Not Going to Be a Superstar?
I was lucky enough to catch the moment on camera.
Ever since Luca first arrived, the ability to open the camera app as naturally as breathing — anytime, anywhere — had become a passive skill of mine.
Even after that, Reni's "It's your knees!" lessons, born of his determination to help his little brother, went on for a long while.
At last, Luca seemed to understand what was happening and started watching Reni with serious concentration.
Except for mealtimes, the two of them practiced and practiced on the play mat.
That day, I learned just how much stubborn grit the Angelus brothers had been born with.
Whether their efforts paid off, or Luca's strength had already been enough all along, I couldn't say…
"Wow, Luca's doing so well…!"
"Hee…."
By the next day, Luca could crawl a little.
He even managed to go from one end of the play mat to the other, and under the applause of Reni and me he looked so proud of himself it was almost too much.
He still couldn't go backward, though.
Twice I had to fish him out after he stuck his head into an empty cubby in the toy shelf and burst into tears because he couldn't reverse out again.
Of course I took a picture first. It was genuinely hilarious.
Kindhearted Reni, however, didn't find it funny at all — he was genuinely worried about his brother.
"Okay, Luca, like this…. Backward — it's your knees!"
It was a tear-jerking display of brotherly love. I was proud of myself for not missing a second of it on camera.
Filming the kids as they earnestly practiced going backward in the corner of the play mat, I shook with silent laughter all by myself.
Then a strand of hair lying outside the fence caught my eye.
"…."
I ought to get up and wipe the floor, but my body felt impossibly heavy.
Once a baby starts crawling properly, you have to be even more careful about cleaning.
Even now, when Luca got tired crawling across the mat, he would simply flop down right where he was.
Someday he would be roaming the entire house, and the thought of it made me uneasy.
…Should I buy a robot vacuum?
Robot vacuums had always been the kind of expensive thing I never even dared consider.
But with the Manito App doubling my points, maybe it was okay to get one now.
As I sat there with a serious face, having closed the camera app and opened a shopping app instead, Reni sidled up and burrowed into my arms.
"Daddy, what are you doing?"
"Hm, I'm thinking about buying a robot vacuum."
"A robot?"
"Yeah. Not a real robot — it's round, like this…."
When Reni and I huddled close together, Luca crawled over to see what was going on.
Then, as soon as it looked like I was starting an explanation, he casually veered off toward the toys instead.
The sight sparked a few thoughts. At least he didn't seem to be jealous of his big brother anymore — I decided to count that as a win.
…I briefly glimpsed a future in which school-age Luca was running around avoiding his homework. I chose to ignore it for now.
Reni, still peering at the screen with me, asked,
"Is this good?"
"Mm, people say it's good."
Reni smiled bashfully.
"Then let's buy it!"
"…Yeah. You're right, huh? Should Daddy buy this, then?"
"Yeah!"
Right. Hesitating only delays the delivery.
Before I knew it, Saturday morning had arrived.
A little earlier than usual, I gently shook Reni awake.
"Reni, shall we get up a bit early today?"
"…Daddyyy, I wanna sleep more."
"You want to sleep more, Reni?"
With that, Reni stretched his arms and legs out long, like a cat.
Then he settled into a posture that said he genuinely intended to sleep another half hour.
"Yeah, Reni can sleep more…."
Only a couple of days ago this was the child who had tried so hard to get up the moment I woke him. Now he was clinging and whining as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Success. Well done, me.
Still, I had to wake him. Stroking his soft cheek with my thumb, I said,
"Reni, I understand you want to sleep more, but today is Saturday."
The half-asleep child snapped his eyes open.
"…Saturday!"
"That's right. It's the day you go see Mommy. Shall we eat breakfast and get ready?"
"Yes!"
I kissed the forehead of the pitiful, adorable child who sat bolt upright at the mere mention of seeing his mother, then woke Luca as well.
Luca, less than thrilled about the early hour, grabbed fistfuls of my hair and yanked.
"Ow, oww…."
A flustered Reni urgently turned to Luca.
"Luca, you can't do that! Daddy goes owwie!"
"Uuunngah! Ah!"
That booming babble could reasonably be translated as How dare you wake me?!
I fed the kids breakfast and packed Reni's bag with the essentials.
At first I'd wondered whether there was any point packing at all, since he'd be back next week anyway.
But something about the look in Reni's eyes suggested otherwise.
So, just in case, I made him a little crossbody bag out of stiff fabric that he could carry himself.
Reni was quietly delighted and carefully packed his favorite picture book and crayons into it.
I slipped in a small tin of cookies as well — extras I'd set aside while making desserts for the café.
Once we were finally dressed and downstairs, Cassandra's car pulled in.
I felt bad that she drove out every Saturday for us, but Cassandra insisted that whenever I had a "schedule," I should take it for granted that she would give me a ride.
It felt a little too personal to call a schedule, but Charlie apparently loved the suburban drives that ended at the pub, so I let it be.
Being able to head straight to the venue afterward wasn't a bad deal either.
And honestly, those stretches in the car were the only time I could truly set down both body and mind and rest.
When I opened the back door, Charlie greeted the kids brightly.
"Hi, Luca! Hi, Reni!"
At the lively older boy's greeting, Reni smiled shyly and hid behind my leg.
"Reni, you met Charlie before, remember? You're going to see him every Saturday. You should say hello."
Only then did Reni giggle and stretch his hand out, then pull it back again.
Apparently that gesture was what counted as a "hello" in Reni's book.
Charlie didn't mind one bit and kept chatting away at him.
