Chapter 1
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 1
Chapter Title: Acquiring the SSS-rank Dildo (1)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Worst Goblin Hunter in History.
Even a graze from a slime on the 1st floor leaves him on the brink of death—that's the nickname he earned.
He once drew attention for his S-rank Potential,
but his F-rank Body garnered even more notoriety.
Who is that?
Me.
Park Sung-gi.
"Protect Sung-gi!"
The voice came from Kim Suhyeon, the leader at the frontline.
He was the World's Greatest Swordsman.
"No, don't tank up front—protect Sung-gi!"
"Then the other party members will be in danger."
"If you wanna live, throw up a barrier next to Sung-gi, you punk!"
The S-rank Tanker Kang Cheol-un stood against the dragon's breath.
Eight party members in total,
and even with tanking up front, the situation was dire.
'In a spot like this, protect that trash?'
Kang Cheol-un bristled at the leader's orders.
"You deaf fuck? Didn't I tell you? Move it!"
With Kim Suhyeon exploding, Kang Cheol-un had no choice but to shuffle his feet.
"Barrier—!"
He planted himself beside Park Sung-gi, who was huddled in the corner.
"Ha—look at this bastard shaking."
Everyone else was busy with their roles amid the chaos.
Park Sung-gi alone, decked out in S-rank gear,
was doing absolutely nothing.
"Uh... are we safe now?"
Park Sung-gi peeked out from behind his man-sized shield,
checking his safety first.
"You fucking shitstain, can't you see people dying up front?"
"…………"
"Your safety matters more right now, you dog?"
The guardian of the lower tower's top floor.
The Crimson Dragon,
Ashflare.
Facing that absolute existence
meant they'd already staked their lives.
This was a sacred battlefield.
They'd climbed this far to protect the world,
their families,
their loved ones.
If they failed to clear the 100th floor today,
a gate to the demon realm would open.
And then hell would begin.
They had to clear it, no matter what.
"Shouldn't have brought a punk like you..."
Kang Cheol-un had opposed recruiting Park Sung-gi to the bitter end.
Every single person counted,
yet here they were dragging along trash who couldn't even pull his weight.
No wonder he was pissed at the leader's party setup.
"Sung-gi! You good?"
Kim Suhyeon's urgent shout echoed from the front.
"One minute! One minute left!"
The scene was a bloodbath.
The dragon was rampaging,
"Gaaah—!"
people incinerated by its breath,
or shredded by house-sized claws.
"Breath of Life—!"
Up front, the Saintess's advanced spells flew in a frenzy.
The legendary Saintess Kim Ah-yoon.
Without her,
the party might've been wiped out.
Her healing was top-tier worldwide.
Her unique skill, Breath of Life,
regenerated every body part as long as a shred of life remained.
A straight-up cheat skill.
But it guzzled mana like crazy, chipping away at her lifespan with every cast.
When her powers first awakened, her mana pool was 90,000.
Now? Barely 10,000 left.
She'd run dry soon.
Some were risking their lives,
others their futures as hunters,
in this fight...
So yeah, Kang Cheol-un had every reason to glare at Park Sung-gi.
"Haa—"
Without a tanker holding the line, things got even uglier.
Kang Cheol-un couldn't stand by any longer.
"Figure out your own damn survival, punk."
He spat the words
and charged back at the dragon.
"Ah, wait, no..."
Just ten seconds until his skill activated.
But now the barrier was gone.
"Grrrng—"
Then the dragon's eyes locked on Park Sung-gi.
The beast had sensed the dangerous magic.
Kuwwwaaaang—!!!
The dragon's breath ignited the air's oxygen
and blasted out.
Over 3,000 degrees—even a brush was lethal.
And that inferno swallowed Park Sung-gi whole.
"No—!"
A brief cry, and his vision went black.
.
.
.
How much time passed?
Murmurs from the crowd filtered in.
'What the...?'
Park Sung-gi felt puzzled.
He saw his own body, surrounded by people.
Out-of-body experience, right?
His soul hovered around his flesh.
"Breath of Life—!"
The Saintess poured her healing desperately,
but his charred remains looked hopeless.
'I'm dead, huh...'
Surprisingly, he accepted it calmly.
Then,
a miracle happened.
His soul got sucked back into his body.
"Kuhuk—"
Blood spewed, eyes rolled,
party members came into view.
"Mr. Sung-gi! You with us?"
"You okay?"
"We owe you big time. Thank you."
"What a relief. Really."
"You saved the world!"
Voices overlapping in a rush.
'What the hell just happened?'
