Chapter 55
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 55
Chapter Title: The Mayor and Retrieval
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Tu-tu-tu-
The disconnected tone struck the rusty walls of the old container and echoed back, rattling my eardrums.
'Have a pleasant kidnapping time.'
A pleasant kidnapping.
How could a kidnapping be pleasant?
The aesthetics of contradiction. A real-life oxymoron.
But the true meaning hidden in those words was anything but beautiful.
'Just you wait. If you ever come back, I'll make it real pleasant for you.'
That was exactly it.
I knew it. That was Seria's style of murder threat.
"That woman... she's really the mayor's girlfriend? She treated him like a total stranger."
The men's heads turned toward me slowly. Ever so slowly.
Their eyes, once sparkling with hope and ambition, now gleamed with despair, resentment, and raw, primal killing intent.
"Hey."
Sniffer's voice.
It was a low tone, completely different from before, laced with suppressed rage.
"Why don't you explain what's going on here, Mr. Mayor."
Explain.
Where should I even start?
How could I make them understand the cosmic terror packed into those six letters: 'Pink-Haired Disaster'?
Wouldn't even trying to make them understand just erode my own mental contamination levels?
"What about the ransom! Who the hell is that woman?!"
"You took the mayor hostage and now you say you don't know her! You messing with us?!"
"You... dare toy with us?"
The atmosphere turned vicious.
Vicious wasn't even the word for it.
This was murderous.
I reflexively moved my mouth as my survival instincts took over.
"No! It's a misunderstanding! All of it!"
"Misunderstanding?"
Sniffer's eyebrow twitched.
"She said she doesn't know that person. What's there to misunderstand?"
"That's! That's because I skipped all my schedule today! She's pissed about it! It's a tiny, perfectly normal misunderstanding—one that's actually essential spice in any relationship!"
A near-scream.
Doubt still shadowed their faces heavily.
This won't do. I need a stronger blow.
The one absolute, magical word that had pierced through human history to resolve this situation.
"Women are just like that! Creatures you can't take at their word!"
Pure, 100% brain-fart wisdom drawn from the zero dating experience in my life.
"Women...?"
Sniffer muttered. His eyes wavered faintly.
"A woman's 'whatever' is the trickiest order in the world, 'it's fine' never means it's fine, 'I'm not mad' means war is about to break out, and if she says 'I'll go first,' you can't just let her leave—that's how complicated and delicate they are!"
"That's just how it is...?"
Unease spread across the other gang members' faces too.
"Come to think of it, my ex did that too. She said she wasn't mad, so I went to the PC bang thinking it was fine, and she dumped me the next day."
"Mine said it was okay, so I went drinking with friends, and she ignored me for three months even after I begged."
"Ugh... women really are... incomprehensible creatures."
It worked.
What simple, innocent brain structures they had.
Just the keyword 'women' shut down all their logic circuits and paralyzed their reason.
"Right! Exactly! So no need to worry! Just wait a bit, and Seria will call back! Then she'll definitely scream, 'Why didn't you pick up?!' and make a huge fuss crying and all! That's when we bring up the ransom again naturally!"
"Hmm... is that how it is?"
Sniffer nodded with a convinced look.
My vacation—and my life—were extended by a razor-thin margin.
But the call never came.
10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30 minutes.
The air inside the container began to cool again, bit by bit.
Was the cold sweat trickling down my back, or the harbinger of approaching death?
"This won't do."
Finally, Sniffer stood up.
"Guess I'll have to confirm if you're telling the truth myself."
Sniffer picked up my smartphone again.
And tapped 'Pink-Haired Disaster' from the call log.
The few seconds of ringing tone felt like a year.
The call connected again.
[Neo Incheon City Hall, Secretary's Office. Please state your affiliation, name, and purpose.]
"Huh? Uh? M-my name is Black Hound's Sniffer! We've kidnapped Neo Incheon's mayor right now! Prepare 100 billion if you want him back!"
[Understood. Sniffer of Black Hound. To verify the kidnapping, could you please fax the relevant documents?]
