful paper.
Wrinkled here and there, visibly loose in spots—clumsy wrapping work.
[O-open it.]
As if uncertain whether what was inside would be acceptable, the anxiety in her eyes only grew.
I unwrapped the clumsily packaged gift. Inside was a very small box. Opening it revealed a pure-white glasses cloth.
[It's a present...]
[A present.]
A white glasses cloth.
A color that would show stains all too quickly—hardly suited for a gift.
[Today is...... the day Woo-jin saved me...... as thanks.]
The day I saved her.
Thanks.
[Is that so.]
[Yeah...... i-is it lame?]
[Where did the money come from.]
[Huh...?]
It wasn't hard to guess without asking.
The one standing behind us right now, watching with anxious eyes, probably gave it to her.
[I, I borrowed it...]
[From whom.]
[......Claire.]
[Make sure you pay her back properly later.]
[......Okay!!]
As if she'd been expecting a scolding, her face brightened noticeably as she nodded hard.
I lifted the glasses cloth from the box and folded it neatly. Then I carefully tucked it inside my coat. And I reached out, placing a hand on top of her head for the first time this year.
Like the glasses cloth now tucked away, her pure-white hair was still soft, and her head was still small enough to fit entirely within my palm.
[I'll make good use of it.]
[.......]
The beaming child suddenly pursed her lips, then slowly approached me.
Drawing close, she spread both arms wide and spoke.
[Hold me......]
[Alright.]
Clinging, three times a day.
That rule still stands.
Just as I had the year before, I gathered her into my arms. And just as she used to, she wrapped both arms tightly around my neck. Then, burying her face against my shoulder, she whispered softly.
[Thank you for saving me......]
I didn't answer that.
Because if I had, I suspected the corners of my lips might pull upward right there in front of Claire.
After clinging to my neck for a long while, she lifted her head again and looked at me.
[Woo-jin.]
[......What.]
[I like you.]
Then she wrapped her arms around my neck again.
In that moment, I understood the hearts of all those hopelessly doting fathers.
A chest that had long gone dry felt so light and buoyant it was almost unbearable.
Baek Ha-na didn't climb down from my arms until she'd finished the entire slice of cake. Which meant she had sat on my lap for the first time in a long while. She'd definitely grown taller and filled out—the weight was different now.
[I'll take my leave, then.]
[Yeah.]
Claire, who had come purely to help Baek Ha-na, ate dinner and left straightaway. Baek Ha-na brushed her teeth, tidied up the bookshelves, and retreated to the room that had been made for her.
The child had grown remarkably compared to the year before.
Body and heart alike.』
"Still just a kid, though."
I set down the pen and opened the drawer.
A ring came into view—plain, without any pattern or ornament, simply a circle of pure white.
February 3rd, 2022.
The day the girl once called Wolf received the name Baek Ha-na.
And today, she had thanked me, saying a full year had passed since the day I saved her. But I too had prepared a gift to give her today.
'...I meant to tell her it was her birthday, though.'
The sudden gift had thrown off my timing.
'Well... on paper, her birthday isn't until tomorrow anyway.'
I quietly closed the drawer and raised my head.
The study door opened slowly. Through the gap, a tuft of pure-white hair peeked out.
**
After brushing her teeth, Baek Ha-na had fled back to her room as if escaping.
Back in her room, sprawled on her soft bed, she was scribbling something into a wide-open notebook.
"Woo-jin liked the present."
She was recording the day's events in her own way, in the form of a diary.
From her very first day in this house, watching Baek Woo-jin write in his notebook, Baek Ha-na had naturally started copying him, and by now it had become a full-fledged habit.
She'd already filled ten volumes—ever since she learned her letters, she hadn't missed a single day of diary-keeping either.
-Woo-jin probably thinks I didn't notice, but I saw him smile a little.
-Just like the older sisters at the temple told me, holding back the clinging and acting aloof really worked, for sure.
-Do you know how hard it was to hold it in all this time.
-But seeing Woo-jin smile made it all okay.
-Woo-jin always wears those weird glasses and just has this -_- face.
"I want to see him without his glasses."
He must be handsome.
Baek Ha-na bounced her heels lightly against her bottom as she continued writing. Then she quietly set her pen down.
One hug.
One time sitting on his lap.
"I've still got one left......"
With that, Baek Ha-na slipped off the bed, turned off her room light, and stepped into the hallway.
In the past, Baek Woo-jin had always left the study door slightly open for her sake.
But from the moment she began holding back her clinginess in preparation for today, he had stopped leaving it open.
Like a fox, Baek Ha-na crept quietly down the hallway, cracked the study door open, and peeked her head in.
And there, just like that time long ago when she had first come to this house and woken from sleep, Baek Woo-jin was sitting in his study chair, staring straight at her.
And he spoke.
[Did you wake up hungry.]
"Did you wake up hungry."
"No...?"
"Then what."
The same curt question from Baek Woo-jin, as always.
Baek Ha-na slipped quietly into the study and said,
"I want to sleep together."
"......."
Baek Woo-jin stared at Baek Ha-na for a moment.
Thmp—
He closed the open notebook and stood. At this, Baek Ha-na grinned, darted straight into Baek Woo-jin's bedroom, and launched herself onto the wide bed.
"Don't jump."
"Okaaay~"
A moment later, Baek Woo-jin turned off the light and climbed onto the bed.
Baek Ha-na burrowed into Baek Woo-jin's embrace as if she'd been waiting.
A coziness she hadn't felt in so long.
The person whose mere presence beside her calmed her heart.
Baek Woo-jin stroked Baek Ha-na's hair. He knew it helped her fall asleep faster.
Feeling his large, warm hand, Baek Ha-na closed her eyes and spoke.
"Woo-jin."
"Be quiet and sleep."
She'd heard those words before.
Baek Ha-na smiled softly and murmured once more in a small voice.
"I like you. And thank you for saving me."
"......Sleep."
"Okay. Good night."
Wrapped in Baek Woo-jin's warmth, Baek Ha-na quickly fell asleep.