Contrast
Today, Dad took me to the department store.
He bought me a warm, pretty jacket and the sequel to the picture book I'd read before.
"Like it?"
"Ung!"
Things I never could have imagined when I was with Mom.
I even ended up eating out with Dad again like it was nothing.
When I said I wanted a really huge pork cutlet, he bought it for me without a second thought.
"Eat up. If you get full, just leave the rest."
"..Uuung."
Crispy and delicious.
That's what I told Dad when he asked how it tasted midway through.
Hearing my answer, he let out a little snort of disbelief.
"Watching our Yuna eat makes me feel full myself."
Dad was eating a pork cutlet set meal of his own.
"..Well, Dad's eating right now too."
He gave an awkward little shrug and laughed, so I laughed with him.
It was a hundred times better than the pork cutlet from school lunch.
Once we got home, I brought Dad the picture book.
"Want me to read it?"
"Ung."
The comic book we'd read last time had made me feel sad for no good reason.
Back then I kept worrying that Dad might leave.
I looked up at him for a moment.
I didn't feel like he was going to leave anymore.
"There once was a magical girl who went searching for the person who had left her behind."
In Dad's arms, there was the faint smell of taxis.
It was cozier than any taxi.
Ah, and this time I didn't cry.
"Dad."
"..Yeah?"
The truth was, I couldn't tell whether it was a sad ending or a happy one, so I didn't cry.
"Is this magical girl not sad anymore?"
She still lost the person she loved. That part hadn't changed.
"Uh.."
Maybe that was a hard question even for Dad.
"The way Dad sees it, she probably is still sad."
"..."
That was what he told me.
So the magical girl was sad after all. Did that make it a sad ending?
"But even if she's sad, she keeps doing the things she can do."
"Why?"
"If you do whatever you can manage, it helps you think about the sad stuff a little less, right?"
Dad said something funny.
If you just did the things you could, you could ease the hard thoughts even a little?
"..."
Maybe he was right. The thought struck me all of a sudden.
"..I see."
Lately I hadn't thought once about missing Mom.
Why was that? I did want to see her.
"..."
I hugged the cool picture book to my chest and nestled deeper into Dad's arms.
If Mom came back in a week, would she and Dad end up living together?
Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. The thought came to me out of nowhere.
After that, I played with Dad a whole lot more.
We played board games together, and we drew pictures side by side.
I had so much fun that I couldn't even get sleepy.
Maybe that was why.
All of a sudden, I got hungry.
"..."
When I said I was hungry, Dad pulled some fruit out of the fridge.
Honestly, I didn't want it.
Seeing my face, he put the fruit right back.
Thank goodness.
Dad made a thoughtful face for a second, then asked,
"Want to go to the convenience store with Dad?"
The convenience store?
Right now?
"...!"
Outside was pitch-black night.
Mom always said I mustn't go out at night. Monsters wandered around late at night.
So normally I never would have gone—
But Dad was here now.
Even when a monster had really shown up, he had protected me.
"I-I wanna go! I wanna go!"
My heart pounded in my chest.
The dark road was scary. But holding Dad's hand, it didn't feel so scary.
If a monster appeared this time too, I just knew Dad would protect me.
We talked about this and that until we reached the convenience store.
Dad told me I could pick anything I wanted to eat.
Anything.
"..."
I wandered around for a long time.
I wanted snacks, and ice cream too.
I wanted the bread over here, and the cookies over there..
But I couldn't bring myself to choose. No—I couldn't choose.
Dad had already spent so much money on me lately.
Just today at the department store alone, he must have spent close to two hundred thousand won.
"Hmm, so what are you getting?"
"..This."
So I held out a single pack of strawberry milk.
It was cheap, and I liked strawberry milk..
Dad looked at me like he wasn't quite satisfied.
I felt self-conscious and froze. Should I have picked something cheaper?
"That enough?"
"..Ung. This is enough."
At my answer, Dad went quiet for a moment, then shrugged and headed for the snack aisle. He picked up the two packs of snacks I had been secretly wanting.
"...!"
He piled those snacks into my arms.
I was so happy it almost hurt my eyes; I squeezed them shut tight and grinned.
Dad really treasured me.
Ramen and triangle kimbap were things Mom sometimes ate for dinner.
I used to get little bites from her side, so I already knew how they tasted, but—
It's good.
Somehow it tasted even better eating it outside.
Maybe because I was eating with Dad. He polished off the ramen and triangle kimbap in no time.
We came home planning to eat cookies and snacks, but the moment we got inside, sleep crashed over me and my eyes closed on their own.
—Bzzzzt!
A pretty strong vibration woke me with a start.
Still half-asleep, I opened my eyes and heard Dad's voice through the slightly open door.
—Hello?
—...
—Yes, that's right.
What was it?
Ah, he was on the phone.
