Chapter 142: Trials, and Then (4)

Ammut's trial.

In the test that showed me the 'death' I feared most, the death I saw was dying alone.

Abandoned even by Yustitia, Hoaran, and Lilith, dying in lonely solitude.

That was the death Ammut showed me—the one I feared above all.

After leaving the orphanage and living alone for years, the death I'd always dreaded turned out to be dying alone.

But thanks to that, I understood completely.

The me in the illusion.

The me I saw, experiencing the death I feared most.

...Looks like I'm no use anymore at this rate.

'I'm disappointed. You're no longer my child, so know that.'

'Yeah, I thought you'd show me something more fun, but I guess that was too much... Whatever. I'll just find someone else... Next time, I'll find something more entertaining.'

The pain, the terror, the fear I felt when they abandoned me made it clear: my greatest fear was dying alone.

Lilith's red eyes looking down coldly at my disease-riddled body as I died.

Hoaran's golden eyes, filled with disappointment, turning away from me.

Yustitia's blue eyes, losing all interest, just saying that and leaving.

Only then did I realize.

...You okay, you idiot? Who told you to act so cocky?

'Hmm, I am your mother, Hanjo!'

'This is fun after all. I didn't expect it to turn out like this, but it's even better. More than that, you've already used it all up—want to give me more semen for experiments?'

How warm their usual gazes toward me had been.

And how much I'd been depending on them—it hit me hard.

It wasn't just them.

'R-Really~? Does it suit me~? Hehe...'

'Just watch, bro. Once I pay off all my debts, it'll be payback time! I'll make you call me master, so get ready... Kyaaak!'

'My king, please spoil this queen of mine plenty...'

I remembered the other women who looked at me with such warmth, just like them.

Not just Lilith, Hoaran, and Yustitia—even when they all looked down coldly and left me.

Only then did I see it.

Because I was stupid.

Because I was scared.

Pretending not to know.

'You don't know? Or are you pretending? Or maybe...'

The abilities manifested in my Gift.

From their original owners: werewolf Eileya, satyros Sati, wearhoneybee Liliana—and the affection they'd shown me that I'd ignored. The illusion made it painfully clear.

I only realized it when I saw the illusion of them leaving me, thanks to Ammut's trial.

'You there.'

'Get a grip.'

'Please... please, I beg you.'

I thought I didn't deserve to be loved.

Abandoned by the parents who should have loved me most from birth. I thought I had no right to anyone's love.

I thought I didn't deserve to love either.

Unable to even take care of myself, believing I didn't deserve love—how could I give proper love to anyone? I couldn't even imagine it.

'Did you... actually like me?'

So I hurt her.

I could admit it even now.

I probably never loved her.

Just like she said, I'd never even liked her.

I just... wanted to be loved like everyone else, so I did something stupid.

So I hurt her.

It was truly shitty, but it was too late to apologize now.

It was in the past.

But.

'Let go—'

I grabbed the Lilith from the illusion as she tried to leave.

Things that hadn't passed yet... I could still do something about them.

Even if I was just a dispenser fucking nameless women for cash.

Even if that meant hurting the women who loved me, unable to return their love fully.

'You're not going anywhere. Never.'

Even so, I didn't want to see them leave me.

I might hurt them.

I might not repay their love fully.

But the death of them abandoning me.

Dying alone like that—no way in hell did I want that anymore.

Even if it was selfish, greedy bullshit.

I didn't want to lose them.

'I said let go— Mmph...!'

So, just keep them from leaving.

Even though it was an illusion, she reacted exactly like the real Lilith.

To the stunned expression on the illusory Lilith from my sudden move, the me in the illusion said:

'Mother, be the mother of my child.'

Not just Lilith.

The illusory Hoaran, Yustitia, Eileya, Sati, Liliana—all trying to leave me.

The me in the illusion grabbed them all and said:

So they couldn't abandon me.

Family.

I knew as an orphan how easily bonds like that could scatter or vanish.

Still, I wanted clear proof.

'Bear my child.'

Mixed blood, and even if the child wasn't family, the parent-child bond was undeniable, no matter how much bullshit.

Crack.

The illusion distorted.

My 'death' form shifted.

From dying alone in loneliness.

