Chapter 38
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 38
Chapter Title: The Mayor and the Cat
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What is the essence of power?
It is the power to impose one's will on others.
In other words, the ability to make others do what you don't want to do. That is the alpha and omega of power.
Kings sit and issue commands, generals pore over maps inside tents, and CEOs merely sign off on approvals from the depths of leather armchairs.
That is the way of the world. The privilege of those at the pyramid's peak.
I, Lee Garam. Mayor of Neo Incheon. The man at the top of this city.
Of course, let's set aside the minor issue of an absolute ruler—a pink-haired female secretary—reigning over me.
Anyway, on paper, nominally, officially, I am this city's supreme authority.
Have you ever seen a king soil his hands? A CEO wet his feet?
Of course not.
I too have faithfully upheld that sublime principle until now.
I devised plans. And issued commands.
Change patrol routes to a constellation pattern.
Conduct an audit of the Hero Association.
Establish the People's Heart Party to spread the greatness of bread.
What were the results?
My highly capable subordinates transformed my failed plans into dazzling successes.
The irony of me—the alchemist of failure—becoming the Midas of success.
Unacceptable.
I can no longer tolerate my sacred failures being thwarted by others' competence.
The feat of failure can only be forged by hands that crave it.
So I came here.
To personally orchestrate failure with my own two hands.
Bupyeong's rundown villa village.
The glorious tomb for my Nekonomics project.
"Ugh."
The moment I stepped out of the car, fragrant with premium air freshener, an ammonia stench stabbed straight into my nose, digging deep.
Mixed with the rot of spoiled cat food, it formed a dissonant duet.
Before my eyes could take it in, my nose exposed the truth of this place.
This is civilization's frontier. No human domain.
A barbaric pheromone bombardment proclaiming this the territory of the cat empire.
The vista before me confirmed my sense of smell hadn't lied.
Iron food bowls scattered across the villa flower beds.
Some empty, others bloated with rain-soaked feed mingled with gray mold, forming bizarre objects.
Black trash bags left overnight, shredded by claws, spewing contents. Food scraps, cat hair, and unidentified filth intertwined, decorating the alleys like a modern artist's installation.
What perfect chaos. What pure disorder.
Here, my failure is assured.
No—failure is the very soil of this place. I need only stir it with a spoon.
I strolled leisurely through the villa alleys.
Crude shelters pieced from styrofoam boxes. Some might call them "cat cafeterias," symbols of charity.
But to my eyes, mere eyesores marring the city's beauty, incubators for germs threatening hygiene.
Warning notes scrawled crookedly on the cafeteria walls.
[CCTV recording in progress. Legal action if damaged again.]
[Don't mistreat speechless animals. It could happen to you.]
[We'll curse you forever if you bully our babies.]
Babies?
I scanned my surroundings.
Only drab villa buildings, discarded trash, and...
Waaaaaang!!!
Not a soft meow.
A demon's howl.
Cats? Could those truly be called cats?
Many.
Not just many. A flood.
But.
Not cute.
Not one bit.
No trace of the small, angelic roadside darlings I'd imagined.
They embodied their street pedigrees.
Fur greasy and matted, ears ragged and torn, eyes crusted half-shut. Bloated bellies from overfeeding wobbling along, yet eyes lethally fierce.
Not cats. Beasts cloaked in cat skin. Veteran warriors from the war of survival.
Dozens of eyes glared from alleys, under parked cars, behind trash heaps.
The instant they spotted me, they bristled into alert formation.
Kyaaaaak!!!
Backs arched like bows, fur on end, they hissed in unison.
Dozens of mouths unleashing threats at once.
A passing auntie recoiled in horror, crossing to the opposite side. A kid on a bike, terrified, swerved back the way he'd come.
Yes. That's it.
The citizens' inconvenience. The site of conflict.
Neo Incheon's hidden underbelly.
Behind the glittering skyline and superhero exploits, the raw arena of survival struggles.
"Excellent... very excellent..."
How could I manage these predators? Impossible.
How resolve the residents' strife? Impossible.
My Nekonomics project was doomed before it began.
Then, in the corner of the flower bed.
A small shadow, apart from the clustered cats.
A distinctly different vibe.
Calico fur blending white, orange, and black.
