If Big Brother Does It, So Do I
Cassandra’s bright red SUV eased gently to a stop in front of the villa.
She was Protestant, not Catholic, but she had said she would come to the boys’ baptism today and celebrate with us all the same.
I had wondered, briefly, whether I ought to ask someone if that was all right—but both the people involved and Father himself would almost certainly have answered with a shrug and a who cares, so I left it alone.
Who cares.
“Hi, mister! Hi, Luca!”
Charlie, dressed in a neat little boy’s suit, greeted us with bright enthusiasm.
“Hey there. Our Charlie’s looking sharp first thing in the morning.”
Luca, who hadn’t seen Charlie in a week, offered him a shy little greeting of his own.
That’s it. Bit by bit, learning to talk to people again. I settled him into the car seat and pressed a soft kiss to the round crown of his head.
“Jun, you look exhausted.”
As I sat up front and fastened my seat belt, Cassandra asked in a worried voice.
“Ah… No, I’m fine.”
Truthfully, the furniture deadlines had been tight enough that I’d been pulling near all-nighters for the past few days, and I was a little worn down.
Still, I figured it was nothing I couldn’t handle—until the car started moving, and my eyes slammed shut as if they’d been waiting for the signal.
“Cassandra, sorry—do you mind if I close my eyes for a bit on the way?”
“Of course. You’ve got a lot on your mind, huh? Didn’t sleep much last night?”
“Haha…”
“Jun. Jun? Wake up. Jun!”
“Uwaaah!”
I jolted awake to what sounded like the phantom slap of a hand.
“Goodness, you really must have been worn out. Come on, though—we’re here.”
“Yes—yes… Thank you.”
When I came to my senses, we were already at the church. I thought I’d only shut my eyes for a moment; apparently I’d gone out cold.
Startled as I was, that brief deep sleep had left my head feeling lighter.
The church, a thirty-minute drive away, was packed with cars—it was Sunday, after all. There was still a fair stretch of time before Mass began, but the sanctuary and the gift shop area were already thronged with people.
It looked as though Father had rounded up not only everyone from this neighborhood but the next one over as well.
I got out of the car and settled Luca into the stroller. Next I needed to find Reni, dress him, and get him ready.
“Then Charlie and I will look around. Or should we go grab seats first?”
“We have reserved places, so don’t worry about seating. Over that way there’s somewhere you can walk around…”
After sending Cassandra and Charlie off, I went into the group home on the first floor and found Sister Greta bustling about with other nuns I didn’t usually see.
She gave me a quick nod of greeting and went straight to the point.
“The Mother Superior is already at the church. I’ll be attending Mass with Sister Alicia.”
“All right. So I should stay with Reni from start to finish, then?”
Sister Greta nodded and told me which room Reni was in.
“Okay, shall we get our Luca out of the stroller for a minute?”
“Mm.”
I scooped up the admirable baby who somehow managed not to cry even in a strange place full of strange people coming and going, grabbed only the bag, and headed upstairs.
Clomp, clomp.
Unlike the relatively noisy first floor, the second was quiet.
At the far end of the second-floor hallway, I glanced past the room where Alicia had been staying, then stopped in front of Reni’s door.
Knock, knock.
“Yes!”
Reni’s little birdlike voice answered. Light footsteps approached, and the boy opened the door with both hands, looking up at me.
“Ah—mister! No, Dad—Daaad…”
Reni was wearing the exact same clothes as a week ago. Pity rose up into my throat; I pushed it down and greeted him.
“Hi, Reni. Have you been well?”
“Yes!”
“Can Luca and I come in?”
“Yes!”
Reni giggled, flung the door wide, then ran inside and hopped onto his bed, hugging his pillow.
“…”
Trying not to make it too obvious, I looked around the room where Reni was staying. It wasn’t large—two children’s beds, two desks.
A modest double room with only the most basic furniture. The small comfort was that it was bright and clean.
“No roommate yet, huh?”
I set Luca down on the empty bed opposite and asked.
“Mm. Later… Later, a friend might come?”
Who was he asking? He was worlds apart from Luca, who still couldn’t even say “Dad,” but Reni wasn’t fully fluent yet either. Still, being able to understand each other was something.
“Yeah. I hope a good friend comes.”
“Heehee.”
Reni buried his face in the white linen pillowcase.
I watched him for a moment, then looked back at Luca.
Out in the world, Luca tended to turn shy; now he was clutching his beloved teddy bear and staring steadily at Reni.
“Reni, want to say hi to Luca too?”
“Okay!”
Reni climbed down from the bed, pillow still in his arms, and sat beside Luca.
“Luca.”
Beaming, Reni pressed a small finger into Luca’s cheek.
“…”
Luca stared back at him, expressionless.
I knew that face. Something about this wasn’t sitting right, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what—and in short, he was deciding whether or not to throw a fit!
“Reni, you and Luca are getting baptized together today. That’s why Luca came in his pretty clothes, see? Want to tell your little brother how handsome he looks?”
Reni nodded at once. Then, smiling brightly, he gently stroked Luca’s hair.
“Luca’s pretty. My little brother’s pretty. So pretty.”
Luca’s face scrunched into a pout. Oh dear.
