Growing Distance
When I was young, my father in my memories wasn't exactly a close person. I could only see him late at night. With his perpetually tired face and the heavy smell of alcohol clinging to him, he sometimes felt frightening. But...
"Ugh, hic, hick..."
Back then, I never reacted like this. Yoona's face was filled with fear as she began to shed fat tears like chicken droppings. She wasn't looking at me as her dad, but as some strange man pretending to be her father. That explained the reaction.
At the sight of her backing away while sniffling, I opened my mouth without thinking.
"Y-Yoona. Uh..."
What was I supposed to say? My eyes darted around as I scanned the house behind her. The dark living room with the lights off, the pitch-black bedroom with its door wide open, the empty dining table... Ah!
"You like chicken, right?"
"Hic, ugh...?"
I managed to come up with a pathetic idea.
"Dad bought chicken so we could eat it together."
That was the hazy memory of my own father.
Around the time I was nine, my father would come home with his face flushed red, reeking of alcohol, carrying a single box of fried chicken. When the younger me would excitedly run out to greet him, he'd proudly hand it over. It was a peaceful world without magical girls or monsters. Just people chasing after studies and work. Would Yoona ever get to live in a world like that?
"Ch-Chicken...?"
At the mention of chicken, Yoona's gaze dropped to my waist. She soon spotted the box in my hands.
"Yeah. Our Yoona likes chicken, doesn't she?"
Even though I had no idea if she actually did... Well, most kids do, right?
"...Ung."
"That's why I bought it."
I naturally slipped off my shoes and stepped inside. Yoona stood frozen in place, staring at me.
Thud.
I set the chicken box down on the table. The house was filled with a chilly air. The dark bedroom and living room felt the same. Maybe Yoona's mom really wasn't home yet. If she had been, she wouldn't have called me to handle this in the first place.
"Come on, let's eat before it gets cold."
I spoke as gently as possible and looked at her. Yoona still hadn't taken a single step from the entrance. She clutched the hem of her clothes with her small hands, her face still streaked with tears, and just stared at me.
It was only natural. I'd been caught pretending to be her dad yesterday.
"..."
I forced myself to ignore her gaze and tore open the packaging. Maybe pretending to be Yoona's dad was impossible now. Childhood memories tend to stick around for life. Yoona was probably deeply suspicious of me acting as her father.
"Whoa."
I decided not to force any emotion.
"This looks good."
If she didn't come, I wouldn't eat. If she did, I would. With that thought, I picked up a drumstick and started eating. The taste of plain fried chicken. Damn, it was good.
As I ate while deliberately trying not to pay attention to her...
"...I, I also..."
Before I knew it, she was right beside me.
"I want to eat chicken too..."
Grabbing my arm just as I reached for a second drumstick, there stood Yoona with eyes full of desire she couldn't suppress.
Yoona sat across from me, devouring the chicken like there was no tomorrow. The way she sucked on the bones made it clear she'd been pretty hungry.
'Did that woman leave without even making the kid dinner?'
I absentmindedly walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. It felt weird rummaging through someone else's fridge when it wasn't even my house, but... well, I was the only functioning adult here right now.
"..."
Surprisingly, the fridge was pretty well stocked. There were containers of various side dishes and fruits cut into bite-sized pieces. When I opened the freezer, I found zip bags of frozen soup lined up with dates written on them. There was even curry among them.
'Curry that Yoona likes...'
How awkward. My earlier thought about her not making dinner completely vanished. She must've just had some urgent matter come up and had to leave. If I'd known, I would've come earlier.
Thud.
I closed the fridge door and turned around to see Yoona still going at the chicken. Her mouth was shiny with grease.
"Eat slowly."
"...Uung."
She said that but didn't slow down at all. I chuckled and returned to the table, sitting across from her again. Hard to believe this was the same kid who'd been crying at the sight of me earlier. Kids were simple like that. Just as I was thinking that and reaching for a small piece of fried batter...
"..."
Yoona's hand suddenly stopped. She swallowed what was in her mouth with a gulp and gently set down the chicken she was holding.
What now?
"Why? Are you full?"
"....No, it's not that..."
Yoona answered with her head lowered.
"Mister..."
Did she get scared of me again all of a sudden?
"...No, Dad, are you staying over tonight...?"
I let out a sigh of relief at the word "Dad." Even so, kids were kids. A little acting and she'd already bought it. That aside, I hadn't planned on staying over... But if I just left for home now, Yoona would have to sleep alone.
"Hmm..."
Was she asking because she was genuinely curious, or because she was scared I'd show my face for one day and never come back again? Probably the former.
"Can you sleep by yourself, Yoona?"
Yoona pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly.
"I always used to sleep with Mom..."
Damn it... Why the hell did that woman have to leave the house like this?
"..."
