Before Reni Arrives
We got home.
"Really, thank you for today. Skipping work and everything…"
"Don't mention it. And I'm just glad it all worked out. Get some rest, and I'll see you at the show tomorrow."
"Yeah. All right, Luca, say bye-bye to Uncle Greg. Bye-bye."
I took the baby's tiny hand and waved it toward Greg. Luca whipped his head away with a sullen face.
"…"
It wasn't my imagination — the kid really was cold to Greg, and only Greg. He hadn't acted like this with the sister or the Father earlier. He didn't even do this with Cassandra, whom he saw often.
That was when Greg spoke up.
"…Don't tell me Luca's jealous of me?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, you and I look close, so maybe that's why he doesn't like me."
"Come on, no way."
I shook my head at how ridiculous that sounded, but Greg already seemed convinced.
"This is so unfair. When our baby is born, I'm getting revenge."
"What, you're going to make me pull a pouty face?"
"Exactly! And for every time Luca hits me, you've got to take one from our kid."
"I already get hit plenty these days…"
After seeing Greg off, I exchanged a nod of greeting with James down in the first-floor café and headed upstairs.
I really needed to buy a car one of these days.
If I was going to drop Reni off at the church every weekend and pick him up again, I'd need one. Taking a taxi every time was a waste, and the kids would probably like having "our car" better anyway.
Well, I'd think about that later…
Click.
The moment I stepped inside and shut the front door, the tension drained out of me all at once.
"We're home, buddy."
"Daa!"
The second we were through the door, the baby's voice got louder.
"Yeah, Luca likes being home too, huh?"
"Ee!"
Grateful we'd made it back in one piece, I washed my hands and lifted the baby out of the stroller.
"Is our Luca tired? Want to take a nap?"
"Kyaaaah!"
Guess not. Right — our Luca never ran out of steam.
After wiping his face and hands with a damp cloth, I set him down on the play mat beyond the baby fence. He was already giggling nonstop, like everything in the world was wonderful.
Watching Luca belly-scoot gleefully toward his toys, I stayed seated on the floor for a moment and leaned my back and head against the island table.
My arms and legs sank heavily into the floor while my head and chest felt like they were floating up into the air.
We'd made it home safe.
It had been a day overflowing with revelations and the feelings that came with them, but the baby and I had made it home in one piece.
For now, that was enough.
Piro-rong…
Pirong!
Piro-ro-rong…
The distant sound of a baby toy snapped me awake.
I must have dozed off right there.
I closed my slightly open mouth and focused on the baby.
Luca was pressing the buttons on a toy that went pirong-pirong, wearing the happiest face in the world — so I couldn't have been out for long. If I'd slept any longer, the baby would have woken me himself.
"Agh-ghhhk…!"
I stretched with a noisy groan and got to my feet. Part of me wanted to just sprawl out on the wooden floor, but I had to get moving now if I wanted any real rest tonight.
When I stood up, Luca glanced at me once, then went right back to his toy.
Pirong!
Lately the baby had been completely obsessed with toys that made noise when you pressed them.
…What kind of toys did Reni like?
I found myself wishing I hadn't rushed home so fast — that I'd gone to see the place where Reni was living right now, just once.
Did he have any toys he played with? A comfort plush he slept with at night?
There must have been a time when Kyle and Alicia, even if they hadn't had much, had filled a child's room with all the love they could give.
But once the family fell apart and they left that house, most of Reni's things had probably been sold off or thrown away, leaving only a few items behind.
"…"
When the boy came to this house, I was going to give him everything he wanted.
I'd make him pretty clothes to wear, and soft, cute plushies he could use as comfort toys. He'd be able to eat more kinds of food than Luca, so I'd cook him lots of delicious things too.
In a few months, I'd send him to the kindergarten where Teacher Ivy Taylor worked, right?
Reni had such a sweet nature and was so adorable — he'd be popular with the other kids for sure.
"…"
I could already picture Reni living here with us.
"Hmm…"
But something snagged in a few places. The living space I could actually offer a child right now…
I scratched my head and looked around the thoroughly messy house.
Inside the fence, Luca's toys and plushies, little cushions and blankets lay scattered exactly where he'd swept through them. The kitchen still had the dishes I'd left before we went out piled in the sink — wait, why hadn't I put the flour away?
…And the bedroom was no doubt exactly as it had been this morning, when the baby and I had just crawled out of it. There was no need to open the door to the room that doubled as a dressing room and workshop. Because I had to work where Luca could see me, I was always hauling projects out to the living room and then stuffing them back in. It was basically a storage closet.
"…"
Luca was still a baby who didn't know any better, but…
Reni might be disappointed if he saw the house like this.
Come to think of it, I needed to do laundry too.
"…Haha."
"Aaa!"
When I laughed, Luca looked at me and beamed right back.
Buddy, the way Daddy's laughing right now isn't really laughing…
Long live the dishwasher! Long live the washing machine!
I started with everything the appliances could handle and kept moving without a break.
"Kyaaaah!"
"Mm, Luca, just a second."
With the baby strapped into a carrier, I mopped the floors. The kid thrashing around so energetically made it feel like an involuntary core workout. Or maybe my stomach just hurt.
"Aigoo, Luca. Hold still for a little bit."
"Aung-ah!"