Unlike the wary others, it stared blankly at me.
If the rest were beasts fouled by urban grime and strife, this one was a fairy leaped from a storybook.
I approached cautiously.
A distance any normal cat would flee.
But it merely swished its tail, holding its ground.
"Hello, kitty."
It sniffed my hand briefly, then rubbed its small head against my palm.
Soft, ticklish texture.
Unlike the others, its fur was fluffy and clean.
I knelt and gently stroked its back.
Its little body quivered with pleasure.
"Hmm. You're different from the rest. Far gentler and more sociable than some terrifying pink-haired secretary."
Meow.
"You agree, huh. A discerning cat."
Evidently pleased, it settled right by my leg and flopped down.
Ah.
This is foul play.
Such purity amid this hellscape is a blatant rules violation.
Enchanted, I reached out to scratch under its chin.
Purr...
A satisfying vibration emanated from its body. A delightful engine-like rumble.
"Oho... you like that?"
I began a full assault.
From chin to nape, along the spine to tail. Everywhere my hand touched, it responded blissfully.
Golonggol—
"Yes! There! That's the spot!"
It fully sprawled before me, baring its snowy belly.
A mark of utter trust. Total disarmament.
"Even the belly...?"
With reverence, I placed my hand on its soft tummy.
My heart melted.
Tension dissolved.
All worldly woes vanished.
Is this the magic of cats?
As it savored my touch with a swishing tail, it suddenly licked my hand.
Rough yet pleasant tongue texture.
In that instant, all worldly noise faded.
The stench, the feral glares, my convoluted plans.
A serene moment where only I and this tiny life existed.
This is... salvation...?
No, wait. What am I doing right now?
"You temptress! Bewitching me with cuteness!"
I came here for failure.
Before I knew it, I'd forgotten the villa's horrors, my grand impeachment scheme—lost entirely in this little creature.
It's a trap sabotaging my failure. A spy wielding honeytrap—no, cuteness trap tactics!
I must snap out of it.
But... how to refuse this softness?
How to shake off those tiny paws enfolding my hand?
Right then.
A dissonant chord shattering the peace.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!"
A sharp, shrill voice.
A chilling timbre like nails on spotless glass.
I looked up.
From the villa entrance, a shadow lumbered forth.
An enormously massive silhouette.
A ponderous gait warping gravity itself.
Her hefty frame dripped with luxury knockoffs, logos subtly twisted.
Crowning it all: a face caked in mask-like makeup.
The final puzzle piece for my failure project.
The cat mom.
She strode up and planted herself between me and the cat.
"What are you doing to my baby? Why are you bullying it?!"
My baby?
I glanced between the cat mom and the calico I'd been petting.
"Come here now! To Mama!"
She extended her hand, calling the cat.
But the calico didn't budge. If anything, it snuggled closer to my leg.
"Um... seems like the cat prefers me?"
I stroked its back for emphasis.
"No way! After all my loving care! It's scared and can't come because you're bullying it!"
Grumble—
Bullying? It's loving every second.
"Auntie, is this your cat?"
"What? Auntie? Who's an auntie?!"
She shrieked hysterically.
"And it's not mine, but I feed and care for it, so it's my baby!"
Logical leap. Ownership in limbo.
Not mine, but ours. Some Zen koan?
"Why touch without permission? You have no idea the stress people like you cause my babies! If you wanna touch, pay up and adopt it!"
Money.
True colors fast.
"Gotta pay to pet a stray? Is that a Neo Incheon law?"
"Obviously! Why pet my baby for free? If you show affection, take responsibility! Adopt! Pay for all the food, treats, meds I've spent... cat chow fees and responsibility fees too!"
Cat chow fees. Responsibility fees.
I let out an incredulous chuckle.
This the infamous cat mom racket?
Cat chow fees—cat food costs, obviously.
Including treats, toys, vet bills, meds... and probably her own lunches or coffee.
Simple. Blunt. Easy to grasp. Hence, grotesque.
Responsibility fees. The price of duty.
Slapping a tag on an intangible ideal.
A distilled art form of modern society's contradictions.
How acts of roadside charity get subsumed by capitalism, how goodwill becomes priced merchandise—a scathing performance piece...
Nah, just a shakedown.