Honestly, this was a bit much, wasn't it? Objectively speaking, Yoona and I weren't even related by blood. There wasn't even any legal connection on paper. And I was a fully grown adult man. Sleeping in the same room as an eight-year-old girl...
'Is this really okay...?'
The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt. Maybe I should just sleep on the living room sofa and let Yoona have the bedroom. But that would mean forcing apart a kid who said she couldn't sleep alone...
"..."
Yoona was still waiting for my answer. Her expression would be decided by how I responded. After a long deliberation, I finally made my decision.
"...I think I can stay over tonight."
"....!"
Yoona's eyes widened into perfect circles.
"But Dad's going to sleep in the living room."
"...The living room?"
Disappointment flickered across Yoona's face. She'd probably hoped we'd sleep together. Seeing that expression actually put me more at ease. It seemed like any suspicion that I wasn't her dad had completely disappeared. Maybe it was thanks to her mom covering for me.
"Instead,"
I gestured toward the bedroom with my chin.
"Yoona sleeps in the room, and we'll leave the door wide open."
The dark bedroom came into view.
"Dad will be right here in the living room. If you're scared, just call for me."
"..."
Her small fingers fidgeted.
"Can't we just sleep together...?"
"No. Yoona's an elementary school student now."
I added that she needed to learn how to sleep alone. Of course, that wasn't my real intention at all. I just felt like sleeping in the same bed as a kid much younger than me would make me question my own morals. Not that I'd do anything, but... there were social norms to consider.
"...Okay."
Yoona agreed with a somewhat dissatisfied expression. Most fathers would've melted at that look and given in, but...
"Alright, then..."
I wasn't going to give this child even an inch of my heart. Not a single bit of it wavered. I was only here for the money.
After she brushed her teeth and I tucked her in with the lights on, Yoona fell asleep in the bedroom faster than I'd expected. She'd cried a lot the moment she saw me and then stuffed herself with chicken, so it made sense. Even though she'd said she was scared to sleep alone in the bedroom...
"Agh, my neck..."
I was the one who couldn't sleep. I was reminded once again that sofas were made for sitting, not lying down. It was lucky I could sleep pretty much anywhere. Otherwise, I'd have woken up with nothing but a stiff neck.
When I opened my eyes on the sofa, an unfamiliar ceiling greeted me. The time was 7:30 in the morning. I headed to the bedroom to wake Yoona. She was curled up in her blanket, sleeping soundly. Cute.
I called out to her to wake her up.
".....!"
The moment Yoona opened her eyes and saw my face, she flinched in surprise and immediately welled up with teary eyes. But soon, as if remembering who I was, she managed to calm down. She still wasn't used to this, I guess.
"Time for school. Go wash your face. I'll make breakfast..."
"...Ah, I don't want breakfast."
Yoona cut me off and hurried toward the bathroom in her pajamas like she was running away. I could feel a considerable distance between us. I figured she was just a bit cranky because it was morning.
I didn't prepare breakfast. There was no point forcing her to eat, so after she finished washing up, I just helped her get ready for school. When I awkwardly approached, wondering if I should help her get dressed...
"I-I can do it myself. Mister, I mean, D-Dad."
After saying that, she darted back into her room. If anything, that was a relief. I didn't particularly want to dress someone else's kid either.
About three minutes passed.
"...Ugh, ugh..."
A moment later, Yoona came out after changing by herself, but she couldn't manage her hair. Holding a comb, she stood in front of me fidgeting. She couldn't do her hair by herself.
"Want me to brush it?"
When I asked with a chuckle, Yoona pressed her lips together and nodded.
"...Ung."
Even as she answered in a barely audible voice, she only held out the comb and didn't come any closer. Only after I gestured for her to come over did she take a single step forward. As I clumsily tied her hair into a single ponytail, Yoona stood still with her shoulders hunched up.
"There."
Who knew the home economics I learned in high school would come in handy like this? Even though Yoona's awkward demeanor, so different from yesterday, bothered me a little, I ignored it and helped her put on her backpack.
When we stepped outside, the air was quite chilly.
Whoosh.
Damn, it was cold. It was about a ten-minute walk to school. As we walked together toward Yoona's elementary school—the one her mom had mentioned...
"..."
Yoona didn't say a word. She just held my hand and walked while staring at her feet. I'd thought she'd chatter on about magical girls like she did the first time I pretended to be her dad. What kind of wind had blown overnight? Or had she woken up and suddenly found me unfamiliar again... Or worse, had she figured out I wasn't actually her dad?
As I walked with those thoughts, more and more kids her age started appearing around us. Before long, we arrived at the school gate.
"Pay attention in class."
Yoona gave a small nod, then walked through the gate without looking back. Feeling oddly disappointed, I turned around and pulled out my smartphone.
It was already an unpleasant day. At the time, I thought it was just a minor tragedy.