The voice held no emotion whatsoever.
It felt like talking to an ARS automated system.
"What?"
Sniffer's face froze solid.
The gang members around him exchanged looks of 'Did I hear that right?'
[We need the kidnapping plan, hostage identity verification, and for groups, a copy of the business registration. Forms are available for download from the Neo Incheon City Hall website's civil affairs forms section.]
"What the hell? Since when does a kidnapping need paperwork! You joking?!"
Sniffer bellowed. His anger was perfectly justified. Utterly reasonable.
But his opponent was a disaster beyond common sense.
[We are merely following procedure. Without the documents, official negotiations are impossible. If that's all, goodbye.]
"W-wait! It's real! We really have the mayor!"
[Your tone suggests you're quite agitated. Please calm down first. To confirm the hostage is indeed the mayor, we request a video call. Do you consent?]
"Y-yeah! Sure! Whatever!"
Sniffer frantically hit the video call button.
And shoved the camera in my face.
Seria's expressionless face appeared on screen.
She scanned me up and down, then lifted the corner of her mouth ever so faintly.
A sneer.
[Ah, it is the mayor. You look as stupid as ever today. Your clothes are a mess. Dust in your hair too. Hostage hygiene is basic kidnapper etiquette, but you all seem rather inexperienced.]
"Hey! What are you saying to the hostage-takers?!"
[Hostage confirmed as the mayor. I'll submit the 100 billion ransom budget review to the Planning and Economy Office. As you know, it requires city council approval and contingency fund allocation, so it will take time. At least a month, up to half a year. Please keep that in mind.]
"H-half a year?!"
Sniffer's voice quivered like a goat's.
Half a year.
6 months. 180 days.
"Wait! Hold on!"
Sniffer shouted desperately.
[Any issue?]
"S-so we have to keep the mayor that whole time?!"
[Of course. He's a valuable city asset, so take good care of him. Oh, and note that his diet should avoid greasy or salty foods—his stomach is sensitive. Snacks once a week is fine, and if he asks for soda, give him zero-sugar only. High-sugar ones are bad for his blood sugar.]
A joke?
No. That voice was dead serious.
Pure, 100% fact-violence with not a spoon of humor mixed in.
It was like a owner dropping off their pet at a hotel for a long trip, rattling off care instructions.
[We'll contact you then. Stay healthy, Mayor. Hanging up.]
Tu-tu-tu-
The call ended unilaterally again.
What remained was silence. And shock.
"W-what kind of woman is she...?"
One gang member muttered in a dazed voice.
"Half a year... will our gang even survive that long?"
"More than that, she treated the kidnappers like nannies."
Their gazes turned back to me.
This time, it wasn't killing intent.
It was... pity.
"Mayor... you... live with that kind of treatment normally...?"
"Poor Mayor..."
I hung my head.
For the first time, I realized pity could be more humiliating than death.
But their pity didn't last long.
Pity was pity, business was business.
"Still... we gotta do what we gotta do."
Sniffer said with a grim expression.
He untied one of my arms and handed me the smartphone.
"Last chance, Mayor."
His voice had gone ice-cold.
"Call her yourself and convince that woman. Or else... you know."
I pressed the call button with trembling hands.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
As the signal went through, I thought.
What to say. How to beg.
What was the optimal survival protocol?
[Yes. Speak.]
It connected.
"Seria!"
I reflexively shouted her name.
"I did everything wrong!"
That was my opening line.
A scream born purely of survival instinct, casting aside male pride, the mayor's dignity, and basic human honor.
A very brief silence flowed from the speaker.
[What exactly did you do wrong?]
An icy, dry voice.
Not just a simple apology—she demanded specifics.
This was my chance.
The perfect opportunity to appeal how desperately I was repenting.
"Today! Today I skipped all my work! I'm really sorry! There were meetings, piles of documents to approve! I was thoughtless!"
I poured in as much sincerity as possible.
Mixed tears into my voice, regret into the batter, topped with groveling, and screamed.