"Responsibility fee, huh. So if I pay, I get ownership?"
"Nope!"
"Huh?"
"It's to check if you'll really care for it properly! Separate from ownership!"
"If I prove I care well, do I get it back? Like a deposit?"
"Nope!"
What twisted logic is this?
Take money with no refund, grant no ownership?
"So what's this responsibility fee really? Just gimme money?"
Her face flushed beet red at my jab.
"Can't just hand it free to someone like you—what if something happens to the baby! Here! Bupyeong Cat Mom Union official adoption contract! Sign if you wanna take responsibility. Responsibility fee's 100,000 won, past cat chow fees 3 million—prepaid."
She yanked a thick stack from her knockoff luxury bag and thrust it at me.
Incredulous, I chuckled and took the papers.
A dense 50-page contract.
The contents were worse.
[Article 1: Adopter must provide name, resident ID, address, workplace, salary, family registry, diploma, criminal record, credit score to Bupyeong Cat Mom Union.]
[Article 2: Adopter must upload 3 daily photos/videos (morning, noon, evening) to designated SNS, and conduct at least one weekly video call to verify cat's welfare.]
[Article 3: Union full members reserve the right to visit adopter's home up to 4 times monthly without prior notice for welfare inspections.]
[Article 17: Unauthorized abandonment incurs 10 million won penalty; personal info may be posted online for social accountability.]
[On contract breach, cat custody auto-reverts to Bupyeong Cat Mom Union.]
This isn't an adoption contract.
It's a body surrender. Closer to a modern slave pact.
"Listen, auntie."
"Not auntie!"
She flew into a rage.
"You know this contract's illegal, right?"
I pressed her authoritatively, logically.
"Privacy law violations, high trespass risk. Demanding cash under 'responsibility' with no return? That's fraud or extortion."
"W-what are you talking about?!"
"And if these alley cats are 'your babies,' shouldn't you be liable for all their damages?"
I pointed around the villa grounds.
"Scratches on those car hoods. Mental anguish from nightly noise pollution. Ruined flower beds, shredded trash bags—property damage. All on the owner, auntie. Fines, penalties, civil suits from residents. Everything."
The moment law entered the chat, her bravado evaporated.
"No, th-that's... Cats are natural beings! That's how they live!"
"You just called them your babies. Now they're 'natural'? This isn't protection—it's a business! Profiting off strays. You're the one breaking animal welfare laws!"
Logical annihilation!
Thanks, Seria. All thanks to you.
"Th-that's...! It's love! I love my babies!"
Pinned logically, her next move was predictable.
"How can a man bully a weak, helpless woman and her cats like this! Are you threatening me? Animal abuser! Psycho! Neighbors! Look over here!!"
Tears welling, victim cosplay at full volume.
How trite, how predictable.
Her bulk triples mine, yet who's the weak one?
But she overlooked one thing.
I'm no powerless civilian.
I'm this city's mayor.
Time to reveal myself and end this farce.
These types thrive on strong-weak-weak-strong dynamics. Crumble before authority.
"Daring to sass a cat mom? Do you even know who I..."
"Sis! That guy's a dude?"
That instant.
Screeeeech—
From villa buildings everywhere, clone-like aunties identical to her emerged one by one.
Clutching matching fake luxury bags, faces slathered in identical thick makeup, fingers tipped with flashy identical nails.
"Girls! Look here! This scumbag groped our kitties without paying and mouthed off to me!"
Her words the signal—Bupyeong Cat Mom Union opened full barrage.
Dozens of condemning glares.
Some eyes faintly gleaming. Low-level psychics mixed in?
"Oh my god! Touch a cat, you pay!"
"So shameless! Take responsibility! Take responsibility!!"
"What were you gonna do to our babies! Sign the adoption papers now!"
I was swept under a wave of illogic and conjecture.
No reasoning with these.
Not civilized citizens. A primitive tribe with their own laws and order.
This wasn't failure. It was imminent physical assault.
Time for strategic retreat. Not flight—just a step back for greater failure!
Slink...
"Where you running! Gotta pay to pet and go!"
Against the resounding chorus of the cat mom legion, I bolted full-tilt from Bupyeong villa village.
My Nekonomics project hit a snag from the very start.