It was important that he associate being together with good things, so I stepped in between them, rubbing Luca’s back and piling on the praise.
“Right? Our Luca is so pretty.”
Luca looked at me once, then back at Reni, so I picked Reni up and carried him back to his own bed.
Even the sweetest child might change his mind after a full-frontal cheek-poke from a younger brother.
“All right—shall we get our Reni dressed up pretty too?”
“Yes!”
“But first, since we have a little time, let’s tidy up your hair.”
“Okay.”
I pulled a desk chair into the middle of the room, sat Reni down, and took out the home haircutting kit I’d brought from the house to trim his hair.
Snip, snip. As I cut away little lengths of thin golden hair, the strands slid down the cape and whispered softly to the floor.
“Heehee.”
Reni kept smiling, as if something about it pleased him.
Luca watched quietly while I cut Reni’s hair.
Bzzzz…
The trim didn’t take long. I finished with the clippers and took off the cape.
“All done. Want to look in the mirror?”
“Okay.”
“Our Reni looks so handsome.”
Reni took the hand mirror, glanced at his face once, then—looking a little shy—promptly handed it back.
“Uung…”
As I stripped off the cape and quickly cleaned the floor, a discontented babble burst out of Luca. I supposed he’d been keeping quiet until now because we were somewhere unfamiliar.
I sat down beside him with the scissors and loosely draped the shaken-out cape around him.
“All right—shall we tidy up our Luca’s hair too?”
Of course I only pretended. I combed his hair, made snip-snip sounds with the scissors, switched on the clippers, and moved them around his head with a busy bzzz.
Luca sat frozen for a moment at the sound of the whirring clippers.
I bit back a laugh and kept up the performance.
Just as I had with Reni, I said, “All done—our Luca looks so handsome,” and held the hand mirror up in front of him. Only then did Luca wipe the sulk off his face, looking satisfied.
It was genuinely funny. Luca still had no idea that the face in the mirror was his own.
After soothing him, I finished cleaning the floor, took the new clothes from the bag, and dressed Reni.
“Waaah…”
“Do you like it? Our Reni looks wonderful.”
Reni broke into a huge smile and nodded—and from behind me came Luca’s booming babble.
“Uwah!”
Oh dear. So much for our shy little baby once we leave the house. I turned and smiled at him.
Right—our baby was already wearing new clothes, but of course he would need something new again.
I’d anticipated this, so I pulled the sky-blue scarf I’d packed from the bag, wrapped it around his neck, and murmured again, “Our baby is so handsome.”
Only then did Luca smile a little, content, and Reni laughed out loud—heehee.
Luca’s face went pouty again at the sound of Reni’s laughter, but then, watching how radiantly Reni smiled, the corners of his mouth twitched as if they might lift.
Yes. First impressions matter most.
If I just tried a little harder, maybe the brothers would get along in no time.
With the boys ready, I took them outside and looked for Cassandra’s group.
There hadn’t been all that much to see, but Charlie was clearly thrilled; the moment he spotted me he came running.
“Mister, this place is so cool!”
“Is it? That’s good.”
“Oh—is this Luca’s big brother?”
Charlie pointed at Reni as he spoke.
Reni glued himself to my side and looked up at me. It seemed the child found kids only a few years older harder to deal with than adults.
I gently patted his shoulder. Just this morning I’d still thought of Charlie as nothing but a little kid—but standing them side by side, the gap between ten and four was enormous.
Like this, a ten-year-old was practically an adult.
…Luca still had a long road ahead, but Reni—if I just raised him hard for the next six years…!
Cradling that small hope, I introduced Charlie to Reni.
“This is Charlie hyung, Reni. Da—Dad and Charlie’s mom work together, so you’ll be seeing him often. It’d be nice if you two got along.”
Reni nodded and shyly stretched a hand toward Charlie, then pulled it back. A greeting?
It was an ambiguous gesture, but Charlie didn’t seem to mind in the least; he just smiled.
“The grace of the Lord.”
“Amen.”
People settled into their seats with a soft rustle of clothing.
…This was hard.
Cassandra and Charlie, sitting beside me, kept glancing around and following the Mass awkwardly, while for me everything was second nature—except for one thing.
I was fighting a murderous urge to sleep.
Honestly, I think a noon Mass is a bit much.
A leisurely Sunday midday is the perfect hour for a late breakfast and a nap, isn’t it?
Choosing exactly this time to listen to Father’s lullaby of a voice—it would have been stranger not to get sleepy.
Of course, in my case it was also because I hadn’t slept properly in days.
“…”
Still, I had my dignity. I forced my eyes wide open so I wouldn’t doze off sitting there—while both of my sons, with no regard for their father’s struggle, had already slipped off to dreamland in that short span.
The moment Mass began, Luca was deep asleep in his stroller in a thoroughly comfortable position, and Reni had started out diligently copying the people around him until…
Thud. Reni’s nodding head bumped against my arm. The boy startled awake; I shifted my shoulder so he could lean comfortably, and he promptly buried his face against my side and fell dead asleep.
Yeah. You’re tired too, huh.
The warm weight of Reni heating my ribs only made the drowsiness worse.
…This is all Father’s fault.
I don’t care. It’s all Father’s fault.
The road to godfatherhood was long and rocky.