To dying surrounded by bustling children.

...This perverted fuck, knocking me up right before you die? Where's that even happen?

Seeing Lilith clutching her swollen belly, holding my withered old hand and saying that, the illusory me replied:

'Didn't expect this. Guess I'm not dead yet, Mother.'

...How long you gonna call me that in front of the kids?

To Lilith grumpily fumbling my cooling hand, trying to share some warmth, I said:

'Yeah, if I'm dying, this is better. Way better than dying alone.'

'What the— what kinda bullshit is—'

Crack, craaack...

The illusion shattered.

Even Lilith, sad yet finding solace in our children amid my death as my human lifespan ended—her face twisting like I'd lost my mind.

All of it crumbled and scattered.

I opened my eyes to see the flickering Ammut and Karura holding my hand.

"You there, are you coming to your senses?"

Karura.

The woman ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠carrying my child.

And...

"Yeah, thanks. Sorry for worrying you."

The woman who loved me.

Vrrring—

Vitality surged inside me—not ki or mana, but something else entirely.

Wondering what it was, Ammut spoke to me.

With that cry, Ammut seeped into my body like mist.

Fading away like smoke, Ammut said:

With Ammut's power flowing into me came faint memories.

Thanks to that, I understood why Karura followed that little pharaoh so loyally.

I would've done the same if I were her.

So I answered Ammut.

"I was planning to anyway."

If that little pharaoh died or something happened, Karura would be devastated.

I couldn't make the women who loved me the happiest in the world, but I'd resolved to make them happy—and I'd do my best.

No more voice from Ammut after that—she seemed fully asleep.

But my body, now fully inheriting her power, felt insanely good.

"First, let's get to somewhere safer."

Saying that, I scooped up Karura and stood.

While I took Ammut's trial, they'd moved to safety somehow, but with skeletons pouring in, who knew when they'd reach us. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠With Karura ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠still weak, I decided to park her somewhere secure.

"Hold on tight."

"Wha—"

Boom!

I stomped the ground and leaped skyward.

Higher than max werewolf traits—dozens of times higher. I spotted Narmer Kingdom folk still battling skeletons.

They were slowly being pushed back, but they'd hold there for a while.

Slash!

"Y-Your back has wings—"

Karura's race.

I still hadn't heard what exactly, but winged folk anyway.

Holding her, the woman who loved me—I couldn't not use her ability.

Seeing her gape at the black wings sprouting from my back, I dove forward like a plummeting stone.

I understood the power.

Ammut's power now dwelling in me.

The more time passed, the more I used it, the clearer it became.

A fragment of godhood.

From a beast that was once ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a god.

A fallen beast's divine shard.

Not ki or mana—an omnipotent force that bent reality.

If I willed it, desired it, it happened.

Shzzz...

The wrecked artifact Dragon Claw and the shredded, holed Celestial Fox Armor turned black, restoring to original form.

To the strongest state I knew.

Boom...!

"Enemy...?!"

"No, it's Karura the Great Warrior—"

Chaos erupted at my sudden landing, but no time to explain.

Better to handle the incoming skeletons first.

I set down Karura and aimed my blackened Dragon Claw at the skull bastards.

"Honeybee Punch."

Vrrrrring—

"Anyway, fucking rapid fire."

"I'll be back soon."

I cleared the skulls for a while to keep her safe, then said that.

"...Promise."

"Yeah."

The little pharaoh linked to Ammut.

With Ammut now in me, I could sense her rough situation.

Time left, but not much.

"Be right back."

Boom—I stomped again to fly to the little pharaoh, but felt my wings scatter.

"Shit, fuck."

I knew why immediately.

The divinity in me.

Even a fragment—vast power my body couldn't handle.

Especially after nearly dying before inheriting it; most power went to restoring my wrecked vitality.

Wouldn't last long like this.

So.

"My teeth are gonna rot."

I chewed and swallowed a handful of Yustitia's Overdrive Pills, forcing my power up.

Berserking to forcibly balance the collapse.

Just a temp fix, but it'd do for now.

Swoosh!

I flapped reformed wings and flew toward the little pharaoh.

And—

I aimed Dragon Claw at the fucking pedo bone bastard groping the chained little pharaoh's chest with that creepy-ass line.