[Hmm. And?]
And?
'And' what?
My brain desperately scanned the past few days' actions.
My list of sins. My catalog of offenses.
"Oh! And yesterday! The pudding in the secretary's office fridge! I snuck it and ate it! Sorry! It looked too good!"
[......]
"The day before! The urgent approval documents—I hid them under my desk on purpose! Thought if I didn't see them, I didn't have to! Really sorry!"
[......]
"Last week! You said you were cold, but I set the AC to 18 degrees anyway! And I dumped feeding Nero and walking him all on you! Sorry! That was my job! Thanks for covering! I'm such a scumbag!"
I wailed wildly.
My history of petty, pathetic misdeeds filled the container.
A list of perfect crimes only I knew about—Seria had no clue.
A moment of silence from the speaker.
Its weight crushed me.
Then, the sound that came.
[Haa.]
A deep, long sigh, heavy with the resignation of the entire world.
[Understood.]
A tone thick with resignation.
[Can't just dump a hopeless mayor like you anywhere.]
Click.
The call cut off.
"What?"
Sniffer muttered blankly.
"Negotiations failed again? Hopeless? Dump him? What the hell!"
The villains fell into despair, murmuring.
But I knew.
She's coming.
The disaster—no, my capable secretary.
To retrieve me.
I quietly gazed at the men before me.
My vacation, and their brief, fragile lives, were about to end.
I thought I should grant these pitiful fools one last mercy.
"You lot."
My voice came out husky without me realizing.
"Run now while you can."
"What nonsense!"
"Or at least, drop your weapons. Kneel and bow your heads."
I advised them sincerely.
"Then you might not die. Probably."
"This bastard's mocking us to the end!"
The moment Sniffer reached for my collar.
Flick.
The world went dark.
The old bulb in the container died, and even the emergency lights failed.
Complete darkness.
Dead silence, without a sound.
And then.
Crackle. Tap. Slither.
Sounds emerged from the darkness.
From above, the sides, ahead.
From windows, doors, even the old ceiling vent.
Dozens of sounds seeped into the hideout at once.
My eyes, adjusted to the dark, began to make out faint green glows.
Eerie green dots moving like living things.
Night-vision goggles.
"Target confirmed! Hostage secure!"
A low voice echoed in the darkness.
Special Task Force.
"W-what?! Enemies! It's an attack!"
By now, Sniffer was probably trying to sniff out foes in the dark with his enhanced sense of smell.
"No smell...?"
His panicked voice.
Ah, you pathetic mutt. You're up against Neo Incheon's elites.
Of course the Special Task Force's combat suits are made of cutting-edge odor-blocking material.
What followed was pure, one-sided domination.
Lightning flashed from one gang member's hand. The container flashed white for an instant.
Electricity ability. Decent output.
But the electronic disruptor on his wrist neutralized it.
Whoosh!
Another spat flames. White special fire-suppressant spray swallowed it whole.
Bam!
The brute-strength villain crumpled from a single muscle-paralyzing dart.
Only Sniffer remained.
Thud!
The final impact.
"Ugh!"
Sniffer's groan.
Thump.
The sound of him hitting the floor.
Just a few short thuds. That was it.
Everything ended in seconds.
Fizz-
And light returned to the world.
The old bulb flickered back on, illuminating the hideout.
Every Black Hound member who had threatened me moments ago lay sprawled on the floor.
They were breathing. Knocked out, no visible injuries.
Professional work.
Everything suppressed perfectly and swiftly.
And...
There she stood at the entrance.
In the center of the revealed light, after the darkness lifted.
In her usual crisp suit.
Seria Park, utterly unruffled.
I shrank my neck unnecessarily and avoided her gaze.
She walked toward me slowly.
Click. Click.
Her heels gripped my heart.
Finally stopping before me, Seria looked down silently.
"Did you run all the way here because you didn't want to work?"
I shook my head desperately.
"No! That's not it! I was kidnapped! For real!"
Seria's lips curved ever so slightly into a mocking smile.
"Sure."