Klea's Secret 1-1
"...Hoo..."
Feeling the morning sunlight, I rose, offered a prayer to the goddess, then got out of bed and sat down. Today was a pleasant holiday. With the treatment of the adventurers who'd joined the Hero Eater subjugation mostly wrapped up, Baul had given the priests and nuns days off in rotation. My daily routine didn't change much even on holidays, but having a day to relax freely still put my mind at ease.
But why was this? On a day that should have been relaxing, my mood had felt strangely unsettled for the past few days—an odd sensation that wouldn't calm down. It was probably because of what Baul had said to me that night when we returned from the Hero Eater subjugation.
That night, Baul had called me secretly to the back of the church, away from the others, and dropped something utterly shocking on me. He'd said he'd loved me all along. After the saint selection was over, no matter the result, he wanted me to marry him and spend our lives together.
I'd half-expected it, really. When he called me out, his Esser was trembling more violently than I'd ever seen from him before. It had been ten years since I'd known Baul. It would be a lie to say I hadn't noticed his feelings for me.
Me... getting married...?
Even though I was a bit past the typical age, I still couldn't quite picture myself with a man I loved. The Esser from men who approached me always carried a revolting disgust that was hard to stomach, making it awkward for me to deal with them—I'd always avoided it. But ten years ago, the Esser I'd sensed from Baul, whom I'd met during relief work in my small village... it was somehow different from other men.
Maybe that's why. Before long, we'd naturally grown close, and when Baul became a bishop, I left the village I'd thought I'd live in forever to follow him to Radia.
After ten years together, when he confessed, joy welled up inside me, and words accepting him slipped naturally from my lips. Deep down, without realizing it, I'd already been thinking I'd be with Baul.
But...
...Is this what love feels like...?
Raised in the church since birth, I still didn't really understand the feeling of love. I only knew the Esser I sensed and the voices I heard. With my blindness, I didn't know what people looked like, and I couldn't relate at all to the nuns my age gushing about handsome men.
Of course, I trusted Baul, and I thought I liked him too... but I couldn't imagine spending my life with him. Being with him certainly brought peace and stability... but somehow, that feeling seemed too lukewarm to be love. I couldn't be sure if this was really it.
Was it okay for someone like me, unsure if my feelings were even love, to be with a kind man like Baul? From braille books and talks with the other nuns, the love I'd come to understand was supposed to be... exciting... hot... intense.
Why couldn't I feel that for Baul?
...Come to think of it, not long ago, I'd felt something similar to those imagined emotions—something intense. The divine beast who came to Radia. Mr. Sema... and the day I'd joined the Hero Eater subjugation at Baul's urging.
When Mr. Sema, angry at me, tore my nun's habit skirt and spanked my bare bottom with that huge hand of his. Amid the rough pain in my buttocks... somehow... I'd felt that intense sensation I'd imagined.
Why? The Esser from Mr. Sema was more ferocious and terrifying than any man's I'd sensed before. It was like the unpleasant feeling some men gave me—the sense they'd pounce on my body any second—condensed dozens of times and dumped over me. I'd misunderstood him because of that Esser, jumping to conclusions...
Even so, I couldn't understand the sensation from the spanking. It made no sense. Even granting it was a misunderstanding, he was someone I still found deeply off-putting because of that ferocious aura... and on top of that, I'd endured such a humiliating punishment. Why had I felt that way?
My limited common sense couldn't make sense of it.
......Ngh...
Thinking back on it now, my body heated up, and a tingling sensation leaked from my lower belly. A strange feeling I'd experienced a few times in my life. I hadn't felt it recently, but every time I recalled the spanking from Mr. Sema, it overwhelmed me.
Pure and flawless goddess, please do not lead me into temptation...
Every time this inexplicable sensation hit once every year or two, I'd feel like I was becoming strange and endured it with prayers to the goddess... but in just a few days, I'd had to pray like this multiple times. Had something gone wrong with my body?
"Haa..."
After a long prayer, once my body had calmed somewhat, I approached the window and gauged the time from the faint light filtering into my nearly sightless eyes. Lunchtime was probably approaching.
Should I go find Baul and have lunch together...?
Maybe if I met him consciously as my future husband, it would feel different. With that thought, I left my room to find Baul.
As I exited the nuns' dormitory and focused my senses to locate him... a familiar unpleasant feeling approached from somewhere, sending chills through my whole body.
This ominous Esser. No way...
"Hello, Klea. We meet again."
"Ah, uh!? M-Mr. Sema...?"
There stood the divine beast I'd wanted to avoid: Mr. Sema. He'd come to meet Als and Lizbet, who were here to collect their reward for the previous request from Baul, but they'd apparently missed each other.
I wanted to just greet him and slip away because of his unsettling aura... but Mr. Sema started inviting me to eat together. Today, his Esser felt even more off-putting, and I wanted to refuse as politely as possible... but I felt bad turning down his continued invitations after the Hero Eater incident, so I ended up agreeing.
After that, I followed him into what seemed like a fancy restaurant, and as we talked, I marveled at the luxurious dishes I'd never tried before. Wine appeared at some point, but since we sipped the sacramental wine at church, a little should be fine.
Before I knew it, my tension eased, and Mr. Sema's aura felt a bit more familiar. That's when I brought up what I'd wanted to say.
"Um... I'm sorry, Mr. Sema."
"Huh? For what?"
As I confessed the sensations I'd felt toward him and apologized, Mr. Sema reassured me it was fine. Really... to have shied away from someone like this so much. I'd thought the sensations from others were always spot-on until now. You really have to meet people to know them, huh?
With that thought, we toasted, and as I savored the sweet wine and food... a fog settled in my mind, my consciousness blurring. At some point, my awareness slipped away into that fog, falling asleep.