I'd heard robot vacuums made life so much easier… but they were expensive, and I had serious doubts about whether one would survive the kids.
I speed-cleaned, then made the baby's dinner. I had no appetite myself.
"All right, Luca, time to eat."
Still, it filled me with pride and affection watching a baby who opened his mouth for every single spoonful I offered him, no matter what it was.
"Buddy, we went out today, so let's take a bath."
"Aaa!"
Normally I only bathed him two or three times a week, but after a hot day and an outing, there was no way I could skip it.
I washed Luca thoroughly as he cheerfully tortured his yellow rubber duck in the splashy water, dried him off, laid him down, and started the massage.
I sometimes skipped the arm-and-leg massage, but on days when it seemed like the baby had been even a little more stressed than usual, I always did it.
"Ihee…"
When I gently kneaded and stretched his little limbs, he smiled as if he could feel how good it felt too.
It was so cute that I planted a kiss on his forehead and tickled his tummy, which set him off laughing again until he was breathless.
Once the baby I'd been playing with finally fell asleep, I quickly cleaned the bathroom — which looked like a battlefield after washing him — and took a shower. I couldn't take my time, but the sauna function I'd been using steadily since the day we moved in still melted the fatigue away.
I roughly pressed the water out of my hair with a towel and crawled onto the bed.
After checking that the beautiful little baby was still sleeping with even, soft breaths, I settled a short distance away from him.
Lately I'd been getting smacked awake by a baby who dozed off without warning, and it was happening a lot.
It was kind of sad, actually.
"Aigoo…"
The moment my back hit the mattress, a groan slipped out on its own.
I stared up at the high ceiling and let out a long breath. My arms and legs refused to move, and it felt like my whole body was being sucked into the mattress exactly as I lay.
Still — today had been good. Or rather, it felt like the whole day had rushed past before I could even properly turn it over in my mind.
…Had it been good?
There had been heartbreaking moments, and moments when I'd been embarrassed of myself, so it hadn't been purely good. But I had come back with a path forward, pointed in the right direction.
I had found a way for Luca and Reni, and for everyone connected to the boys, to move forward together. So maybe it was fair to call it a good day after all.
"…"
My eyes were just starting to grow heavy and slip toward sleep when a massive worry suddenly surfaced and tugged my consciousness back a little.
When Reni came, where would he sleep?
In the bed, of course.
But it was a bit tight…
…Should I just give the bed to the two kids and sleep on the floor myself?
Honestly, the bed was a generous size for one adult and two children.
But Luca no longer slept quietly by any stretch of the imagination, and who knew what kind of sleeper Reni would turn out to be.
If I slept with a kid on either side of me, that meant I might spend the whole night getting hit.
If I fell asleep in this state, it'd be no different from passing out, so I probably wouldn't even notice getting hit…
…Or maybe I should divide the bed into an upper and lower half? Give the kids the top part, and sleep sideways across the bottom myself. I could make a long, firm cushion to separate the spaces.
If I only removed the guard on my side, my arms and legs might stick out a little top and bottom, but if it meant not getting hit in my sleep…
Ah, but what if Reni got hit by Luca in his sleep? Then I'd put a cushion between the two of them as well… that should work…
I was still fitting three people onto the bed in my head when I blacked out into sleep.
Slap!
I woke to the familiar touch of a little hand.
"Mm, mm, Luca… Daddy's up."
"Abubu!"
Slap!
"Ow…"
I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow — a desperate struggle to get even ten more seconds of sleep away from Luca's ruthless slap-slap assault.
Thump! Thump!
Since he couldn't reach my face, the baby started hitting my head instead.
But Luca, Daddy's head is hard. You're only going to hurt your own hand…
"Heeing…"
Aigoo.
I sat up in a rush, scooped the teary-faced baby into my arms, and tickled him until he dissolved into peals of laughter again. And just like that, the day began with the sound of a child's laughter.
The baby spent the morning diligently eating and playing, and I stayed busy too, squeezing work in between everything else.
I deliberately didn't put him down for a nap that afternoon, though, since we had to go to Lemon Soup for the performance. Instead, an hour before we left for the pub, I played hard with him in the mini pool.
Splash!
"Kyaaaah!"
I watched with a full heart as he laughed and energetically shoved around the floating toys.
Our Luca — if he tires himself out like this, he'll sleep like a rock in the stroller during Daddy's show later, right?
If he was still wide awake after all this, that would just be cheating.
I caught my breath for a moment watching him splash around happily, then got a message from Cassandra saying she was almost there. I finished getting ready with the baby and headed downstairs.
These days, whenever I went out for a "gig," Cassandra always drove over in her own car to pick me up.
And of course, she filmed me with the camera every chance she got on top of that.
When the back door of the bright red car opened, a welcome face popped out.
"Charlie, long time no see. How have you been?"
"Yes! Hello!"
I ruffled the boy's bright, springy brown curls.
"Hi, Luca! Long time no see!"
"Eung…"
When Charlie greeted him so cheerfully, Luca opened and closed his fist, looking at Charlie with a little babble.
Whether he was less wary of kids than adults, or his severe stranger anxiety was slowly improving, at least he wasn't staring at Charlie with a blank face.
Come to think of it — really, it might have only been Greg he'd given that sullen look to.