Chapter 18 - Realization! (NTR Flashback Warning)
Contains NTR descriptions that might make you feel bad. Please read with caution.
I opened my eyes to a pitch-black void. It felt just like that loading screen from when I'd crossed into this other world—a similar endless darkness. The only difference was that this one felt a bit colder.
Am I... dead?
That thought crossed my mind as I looked around. I half-hoped my body might have reverted to human form, but no—there it was, my hooved horse body, same as always.
"Sigh... fuck, how long has it even been since I got here..."
It'd been about two and a half months since arriving in this world, right? To die after just that much time... I could imagine that Homeless God who sent me here clicking his tongue in pity. Fine, whatever—but what the hell was up with that Erebos? It was supposed to be centuries away from the apocalypse! It just pops out of nowhere? "Bringer of Ruin" slapped right on its status—ain't that some blatant scam?
I let out a heavy sigh, a strange unease churning in my gut. I'd finally gotten my isekai reincarnation, only to croak in this monstrous horse body with its freakish horse cock, without even hugging a single woman. What was the point of coming to this world?
"Haa... shit..."
An inexplicable frustration bubbled up inside me. My emotions swung wildly, up and down like jagged electrical signals rippling across a graph.
"Ah... fuck... for real..."
As I wallowed in that weird mood, something squirmed into view right in front of me. The space was pure black, but I could clearly make out the wriggling motion. Then it stopped...
"...? Huh...?"
There, before me, was... myself. More precisely, me from back on Earth, during my prime—decked out sharp, looking cool as hell. The version everyone fawned over.
"What the fuck, why's that me here..."
As I stared in confusion at this other me standing there, he smiled and spoke.
(Satisfied?)
The fuck did satisfied mean? You kidding? I come to this isekai and suffer in horse form, die without even holding a woman once.
He shook his head and spoke again.
(Not in that sense. You know what I mean.)
What the hell are you talking about? Know what, you prick? You're about to get cucked by some chick any second now.
At that thought, the black void shifted. A classroom—my high school classroom, to be exact. There I was, surrounded by familiar faces.
(Sema, you heading to cram school today?)
(Sema! Let's hoop!)
(Sema, you watch that drama last night?)
(Yo Sema, you're in that speech contest, right? Prize money?)
(Sema, PC bang after school?)
(Sema, I brought comics—wanna see?)
Scenes of my friends chatting me up flashed by like skipped video frames. Yeah, back then... I was the golden boy. Top grades, good looks, decent 178cm height, talents galore, rich family, easygoing personality that clicked with everyone. Girls, guys—from study grinds to quiet otaku types into comics and anime—I was the popular insider everyone loved.
But... shiiik.
The scene changed again. My elite university campus.
(Sema! Join student council?)
(Sema! Prof wants to grab lunch later!)
(Sema, homework done?)
(Sema, need past exams? Hit up our club!)
(Sema, want a ride home from sis today?)
...Freshman year. That vibe hadn't changed. I meshed with underclassmen and seniors alike. Pre-smartphone era, my texts and PC chats never stopped.
And that's where I met her...
(Sema. So, today makes day one for us?)
Ha Eun-jin. Seeing her face made my teeth grind.
She wasn't some high school study-buddy girlfriend. This was college—time for real depth. Her looks stood out among the freshmen, pure and elegant in every move, prim outfits that had every guy at parties name-dropping her. I fell hard, confessed over drinks post-admission, and we started dating. But there was a catch: she insisted on premarital chastity—no sex. Naive me bought it, saw her purity as noble, hoped time would change her mind. Arrogant lust blinded me.
I should've wised up sooner. More college scenes zipped by: me turning down club invites after one try, shutting down other girls cold. All from deluded self-importance.
My parents? Dad built a mid-tier company from a big corp gig in under a decade; Mom supported. I was their polite, elite-son prize. So I lived "right"—no clubs or party girls; those were beneath me.
Scene shift: military service. Tough for everyone, but Ha Eun-jin kept me going. Visits, vacations together—her waiting was my rock.
Post-discharge, back at uni, I hit her birthday early with a gift to her studio apartment. We'd planned dinner, but I wanted to surprise her sooner. Knew the passcode from visits.
The void showed her hallway. Gift bag in hand, I punched in the code.
Don't. Turn back. Don't open that door—go home!
My scream didn't come. I entered. Spacious for one person. Then... that moan, etched in my brain.
"Ah~ang...♡ Master... give your slutty Eun-jin your cock~♡"
Trembling, I crept toward the bedroom.
No. Turn back now. Don't see it!
"Hahup... Master's cock... so thick~♡ Getting it for my birthday, your slave Eun-jin's so happy~♡"
"Kukuku, bitch with a boyfriend sucking another guy's dick like a whore on her birthday—total perv."
"Hahup... Sema's not... my boyfriend~... Just a wallet~... Only Master matters~..."
"Kukuk, crazy slut. You're my slave. A bitch obeying my orders. Don't get cocky talking boyfriends."
