While Concealing My Identity
Where does trust come from?
Between people meeting for the first time, it must begin somewhere near zero. That is what trust is, if we are speaking of it honestly. Which means we can hardly spend our lives speaking only to those we already believe we trust.
Could Caid, even now, say that he trusted me completely—the one he knew as Kana? No one could answer that. What was certain, at least, was that our conversation just now had led him to trust me to some degree. Otherwise he would never have arranged, starting this very day, for me to meet his son, to become acquainted, to exchange names. He could not have known that Aiden and I had once passed each other, little more than a glance in passing, and yet he was still giving me that chance and that time. That, in itself, was proof of a certain trust.
“At a leisurely pace, the walk between the annex and the main house takes about seven minutes. Even if you find it a little taxing, it isn’t so very long. Please bear with it a moment.”
“Oh, this is no trouble at all. Thank you for the consideration.”
At my words Caid merely nodded and set off at an unhurried pace, as if to lead the way, and I watched his back. There was no way for me to know what he was thinking, or what plans he might be carrying. I only sank quietly into thoughts of my own—whether, out of nothing but my own greed, I had twisted the course this world was meant to follow.
Trust is born of one person believing wholly in another, so anyone who offered me theirs deserved to be shown the truth. And yet was I not deceiving them, purely for my own safety, purely for my own ends? Was I not doing the one thing I most ought not to do? Caught between that doubt and a guilt directed at myself, I was sinking into a self-torment that went by the name of thought. What I was doing now was, in the end, a betrayal of Caid’s trust, a thorough deception of him.
And yet, contradictorily, the heart of that deception was that I wanted the same thing he did: for Aiden to become a warm person, someone who understood kindness. Perhaps that was why he trusted me at all. If I had only wished for this world to run its natural course, would this moment even exist? The only answer I could give that question was not no, but that I did not know. A hypothetical is only a guess about something that never happened. Until it actually comes to pass, fretting over the possibility is meaningless—especially now, when I had no room to spare for wondering how the past might have gone if it had gone differently.
What was clear was that I had to focus, at the very least, on the duty I had taken up. That would be my role for now.
“…Just ahead is the grand ducal mansion—the main house. Aiden is likely inside, either reading quietly or taking his sword lessons, so please come in without concern.”
With that, Caid opened the door and gave Miguel a quiet look. Miguel came toward me.
“Is this the one appointed as tutor? Contrary to what worried Your Grace, a rather gentle person has come forward.”
“Well, as luck would have it, yes. Ah, Miguel? I’ll leave the guiding to you. My work has piled up rather badly. You may regard her as a guest of some standing—see to her with due courtesy.”
Caid offered me a parting courtesy at the same time. I returned it with a bow, then quietly turned my attention to the head butler. With him, the knowledge ran only one way: I knew him from the game, but we had never exchanged names, never so much as met.
“Hart Miguel, head butler of this mansion. May I ask the young lady’s name?”
“Kana. Kana de Glacia. You’re welcome to call me Kana, if that’s easier. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be working here as a tutor.”
My role was different from that of the maids and butlers, and I stood somewhere between outsider and not-quite-outsider, so I observed the proper courtesies first. If I was going to live here, these were people I would be seeing often.
“If it suits you, I shall call you Miss Kana. The young master is presently at his sword instruction. If you have no objection, might you meet the household staff before then?”
“Yes. We’ll be seeing one another and putting faces to names anyway, living as we will. I think it’s better if we introduce ourselves in advance.”
And it was a good thing, after all, to see in the flesh the people I had only ever known inside the game. There were details I had been personally curious about, so I nodded with genuine pleasure. The thoughts of trust and human relationships that had been circling me since earlier could wait a little longer.
“To begin with, as you know, I am the head butler of this mansion. And where there is a head butler, there must also be a head maid, must there not?”
Miguel let out a small laugh, made his careful way to the right-hand side of the first-floor corridor, and knocked lightly on a door.
Knock, knock.
“Head Butler Miguel. Might I ask if you are within?”
“Yes. I’ll be right out.”
A soft voice came from behind the door, and with it a girl stepped through—silver hair, and silver eyes that left an immediate impression.
“Mr. Miguel, the other maids are away just now, attending the young master. What… is the matter?”
As she spoke, her eyes met mine. She came cautiously out of the rest room and studied me outright. A new face, I supposed, might not be entirely welcome.
“Ahaha… please don’t be too wary. I’m Kana de Glacia. I’ve newly come to the grand ducal residence as a tutor.”
“…I am Melia Eterinel, head maid of the grand ducal residence. The name Glacia… I’ve never heard it. Where are you from?”
Melia Eterinel: third daughter of Count Eterinel, child of one of the more reputable noble houses in Kartz, sent to serve as a maid largely to cultivate goodwill with the grand ducal family. The work had suited her well enough, and her temperament was not the sort to defy her family’s will, so in time she had become a maid worthy of the word perfection. That was the character as written. No—she was a person in the real world now.
“Ah, I… came from quite far away. I don’t really remember where, exactly. I’m sorry.”
“…There is no need to apologize. In any case, we may be seeing a great deal of each other for quite some time. I hope we can come to a good relationship.”
“Yes, I think so too. Would it be all right if I called you Miss Melia?”
At the question Melia nodded as if it were only natural, then looked at me with that characteristic lack of expression.
“That is fine. Incidentally, may I ask your age? You don’t look especially old, and a tutor is usually someone who isn’t particularly young… It strikes me as unusual.”
“I’m twenty-one… this year.”
At that, Melia tilted her head for a moment. My heart seemed to drop—had she noticed something wrong?—but outwardly I kept a smile in place and did my best to look unconcerned. This was not something I could afford to have found out already.
However sharp her instincts, at this point in time—when Aiden was only nine—Melia herself was a girl of about fifteen. Even so, she possessed an extraordinary competence in her duties, enough to assist Caid and the Calinix grand ducal house from the post of head maid. If anyone asked me who, right now, was the hardest person to read, the answer would be Melia without question.
“Twenty-one… Just as I thought, you aren’t so very old. They say a tutor’s work is only a matter of teaching etiquette and manners properly, but… are you confident with clerical duties?”
“By clerical duties, do you mean things like handling documents? If it’s that, certainly. I’m not nearly as inexperienced as I look.”
I said it with a smile, and Melia nodded as if she had nothing further to add.
“Very well, then. While you reside with the grand ducal house, meals and the general cleaning of your room will be my responsibility, so we will be seeing a good deal of each other. I hope it becomes a good relationship.”
Melia offered the courtesy of a proper greeting, and I answered in kind, bowing my head.
“I’ll be in your care as well. I’ll be living here from now on, after all.”
“I believe the introductions have been sufficient. Shall we go and pay our respects to the young master? He will be waiting in the office with His Grace.”
“Ah, yes. We should. I’ve come as both tutor and guest, so it wouldn’t do to be late.”
There were more important matters to attend to now. Quietly, I followed Miguel.