I was grateful Charlie was such a friendly, outgoing kid.
It was a chance for slightly introverted Reni to interact with another child, and I was simply thankful for it.
Even while I was buckling Luca into the car seat, the two of them kept talking.
"That star cushion is cute. Is it Reni's?"
"Yeah."
"There's a star on your bag too!"
"Mm-hm."
Still shy in front of a relatively new older boy, Reni answered with a faintly proud little face.
A pleasant thirty-minute drive followed.
With the children's chatter as background music, Cassandra and I talked about work.
Then we hit a congested stretch of road.
Cassandra focused on driving and the conversation cut off, and in that brief lull I simply passed out cold.
"Jun, we arrive in five minutes."
Cassandra's voice as she tapped my shoulder made my eyes fly open.
Looking at the clock, thirty minutes had simply vanished.
"…I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep."
"That's just how it is when you're raising kids. The fact that you're holding up this well is because you're still in your mid-twenties."
"Is that so."
The car soon entered the cathedral parking lot. Cassandra parked smoothly.
Once the car stopped, I opened the door and helped Reni down.
The child ran straight to his mother, who was waiting on the bench beside the lawn.
"Mommy!"
Alicia held Reni tight.
She looked a little better than the last time I'd seen her.
Probably because she could focus completely on her treatment now.
Even so, Alicia still didn't seem to have the energy to exchange so much as a glance of greeting with anyone who wasn't Reni.
She simply kept stroking the face of the child who, the moment he saw his mother, chattered without pause.
I exchanged a look of greeting with Sister Greta, who was keeping Alicia company again today, then carried Luca over.
I wanted to show Luca his mother at least once a week.
That way, when he grew older, the distance wouldn't feel too great.
"…."
Alicia gazed quietly at Luca. Luca looked back at her, then whipped his head around and buried himself against me.
To Luca, Alicia was still just a stranger. Greg probably felt closer.
Reni watched the two of them, then said,
"Mommy, Luca crawls really well now! I taught him."
Alicia didn't answer. Or rather, it was more accurate to say she couldn't.
So that Reni wouldn't feel hurt, I stroked his head and answered for her.
"That's right. Our Reni taught him so hard that Luca can crawl really well now."
"Mm-hm."
Since we were leaving right away, Cassandra waited for me without even turning off the engine.
I crouched down and said goodbye to Reni.
"All right, Reni. Have a good weekend with Mommy, and the day after tomorrow come back to Daddy's house and play with Luca again."
Reni's eyes went round.
"Daddy's going?"
"Yeah, Daddy has to go now."
Even after I'd explained it several times, the child still didn't quite seem to understand.
Getting used to this life — weekdays with me, weekends at the cathedral — was going to take a long time.
"I told you before, remember? On the weekends you stay with Mommy and the Sisters and Father, and on the weekdays you stay with Daddy."
"…Yeah."
"That's right. Everyone here loves Reni so much…. So listen well to Mommy and the Sisters and Father, and have a fun weekend. Daddy will come pick you up Monday morning. Then we'll go back to Daddy's house and play in the water and all that."
"…Okay!"
I kissed his forehead and had him say goodbye to Luca as well.
After one more look of greeting with Sister Greta, I turned away.
Given the nature of their work, Father and the Sisters were busier on weekends, so there was no need to seek them out specially.
Back at the car, I buckled Luca into the car seat again and shut the rear door.
Before getting in myself, I glanced back once more and waved at Reni, who was watching me.
At that, Reni scampered over and threw his arms around me.
I hugged him tight, kissed his soft hair, and set him down.
Reni beamed and ran back to his mother.
"Jun. You're coming to pick Reni up in two days. Luca looks fine — why is a grown adult acting like this?"
I glanced back at the rear seat.
"And now, here — ta-da! Taa-daa!"
"Kyaaah!"
Sure enough, Luca was fully occupied reacting to Charlie's toy-show antics.
That little traitor….
I'd been worried he might cry and fuss once his big brother disappeared, but thankfully….
"Giggle!"
…traitor baby.
I shot one look at the convulsively laughing Luca, sat properly forward again, and told Cassandra,
"I'm fine, Cassandra."
"You look incredibly dejected."
"I do not."
Cassandra snorted and moved on to work talk.
"Fine, whatever. We'll say you are. Anyway, for the time being the kids' videos should be enough for YouTube. They're so cute that even with their faces covered and sound effects instead of their voices, the response has been incredible."
"Right?"
"Yeah. Still, the time will come when you need to be the main focus again, won't it? What happened with that idea you mentioned last time?"
"Ah, about that…."
I had told Cassandra I wanted to organize the stories I hoped to weave into the videos going forward.
Beyond videos of simply making things, I wanted to create content that focused more specifically on the kind of life I was trying to pursue.
That, I believed, was how you properly grew into an influencer.
But saying it was easy; in reality I had no idea where to even start.
Between parenting, I never had a spare stretch of time to think anything through properly either.
"So for now I've been writing at least one line of a diary every day. When I don't even have time for that, I leave a voice memo…. But at this point I'm starting to lose confidence."
"That's still fine. Honestly, capturing a story that people can relate to and warm up to — whether it's your own story or anything else — is never as easy as it sounds. So no matter how busy you are, carve out some time and go talk to a senior in this field."
I blinked. My network was fairly narrow, and I didn't particularly know any influencers.
"An influencer senior? Who?"
"Please, Jun. Vanessa, the one you're writing a book with! She contacted us last time about doing a collab stream! Stop only looking at the kids and pay a little attention to your own life!"
I had completely forgotten.