With their support, he stood.
First thing he saw?
The dragon's corpse.
They'd cleared the 100th floor.
Right before death,
his unique skill Binding had activated perfectly,
sealing the dragon in whips that bound it tight.
After that, the raid was cake.
Party members just had to pile on the damage.
Park Sung-gi's skill had saved the world.
The group basked in victory's glow.
In the cheerful mood,
Ding—
Ding—
Di, ding—
Ding, ring—
"What's this?"
100th-floor clear rewards—items for every party member.
"An SSS-rank holy sword, Lunarium?"
Kim Suhyeon couldn't hide his shock.
"Whoa, I got the SSS-rank staff Seraphina!"
Kim Ah-yoon chimed in next.
Everyone scored an SSS-rank item.
Reward for saving the world.
SSS-rank—pure legend till now.
No one had ever owned one.
Today, eight entered the world.
"Huu—"
Steeling his shaking hands,
Park Sung-gi opened his inventory.
"Please... SSS-rank armor."
When his hunter powers awakened,
all his stats were zero.
Penalty for his S-rank unique skill, Binding.
A cheat that could halt any living thing's movement.
But the matching drawback: stats locked at zero, no growth.
No attack or defense skills beyond basics.
Binding one-trick pony.
Street kids had base stats of 10,
yet this monster-slaying, world-saving hunter? Zero.
Brutal reality.
Bind all you want,
if you can't even catch 'em...
He couldn't solo a level 1 slime.
Life where he was useless alone.
Freeloading in parties for scraps was his only path to growth.
But Binding had demand.
No mana cost,
survive the cast time, spam forever.
That's how Park Sung-gi gained fame,
landing spots in high-end raids.
Even this world-saving fateful party.
A drama-worthy tale.
"Huu—"
The drama's hero peeked at his inventory gingerly.
He needed top-tier armor to survive.
"No way..."
What appeared?
Something small, rounded, and elongated.
"What is this?"
Too stubby for a dagger.
Purple, sturdy, like a little rod.
Hard to pin down—he tapped for details.
SSS-rank Dildo: Etherion
Satisfies all living beings.
Those who taste Etherion become your slaves.
The dildo has self-cleaning properties.
Always pristine, no washing needed.
Usage: Insert into hole.
Special Ability: Absolute Obedience
He rubbed his eyes and read again.
"SSS-rank... dil... do..."
No change.
His clear reward: an SSS-rank dildo.
"Haa—"
Crushed by the absurdity.
'Why me? Why does the world fuck me over alone?!'
Pent-up rage boiled over.
And for good reason—
Others got holy swords, staffs, shields.
Items anyone would kill for.
A dildo?
What the hell was a hunter supposed to do with this?
Fuck.
The world was at peace.
Just days ago, extinction panic had everyone in a frenzy.
Now, spring sun bathed us in warm light.
This was an outdoor press conference.
"Hunter Kim Suhyeon, what's your plan moving forward?"
"This isn't the end. One year left to tackle the 200th floor. Back to climbing tomorrow."
"Heard SSS-rank items dropped as rewards..."
"Yes, every party member got an SSS-rank item."
Kim Suhyeon's words stunned the crowd
and every viewer tuned in.
Millions of hunters worldwide,
from F-rank to S-rank.
Only eight now held SSS-rank gear.
It inspired others to hit the tower harder.
"Care to share what you got?"
At the reporter's prompt, hunters opened inventories
and pulled their gear.
"I got the holy sword Lunarium."
Kim Suhyeon held up his blade.
He skipped the abilities.
Blabbing skills was like showing your hand.
"I got the shield Aegis."
Kang Cheol-un slipped the ashen shield onto his left arm.
Son of a famed titanium gear smith,
his titanium-armor tanking ranked top five globally.
"I got the armor Celestium."
Party Buffer An Yu-jin.
Her buffs bloated personal stats—that was her specialty.
Celestium: exactly what Park Sung-gi craved most.
It went to her.
"I got the bow Astrion."
Archer Si Eun-woo.
Free to deal? World's top ranged DPS.
"I got the dagger Obelisk."
Melee Dealer Min Jun-ho.
Poison expert, infamous for his cruelty—
dooming one-shot kills to slow, agonizing deaths.
"I got the robe Eternis."
She was Mage Kim Mi-yeon, like Park Sung-gi.
Amplifier mage; she could amp a basic fireball to meteor scale.
"I got the staff Seraphina."
Saintess Kim Ah-yoon.
World's best healer—pure honor partying with her.
"I got..."
Now it was Park Sung-gi's turn.
```