Who was he talking to at this hour?
Suddenly curious, I eavesdropped on Dad's conversation.
—Next Tuesday afternoon..
It was fuzzy, but that was what I heard.
Just like when he went to that wedding hall before, it sounded like he was setting up some work appointment.
..Honestly, I felt a little disappointed.
I hadn't told Dad yet, but Tuesday was the day for parents' classroom observation.
If Mom still hadn't come by then, I was going to ask Dad to come.
No—truthfully, I just wanted to ask Dad anyway..
"..."
At this rate he wouldn't be able to make it.
Would Mom come by then? No matter how busy or tired she was, she always came running for anything that had to do with me.
As for Dad..
—I'm afraid I can't make it that day. My daughter's classroom observation is scheduled..
Somehow, after that, I couldn't fall back asleep easily.
Even though I'd gone to bed a little late, my eyes opened early.
When I went out to the living room, Dad was sprawled on the sofa with a half-asleep face.
"Dad, what are we doing today?"
At my question he sat up and stretched.
"Want to go to the arboretum?"
That was what he said.
For a moment I couldn't just light up with a happy face.
The arboretum I'd gone to with my real dad..
hadn't been a good memory. Fear clenched in my chest.
I love flowers. Even before I loved magical girls, I loved flowers and plants.
So when my real dad—who was usually so blunt and scary and moody—said he wanted to go to the arboretum, I was secretly happy.
I would have been a little reluctant about any other place.
But the arboretum was one of the places I had always wanted to go.
Let's go.
Ung..!
The truth was, Mom had begged him to please spend some time alone with his daughter, and that was how the outing happened.
But I didn't know that then. I was just so happy I trotted after him.
Well—
The arboretum was beautiful.
If we had looked around slowly, I think we could have seen so much more.
Dad got mad for no reason because it was hot, and when I asked the names of flowers he snapped that he didn't know either.
Even so, it felt good to be outside with Dad after so long.
When I said I wanted to go into the greenhouse, he told me it was too hot and that if I was going, I could go in by myself.
..Never mind. I just want to stay with Dad.
So Dad and I only walked the paths, and we went home in less than two hours.
When we got back, Mom asked with a worried face if I'd had fun, and I said,
..Yeah, it was fun!
I think it would have been more fun if we'd looked around a little longer.
I didn't add that part.
Because of that, Mom let out a sigh of relief, said she was glad, and that next time we should go with her too, and she hugged me.
A few days later, Dad died.
Mom cried and cried.
That was the memory that rose up the moment Dad suggested the arboretum.
"..You sure it's okay? You don't have to force yourself."
"No! I like the arboretum."
I wasn't lying.
I ate the breakfast Dad made and headed for the arboretum.
What if Dad hated the arboretum too?
At school the teacher said boys don't like flowers or plants.
I was scared.
My mood soured for no reason.
I felt like the distance between Dad and me was about to grow. What if I saw his true face at the arboretum?
Aside from a few words at the start, Dad and I didn't say anything on the bus.
Every so often I snuck glances at his face.
Seeing the arboretum for the first time, Dad said it had been a while.
This wasn't the same place.
The one we'd gone to back then had been older and smaller.
"Let's hurry inside. Before it gets crowded."
Dad held my hand tight and headed for the entrance.
Inside, there were a lot of bare, desolate branches. Because it was winter, there was less to look at than the place I'd been before.
Maybe my sulky look caught Dad's eye.
"Yuna."
"..Yeah?"
He stopped me in front of one tree.
It was just an ordinary tree that had lost all its leaves for winter.
"Does this tree look dead to you?"
"...Yeah. Everything dies in winter."
What was he trying to say?
"Look at this."
Dad scooped me up in one smooth motion.
I jumped a little in surprise, but right in front of my eyes was something like a tiny flower bud.
Trees had flower buds too?
"These are called winter buds."
Dad explained them to me.
"There's a flower inside this?"
"Yeah. They come out when spring comes."
"For real?"
"For real."
It was amazing.
After hearing the explanation, the trees didn't look boring anymore.
When I'd come with my real dad, they had just looked like ordinary trees.
I snuck a glance at Dad and asked,
"Dad, how do you know stuff like this?"
"Dad used to study this kind of thing."
Liar. He wasn't even my real dad.
My real dad used to say he never studied and that was why he had no money.
Then he'd gotten lucky and reeled Mom in and his life turned around—he'd told me that once when he was drunk.
"..You said before you weren't interested in this stuff."
I threw a little barb into the question, but—
"Last time when I came with Yuna, I wanted to explain things like this, but I didn't know anything and it was embarrassing. So after that I studied a ton, you know?"
Dad answered with a faint smile.
"..."
A flutter rose in my chest.
It must have been the excitement of getting to walk all around the arboretum with Dad.