The Purge

Purge.

Sometimes the quest window dumped a full description. Other times it just slapped the progress percentage on the screen and called it a day. That was the level of this thing.

Still, that ridiculously simple status window alone cut down a huge chunk of the need to dig through and cross-reference mountains of documents.

—Ding-ding-ding

Man, it's going off like crazy.

Which meant I no longer had to personally check every single report about how hard our Executive Ministry's Purge Squad and auditors were working.

Everyone's really putting in the hours.

Thanks to that, all I had to do was sip the honey water or drinks Riel or my secretaries brought me, and occasionally glance at anything that caught my eye.

"Still... I never imagined this many traitors were crawling around the Empire."

After finishing my look outside, I turned back and powered up the terminal linked to the table. Countless reports were updating on my screen in real time.

—Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!!

And because of that, the auto-message alarm had turned into a full-on eardrum terrorist attack of pure noise.

Leaving it on would definitely wreck my hearing, so I shut it off fast and decided to just skim.

"Disable alarm."

—"Do you wish to disable the alarm?"

—Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!!

"Yeah."

—Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep

—"Disabling alarm."

—Ding!

"..."

With the eardrum terrorism gone, I sat in the now-quieter room, clicking my tongue as the reports kept rolling in.

"Tsk tsk. I had no idea it was this bad."

A few that really caught my eye I pulled aside before they scrolled off the screen.

After working at it for a while, I finally finished the rough sorting. Every time I checked one of the roughly compiled important (probably) reports, gasps and sighs slipped out of me on their own.

"For crying out loud. As if stuffing this many in wasn't enough—now they're reaching all the way into the leadership?"

My head shook of its own accord.

"Mmmph, mmmph!"

"Keep him quiet."

"Understood, Minister."

—Thud!

One piece of trash was making a racket in the middle of it all, but after my subordinates delivered a sincere soccer kick that bent his waist like a bow, I just went back to the terminal.

—Thud! Crack! Crunch!

...Except the sounds coming from over there were way too vicious, so I lowered the terminal and stopped them.

"I said keep him quiet. I didn't say turn him into ground meat."

"What do you mean by that, Minister?"

"You don't even know those two are homonyms?"

"?"

?

?

When I just floated a bunch of question marks, the private who'd just said that—a Kerzan native—started shouting his bizarre logic even more confidently.

"If he's dead, he's quiet, so everything's solved either way!"

"..."

"In other words, I was faithfully carrying out the Minister's orders!"

"...Hmm."

Of course that kind of nonsense wasn't worth listening to.

"Sorry about that. I'll bury him properly later, yeah."

"Guh, hiiik?!"

The Purge Squad member spouting garbage had his waist bent like a bow by Riel standing next to him and collapsed to the floor.

"Cough, cough..."

"Ah, right."

And while listening to that garbage, I'd almost forgotten something I needed to take care of.

"Ah, former Foreign Minister Abdul Bihad. This is why you should've just cooperated quietly instead of making things difficult."

"Grrrk..."

The former Foreign Minister, who looked like he'd mainlined steroids and was pure muscle, had been beaten by those pure muscle-heads until his shape was starting to collapse a little.

"Still, thanks to you we managed a clean sweep of the spy network spread across the country, so I suppose I should express some gratitude?"

"Grrrk... Y-you damn Sevelian bastard..."

"Oh."

Despite appearances, he seemed surprisingly intact.

"You think... you'll get away with this unharmed...?!"

"Ohhh, keep talking."

On top of that, the mouth he'd kept clamped shut this whole time was opening and actually speaking. What a model of an educated intellectual.

Unable to contain my emotion, I cheered for Mr. Abdul's words to keep flowing, like a parent watching their baby take its first steps.

"You can do it, Mr. Abdul! You're definitely going to say more!"

"Crazy... bastard..."

"You can do it! Humans are beasts of possibility! Pull everything out from inside you!"

"Guh... a... aaagh!"

While Arto, driven completely off the rails by excessive overwork, was torturing Mr. Abdul, the Purge Squad members watching simply nodded at their boss's mad display.

"That's more like it. That's our boss right there."

"It's even more than the rumors."

"Never thought I'd get to see the boss's handmade showtime in person. This is something to brag about back at the unit."

And Riel, watching them, could only let out a long sigh.

"Talk!!! Already!!!"

"Gyaaaaaah!!"

"Water! Knows! The answer!!!"

—Crunch!

"Ohh."

"So if there's no water, he does waterboarding with blood... We should try that sometime later."

...Minister, it's honestly amazing you still don't realize why you reign as the Purge Squad's idol.

And that frenzy only ended after a sergeant came and hauled away the private with the broken back.

I must have drained my energy pretty hard.

I thought I'd just lost focus for a second, but when I opened my eyes, an unfamiliar ceiling was greeting me.

"Looks like I'll need some proper nourishment when I get back."

"...Well, if that's what the Minister wants, I'll get it ready, yeah."

Riel's reaction felt oddly lukewarm, which bothered me a little...

But poking at it felt like it would just get me in trouble, so I left it alone.

After that.

"Hmm... All right, everyone keep up the good work."

"Yes, sir!"

We left the Executive Ministry's undercover facility and moved efficiently according to the next schedule.

A meeting with Ambassador Zutrak.

Adjusting the Thalianum supply convoy schedule.

A surprise visit to an Executive Ministry secret base we happened to spot while passing by.

Some Kar-Du uncle's weird ass-kissing performance.

...There were a few useless things mixed in, but anyway, we were continuing that packed itinerary when—

—Ding♪

"Ohhh."

Seeing the clean status window notification made vitality surge through my fatigue-soaked body.

It wasn't just a feeling—it was actually pumping real energy into me.

The only downside was that the energy was surging through my entire body, so...

—Twitch, twitch.

"...Ahem."

This is a crude way to put it, but, well... how do I say this.

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"No, nothing."

...Even my precious little guy had gone and gotten bigger.

And of all times, it had to be while Riel and I were alone on the airship for travel.

Ah, shit.

If I were one of those high-ranking old men who kept women around, got married, and kept multiple concubines, maybe it wouldn't matter.

But a young man with a bright future ahead, not even married yet, getting hard with a woman right there?

...Hell no. Not happening.

I had zero intention of going through something that embarrassing, so I crossed my legs, turned on my terminal, and tried to focus my mind elsewhere.

I even tried singing the national anthem from my past life to calm myself ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠down, but...

Until the East Sea's waters and Mount Baekdu's vast ranges dry up... ah, damn it.

Unfortunately the past-life anthem and the current-life anthem got mixed up in ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my head, making it worse than not singing at all.

"Heh... heh..."

"Ahem."

On top of that, Riel was looking at me with an expression that screamed cheeky little brat who'd figured something out.

Nngh!

Just as I was thinking this was getting dangerous in multiple ways—

—Beep-beep-beep!

"Hm?!"

A completely different alarm tone rang from the terminal in my hand.

And the moment that screen appeared with the alarm, every stray thought I'd been having vanished in an instant.

"...Riel. Cancel every existing schedule. We're heading straight to the Executive Ministry."

"Got it, yeah!"

And the moment those stray thoughts disappeared, a whole new set of thoughts flooded my head—and a headache started building right along with them.