"Haaang... Yes... punish this insolent bitch~♡"
"Suck it proper. Do good, and I'll creampie that pussy plenty. Plug it up and meet your 'boyfriend' like that. Don't forget your pills."
"Yess~♡"
...Hearing that, gift bag me opened the door.
Slurp, slurp, smack...!!?
The door creaked wide. There she was: naked, collared like a dog, crouched on all fours with paws up, cock in mouth. The man gripping her leash—some stranger—got a shocked glare from her as she scrambled behind him, hiding.
Their voices mumbled; I dropped the bag and bolted.
What followed blurred. My "chaste" girlfriend, pure and perfect, blissfully slurping another man's cock like a slave— it haunted me. Couldn't think straight. Days? Weeks? Missed uni entirely. Then... police station call.
Ha Eun-jin accused me of rape that night. Boyfriend or not, I broke in to force her—saved by a neighbor peeking through the open door.
If sane, I'd have CCTV proof. But I was shattered, her collared face looping. By the time I got there, footage expired. Their word alone made me a rapist—never happened.
Dad's efforts, weak evidence, and a quick 50 million won settlement to her got me out. He wanted scandal buried, amount be damned.
Life ruined. Parents—who never yelled—smashed stuff cursing me. Campus whispers: girlfriend-rapist trash. High school buds and a few uni folks believed me, but wrecked, I dropped out, grabbed my fat savings and left home young.
That one-room? Convenience store runs aside, I barely left for a year. Bingeing PC to heal: comics, anime, ero-manga.
At a high school reunion drink-up, they thought I'd suicided. A same-uni friend spilled: Ha Eun-jin vanished post-payoff. That guy? Jailed somehow. Her? Bar girl, suicide rumors—no one knew.
Worse: club sluts I'd shunned knew her type. Considered warning me but... not close, and I dodged them anyway.
That crushed my already-broken mind. The "low-class" girls knew; my arrogance blinded me.
Lost all drive. Internet, games, anime, comics, hardcore NTR hentai. Missed reinstatement. Hit 30—29 proper—in Korea.
"......Why show me this shit?"
Visions faded; back to black void, I asked mirror-me.
(You know.)
"Know what!!!!!"
I yelled. Know what!? What do I know!?
(...That "trauma" you call it—the dissonance in those memories.)
"Dissonance...?"
Something squirmed deep in my chest.
Dissonance? My "chaste" girlfriend a sex slave—what dissonance?
(What you felt wasn't betrayal or rage.)
Thump. Heart pounded.
No, it was rage and grief from betrayal!
(You didn't see your girlfriend as a slave. Or rather—you saw her, but didn't focus there.)
Thump. Louder.
Liar! I was shocked by Ha Eun-jin!
(What you saw... was the man claiming another guy's woman. And the bitch submitting to him.)
Thump-thump-thump-thump!
(What you felt then... was envy.)
"No!"
(Stealing another's woman. The bitch ditching her man to obey another.)
"No way!"
(Your model life shunning "base" pleasures—that scene showed what you truly craved.)
"No! I'm different! Booze! Smokes! Women! Gambling! Games! I moderate it all— the upright guy everyone respects, that's me!"
(Your real desire. Twisted lust to claim other men's women. That's your true craving—the core of that dissonance.)
"No... no... I..."
(Look back at your 6 NEET years. In novels, anime, ero-manga—what hooked you? Lovers cheating. Scenes of stealing women.)
"That was..."
(Ero-manga. You thought it was just safe outlet avoiding real girls. But the ones you sought? Conquering others' women, spreading for rivals. That's what got you off.)
"......"
(Admit it. Not betrayal over Ha Eun-jin. She was hot, sure—but deep down, you figured a girl like that was par for you. No shock. Just turmoil realizing you wanted to steal another's woman like that. You never knew your own twisted lust.)
"............"
(Ditch your warped views in isekai? Why? God basically said live free. New life—why suppress here? Prime bitches everywhere?)
"........................"
(Stop denying. Embrace it. Stealing women, making them yours—that's the real you. And that body's packing what drives 'em mad?)
"......Who... are you..."
(I'm you. Your deep inner desire. Don't reject me. It'll just hurt.)
"No... you're not me. Even if—if that's my desire, voicing it ain't my will."
I'd buried it, but knew deep down. Yeah, my lust was twisted. But knowing it's wrong and stopping? That's my will too.
I'm not scum enough to flaunt it. Or... not yet.
(Futile will. Think you can hide forever?)
"...No. Now that I'm aware, I can't hide forever."
(......)
"So... I'll accept my desire. But I won't flaunt it to everyone."
Yeah. This lust ain't for blasting at every woman. Restrain, conceal, bury it. Live that way.
(...Puhuhu, good luck with that...)
With that, mirror-me overlapped my horse body, melted, and seeped in—just a bit, into me.
Refreshing clarity knowing my true desire. Fear it was twisted. Suffocating need to restrain it.
Thinking of Lizbet's face, I opened my eyes.